A/N: A one-shot to go along with the 1993 film "Undercover Blues". They tell you that Jeff Blue used to be FBI and CIA - but they never say where his wife Jane got her training or who they work for now.

Yearning for a CURE for the Blues

The phone rang in the hotel room for the second time. The first time it was ignored as the laughing Jeff and Jane Blue played their "Find the Remote" game on the sofa of their suite. The game was wildly misnamed, as there was no remote in the room and the only television there had been turned towards the wall. In fact, the game went by various names - Find the Remote, Where's the Bug, or Guess Where my Birthmark Is. It was a game where both players usually ended up winning.

"Are you going to get that?" Jane asked, as she paused unbuttoning her blouse.

"What, the buttons? You're doing a good-enough job - although you take even longer than picking a lock" her husband answered.

"Don't you like the sexual tension from taking my time?" she teased.

"Nah, the quicker the better."

Jane gave an expression of hurt indignation and pouted. "You men are all alike!" The phone stopped ringing.

"What? I'm talking about locked doors here."

"That's not the only thing that's gonna be locked."

"Good think I've got a key," he smirked.

The phone started ringing for a third time. "Oh God, make it end!" Jeff cried, holding his ears like Quasimodo. "The bells! The bells!"

Jane threw a pillow at him and got up to answer the phone. "Hello? Oh..hi, Frank...yes, he's here...no, he hasn't grown up yet...we're childhood sweethearts, we just got to the adult bit quite yet...seriously, though, why the call...uh huh...what's his name?...really, yeah, we've met before...okay, do you want to keep him or go away?...I see...I think we can arrange something. Make it today at..." she said as she looked at the clock on the wall "...two. Tell him the frozen food aisle...okay, bye."

"Are we meeting Mr. Whipple again?" Jeff asked.

"I think he looks more like that Quaker Oats oatmeal guy."

"Nah, Harold Smith looked like the oatmeal guy."

"But Harold retired and Frank took over as our connection. Yeah, it looks like CURE wants us to discourage a new recruit."

"Works for me."

"Here's the best part - it's your good friend Muerte. He thinks he's got the right stuff to be an agent."

"Morty? That really works for me," Jeff said with a wicked grin on his face. He held the expression for a moment and then the wicked grin changed to a lusty leer - basically the same thing with just the addition of a raised eyebrow. "I think we've still got time to find that remote..."

...

When two o'clock rolled around, the frozen food aisle of the Bag It Up Grocery was nearly empty, thanks to the lull between the lunch and dinner shoppers. A certain swarthy man nervously walked up and down the aisle, looking at merchandise but not putting anything in his cart. He eyed a child of ten as he walked past - surely that wasn't his contact.

Jeff, with a fake beard and grocer's apron, pushed a cart along the display, opening doors and arranging items as he got closer to Muerte. Finally, both were in the ice cream section at adjacent doors. When Muerte reached in to grab an item, Jeff grabbed his arm and pulled the man's head into the freezer box beside his. "Don't buy that; it goes on sale next week."

Muerte flashed anger in his eyes, but when Jeff pulled his beard down and smiled his anger changed to shock and then fear. "Dios Mio!" he cried as he jerked up, hitting his head on the shelf above.

"Careful there Morty, you don't need to impress your examiners yet. You can do that by surviving the next few hours."

"Examiners? You are from CURE?" Muerte said as he pulled himself out of the display. He looked down the aisle to possibly flee, but saw Jane coming towards them with a shopping cart. "BOTH of you?" he panicked.

"Let's just say we do some work for them from time to time. Chuin gave us some training, and we help out when we can. Don't worry; we're here to work with you - unless you plan on mugging us again."

"Me, mug you? Never! Muerte has gone straight. I wish to use my skills for good instead of not good."

"From what I saw, it's your skills that are definitely not good," Jane said as she stopped her cart beside them. "Look honey, those beans you like so much."

"By a case of 'em."

"They only had six."

"Get a raincheck." He turned to the new recruit. "Did you know Morty, before getting trained by Chuin, Jane here could only kill you three different ways with that can?" Muerte looked very worried.

"You're exaggerating, dear - only two ways. The third way just leaves you permanently paralyzed."

"Right, my mistake." Jeff clapped Muerte on the shoulder. "Still interested?"

"They have told me it is either CURE or prison. I do not like prison."

"Good choice," Jane assured him. "You'll live longer in prison, but it gets sooooo boring."

"How boring?" Muerte asked, reconsidering.

...

"The trouble with the art of Sinanju is that it takes years to learn properly and a lifetime to master," Jane said as Jeff drove them down the country road. "You spend so much time on the basics that a lot of people give up before they get to the good parts." She was sitting in the back seat with Muerte, who had decided that he'd at least give CURE a try.

"By giving up, she means dying, Morty," Jeff said from behind the wheel. With a grin on the driver's face, he couldn't tell if it was a joke or the truth.

"Don't listen to him - only some people die. No, we're not here to train you in all of that - we're here to see if you have some of the basic skills that will show you're worth the time to train. For instance, escaping a car traveling down the road."

"I would wait until the driver wasn't looking and then I would pounce on my prey and CUT him with my knife!" Muerte quickly bragged.

"And then have the car crash with a dead driver and you in the back? Not smart," Jeff chided.

"My husband is right - the point is to escape, not kill everyone. No, the trick is to get out and be able to hide yourself afterwards. Look for a place to take cover, and then jump..."

"...tuck..." Jeff added.

"...and roll. After you come to a stop, immediately hide behind the nearest cover. A bush, a building, or a canal - whatever is available. Like there!" she said, pointing to a canal running alongside the road. Jeff unlocked the doors at the cue, and Jane reached over to pull the door handle open. The door now ajar, she kicked Muerte out the door.

"You could have waited for this grassy patch up here instead of that gravel," Jeff suggested as he looked at the tumbling Muerte in his rearview mirror.

"Anybody can jump out onto grass - that's no challenge."

The car made a quick U-turn and came back to Muerte, lying on the ground with scrapes and cuts from the gravel. Jane opened the rear door and beckoned. "Not bad, but you need to remember to tuck your arms in. And you're supposed to get up and run after you come to a stop - remember?"

"I...will remember," Muerte said, staggering to his feet.

"Dust yourself off," Jeff called from the front. "It may be a rental, but it's no reason to make it too dirty."

Muerte patted himself, muttering a few "Ouch" curses before getting into the car.

"You see? Gravel is actually a lot softer to land in than onto cement. You passed Round One," Jane announced. "On to Round Two."

...

The car continued on for several miles before stopping in the middle of a long bridge. Jeff and Jane got out, signaling Muerte to join them along the rail. He slowly approached the rail and gripped it tightly, nervously waiting. Jeff gazed at a nearby girder that climbed up and over the traffic lanes to the other side. "Are you afraid of heights, Morty?" he asked.

"No. I climb like a monkey and pounce on my prey when they are not looking," he boasted as he smiled confidently.

"Good," Jane said "because you're not climbing here. You're going to go over the rail and jump into the river."

His smile vanished. "The river?" he asked, forcing himself to look over the rail and down onto the water. "Down there?"

"That's where they keep it," Jeff assured him. "It's kinda the reason they have to build bridges in the first place. Now climb over the rail. Don't worry, I'm jumping too. You DO know how to swim now, don't you? I guess we should have covered that first."

"I'm sure he does," Jane agreed. "A man doesn't make it back from floating in the middle of the Caribbean without knowing how to swim." After finding Muerte on their boat trying to kill them after the conclusion of their adventures in Louisiana, Jeff and Jane had knocked him in the water before sailing away toward Cuba.

"But you left me your life preserver that time!" Muerte pleaded. "How deep is that water?"

"Don't worry, people only drown in the first eight feet or so; anything deeper than that just makes is harder to find the body. Besides, you never gave me our life preserver back. Did you bring it?"

"No!"

"Bad planning on your part. Now climb over the railing," Jane instructed. Muerte hesitantly climbed over. "Now remember, the trick is to take a deep breath before you go into the water. Go in feet first. Don't breath again until you pop to the surface - assuming you're aren't knocked out."

Jeff climbed over the railing too. "I'll be down there in case you need help, but I have to warn you that it might lower your score if you need assistance. Ready?"

"No."

"They never are," Jane said as she pushed him from behind after slapping his elbow. His grip released, he tipped over the side and plummeted into the water. By sheer chance, he entered the water feet first. Amidst some bubbles, he popped up to the surface sputtering and thrashing a moment later.

Looking up, he yelled "I thought you were going to join me!"

"I am," Jeff shouted down as he finished taking off his shoes, shirt and pants. "I don't have any dry clothes in the car!" Standing straight and facing Jane, he blew her a kiss and jumped backward, arching his back and performing a nearly perfect reverse dive that barely rippled the water as he entered.

"Now what?" Muerte asked, gurgling a little.

"Swim to shore."

"Which way is shorter?"

"It's about the same; we started in the middle."

"I will go THIS way," Muerte said as he struggled to swim away, the current doing most of the work.

"I'd go the other way, Morty - unless you want play chicken with that boat." In his haste to get to shore, he hadn't looked to see a boat approaching.

"Ayieee, the other way is much better!" He somehow managed to switch directions and started swimming.

Later, Jane found them both on the boat ramp; Jeff was sitting up and watching the river while Muerte was face down, clinging to his sanity and trying to regain his strength. "Catch anything?" Jane asked.

"I had to help bring him in the last twenty feet, but he managed the hardest part. I say he passes Round Two."

"Good. Here's a couple of towels; dry off and we can get to the next test."

"I hate swimming," Muerte managed to say to her weakly.

"If you make it to Chuin, maybe he'll teach you to run across water. Helps keep your clothes dry, too."

...

"Remember when you met us at the zoo when we were taking our daughter there?" Jane asked as the car moved away.

"Yes, I remember." Muerte didn't WANT to remember - Jeff had left him stranded on a tree in the alligator pit with no shoes, jacket or pants after a foiled mugging.

"Well, we're going again."

"Please, no alligators..."

"No, don't worry. No alligators. No elephants, bears or leopards. It'll be perfectly safe - we're testing your sense of direction."

"I am good at finding my way around the dark alleys, where I pounce on my prey..."

"Yeah, yeah, when they aren't looking," Jeff finished. "What if you lose your knife?"

"Then I would use my backup knife."

"And if you lose that?"

"Well...then I would take their own knife..."

"You really ought to get off this knife fixation," Jeff interrupted to change the subject. "Besides, we're here."

They parked the car and Jane went ahead to the office, after which she came out again after a few minutes. "I cleared it with Josephine. They're closed for staff training, so we'll be okay. Let's go." Jane led Jeff and Muerte through the gates and into the zoo. Jane stopped at a huge cage with vultures. "Looking good, guys."

"Look Morty, it says they pounce on their prey too just like you."

"Majestic birds, yes."

"But only if the prey is already dead. Talk about kicking someone when they're already down," Jeff quipped as they moved on. "Hey Morty, want a sno cone later?"

"Do CURE agents eat sno cones?"

"Sure they do," Jane said as she leaned against a wall. "Just don't let Chuin see you eating one. Now here is what you're going to do. We're going to have you go into a thick, simulated jungle setting. Without the use of any electronic aids, you are to travel from the entrance to the opposite exit in the least amount of time. There will be paths that are dead ends, and you're disqualified if you climb to get a better look at your layout."

"Where is this fake jungle?"

"Right here." Jane stepped aside, revealing a sign that read 'Tiger Habitat - Authorized personnel only'.

"Tigers? I cannot fight tigers."

"No tigers; they take them out on Mondays and Thursdays to clean."

Muerte looked at the sign again. It sounded peaceful enough inside the exhibit. "And I just go in, find the way across and go out the other door?"

"You can't take all day. The faster you do it, the better your report will be."

"Where is Señor Blue?"

"He's up in that observation platform. He's going to watch you to make sure you don't cheat."

"Cheat? Me? Maybe I used to rob people, but I am no cheater."

"Sorry, the nuance escapes me. Jeff should be ready now." She took a key out of her pocket and unlocked the door. "Ready...set...go!" she yelled as she swung the door open. Muerte rushed through the door and Jane shut it quickly, locking it again. "Remember the clock!" she yelled, then sprinted toward the entrance stairs and to the observation area overlooking the enclosure.

Jeff was already there, watching Muerte's progress. "One minute!" he called out without looking at his watch.

"That wasn't a minute," Jane whispered.

"He doesn't know that. I'm trying to give that adrenaline rush to him. "Two minutes!" Jeff announced, grinning. "I think he needs a little more encouragement," he told Jane quietly.

"What do you mean it's not Mondays?" Jane yelled loudly enough that Muerte could hear below. "You said no Tigers on Mondays and Thursdays."

"No," Jeff answered just as loudly "I said they USED to clean on Monday and Thursdays. They do it on Tuesdays and Fridays now." He reached over to an interactive display for visitors that included recordings of animal sounds. He playfully hit the 'Tiger' button and a roar came from a speaker.

Muerte froze in his tracks, to be absolutely quiet. Jeff pushed another button and there was a growl from a speaker. "He's over there! Run!" Jane offered as she pointed, and Muerte ran the opposite direction.

"He's getting closer, Morty!" Jeff jeered, pushing the roar button again.

"Help! Help!" Muerte yelled as he grabbed the fencing and began to scale it quickly.

"He really DOES climb like a monkey," Jeff observed.

"I don't want to be part of CURE. I quit! Muerte said, hanging by the netting above the fence. "Take me back to prison!"

"You know, he's on parole and hasn't violated it. He doesn't have to go back," Jane said, watching him dangle.

"Yeah; let's have him turn himself in and see what happens anyway," Jeff suggested. "We're going to get help, Morty. We'll be back. Can we get you anything?"

"Tiger repellent would be nice. No coffee."

"We'll see what we can do. Ta-ta."

"Ta-ta," Muerte said, with little hope of a quick rescue.

The End

A/N: This was a fun movie; not too bloody, quippy dialogue between the main protagonists and of course the running gag with Muerte. It had the feel of "Thin Man" meets James Bond. Since they didn't mention who they work for now after leaving the FBI and CIA, I figured that maybe I could affiliate them with CURE from "Remo Williams".