Proto-Cassiopeia 3G-IV was a planet that offered many curiosities for the discriminating galactic traveler. The world was home to not one but three sentient species and a host of vastly different environments. Since the three species had different languages as well, the planet itself was known for its location near the constellation Cassiopeia. The three species had not as yet encountered the industrial revolution on this day in 3217 CE, and many of them kept a wary distance from the powerful aliens who occasionally visited their world. Much of one continent was desert, and the pale humanoids who were the most numerous of the three species lived in cities that were basically oases, except they were access wells to underground rivers. Many workers sweated hundreds of meters below the surface in humid caves, providing not only the water, but the food that came from the animals that lived there, as well as the vegetation that managed to grow under the ground in strange phosphorescent amethyst grottos. But in the city of Manethysia itself, the humanoids wrapped themselves in robes from head to toe during the day to protect themselves from the ultraviolet radiation. Towers and minarets in white and grey dominated the city, while the blindfolded Al-Zephani served as a police force, carrying warped scimitar like blades in obedience to the Joelamosia, the leaders of the city who were a combination of religious preachers and merciless judges. The religion itself had a host of complexities, which could be seen in the city's many libraries. The Manethysians had only recently encountered the printing press, let alone the interceding eighteen centuries of information technology. But visitors could enter the libraries, and read manuscripts that were a millennium older than the founding of Rome.

Of course, if you were a human tourist who had come here because you thought Manethysia would be like Marrakesh back on earth twelve centuries earlier, the whole planet was just going to suck.

Dr. Carlos Nyusi learned this first hand, because he had just settled into his room at the inn, when the management informed him that he would have to share it with another earthling. Before either he or the innkeeper could really protest, Jackie Hawkins introduced herself. Five years younger than Nyusi in her early twenties she had a very loud voice with a Chav/cockney accent laden over with some New Jersey touches obtained from watching too many reality shows. Somewhat scantily clad, any erotic thoughts on Nyusi's part was dispelled by an extra nasal whine, while any further temptations were repeatedly purged by her irritating and selfish behavior.

The situation was a simple one. Hawkins had literally won a one in a million media outer space vacation getaway. And knowing nothing about Proto-Cassiopeia 3G-IV but thinking it might be like Marrakesh, which she also knew very little about, she had chosen to come here. But since humans had to live in special circumstances and with a special diet, she had to share the only hotel room where that was available.

The innkeeper provided Jackie a straightforward guide to explain what Manethysia would be like. The first major problem Nyusi had with her was her repeated refusal to read it.

#1 Early the next morning, Jackie emerged from the bathroom in a bikini. "I'm going to go suntanning today."

"You can't go suntanning. The ultraviolet radiation will make you very sick."

"Really?"

"Yes. Everyone had to be covered from head to foot during the day. It's only safe at night. Read the guide."

#2 Later around lunchtime, Jackie was about to bite into a large purple fruit, when Nyusi snatched it from her and threw it in the garbage. "That fruit, like much of the cuisine of the indigenous life form, is full of cyanide. It's harmless to them but will kill you instantly."

"They should have warned me about that!"

"They did. It's right here on page two! Read the guide!"

#3 Shortly thereafter, Jackie asked Nyusi if he had any hashish.

"No. And you shouldn't be doing drugs."

"Oh-I-shouldn't-be-doing-drugs." Jackie whined back in a childish voice. "Do you know where I can get some?"

Nyusi turned from the desk where he was working. "There is no hashish on this planet."

"Really?"

"The drug has no effects on any of the planet's three sentient species. Why would there be any for the only two Terrans in the city?"

"The guide should have made that clear."

"It did make that clear!" Nysui said with irritation, as he pointed to page three of the guide "How Manethysia is not like Marrakesh."

Jackie cursorily skimmed page three of her copy. "How about some coke?"

And it continued. "No, you can't go swimming because there are no beaches. We're in the middle of the desert. Read the guide!" "No, you can't have sex with local inhabitants. Aside from the strong religious taboos, our reproductive systems aren't complementary. Read the guide." "Yes, it's much colder outside when it's dark. We're in a desert and the temperature often falls at night. Read the guide." "No there isn't any television, or radio, because Manethysia hasn't really undergone the industrial revolution. Read the guide."

But as it happened, Jackie did have a phone which, notwithstanding being 137 light years from her home planet, she could still use to talk to people back on earth. This led to one of her other irritating habits. She liked to sing on the phone, in the bathroom, at times when she was bored, (which was most of the time) and often for no good reason at all. But she always sang off key and she always sang songs that Nyusi, and most other intelligent people, hated.

Another problem was her obnoxiously flirtatious manner. Quickly running out of things to do, Jackie turned to seducing Nyusi. After making clear fourteen times that not only was he not interested, he really disliked her trying to do so, she flirted with every one of the staff she met. This she did with the innkeeper, the butler/maid, as well as the waiter who brought them their lunch (and for which Nyusi had to remove the poisoned fruit because, again, she hadn't read the guide). This got the two unwanted attention and, much to his annoyance, it was Nyusi who had to deal with it. It was early in the afternoon of the third day and Jackie had decided to wander around the hotel when the door of the room opened. Nyusi turned and saw the leading Joelamosia of the city.

The Joelamosia was an intimidating figure, more than seven and a half feet tall. The austere grey robes made a distinct impression, but Nyusi was struck by the beard: not only was it grey, but its hair was mixed with keratin and bone, increasing its rigid, rocklike quality.

"I have been informed that you have been fornicating with your fellow earthling. We made it clear to the aliens when they arrived that such conduct was strictly prohibited."

"Oh no, I assure you, we are not sleeping together."

The Joelamosia was nonplussed, then angry. In a very deep, very stern voice, "Why do you lie? You are obviously sleeping together, since there is no place else where you could be doing so."

Nyusi inwardly kicked himself. "I'm sorry, it's just that on my planet, sleeping is a euphemism for sex." (The city denizens had a distinctly different approach to sex, which centered around food.)

The Joelamosia stared down at Nyusi. Still in a deep, intimidating voice, "Your language has too many euphemisms. You should change that."

Nyusi winced. "Well, I'm sure we all have something we can learn from each other." The Joelamosia, if anything, was even more offended by this. "I promise you, nothing sexual will be happening in this room."

The Joelamosia was not convinced, but decided to leave. "One thing Dr. Nyusi. You are in greater danger than you think. You should be careful about the judgements you make."

Nyusi shivered as the door closed and he returned to his work. As it happened Jackie soon returned. "Whatcha you doin'?"

"I'm doing the work I came to this planet to do."

"And what is that?"

"None of your business. It's private."

But Jackie did not accept that as an answer. Having run out of things to do in the hotel (except read the guide) and getting bored very quickly, she decided she would nag Nyusi into doing something interesting for her. So she pouted. She whined. She dressed in skimpy clothing and exercised in an annoying manner. She looked over Nyusi's shoulder and tried to see what he was doing, while Nyusi ordered her away. When Nyusi finished a page of calculations, she tried to take it and look at it (Nyusi snatched it right back). She had long, irritating conversations with her friend on the telephone. But it was finally after more than five hours of this, and after singing "Wannabe" for the 27th time, that Nyusi broke down.

"All right I will tell you. But you have to swear not to tell anyone else."

Jackie nodded, with little intention of actually keeping her promise. "Sit down." Jackie grabbed the chair from her desk and, dressed in little more than a bikini, some sandals, and a transparent jacket, moved up to a couple of feet from Nyusi.

"Not that close." Jackie moved back a couple of feet. "Farther than that." Jackie moved, with some irritation, to about a dozen feet from Nyusi.

"Listen carefully. I work for a very powerful and very wealthy company as a theoretical physicist. My company sent me to this planet and to Manethysia in particular, because there were strange rumours. Rumours of a woman who could infallibly predict the future."