A/N: Yes, the title is from Howl's moving castle. It's a line Howl says (Or it's something like that) I love that book. Tainted love also happened to be song I was listening to when I wrote this. Anyways, thanks for reviews! Enjoy!

Cone Sold Stober
For: xXNejiluverXx (And the several others who requested this)
Prompt: Drunk Cloud
Summary: One thing about Cloud? Drunk was not in his vocabulary.

There were streamers everywhere. Yuffie was flitting about, declaring herself a fairy lost in the forest. Barret threw a shoe at her, and she shut up when it hit Reeve's groin. While Reeve was on the floor with watery eyes, Red was lying on the bar. Tifa had laid out a bowl for him which he protected between his paws. It had taken him a few drinks to accept the bowl (believing it was degrading) and Tifa had to put it on the bar before he would drink from it. He would never admit the real reason he had drunk from it was because without opposable thumbs it was hard to hold a bottle.

After some discussion, there was a gathering around a table, and Barret and Vincent began to arm wrestle. Vincent, whose cheeks were only slightly pink by the induced alcohol agreed, and they both used their prosthetic arms.

Cid poked Barret in the side, and Vincent won.

Vincent was then demanded that he arm wrestle against Tifa.

Vincent lost, and passed out on the table.

It was a glorious day indeed.

Tifa wasn't really one for alcohol. After witnessing the things she had seen as a bartender, she had shied away from the potent substance.

Tifa sipped on a small glass, glancing around her, noticing that Cloud was missing from the festivities.

She sighed, slipping from her seat and walked up the steps, leaving a rather frightful scene behind. Currently Yuffie and a recovered Reeve were decorating Vincent's face with Yuffie's make up. They had been fighting over whether or not to give him a war paint look, or the feminine porcelain doll look. In the end his face had been covered in white powder. His eyelids were a delicate blue color, and he had rosy cheeks, and scandalous red lips.

He also had the red lipstick trailing up his cheeks beneath his eyes, and Wutai symbols painted on his cheek.

Barret would have nightmares for the next week.

Cid and Nanaki were on top of the bar, bellowing some garbled rendition of Tainted Love, in which Shera became highly offended and tied Cid's boots together unbeknownst to the victim.

Tifa sighed, leaving the chaos behind her. She moved down the hall, seeing that Cloud's bedroom door was ajar slightly. She pushed it open to see that Cloud was rummaging through his desk drawers. She watched his back a moment, before finally speaking up.

"What are you looking for, Cloud?"

He turned quickly, banging his knee on the desk. He cursed, and met her eyes.

She gave a little snort of disbelief; his eyes were glazed slightly, and he looked a bit unsteady on his feet.

He had reached 'it' then.

The one thing about Cloud was that it was near impossible for him to get drunk. He would go and go and go and go, and be perfectly fine. Most of the time when he got 'drunk' he would pass out in his current seat. There were rare times, though, when 'it' would occur. When that one little drink would finally push him over, and he didn't pass out.

One moment Cloud would be clear-headed, looking at you, then the next sip he could be in an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

It was thoroughly entertaining.

He narrowed his eyes, his knees giving a little wobble, "What?"

She giggled, "You're drunk."

He turned to slowly fully face her, catching his foot on the chair, "No I'm not," he mumbled, shaking his foot free.

"Yes, you are. What're you looking for?"

He raised a hand, shaking a finger in her general direction, "Something Yuffie said...been boterin...bo...bothering me," he swallowed, trying to hold onto his train of thoughts, "Sunglasses...can't find them."

Tifa stared at him knowingly, raising an eyebrow, "Oh? What did she say?"

He scratched the back of his head, staring off, "Somethin...something like, I wear...my sunglasses at night. Then she started laughing. I think she stole them. I can't find them."

Tifa began to giggle uncontrollably now, and she held her stomach.

"What?" he asked sourly.

"Cloud..."

"What? I can't..." he looked around his desk, throwing his arms up in frustration, "I can't find them anywhere."

Tifa giggled, putting her head in her hand, "Cloud..."

"I'm serious. She stole 'em. I know she did, little boter...bo...bothering ninja freak."

Tifa cackled in delight, and Cloud narrowed his eyes at her again.

"Cloud..." Tifa finally got herself under control, and looked at him seriously, "I know where your sunglasses are."

His eyes bulged slightly, "Where?"

She pointed at his head, and he looked behind him, at the wall.

He looked back at her, deathly serious, "Tifa they aren't there."

"Cloud! They're on your head!"

He frowned, reaching up and patting his head. Sure enough, his sunglasses were sitting in his hair. He sighed, pulling them off, and dropping them on the desk. Tifa walked over, pointing at him.

"See? I told you that you were drunk."

"Am not," he whined, facing her.

She giggled, "Yes, you are."

He shook his head, turning slightly, "I am not."

There was a sudden crash from downstairs, and they both jumped. Cloud eyed the door wildly, and Tifa sighed.

"I bet Cid just realized his boots were tied together."

"Fiendish."

This sent Tifa into another round of laughter.

"What?"

"You said fiendish."

Cloud frowned again, "What?" he asked, crossing his arms.

Tifa met his eyes, "That just doesn't sound like something you would say. It was funny."

Cloud raised an eyebrow, "Oh really? Fluffy-kins."

Tifa snorted violently, "Oh stop–

"Snicker-doodles–

"Cloud," Tifa had tears in her eyes, "Stop!"

"Pretty pretty princess."

"Cloud!" Tifa folded with laughter.

Cloud narrowed his eyes, "See, I think you're drunk. It isn't that funny."

Tifa crossed her arms, "Cloud...you just said pretty pretty princesses. There's no way you're sober."

"Am too."

"Prove it, then," Tifa said defiantly.

"Fine."

Tifa smirked at the challenge, waiting for him to think of something.

He thought of something, but it certainly wasn't something he would've done if sober just because he lacked the courage.

He leaned forward violently, and kissed her full on the lips. It was not a pleasant kiss mostly because a drunk person cannot kiss, and mostly because Cloud started laughing, and pulled back.

Tifa stared at him wide eyed, and Cloud raised a hand.

"See? I'm cone sold stober."

And with that, he promptly fell backwards in a dead faint.

Tifa sighed as he landed on the floor with a thud, and rolled her eyes. She made him as comfortable as possible, before pinning a note to his shirt.

It read:

Good Morning,

Don't move, you have a hangover. There's asprin and water on your desk (So are your sunglasses) and you passed out on the floor last night.

You also kissed me.

See you downstairs.

Tifa.