Chapter Six

Bellamy has just finished showering, toweling off, and dressing when he hears the knock on his door. He quickly runs a comb through his hair and then lets Clarke in.

She steps inside without preamble. "I got your note," she says as the doors close behind her. "Hope this isn't too early."

Bellamy can't help but to smile. Clarke looks eager, just from the shine in her eyes and the decisive way she entered his room. And furthermore, she already knows this isn't too early. They often walk together to breakfast, and she knows what time he's usually up by.

"Not at all. I'm glad you came." Matching Clarke's eagerness, Bellamy feels resolute. He has made his decision and he feels it's the right one. "So," he begins, meeting her eyes, "I've been giving it a lot of thought. And I'd like to accept your offer."

Bellamy sees the flash in Clarke's eyes and the smile that she doesn't try to hide. Jubilant. That's the word. She looks truly jubilant, he thinks.

"That's- that's great!" Clarke says, and again Bellamy has to thrill at the hint of breathlessness in her voice. "I'm so happy."

"Me too. We'll do this together and be the best parents we can," Bellamy says confidently. Of Clarke and her ability to parent, he has no doubts. Of course he has doubts about his own abilities. Part of him will always believe he's a monster for what he has done to survive. But the other part of him can't help but to note that despite tremendous odds, Octavia is doing well. She's even – as far as Bellamy can tell – risking her own life to save another. He has done something right.

And he's not going to lose his chance to get closer to Clarke, even if it's not the way he quite hoped for.

"Yes!" Clarke enthuses at Bellamy's statement. "So, uh, should we talk through some details now? Or….later?"

"Now's as good a time as any," Bellamy says.

Moments later, Clarke is seated on the chair by the desk as Bellamy sits on the bed. Clarke has clearly thought of a variety of topics. She starts with bringing up the lottery and reminding Bellamy that they might not win one of the three spots.

"Understood," Bellamy says. "I'm good with trying again next year if we don't."

"Me too," Clarke nods. She continues, "If we are selected then I think we should move into in together. It would be good if we're both around for the child."

"I agree," Bellamy says. "We can take turns when the baby wakes up during the night, that sort of thing." He then adds, with a genuine laugh, "I won't be able to help much with the breast-feeding though."

She returns his laugh, and he again notes that her eyes are gleaming a bit. They are discussing serious matters but he can't help but to note that he feels so much lighter.

"What about discipline?" Clarke asks. "Parenting styles?"

They discuss the topic at length, finding several areas where they agree. They also decide to spend some more time separately jotting down their thoughts and ideas on the subject, and then to compare notes later on. They also plan to read library books on the topic. "Since," Bellamy says, "this is a topic that we could spend the next nine months on."

"Right. It's a huge topic. We could spend the next nine years on it!" Clarke adds. "So we should just keep talking, reading, and thinking about it."

Bellamy nods. He then brings up another topic. "So if we win the lottery….what happens next? We get our contraceptive implants out of course?"

"Yes," Clarke answers. "It's a fairly easy procedure. We'll be a bit tired and sore for a day or so afterwards, but the recovery's not too bad."

She pauses and takes a breath. Bellamy looks at her. Clarke's facial expression and posture has gone from confident and excited to nervous, within the span of a second or two and he braces himself, wondering what has caused this change in her. The way she shifts her weight in her chair has Bellamy convinced that she truly is a bit nervous.

"What about the conception?" Clarke asks. She continues, "I-I was thinking that we could do it the traditional way. It's better not to have medical interventions unless we need to. Unless – unless, of course, you don't want to. Then we could do it through medical intervention."

"No, no," Bellamy answers quickly. "You're right, let's minimize medical intervention. We can do it the traditional way."

"Good. I agree."

Bellamy will replay this conversation over and over again. He will ponder how quickly they both decided that medical interventions were bad, despite Clarke's medical training, despite the fact that her mother is a doctor, despite their med bay being fairly well-stocked thanks to Mount Weather. He will note how happy and relieved she looked when he agreed to "minimize medical intervention". He knows he is far more excited and thrilled about this – all of this, the prospect of them parenting together as well as the conception – than he should be.

"It goes without saying," Bellamy begins, a moment later, "that we should stop having hookups with other people. Better to focus on each other – and what we're trying to do here."

"Yes, absolutely," Clarke agrees. She then laughs, and for the first time today Bellamy believes her laugh is forced, "I haven't been having any though."

Bellamy knows that, of course. "Right. Well, I'll let Bree know that hookups are cancelled." He quickly adds, "I'll do it in a nicer way than that. She'll be fine with it." He adds, after a brief pause, "I think it's run its course."

Clarke nods.

Bellamy doesn't want to read too much into her facial expression. But. She's happy. Clarke is happy. Obviously she has reason to be since Bellamy has just agreed to her request to co-parent with him. But he wonders if it's hubris to believe that Clarke is also happy upon hearing that Bellamy is breaking it off with Bree.

Just my imagination, he tells himself. And yet – he doesn't fully believe that either.

There's a knock at their door. "It's Octavia. Bell, they served breakfast 15 minutes ago! Are you okay?"

"Sorry," Bellamy calls out. "Clarke and I are fine. We're coming."

He steps towards the door but turns and looks at Clarke again. She's still smiling, and she pulls him into a hug. It's a hug that he gleefully returns. It feels like warmth and tenderness and a sort of balm against the world. He doesn't want it to end.

"We were worried," Abby says, as Clarke and Bellamy sit down to breakfast. Octavia sits a moment later, her mission to find them complete.

"Yeah, and cold oatmeal tastes even worse than hot oatmeal," Miller smirks.

"Come on," Raven nudges him, "now we have these great algae-based bars to eat too."

"Yeah, I preferred jerky," Miller mutters.

"Sorry," Clarke says, glancing at her mom. "We lost track of time."

Bellamy glances around the table. A few eyebrows are raised at his and Clarke's tardiness, though he appreciates Raven and Miller's attempts to change the subject. Clarke now also tries to change the subject by asking if they missed anything, and Bellamy starts to wonder. One thing he and Clarke didn't talk about was who they plan to inform when. They can't exactly wait till the day of the lottery to tell their loved ones.

We're gonna need a plan, he thinks. Because already everyone at this table already knows something's up.

As soon as the morning's Council meeting is over, Clarke asks Bellamy if he will stay behind in the conference room so they can talk.

"We need to decide who to tell when," Clarke says.

He can only smile at how connected their thoughts are. "Yeah. The fact that we were this morning is the talk of the town, apparently."

"Bored people are going to gossip," Clarke says with a small shrug. Skaikru are doing what they can to stave off boredom – the group that wrote out a play is working on getting it into production, one person who can play the guitar has teamed up with one person who can sing and they've been doing concerts, and Miller reportedly is writing fiction in his spare time – but Clarke is right. Gossip happens. Ever since the lottery was announced, it has been discussed at length by everyone.

So Clarke and Bellamy put a plan together. They decide to start by telling family: Abby and Octavia first. Raven next – they took her into their confidence regarding Octavia's doings, and they want to include her here too. Then they agree to say something at dinner so that the others who they sit with are officially in the loop then too. "If I see Miller before dinner, I'll mention it to him," Bellamy adds.

Clarke nods. "That makes sense."

"As friends?" Octavia is asking.

"As friends," Bellamy confirms.

They are inside Bellamy's room. Octavia appreciates the fact that he never knocks on her door now. She's learned to just occasionally go to his room and knock, ask if he wants to hang out or go for a walk. It keeps him away from her door. And she has to admit hanging out with him can be fun sometimes, especially when they do combat training together (and she defeats him – which she usually does).

But she's not sure how she feels about what he has just told her. It's his life and his business, and she won't push on it too much. On the Ark, the subject of reproduction never has been a private matter, but Octavia thinks it should be. On the other hand, he is her only blood relative and she does care about him.

"Seems like kind of a rush though," she says straightforwardly. "You're both still young."

"Is it really? I mean, the human race is down to 100 people," Bellamy says. There's more than a little passion in his voice.

Octavia takes a breath. She's not going to argue that point with him. She decides it's not really worth an argument at all. Who's to say that parenting with someone as friends instead of in a marriage is wrong? For all she knows, Bellamy and Clarke might not even win one of the three spots in the lottery.

"Are you gonna be okay doing this as just friends?" Octavia asks. She shrugs. "I mean, usually when you have a kid with someone you're either married or….serious about each other."

"These are unusual times," Bellamy states.

She looks at him. Since she first saw him this morning, he's looked like he wants to break out in a grin but is restraining himself. She even wants to say that he's glowing. Octavia wishes that Bellamy and Clarke would just admit their feelings for each other and go for it. What is it about them that they can't? she wonders. Hell, Miller and Jackson dove headfirst into a relationship and don't seem to regret it. And they live in the same painful, messed up world that Clarke and Bell do. Oh well. I'm not going to obsess over it.

"I guess you're right," Octavia says, deciding to leave it there. "I hope you guys win one of the spots, then. I'd like to be an aunt. And – hey – I'm glad that the Ark is doing so well that we can accommodate more people."

The look he gives her can be described as meaningful. "Yes. Me too."

"I'm pretty sure that he knows that I know he knows."

Niylah laughs at Octavia's words. "Sorry," she smiles. "I had to think about that for a second. But I'm sure you're right. Bellamy knows that we know that he knows."

Niylah can't decide the exact degree of awkwardness between her and Octavia since the "kiss me" incident a few days ago. She has no one to discuss it with, so she simply mulls over it when she's alone. She can't decide if Octavia has been acting the same as she always has, or if there really and truly is something she sees flashes of in Octavia's eyes. Regret? Yearning? Confusion? Or just my imagination….and my wishes?

Niylah simply reminds herself that obsessing over it would pave a pathway towards madness, so she does as she always does – attempts to put it out of her head. Maybe it was better, what Octavia did, putting a stop to it. After all, if they had crossed that bridge, what would be on the other side? Niylah herself has never been afraid to do that, to get sexual with a friend when the friend is willing – but this situation is far, far different. Octavia's never been with a woman, for one thing. And the circumstances they live in now are a far cry from Niylah's former life in Trikru.

"It would be nice to be an Aunt," Octavia says.

"I think so," Niylah says, glad to focus on something else. "I was close with my uncles and aunt. The ones who had no children of their own spent a lot of time playing with me." Niylah pauses. "And the fact that they are allowing three women to become mothers still makes me think that if we somehow are discovered…."

Niylah's voice trails off, so Octavia finishes the thought for her. "….that we'll be okay." She takes a breath. "I hope so."

"Abby is thrilled. The idea of being a grandmother someday."

Jackson makes the observation to Miller one evening, the day after Clarke and Bellamy shared their news. Everyone else is at movie night, but the two men are inside the gym. Neither particularly liked tonight's movie the first time they saw it. And Miller has been teaching Jackson self-defense moves; Jackson prefers to practice them without the eyes of others on him. So now is a good time for them to use the gym, with most of the rest of the Ark at the movie.

"Good," Miller says. "I'm glad she wasn't weirded out by the idea of Clarke and Bellamy doing this as just friends." Miller grasps the punching bag and takes a breath. "Again, Jackson. Give it a few of your best shots."

Jackson punches the bag three times in succession with his right arm, and then three times with his left. He smiles at the pride on Miller's face; he knows he's doing well. When they first started training, Jackson had a few flashes of worry over appearing weak in front of his man. But from the first lesson, Miller just had this way of making him feel at ease, of stripping away any self-consciousness.

"Good punches!" Miller exclaims at Jackson's hits.

"You're a great trainer," Jackson says as he wipes his brow.

"Do you think it's weird?" Miller asks. "Them wanting to do it as just friends?"

Jackson shrugs. "There are only 100 people here. Not everyone is going to find someone they want to marry." He smiles. "Not everyone is as lucky as we are."

"Right about that, but…" Miller shakes his head. "The two of them would be so good together! I still say I see it. Something more than friendship between the two of them."

The two men go on to practice another move. Miller comes up behind Jackson, and Jackson practices defending himself. When they're finished with that move, Jackson picks the conversation back up. "I see it too but….a lot of people have to protect themselves. I see people avoiding emotional commitments like that. Everyone's lost loved ones – and is probably asking themselves if they can afford to lose more."

"I know," Miller says, looking down. "I overheard Kara Cooper the other day talking about her husband. I still feel bad. As she so clearly told everyone the day I was taken out of the stockade, her husband was just eight or nine years older than me and he knew the hydrofarm pretty well. But I…."

Miller's voice breaks off; he's choked up. Jackson reaches quickly to hug him, knowing Miller is still suffering from guilt as well as the loss of his father. "Hey, hey," he says softly. "We all have survivor's guilt. It's okay."

"I feel it every day," Miller says, pulling Jackson in tightly. "Every damn day I question my right to exist."

Jackson hears footsteps as Octavia bounds into the gym. "Jackson!" Octavia calls. "There's been an accident. You're needed in med bay!"

Miller and Jackson weren't the only ones who skipped the movie. Thelonius Jaha decided to do some puttering around engineering. Needing some scrap parts for whatever he was working on, he stood on the top rung of a rickety, ancient ladder. And he fell, hard, accidentally bringing a heavy storage bin down on top of himself. He aggravated the injury to his intestines, which are still recovering from the gunshot wound a year ago.

Abby and Jackson are both in med bay fighting - just as they were a year ago - to get and keep Jaha stable.

With Jackson having spent the night in med bay, Miller is spending a couple hours before breakfast with Octavia. She reached out to him, figuring that he could use a distraction. And lately they both have been seeking activities other than combat training, at times. There are only so many times you can spar with someone before you want to do something else for a change.

"I've been writing a story," Miller says. They are sitting inside the library. "I like ghost stories so much that I thought I'd try writing my own. Raven got me this old tablet to type on. And," he adds with a laugh, "Jackson's polite about it but….well, I can tell he doesn't love ghost stories that much."

"Does this mean I'm going to be one of the first to read it?" Octavia asks. She has no idea what sort of writer Miller is, but she could use new stories to recap for Niylah so she's willing to read anything.

"Exactly," Miller smiles. "If you're game."

The story is pretty good, in Octavia's estimation, and she tells him so.

By the time the story is over, it's 1000 hours and time for breakfast. Jaha's injury is the subject of much conversation as Skaikru lines up for their food.

"I told him not to do that sort of thing when he's alone," Raven says, holding her tray and sounding a bit exasperated. She reaches the front of the line, and Kara Cooper – working breakfast duty today - places a plate onto her tray.

"I take it he's not great at following orders," Miller mumbles as he reaches for his plate from Kara.

"Not his strong suit," Raven says, with a shake of the head.

Just as Raven, Miller and Octavia are sitting down to eat, Jackson enters the dinning hall. There has been no change in Jaha's condition, but Abby has ordered Jackson to get some food and take a break.

"Here," Miller says. "Take some of mine, okay?" He breaks off most of the nutrition bar and places it onto Jackson's plate. The nutrition bars are a new concoction overseen by Kara. They contain soybeans, algae, a sweetener, and a few other ingredients. They are not exactly a taste sensation, but everyone seems to appreciate having a bit of variety. Their supply of dried jerky is almost depleted, and they knew they'd need something to replace it.

Jackson accepts the food from Miller. Months ago, he was more apt to give some of his food to his boyfriend, rationalizing that Miller walks around more and carries a gun, and thus needs more calories than he. But today Miller strongly feels that Jackson needs some extra food. He looks tired and thin from having worked through the night. Jackson eats quickly, wanting to return to med bay and Jaha.

And then, moments later, it happens. Kane starts to gasp. "Something's wrong," he says. He clutches his throat and gasps again.

Concerned, Jackson bolts out of his chair, over to Kane. Bellamy reaches for his radio to tell Abby to head to the mess hall. Just as Jackson reaches Kane he, too, starts gasping.

"I can't breathe!" Jackson gasps. Miller runs up behind him and helps lower him back onto a chair. Jackson continues to gasp, his eyes wild.

"What is it?!" Clarke asks, standing up, eyes darting from Kane to Jackson. "Are you choking?"

"No," Jackson pants.

Kane also continues to clutch his throat and gasp. "P-poison?" Kane squeaks out. Clarke is at his side, touching Kane's forehead, trying to figure out what is happening.

"Abby, hurry!" Bellamy urges into the radio. He looks around the room. No one else seems to be having the reaction that Kane and Jackson are having. People are standing, watching the commotion, obviously concerned – but only Kane and Jackson are gasping and sweating.

By the time Abby runs into the mess hall, both Kane and Jackson are unconscious.

"Tell me everything," Niylah says, standing before Octavia inside their room.

"That's all there is too it," Octavia says. She matches the urgency in Niylah's voice, but she truly has no more information to share. "They're both unconscious now. In med bay, with Abby and Clarke trying to figure out what the hell happened."

Niylah starts to pace the room. She repeats what Octavia has told her. "So they started gasping and sweating….Neither was choking on anything. Kane wondered if it was poison before he passed out….And – and they're the only two, right?"

"Right."

"And Jaha still needs medical care too – a lot of it. He's barely stable."

"Yeah," Octavia says. "Bellamy told me that just before I got here. Med bay went from having no patients to three patients. One of them a doctor, which makes this worse."

Niylah is quiet as she paces just a bit more. Then she stops. "Octavia," she says, speaking the word as a complete sentence. "I have to help them. I was trained by Clarke and Abby and Jackson. Now they need me - they need every healer they can get." She speaks the words with the firmness of steel.

"No," Octavia replies. Her answer is swift, instinctive. "A-Abby and Clarke will figure it out. They-"

"They need another healer!" Niylah exclaims. "We have no idea what caused Kane and Jackson to get sick. Maybe it's not poison. Maybe it's floating through the air, and half of Skaikru will come down with it next." She pauses. "Maybe you will get it!" She places a hand on Octavia's shoulder and says, just a bit more gently now, "My skills are needed. I have to go out and help them. If it means being punished or thrown into a cell later on, then so be it. They need me."

Octavia waits just a second or two. She then reaches for Niylah. "No! I won't let you take the risk, I won't let them hurt you…." And then she is pulling Niylah closer and pressing her lips against Niylah's.

Momentarily stunned, Niylah gasps. Her eyes are wide. She then pulls Octavia against herself and kisses her hard, fervently.

Niylah's pulse pounds and her heart throbs. Octavia's kisses are passionate, delicious, urgent. And Niylah can't get enough. She opens her mouth more, tasting Octavia's tongue, tasting her mouth. Niylah is moaning as she runs her fingers through Octavia's hair.

And moments later, clothing is rapidly discarded and both women make their way to the bed.

TBC

Please let me know what you think. Also - any requests? I have the fic mapped out but I have been known to take requests too.