A/N: There's a reason this is so damn short. Keep reading to find out. Also.

*Exhales deeply*

Surgery. Is. Not. Fun.

Not only is my body still a mess, but I had to work on Black Friday. Nope. All the nope. Nope sandwich. I didn't have any choice in the matter; it was that or lose my job, and as a direct result, I AM IN A LOT OF PAIN RIGHT NOW.

Furthermore!

This chapter. Was five thousand words. Until my computer got corrupted. End result? I was forced to go back to an earlier save. Hell, I was trying for a double update today too, but now I can't promise anything. WARNING! Henceforth, this story has been upgraded to M. For good bloody reason!

Sorry, but that's all the warning you're getting.

Kiss of Death, Just A Bit of Bread, and Everybody Loves Cookies are all being worked on simultaneously. As is a request story, because somebody went and piqued our interest thanks to a certain Schnee. Now, then. Off we go!

"That woman is insatiable."

~?

A Most Unlikely Lapse (Prelude to Slaughter)

Celenike -or Celene, as she preferred to be called- considered herself a competent Master.

Oh, she knew she could be a vile bitch to her enemies and sometimes even her allies, but she'd accepted that part of herself long ago. She was a woman who lived for life itself, one who craved passion and delight in all its twisted beauty. Despite her unique...tastes...there was a time and a place for everything. One did not show one's true face in public after all; no matter

And there there was this!

Multiple servants should have been a boon; indeed, many might say they were. Through some manner of freak happenstance, nearly every member of the Black Faction had found themselves saddled with a second Servant in addition to the first they'd summoned. Not that Celene much minded!

For in having two Servants, she'd inexplicably won the best of both worlds.

Assassin -Wraith!- was a capable killer, one willing to take lives without hesitation. She dare say his morals were even more twisted than hers.

And surprise surprise, her second Servant had proven themselves a Rider after all. Offense and defense were both hers to command now. In securing such a class for herself, she'd closed the gap left behind by her first summoning. Darnic couldn't well deride her for something that wasn't her fault now, could he? There was just one tiiiny little problem with her second Servant.

More a boon really, given Celene's tastes-yeek!

A sudden shiver shook the magus from head to toe as full lips brushed her ear.

"Now, now," a familiar voice crooned, "The fun's only just begun. Don't go monologuing on us, Ma~st~er~!"

A fresh gasp fled from Celenike as those lips ran down the length of her bare neck, planting a line of scorching kisses along her collarbone. Then they went lower. Lower still. Then...lower. Her body bucked and her knees instinctively tried to lock together, to no avail. Her shackles held firm against her ankles and wrists alike. Oh dear, did she mention shackles? Why, she had!

"My my, aren't we a sensitive one?" her tormentor crooned. "Such a naughty girl...

Someone sighed just out of sight. "Is this really necessary, Rider?"

"Of course it is, dear. She needs to learn her place...

Bound to the bed like some sordid prisoner and clad in naught but her undergarments -black lace!- Celene found herself helpless beneath the ministrations of her new mistress. No dominant one she, though she had tried to be. Rider was having none of it; from the moment she'd been summoned, so too was her new Servant quick to lay down the law. Not that she minded! Nope! Not at all! This was torment, this was torture. This was raw pleasure, bliss beyond anything she had ever

"You've been a very bad girl." Medb, queen of Connacht, beamed back at her. "Do you want me to release you?"

Celene stifled a gasp. "Yes...please...!"

A hand cracked out from behind, swatting Rider on the rear. Now it was Medb's turn to cry out. "What gives?!"

"Unshackle her." Assassin commanded. "Now. This is getting ridiculous."

"Tch, spoilsport...why would I do that?!"

A blond brow quirked.

"Fine, fine...

With a long suffering sigh, she fished a key from her bosom and undid Celene's shackles. As she did, Naruto peeled back his armored shirt and tossed it over his shoulders. Despite her awkward position and her own weak body, Celene found herself blinking all the same. Under his cloak and clothes he held more than his fair share of scars but again, that wasn't her focus right now. Good lord, you could grind meat on those...

Medb was far less subtle; she all but drooled. "Oooh, yes. Mama like. C'mere, you!"

Rider didn't run at him. She leaped. Naruto caught her halfway and spun to bleed off her momentum, uncaring as her legs locked around his waist. Any protest he might have given was muffled by Medb's mouth sealing around his. This wasn't kissing. It was two animals, -two alphas!- fighting one another with their lips. Naruto bit back just as hard, drawing low, shuddering gasp from Medb. With a mighty wrench, his fellow Servant pivoted with her hips and pulled him down to the bed. Down to Celene.

"Now then," she cooed at her, "Why don't we show you why Servants are better in EVERY way...

For the next three hours, Celenike knew only carnal pleasure.

A/N: And so it continues.

Sorry, this is the best I could do with my body falling apart. Really worn out at the moment.

Well then, in any case, teviews are love, reviews are life, reviews still keep me alive, somehow.

And there you have it! So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

Review, Would You Kindly?

And enjoy the previews.

References are candy.

BE PREPARED~!

GUESS WHO?!

(Previews)

"You...win...

Naruto blew out an angry breath and hung his head.

...I'll just kill you."

When he finally raised his gaze, he was Assassin once more.

"Let me show you," He shattered Lancer's weapon in his fist, eviscerated Assassin of Red, spun, and tore out Caster's heart in a singular sweeping motion, "How to fight a Grail War. Rookies, the lot of you." he let the three of them fall, turned cold eyes on the remaining Servants. "You're so green you piss grass! I was killing gods while you lot were still learning to walk!"

And then he was among them. Blood ran through the streets.

R&R! =D