Chapter 14

The next few weeks turned into months, and everything was a total blur. Dress fittings, makeup and hair trials, getting our nails done, helping them with their favors, listening to Jeremy drone on and on about his wedding vows.

I was surprised that I had made it through those months without completely losing my mind and snapping, but I somehow managed to keep it together during the day when everyone was there and save it all for at night when I'd cry myself to sleep. And then wake up and do it all over again.

Damon had actually been pretty decent with me. I guess since he knew what I was going through, he felt like we were kindred spirits and could make it through all of this together. He even told me at one point that with all of this wedding talk Elena and Stefan had brought up the subject. I stopped him from going on with the subject. If I felt so horrible about Jeremy and Bonnie being together for 50+ years I couldn't imagine how Damon felt thinking about Elena and his brother being together for eternity.

Finally it was time for the rehersal dinner on the night before the wedding. I was a MESS the entire day but I was able to play it off as just being nervous about being the "best man/woman" thing and having to give a toast in front of everyone. They all bought it thankfully and didn't ask me too many questions.

The open bar was calling my name but I knew I couldn't do it tonight. Of all days I could have told Jeremy I was in love with him, the night before his wedding was NOT a good one and I wanted to keep it that way. He deserved his happiness and so did Bonnie. Plus she was a witch and could probably kill me by just looking at me.

A few people gave their own versions of a toast at the dinner and with the drinks flowing and the laughter, everyone seemed to be happy and excited. Caroline, Elena, and Bonnie had smiles plastered on their faces the entire night. I made sure that anytime someone looked in my general direction I'd paste on my fake smile just so I wouldn't stand out from the rest of them.

The night was coming to an end and I had finally made it over to the bar for one drink. One to calm my nerves and make things a little more easier to deal with. Jeremy Gilbert...the man I love, was getting married tomorrow. To someone else. Who wasn't me. And I had to stand up there for him during his wedding. I deserved at least one drink tonight!

"Hey there, lush! Don't get too wasted on us now!" it was Damon sauntering over towards me "You've got a lot on your plate making sure the groom shows up tomorrow so don't wind up with a hangover tonight."

"Damon...this is my first drink." I scoffed at him.

"I know" he gave a small wink "Just go with it."

"Uhh...ok. Yeah you're right. Maybe I should stop now before it's too late!" I gave him a puzzled look.

"Maybe I should drive you home." he gave me a knowing look.

"Yeah. Maybe you should." I wanted to hug him right then and there for getting me out of the rest of the night early, but I managed to keep myself together and follow him out the door.

We walked to my car and got in. He began driving the route back to my house and he finally broke the silence.

"Keeping yourself sober so you don't wind up professing your undying love. I like your style." he replied.

"You knew?" I didn't even look his way.

"I've been there. Hell i'm practically the King of there. But you would have cracked. And I know you don't want that."

"Thank you, Damon." I sighed as the car pulled up to my house.

"You're welcome." he turned off the engine and turned to face me.

"Vi are you-will you be okay, tonight?" his voice was serious.

"Yeah I think so." I glanced over at him.

"Are you sure? I can stay here if you want." he was being sincere and it was actually a nice change for him.

"No Damon I think I'll be fine." was all I could say. I wasn't sure I would be, but I didn't want ANYONE to watch me fall apart.

"I don't feel right leaving you here alone." he placed his hand on my arm. A small shiver ran through me as his hand touched my arm.

"I'm serious, Damon. I'll be fine. And you know what? If I need to, I'll call you. I promise. Okay?" I wasn't sure if I had meant it, but I made It sound like it.

"Okay. I'll head home. Call me if you need me." he got out of the car and began his walk home.

I walked in and saw my dress for tomorrow hanging by the staircase. There it is. It wasn't ugly by any means. Bonnie was actually pretty adamant about not making us all look hideous and we were all grateful. But I couldn't help shake the feeling that I wanted to burn that dress immediately following the wedding.

I was so antsy for the rest of the night. I paced and paced and tried to watch tv or read something but I just couldn't focus. Was this going to go on all night? I was so wired! I tried taking a nice long bath and even that didn't help. And forget about sleep. That wasn't happening either, apparently. I was so nervous and antsy that I surprisingly didn't wind up crying or losing it, but I knew I needed to get some sleep. I decided to take a sleeping pill to help me at least get a few hours of sleep.

I sent a text to Damon, telling him I was okay but I was taking a sleeping pill just to get some rest. I asked if he would call me the next morning to at least make sure I was up in time to make it for the wedding!

"Sure thing. If you're not I will come there myself and get you dressed and ready to go! ;) " was what the text said.

Thankfully the pill worked fast and I was finally able to get some sleep.

The next morning I awoke a little groggy as my alarm clock went off, but managed to drag myself out of bed. It took me a good ten minutes after my morning routine to realize that today was the day. And immediately I went into panic mode.

I COULDN'T DO THIS! HOW COULD I WALK IN THAT PLACE WITH THAT DRESS ON AND ACT LIKE NOTHING IS HAPPENING!?

Should I text Damon? Tell him to come get me? Should I take off?

I let myself spazz out for a few more minutes before I was able to calm myself down. I realized I didn't have a lot of time and rushed out the door with all of my things to the boarding house. From there we would take a limo to get to the venue and get ready and going. As I got in my car I sent Damon a text telling him I was awake and on my way, and then pulled out of my driveway and headed off.

Thankfully most of the morning kept me busy and not able to dwell on everything. I had a lot to do and I bounced back and forth between the guys and the girls most of the morning. Who thought this best "woman" idea was a good one? It felt like way more work!

I threw on my dress and sat down in the chair to have my makeup and hair done, not knowing or caring what they did with it. Just wanting to keep up with the fast pace that was thankfully keeping my mind off of things. A few hiccups happened along the way which again, helped my mind off of things. The caterer got lost on their way and I had to call and give them directions, the officiant who was supposed to do the wedding got sick so I had to call in a replacement.

Everything happened so quickly that I barely had time to register that Bonnie was finally getting into her dress. I turned around after I got off the phone for what felt like the hundredth time that morning and saw her. She looked absolutely beautiful in her form fitting white gown.

I always thought Bonnie was pretty but she looked absolutely breathtaking in her wedding gown. The only urge at that moment I had was to go over and hug her. She looked so happy and beautiful and I couldn't take that away from her.

She broke the hug and grabbed each one of my arms.

"Do you think he'll like it?" she asked me, her voice giddy.

"He's going to love it, Bonnie!" was all I could say.

"Okay. This is where I leave you girls. Now it's time for me to head on over to the boys. I'll see you at the altar." I told them as I headed out.

Walking towards the other side of the building I was telling myself that this was a happy day. I should be happy! Two of my best friends are getting married! They love each other! They're happy together!

I kept this mantra up until I got into the room where the guys had gotten ready this morning and then I froze once I saw Jeremy.

You have not seen Jeremy Gilbert until you have seen him in a tux. James Bond has nothing on this guy. He looked GORGEOUS. I allowed myself a brief moment of imagining him in that suit doing all sorts of dirty things to me until he spoke up and ruined my fantasy.

"So? How is everything? Is Bonnie freaking out? How does she look? How do I look?" he was babbling.

"I uhh...Bonnie is fine! She's not freaking out. She looks beautiful, Jeremy." I smiled at him.

"Speaking of beautiful, you look amazing." he brought me into a hug and gave me a light kiss on my cheek.

"Now now, don't get any ideas there Jeremy! You're fiance is a strong powerful witch, no quickies for you before the wedding!" Tyler joked. To me it wasn't very funny but I tried to laugh at him anyway.

"Well...this is it." Jeremy said as we all lined up at the doorway. "Can you believe it? I'm getting married! Who would have thought?" he beamed as I fixed his tie.

"Certainly not me." I sighed.

"I just wish my parents were here." he sounded a little sad.

The comment came at the right time, because I was so close to breaking it wasn't even funny. My eyes began tearing up and he must have thought it was from the comment.

"Hey hey...don't get upset! All of the people I care about are here right now!" he handed me a tissue.

"No I'm fine. I'm sorry. I'm just...so...happy for you, that's all!" I tried wiping the tears away as best as I could.

The door opened and one of the wedding planners yelled that it was time for the guys to head on out.

"Jer, hey give me a minute. I need to fix my makeup. I'll be right behind you." I sniffed as he gave me another kiss on the cheek.

"Sure. No problem." he gave a small smile as he headed out the door with the rest of the guys.

Once the were gone I turned back around and headed towards the mirror that was on the wall across the room. I began dabbing at my face but then I quickly froze once I got a good look at myself.

This was it. I didn't think I could stand it! How could this have happened? How could I have let it get this far!? The man I'm in love with is about to marry some other woman all because I was too much of a coward to say anything to him!

The tears were flowing now and at this point I worked myself up so much I couldn't even breathe. I don't know how long I stood there in front of that mirror like that. The next thing I knew I looked up and saw Damon staring back at me through the mirror.

"They sent me to come look for you...said that you were in here fixing your..." he stopped talking once he got a good look at my face.

"Damon! Damon I don't think I can do this!" I turned around to face him "I can't do this! I think I'm having a heart attack!" I clutched at my chest where I felt an intense amount of pain and pressure. I couldn't breathe and I was beginning to feel dizzy. Was I dying? Was this how dying felt!?

He ran over to me and grabbed me and sat me down.

"Hey hey hey shhh..." he placed a hand on each side of my face "You're fine, okay? You're not having a heart attack. You can do this! You're strong! One of the strongest women I've ever known! It's going to be okay. You're going to be okay, I promise!" he was working hard, trying to console me.

"Damon please don't make me go out there!" I cried "Please I can't sit there and watch him get married!"

"You have to." he gently told me "There's nothing you can do now. You'll always love him, but you have to let him be happy. He wants you there by his side on the most important day of his life. You're still important to him. He still loves you, just in a different way. But you don't want to lose that, right?"

He was right. I HATED when he was right, but I had to give it to him this time. I couldn't lose Jeremy, even if he was just a friend for the rest of my life. I had to at least keep him around me in that sense. I'd rather have him as a friend than not in my life at all. And if I did this, if I bolted on his wedding day, I don't think he'd ever forgive me.

I stilled my sobs and calmed down. I turned around to the mirror and managed to fix myself up and pull myself together.

"Okay." I breathed out "Let's do this." I turned to look at him, grabbing his hand.

"Let's go watch the people we're in love with, be in the arms of someone else." he squeezed my hand and we walked together towards the ceremony.

I finally got in and ran over towards the guys who were standing at the altar, waiting.

"Hey...everything okay?" Jeremy whispered.

"Yep everything is great! Just some last minute things I had to take care of!" I tried keeping my voice calm.

A moment later the girls began walking down the aisle and all headed up towards the other side of the altar. It felt strange being on the side with all of the men, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Granted this meant that Elena was technically my "date" for the evening seeing as she was the maid of honor, but it was something trivial in the grand scheme of things.

The wedding song began and Bonnie walked down the aisle as everyone stared at her. She looked so happy and beautiful as her father walked her down. I stole a glance at Jeremy who was awestruck as she walked towards him. I couldn't help but shed a few tears. I wasn't quite sure why I was crying, seeing them so happy or realizing that this was it for any kind of chance at Jeremy, but I just let it be.

The ceremony was pretty quick. Bonnie had talked about not wanting to bore everyone to death anyway. During the moment when the officiant asked "If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed speak now, or forever hold your peace" I wanted to shout out "BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM AND HE SHOULD MARRY ME!" but instead I kept quiet and stole a glance at Damon in the row right up front. He locked eyes with me and just gave me a quick wink. It helped enough to keep me grounded and quiet as they kissed and were announced as husband and wife.

The ceremony ended and everyone clapped and yelled and smiled. Afterwards we got in the limo and went out to get a few quick pictures for the photographers and then headed back towards the reception.

They had been doing shots and drinking beer in the limo but again I refused. I had that stupid speech I had to give and was nervous enough, I didn't need the alcohol making my brain any more fuzzy.

Everyone filed in pretty quickly to the reception. There were at least 150 people there which made things easier and harder at the same time. More people to stare at me as I gave my toast and hoped I didn't bumble my way through it, but then again I didn't know most of them so I guess it wasn't that bad.

I talked about knowing them as kids and what a great guy Jeremy always was and how he always talked about getting married and having a family of his own someday. I said that Bonnie was the light of his life and he always smiled when he talked about her. There were a few more sweet and sappy things I threw in there, and I finally ended the toast and was pretty proud of myself for getting through it without having a nervous breakdown.

Bonnie and Jeremy both got up and gave me a hug and a kiss while everyone that was there erupted in applause and cheers. Next it was Elena's turn but I tuned out right then and there. I saw the glass of wine sitting in front of me and I downed it in a few gulps, followed by the chapmage after Elena finished her toast.

By the time dinner ended EVERYONE was out on the dance floor. Except for me. I was still sitting at the head table. Alone and slightly buzzed. I told myself to get used to it, this was probably how it was going to be for the rest of my life. I was sitting there wallowing in my own self pity when another glass of wine appeared in front of me. I looked up and saw Damon standing there, holding onto a beer for himself.

"Here. You deserve it. Drink up, sister. It's a party." he downed the rest of his beer.

I gave a nod and picked up the glass, drinking about half of it in one gulp.

"Wow...I'd say something dirty about how much you can fit in that mouth of yours but I know you're not in the mood right now." he chuckled.

"Shut up and get me another one." I ordered, not caring how bitchy I was sounding.

He let out another laugh and went back to the bar and got another glass of wine for me. By the time he walked back with it I had finished the first glass he brought over.

I took a few sips out of it and set it back on the table.

"So..." he looked me up and down "I thought the bridesmaids dresses were supposed to make the girls look uglier than the bride. Not hotter than the bride." his eyes made their way back up to lock with mine.

"You're drunk." was all I could say.

"Vampires can't get drunk." he smirked.

"Well then I'm drunk." I replied.

"Yeah maybe a little bit. Come on. Let's dance, beautiful." he took my hand and pulled me out to the dance floor.

We danced together for most of the night, stopping only occasionally for a refill on our drinks. Slow songs, fast songs. It didn't matter. We stayed on that dance floor together and tried to pretend we were having a great time.

One particular slow song came on and we began slowing things down, dancing in each other's arms. I looked up at him and noticed him staring over at Elena and Stefan. They were staring at each other intensely, as if no one was in the room but them. Stealing a few lingering kisses with each other.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry. Can't be easy with your brother being with her and her living in the same place as you."

His gaze quickly fell and landed on me.

"Not a huge deal. Why do you think I drink so much all the time?" he smiled.

"I thought vampires couldn't get drunk?" I asked.

"We can't. But it definitely helps numb the pain. Any kind of pain. Same as it does with humans. We just don't get a hangover the next day."

"Mind if I cut in?" it was Jeremy.

"Gilbert I'm flattered but you're not my type." Damon shot him a look while not letting go of me.

"Come on Damon, get lost for a few minutes, will you?" Jeremy shot back.

Damon gave me a worried look but I dismissed it.

"It's fine, really. I can't say no to the groom!" thankfully the alcohol was kicking in pretty good and I was on a high from it at the moment. Not worried about the crash that was going to inevitably come later on.

Damon left the dance floor but stayed in eye and earshot, probably to make sure I didn't start professing my undying love for Jeremy right then and there.

"So how's married life?" I asked him, my words slurring a bit.

"Well I've only been married for 6 hours so far. But I guess it's good." he chuckled "Are you ok? You've seemed nervous all night long." he brought me in closer to him as the song continued to play.

"I'm fine, Jeremy! Really!" I giggled as I tripped over him a little.

We danced for another minute but it was clear I was losing my footing way too much. He pulled me off the dance floor over to where Damon was standing, watching us the whole time.

"Damon, she's wasted. Will you get her home? Make sure she's okay?" Jeremy asked while still trying to hold me up.

"Yeah sure. No problem. Let's go." Damon was quick with Jeremy and practically scooped me up and walked me out to the parking lot and to his car.

"That was close" he said as he got in and began driving "I thought you were gonna spill your guts to him. Or spill your dinner. One of the two."

"I should have." I mumbled, beginning to feel tired.

"No, you did the right thing. Remember? Better off as a friend than nothing at all." he replied.

He didn't say much for the rest of the ride back to my house and I was grateful. I just wanted to sit in the silence and enjoy the buzz I had going on from the alcohol. Maybe I'd make it to bed before things took a turn.

"Here, I'll walk you in. You're still pretty unsteady." he got out and opened the door for me. I grabbed onto his arm and half walked, half dragged along up the stairs and into the house with him.

"Well...you should get to bed. You're gonna feel like shit in the morning so..." he began, but I cut him off.

"Stay with me." I pleaded.

"What?" a confused look spread across his face.

"Please Damon! Stay with me! I know I told you last night I was fine, and I was. But I don't think I can make it through tonight by myself. You're the only one who understands. Please stay here!"

"Of course I'll stay" he walked over and gave me a hug.

We both moved over towards the couch and turned on the tv. I was sprawled across him trying to concentrate on what was on. Some kind of infomercial but I really couldn't tell. My mind was spinning and my head was beginning to, too.

"How long have you been in love with him for?" Damon finally got my attention.

"With Jeremy? I dunno. I've always had a crush on him since we were kids, when I used to live here. I'm not sure if I consider that 'love' but I knew right when I came back here and saw him again..." I trailed off.

"And when you had sex with him?" he asked.

I was a little put off by the question but answered anyway.

"Yeah that was stupid, I know! Look I didn't know he was with Bonnie then. I would never do that to someone. I'm still pissed that he didn't tell me. Or that they were apparently 'on a break' or whatever. I thought...i thought that..."

"You thought that he had feelings for you." Damon finished.

"Yeah I did. I was stupid. To think that he would ever have those feelings..."

"You're not stupid!" Damon sat up and looked me in the eyes "Listen, that was his fault. He used you. And you still are pining away for him! I understand when you can't just stop loving someone, trust me. But you've gotta stop blaming yourself for this whole situation you're in. You're beautiful and smart, you could get any guy here in Mystic Falls or hell, even in this country. So stop letting him make you feel so bad about yourself."

It took me a minute to process everything he had just said. The words kind of tripped over themselves as I listened, the alcohol really starting to kick in at this point.

"You...you think I'm beautiful?" was the only thing I could reply to.

"I...well yeah, I think you are. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" his face got closer to mine and I could smell the whiskey on his breath.

I don't know WHAT possessed me at that moment but I wound up grabbing his face and kissing him. Wanting and needing SOMETHING, to feel anything but what I was currently feeling. We both moaned at the initial kiss and I pushed him back onto the couch while I straddled him, still in my stupid "best woman" dress, grinding down into the growing hardness I could feel forming in his pants. His hands were on my hips pulling and pressing hard, making the grinding I was doing even deeper and I could hear him groan at the feeling of it.

My hands immediately went to his belt and that's when he pulled my hands up and broke the kiss.

"Violet...Violet hey hey! We can't...you're drunk...I can't." his face was red and his hair was a mess.

We were both panting and staring at each other, eyes fixed together until finally I spoke up.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should go to bed." I got off of him and began walking towards the stairs.

"I'll take the couch, okay? If you need anything I'll be here." he stood and watched me walk up the stairs.

"Goodnight Damon." I said as I walked up the steps.

"Goodnight Vi." he breathed out as I walked away.

I walked into the bathroom, forcing myself to stay awake to at least take a shower and get all of the hairspray and god knows what off of me before I climbed into bed.

I kept thinking back to that make out session that almost went a lot further with Damon but I tried telling myself that it was just the alcohol. And that's also the reason why he probably said what he did, too. Right? I mean Damon loved Elena and also could have any other woman he wanted. Or maybe he felt bad for me and let that happen. All of this had to be the alcohol talking.

The room began to spin a bit when I got to my bedroom and I immediately fell into bed and into a sound sleep, thankful that for once I was able to fall quickly asleep.