Chapter 4.
Severus was going mad and he hated himself for that. He was pathetic, pining over a girl half his age which he had never even seen. Pathetic, idiotic, poor excuse of a man I am! Damn her, and damn me to hell!
Alba had vanished into thin air after their hated video sex three days before. He wasn't sure what he had expected, it wasn't as if they had talked about deep feelings, but for him it had meant something more than what it had been in the end. It was something he had done many times with other women in those last months he had been on YCatch, and yet it was completely different. He had felt something, although he wasn't able to give it a name, and that feeling had burnt his insides. It had been like really touching her, caressing her skin and kissing her femininity. He had felt all of it like he had really been with her.
He was an idiot because he had thought she would feel it too. But that was obviously not the case, otherwise she wouldn't have disappeared. I'm a bloody idiot!
He was so angry at himself and her for leaving him without even saying a word, he felt foolish for attaching himself to someone he didn't know at all and who didn't care for him one bit. Even more, Severus was furious for his own weakness. No one had ever cared for him, he knew that all too well, so why had he even allowed her to come near him? Why? I don't need anyone. I've always saved myself, one way or another, alone.
However, no matter how hard he tried to convince himself, he knew he hated being alone. He was starved for attention, he had always been, and no matter how much he suffered… he didn't want to be alone anymore.
That's why he didn't yell at Alba when she finally showed up, late that night, asking for forgiveness, or why his heart swelled when he caught sight of her message. He wanted to tell her how angry he was at her for leaving him, but he knew deep down that he would only scare her off and he didn't want that. It was true that he was a bastard, but he was trying to be a better person. Not for her really, but for himself. Freedom was near and he wanted to enjoy it. He deserved happiness after so much sorrow.
-I know you're angry with me and I can't blame you. I'm really sorry Leo, for leaving you all these days without a word.
'I'm not angry at all.' He replied after some thought. He ached to tell her how he was really feeling, but he couldn't lose her. He had nobody else. 'You have your life and I've mine so if you haven't logged in all these days it's none of my business.'
He quickly sent the text but knew immediately he sounded bitter. She would know everything was not okay, but he wasn't going to tell her that.
-My friends came home unannounced and dreg me off for a few days. I wasn't very happy about it, but they are always complaining I don't go out with them anymore.
'You owe me no explanation whatsoever.' He said breathing hard. 'I hope you had fun.'
-I didn't. I had an argument with one of them… and besides, I missed you.
"Don't do that! Don't do that!" Severus shouted, clutching at his hair and bolting out of his armchair. She was hurting him, like everyone had ever done, but he wanted her. He needed her.
'I missed you, too.' He wrote instead, frustrated with his inability to stay away from women who were there to hurt him.
-Tell me I am your cheeky little thing. I love it when you call me that.
'What if I don't?'
-I won't get wet if you don't.
'I don't think so. I can feel your wetness with my tongue. It's filling your pretty little cunt perfectly and my cock is throbbing with the need to be inside of you, waiting for the right moment to penetrate you.'
He would take his pleasure from her today. Three days without wanking had been hell, and it was all her fault. But stupid as it sounded, he didn't want to do it with any other woman. So far, she had been the best and only a real shag could surpass what she had achieved.
-Damn you. I want your cock., she wrote, and his dick sprang to attention. -I want to taste you, to lick my way from your balls to your engorged head. I want to graze your veins with my teeth and play with your tiny slit with the tip of my tongue. I want to feel your balls tighten under my fingers and I want to swallow your come so badly.
He inhaled sharply, undoing his trousers and freeing his cock. It was large and lightly coloured with a smattering of fine black hairs at the base. It was by far his best feature even though not too many women had had the pleasure to see or to impale themselves down it. The thought of having Alba sitting on his dick was pure bliss and he roughly stroked himself. He wished for it to last but at the same time he wanted to lose himself in pleasure as fast as possible.
'You say you want to do all these things… just do them, girl!'
-I want all of this, but what I want more, however, is your cock stretching my pussy wide open.
He wasn't able to type a reply because he received a videocall from Alba and when he opened the connection, he had to swallow hard. Without even noticing, his strokes had taken a faster pace while his other hand had gone to lightly caress his nipples. Alba had her dildo deep inside her pussy and he wished so much it was his cock. Her fake dick was thrusting in her at a fast pace and he matched his strokes with her rhythm.
-Do you like it?
Severus didn't answer, choosing instead to open a call himself. His camera zoomed on his engorged head and they masturbated together, drinking in the pleasure of the other. He was trembling but didn't want to come yet, he wanted to see her first, then his climax would come soon after hers.
'Come for me, my cheeky little thing.', he said and with a few more thrusts of the dildo she orgasmed. He watched her come undone, milking her toy. He lost himself when he saw her smearing her juices between her lips, making her even more drenched in come. He watched her slowly lick her lips and smile at him all the while he breathed hard trying to recompose himself.
-I am really sorry, Leo., she typed the, after closing her legs and putting a blanket on her shoulders. -I know you were upset but it wasn't my intention. I feel at ease with you and at least in some ways I can be myself, something I'm struggling with when in the presence of my family and friends. I hope you will forgive me because I really like you. Stupid, isn't it? I barely know you and yet, I feel so comfortable. Thank you.
'I like you too.'
With that he groaned and nearly hit at himself for his pathetic display of emotions. He was a grown-up man but still fell for these things and every day was more difficult. But she said she likes me too., and he smiled softly while his cheeks took up some colour. I'm a lovesick puppy, or worse if something worse even exists.
-Am I forgiven?
'You are, Alba.'
Days passed quickly between good books, some TV show, a pleasant yet very weird second encounter with Granger on Thursday, and his little chats with Alba at night before going to bed. His routine wasn't much but he was pleased with that, at some level at least. He had talked a lot with Alba, getting to know her a little more every day, but something in him just screamed that something was off. He had tried to understand what the problem was, but she had never given him an answer, only saying she was tired or upset for something that had happened at work. However, he wasn't a fool and he knew that something was bothering her, and he had proof of it that same Thursday.
-Hello, my Bastard.
'Hello to you too, my cheeky little thing.'
-How was your day? Have you missed me?
'It was good, and I have had some very tasty Italian lasagna for dinner.' He replied, then added smirking. 'No, I haven't. How was yours?'
-Bastard. I have, you know. A lot., she typed, and his smirk morphed into a small smile. No one, apart from Lily when they were kids, had ever told him they missed him. -My day started horribly, then it had seemed to brighten somewhat, but then again finished miserably.
'What happened? I can feel you're upset.'
-I'm not anymore, because you're here now.'
'What can I do for you? Tell me.'
-I don't know… just, stay with me? Please?
'I'm going nowhere. I'm here.'
And he meant it. The girl was doing something to his heart, he just knew that, because somehow, he felt different. He was still a bastard, but perhaps just a touch softer than before. He didn't snap as fast and as often as it used to happen back when he was a Professor, he didn't insult people anymore just for his enjoyment, even if he was still compelled to show them exactly what kind of stupid idiots they were when the need raised. He was kinder, not anymore in a never-ending war with himself and the others. And it was all thanks to this amazing girl who could make his cheeks blush and his heart beat faster, his lips curve in a real smile and all his body shiver in pleasure.
-I would like to close my eyes and just fall asleep for hours, for days… then wake up and discover everything is fine again, and I don't have to fight anymore. I'm so tired of fighting.
'You need to free yourself.' He told her seriously worried for her. 'You can come out of it; I know you can. Why don't you let me help you?'
-It's something I have to do on my own. I'm so tired, Leo.
Severus thought about it for a moment, deciding on what to do. He could feel her sorrow through her words, and they made him ache. He was there for her, but he couldn't do anything… if he only knew which problems she really had. He thought of himself, and of all the times he had wanted to talk to someone of his horrible life, of what he was forced to do and of the pain he was experiencing. What he had really whished for back then, when even death he would have welcomed, was a hug; a touch of a soft and warm hand on his freezing cheek, a tender brush of his raven hair from his face, a gentle smile.
'I'm here.', he typed, reaching for her in a different way. 'You are safe in my arms. Breathe Alba, breathe. You are safe. My arms envelope you and I hold you tightly. Feel my arms around you, feel my warmth and my smell. You are safe.'
-I'm safe…
'You are. My hand brushes your hair from your face, caressing your cheek. I feel you shivering against my body and I smile before laying a kiss on your rosy flesh.'
-I raise my head and lock my eyes in yours, feeling your emotions and making them mine. I breathe, enjoying your warmth and nearness, and my eyes flutter close when I feel your lips whisper against mine.
'My hot breath caresses your lips before melting inside your mouth. My tongue seeks entrance and you provide it, eager to taste me, while gently leaning even more into my arms. You melt against me and our breaths join, our lips brush and our tongues carefully caress each other. I make love to your mouth and you to mine.'
-And I'm finally safe.
'You are finally safe.'
It was all an illusion, it hadn't really happened, and yet he had felt everything. The softness of her body against his, her sweet breath and her tantalising lips. His heart had swelled, and his body had shuddered alongside hers. He wanted her.
Later that night, while his body claimed sleep, but his mind refused to stop thinking, he could still feel her delicate mouth pressing against his if he stroked his fingertips against his lips. What was disconcerting to him was that the images of that amazing night with Alba would continuously mix together with those of the strange afternoon tea he had had with his former student Hermione Granger.