Frosted
For: Sparky
Prompt: That incident seven years ago
Summary: Some memories are painful; some are difficult to see through, like a frosted window. To move on from the past and see into the present is something he strives for.
He's staring, standing in the cool, night air before the monument in the center of Edge. It represents Meteor, he supposes, on that fateful day it fell from the sky and halfway crashed into Midgar.
It means nothing to him.
A monument cannot bring back the people Meteor took. A monument is pointless without the shows of sacrifice on them.
There is no monument for her; few people know of her death, and even fewer knew of her existence. He has practically been erased from history; his entry into SOLDIER, his rise through it, his death and the betrayal ShinRa served him has been erased from computer files. He is practically a phantom, a man that never existed and the only proof of him living is the broadsword above shattered Midgar, and the twisted memories that haunt the boy he left behind.
There is also no monument for Nibelhiem. There will never be one, because the Nibelhiem incident never happened. He didn't watch his town brutally slaughtered before his own eyes; it's still standing after all...it was never torched by the once hero turned mad. It didn't happen.
ShinRa will always be like that though, he thinks. ShinRa is tangled in a web of lies that they cannot escape, and to acknowledge such a bitter and tragic incident like the one Nibelhiem experienced would mean acknowledging many other tragedies that befell the company. It would mean that even though ShinRa has already caused so much tragedy and death in the public's eye, they would be the cause of more. Rufus would never be able to accept another stain to his family's name; he's probably still trying to redeem himself with donating money, and building monuments.
His mind has been laced with bitter thoughts lately.
But what can he ask for? That Rufus own up to every sin his father and that godforsaken company committed? He hates Rufus, but it isn't Rufus' fault that he ended up in a tube of mako for five years of his life. It'd be easier if he knew who to blame, if there was one person he could call out for the disaster that has been his life. Of course there is no singular person responsible for everything so it makes it much harder.
He just hates these monuments; like some carving will make all the ramifications just even out. He doesn't like how they try to gloss over the blame because he's taken the blame for a long time and he's tired of it. He knows he partly to blame, but he's learned that he isn't the only one to blame.
Despite the fact he's learned that the only one who needed to forgive him was himself, he also knows that he'll always brood just because that's a part of him. That and the fact that the anniversary is coming up tomorrow doesn't help at all. Since there is no monument for Nibelhiem, and since that town is only a shell of nightmares which he'd rather not return to is the reason why he finds himself before the Midgar Monument.
"They sure didn't waste anytime fixing this thing, huh?"
He turns his head slightly, acknowledging the pale figure a couple feet behind him. She stares up at the monument as she walks up beside of him, and he follows her with his eyes silently.
She doesn't even look at him, "I figured you'd be out here."
He'd thought about going to the church, but the church isn't a place for brooding, not anymore at least. How can you brood in a place that cured so many people?
She finally glances at him with a small smile on her face, and he averts his gaze quickly.
Her voice is slow, hesitant, "Do...you need to be alone?"
He shakes his head no; it is pointless to shun away the only other person who experienced the Nibelhiem tragedy, the only other person who really knows and understands its existence.
"Okay," she breathes, and he glances at her.
Her breath is frosting up in the cold night and he finally notices that she's shivering. He turns his eyes back to the monument.
It's hard for him to see through the past into the present, and even harder to see into the future. It's hard for him to think of a future because he's struggled so long just living in the present. He takes each day one at a time, and doesn't know any other way how to; to think into the future would be giving him hope and dreams that could easily fail.
Sometimes at night when he's almost asleep, he starts hoping, but then there's near silence, and the silence drips with everyone he's ever failed.
His mother.
Zack.
Aeris.
Tifa.
She obviously isn't dead, but she's had about as many near death experiences as him, and even if that promise seems like a childish delusion now the fact remains that she is important to him, and he will do what it takes to protect her.
She sighs deeply, and he swallows; she should get back inside.
"Another year then," his low voice startles her slightly.
He gives a tiny smirk; she'd been thinking deeply then.
She glances at him, "We'll be okay," she turns her eyes back on the monument, "I think...I think it gets a little easier each year...to deal with what's happened. Despite it all...a lot of good things have happened. We've got a lot of people that care about us now."
She turns, facing him, "We got lucky. We could've been a lot worse off."
A lot more people could've died... her unsaid words hang in the air, ringing of the past, suspended in her frozen breath.
He clears his throat before speaking, "We did."
She blinks, her eyes big at this statement on such a solemn occasion. Her eyes study him before crinkling up at the edges and she smiles at him.
His breath catches a bit because every time she smiles at him the present gets a little clearer, and he can see through the past more and more; the present is almost completely clear and he thinks more of the people he's saved rather than the people he's failed.
"We should go in," he says softly.
She gives a little sigh of relief; she's freezing, he can tell. He doesn't mind going in now because it warms his heart a little to think she would've stayed out here freezing just to make sure he was okay.
And he is okay...or he's getting there.
He falls in beside of her, slowing his pace so her short legs can keep up.
She's still smiling, even if there is a bit of sadness in her eyes.
He hopes she keeps smiling so maybe one day he can see beyond the past and into the present, and even the future.
A/N: I hope you liked it. Thanks for reviews loves! Duderman: Ha! Don't worry, I was flattered XD
As per usual, rant and rave if wrong. :D
1. Le Pecore Nere- Dog Filled
2. Tri17 – Aeris' dress Filled
3. mistakenXsilence – piano Filled
4. sam – Tifa gets angry, cloud makes up Filled
5. Alice001 – CloTi fluff Filled
6. Aknskywalker – friendship Filled
7. Calistar Heir – argument Filled
8. x.one.winged.angel.x – decorating Filled
9. elebelly – irony Filled
10. Le Pecore Nere – sadness w/ flower, to happiness Filled
11. Meilinoa – Training Filled
12. Mandylion – Mistaken Identity
13. Paintball Willie – Tifa beats Cloud at Paintball
14. Lord Divestre Croft – accident (Hospital) Filled
15. Zaz9-zaa0 – Cloud babysits (who's this guy?)
16. Tifa Lockheart Strife – Songfic When You're Gone Filled
17. Iskra Revoir – Cloud the doctor loses patient Filled
18. G.M. Potter – Tifa gets sick/Cloud takes care of her Filled
19. Lachrymosity – Love subtle
20. sam – songfic (kismet)
21. src83 – Cloud&Tifa detectives (Solve murder)
22. purple parasol – Tying up lose ends
23. Cerberus angel – sweets Filled
24. DynastyWarriors - childhood at school and cloud alone and Tifa asks him to play with her
25. Julian K. Spire – Vincent appearance
26. Ur1Nonly - Tifa jealous, Zack jealous
27. ArEAf-rules – Post AC Cloud/Tifa argument Filled
28. Flower Girl – ClotTi fluff during sparring
29. anime girlie10 – Cloud w/ reading glasses Filled
30. KaleidoscopeLight – biological parents of toddler w/ fluffy convo
31. Lord Divestre Croft – Nightclub
32. xx-lheanna lockheart-xx – Cloud-bedtime story Marlene/Denzel
33. xXNejiluverXx – Drunk Cloud Filled
34. Verona Sage – "Go ask your mother"
35. Verona Sage – proposal
36. space-halo – Cloud/ Tifa dinner w/ dad
37. ArEAf-rules – Teenage Cloud/Tifa at party
38. sparky – that day seven years ago (Nibelhiem incident) Filled
39. Biskitty – phone convo
40. Tifa Lockheart Strife – Cloud finds Tifa's diary/drawings
41. Xxyuna4evaxX – Muse-unintended songfic
42. ChieriAn9el – Tifa is missing, Cloud freaks over nothing
43. Unpersonified - Tifa's death Filled
44. x.one.winged.angel.x - Cloud has an irrational phobia
45. Lord Divestre Croft - Cloud-girl"Gender Bender"
46. Iskra revoir - Beach trip
47. firefox99 - Cloud ticklish
48. xXNejiluverXx - jealous Cloud
49. Valentine's Ninja- Blind Date
50. laila - hangovers
51. zenbon zakura - snow boarding vacation
52. Sunset dreams - Cloud hyper off of sugar
53. Janneason - Cloud sick, Tifa nurses him and says 'I love you' subconsciously.
54. KaryuuNoHaneKata- ripped pants