A/N: I've taken so long with this update and I am sorry considering the absolute mess I left it at previous chapter xD
Ain't gonna give all my excuses just gonna say 'busy and drained' and leave it at that.
We're here though. It's a super long one. (Which I'm sorry for again and kisses to Lux for helping.) Contemplated splitting this into two but meh. Just have it all.
I do really hope this one is enjoyed (not because of the insane amount of hours I've put into it)... but this is pretty much the final chapter...
There is one more planned after this but, well, you'll see.
Enjoy. And I promise I won't take so long on the next one.
K~
Chapter 23 – Curtain Call
"Oh my God! Will you stop pacing up and down like that?! Just- Go find something to do Tala! You're pissing me off and that's not going to be good for the baby!"
Like a deer in headlights the sharp scolding caused Tala's tired gaze to snap over to the hospital bed in the centre of the room where his darling wife currently lay. Lilac hair up in a messy bun and hands flicking through a trashy celeb magazine whilst being careful of the IV drip she was hooked up to.
In a split second of madness he'd thought about saying something in his defence but just kept his mouth closed, seized the opportunity offered to him and did as she said without protest.
Didn't need to tell him twice. Sheesh. Get him out of here...
Bianca's contractions had first started several hours ago. Just as they'd gotten in to bed, of course, at around 11pm.
Tiffany, who'd been on standby all week, had been called just after midnight and giddily came over to the house to watch Nataliya so they could make a start on getting themselves over to the hospital. After another hour or so of checks they were admitted to a delivery suite and the whole thing had been a long and tedious blur since.
According to one of the midwives Bianca still had to dilate a few more centimetres before anything was going to happen, so much to Tala's dismay, them being able to go home was a loooong way off.
Wasn't as if he liked sleep anyways...
Now out in the corridor, feeling like he could breathe a little easier, Tala briefly checked his phone to see it was almost 4am and lightly groaned.
Had only been a handful of hours in the grand scheme of things but it honestly felt like they'd been here for days now.
As uneventful as it all was currently, he'd forgotten just how nerve wracking the process was on a whole. It was over three years ago since Nataliya was born so the procedure had long been erased from his memory.
Tala started up again what he'd been thrown out for in the first place and began pacing some outside the door.
The fact he wasn't exactly a fan of hospitals to begin with wasn't helping, and the extra wails and pained screams of other women he heard coming from the rooms surrounding him was just adding to his overall anxiety.
Usually he'd get off to such sounds coming from a broad with her legs wide open but under the given circumstances it was far from doing anything for him right now.
Another shaky exhale came from him as he settled himself back against a wall, sending an awkward half smile to a nurse that had just walked past him and sent her own sympathetic look back.
Sure it wasn't him all hooked up on drips and whatever that machine was in the corner, but having been working non-stop all week this was not the Sunday morning he had planned. He was beyond exhausted right now and as per usual Bianca seemed hell bent on making it all even more difficult than it needed to be.
Usually, even with the long day's toil, he could tolerate her demanding ways until bedtime. But 'every day Bianca' and 'in labour Bianca' were two completely different women entirely.
He wasn't an idiot. He could only imagine what it was like to push something the size of a watermelon out of you but fuuuuuck there was only so much patience he possessed and this woman was really testing his last fucks to give.
Noticing a small row of three chairs against the wall adjacent he stepped across and sat himself down, bouncing his knee up and down as he took another glance to Bianca's closed door and then to the dull magnolia walls around him.
He felt helpless in all honesty and he hated feeling like a spare part. All he wanted to do was support and assist his wife in whatever way he could but there wasn't exactly much he could do for her right now. If just being out of the way is what she wanted though then so be it, he'd oblige.
Running a hand through his currently gel free red hair he exhaled a long sigh and pulled out his phone again for some aimless social media scrolling.
It had killed some time, and twenty or so minutes later, both his Facebook and Instagram feeds royally exhausted, he eased himself up and decided on a stroll. As anxious as he was he could feel himself starting to doze so he couldn't just sit there anymore. He needed some fresh air to wake himself up and plough on until baby number two finally arrived.
He bought himself a subpar coffee from one of the vending machines on the way to the exit and clocked the candy one opposite that he'd have a peruse of when he got back.
First though, he needed a damn cigarette.
Sparking up once he'd stepped outside, that first drag feeling amazing, he seemed to hold on to the breath for a moment longer than usual before releasing it, the plume of smoke rising and disappearing into the crisp early morning air.
Work had been ridiculous for him the last several days. He was up at the crack of dawn most mornings, working all hours god sent and earning the much needed cash for the newest addition to the family.
He was sorta glad in a selfish way that the baby was a week overdue as it gave him precious extra days to have everything set up and sorted. Though as each day had passed, naturally, Bianca became more and more insufferable.
Just to make matters worse, even her vandal brother Bryan had stopped by unannounced to pay them a visit midweek. He came bearing gifts as he always did, some baby toys and other knick-knacks he'd probably acquired off the back of a truck one night so that was a gruelling and interesting steak dinner with a side of intimidation he hadn't wanted nor needed.
Taking in one final drag and once again holding on to it in his lungs, savouring it, Tala carelessly flicked the stub away and exhaled the long stream of smoke through his nose before heading back into the hospital.
And now, a sugar fix.
Stepping back through the lobby he rummaged in his sweats pockets for some change as he peered through the glass of the vending machine.
Decisions decisions...
He fed the small handful of coins into the coin slot just as two young nurses came from around the corner, giggling to each other as they appeared to be gushing and gossiping.
He'd chanced a small cheeky glance but having quickly being reminded nurses uniforms weren't all that sexy in the real world he went back to the keypad in front and pressed his chosen buttons.
The closer they got the conversation became louder and clearer, and lucky for him as they stepped passed him he seemed to catch the most relevant part.
"...so gorgeous, even with all the cuts and bruises!"
"Mhmm...What did you say his name was again?"
"Hiwatari... Kai Hiwatari..."
Tala froze where he stood as soon as the surname pricked at his ears and red brows instantly knit together at hearing the first; his index finger hovering over the last button on the keypad as his head turned slightly to watch the back of the two women as they continued walking away from him and turn down another corner out of sight.
Kai Hiwatari? As in... Kai Hiwatari!?
Focusing back ahead on the task at hand he pressed the last digit, the vending machine whirring and a metal spiral turning to send a small plastic bag to drop to the bottom.
Bending to retrieve his bag of skittles from the metal drawer he pulled the bag open and tipped some of the multi-coloured circles into his mouth before fishing out his phone and meandering back to the row of seats outside Bianca's room.
Nah... Must be a different Kai Hiwatari they were swooning over...
Mm. 'Cos there were loads of them around, right?
Pft. Was none of his business anyway. He had enough of his own damn problems to be concerned with. Didn't matter to him what mess that guy had gotten himself into now.
Plopping back into the same chair, he tilted the bag to his mouth again and chomped on more fruity goodness whilst aimlessly scrolling his social media again. It wasn't none of his business but a bizarre pang of curiosity hit him and before Tala knew it he was swiping to his news app.
Surely being some hot shot multi-millionaire business man there'd be something reported perhaps?
And lo and behold there it was. First post, uploaded an hour ago.
'CEO of Hiwatari Enterprises in near fatal accident.'
Holy shit...
Wait, an hour ago? This was tonight?
Tired eyes quickly took in the time at the top of his screen before swiping to his messages.
There sat an unanswered text from the CEO himself just after midnight.
Kai had merely asked him what he was doing but clocking the time and the typos Tala figured the guy had been drinking and with all that was currently going on his own life he just could not be bothered with entertaining him tonight.
Had Kai messaged him before getting behind the wheel? Or worse, whilst he was driving?
An even more uncanny feeling of guilt then rose within him.
Could he have... prevented this somehow?
Pushing that thought away he clicked on the news link and noticeably grimaced at the first image attached showing the aftermath of the familiar black Mercedes he'd seen parked on the drive. It looked like it had been tossed around the inside of tumble dryer it was that beat up. A complete write off it was.
"What a waste..." he mused aloud under his breath as he continued to scroll, tipping more of the candies into his mouth whilst his eyes remained on his screen.
Knowing Kai he'd probably already have a new one waiting for him parked outside the house by now but still... Ouch.
According to the report, he was last seen at a bar the other side of town around 12:30 am, and it was a local resident that had heard the screech of tyres followed by 'an almighty crash' from outside their home and called the emergency services.
He continued to scan his screen, skipping a few lines on the article before stopping at the main bit he'd wanted to know.
'... whilst information is currently scarce on Mr Hiwatari's current condition it is reported that he is stable, however sustained broken ribs, internal bruising and is being kept in BeyCity Infirmary for a further suspected concussion due to the crash. More details will be released in due course...'
Tala looked up from his phone.
They were in BeyCity Infirmary...
Slyly looking around the corridor like a mischievous child about to steal from the cookie jar he slipped his phone back into his pocket and popped another handful of skittles into his mouth as he considered it.
Did he dare? After everything?
It would kill some time... and hey, it might even make Kai's morning him visiting. He had text him after all, clearly wanting to hear from him tonight, sooo who was he to begrudge him that wish?
Best check on the Mrs first though. See if he had some time still to go play...
Slapping his hands on his knees Tala stood up from his chair and stepped back over to Bianca's room, cracking open the door and popping his head in.
"Would ya like a skittle baby?"
Stern teal eyes had snapped up over her magazine at the redheaded pain in her ass before softening the moment she processed what he'd offered. She quickly nodded her head almost childlike, setting the mag down on her lap and even going as far as to smile sweetly at him as he approached her bedside.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, going to lift up the bag to pour some into her palm but the slender hand went and took the whole bag from his grasp for herself.
"Alright I suppose, just wish Anya would hurry up." Bianca huffed some, diving into the bag and popping a few sweeties into her mouth.
Tala frowned a little, both at the name he didn't recognise and the fact he'd now apparently lost his skittles...
"Anya? She your nurse or something?"
A tut came from her.
"No. Anya is your daughter Tal."
Blue eyes went wide. All evidence of fatigue diminishing in an instant.
The way Bianca had just informed him, emphasis on the just informed, made it sound like this had been common knowledge for them both and they'd decided on the name of their child. Emphasis on the THEIR.
"Oh. You picked a name. Right then. I'll just, pretend I knew that, shall I?" He snipped.
"Do you not like it?" Bianca innocently asked though the tone seemed, challenging.
He shrugged.
"I mean, it's okay." he plainly answered going to dip into the skittles bag though it was quickly pulled from his reach.
"You don't like it."
Tala audibly forced air through his nose and let his hand drop back down to his side skittle-less.
"I do. It just would've been nice to have been consulted or something don't you think? She's my child too y'know Bianca."
She scoffed.
"Like you care on the name. And besides you'd just come up with something stupid anyway."
At the complete brush off Tala clenched his jaw and took in a breath.
Maybe they could just inject him with something here and put him to sleep for a few weeks so he didn't have to deal with this damn woman.
"Can I have my skittles ba-"
"Ugh you smell of cigarettes, get away from me." She wafted her hand shooing him off with a disgusted expression on her face whilst diving back into the bag.
"You need to quit that already, I don't understand what stress you even have in your life for you to need to smoke in the first place."
Tala pressed his lips together.
Ooohhhhh she had no idea.
"Soo you want me to go away again?" he repeated her words in a slight drawl wanting to just double check he had permission to go be mischievous elsewhere.
"Yeah, off you go. I'll call you or something if anything happens." She dismissed going back to her magazine and popping more skittles into her mouth.
Almost victoriously Tala grinned to himself.
"Okay babe. Love youuu." Bending down he pecked a kiss on her head which she'd scowled at and pushed him along as the smell of smoke assaulted her nostrils again.
"Yeah yeah, love you too. Now go on, fuck off."
With smile still in place Tala bounced out the room, closed the door behind him and made a start on his little adventure.
He wasn't even really sure where to begin his search. The hospital was huge, the guy could literally be anywhere?
Ah, a reception desk. Good place to start.
Sauntering over to it he sent one of the nurses stood behind it a quick smile as he caught her attention, the petite blonde promptly coming over to greet him with a timid smile.
"Can I help you sir?"
Tala swiftly looked her up and down. She was cute.
"Uh yeah actually, I was hoping you could show me where Kai Hiwatari's room is?" He confidently said, casually leaning forward on the high desk with his arms folded.
Pressing her lips together she quickly typed into the computer that sat on the desk before her, inputting the name he'd said and pulling up Kai's info onto the screen.
Tala stood and waited, his eyes leisurely going from the young nurse to the back of the computer, then back to her. From her name badge she was a junior and called 'Charlotte.'
Nyeah. She was pretty cute. Far too innocent looking for him though. He'd destroy her.
Hazel coloured eyes scanned along the additional information on her screen before looking to Tala again.
"C-can I ask your relation to the patient, sir?" she sweetly asked, pushing up her glasses higher on to the bridge of her nose.
"Um, I'm just a good friend." he quickly thought sending a small shrug, unsure as to why that mattered and hoping his visit wouldn't be logged anywhere. He knew Kai was loaded but surely he didn't have some top security guarding his hospital room?
Though that wouldn't exactly be surprising if that was the case...
Maybe this game wasn't a wise one for him to play after all...
Charlotte gave him a half smile, it clear on her face she was reluctant to give him her next words and noticeably shrank within herself in guilt like the rules were any of her own doing.
"I-I'm sorry sir but, Mr Hiwatari has requested that only immediate relations are allowed to visit him..."
Tala suppressed his eye roll. Of course he did.
Clearing his throat before taking a quick glance over his shoulder Tala leant in a little closer to her. His 'come to bed' eyes activated when he looked back to her and his tone had dropped down to a purr.
"I shouldn't really be telling you this since I signed a non-disclosure agreement but..."
He looked over his shoulder again as he continued to lie to her in a low tone, Charlotte too leaning in closer to him now with captivated eyes, completely under his spell after locking with those baby blues.
"I'm actually a, really, good friend if you know what I mean, and I just want to see that he's alright... So if you could just, point me in the right direction, that's all I want... Will be our little secret..."
He ended with a mischievous smirk, not taking his eyes off her and her cheeks instantly flushed.
The smell of his cologne that she caught as he'd gotten closer to her had danced up her nostrils and was intoxicating. He was gorgeous, and she knew she shouldn't do this but...
"You need to head up to the private wards," she whispered to him and cautiously pointed to the elevators on her left. "Room 204."
Tala took a glance to where she had pointed to before gazing back at her.
Even in his exhausted state apparently he still had it. Was those baby blues, never let him down.
Was almost too easy...
"Aw thanks Charlie, really appreciate it..."
Throwing her a wink and tapping the top of the reception desk, he pushed himself off and headed towards the elevators at the end of the short corridor with smug smirk in place as he sauntered down.
With his back to her now Charlotte waited until he was completely out of sight behind metal doors before immediately grabbing a clipboard on the desk and fanning herself with it.
Mr Hiwatari is one lucky man... that's for sure...
Having gone up two floors Tala leisurely strolled with his hands in his pockets down the stuffy corridor that held about as much personality as the guy he was going to visit. It didn't matter how far he walked for, like the maternity ward, there was the same overpowering smell of bleach and the same boring magnolia coloured walls with the same cheap prints of 'uplifting scenes' that did nothing for him personally. Majority of them looked like a child had stepped in paint and ran across the canvas.
Once he'd finally gotten to the end of the long eerie hallway he noted a large blue sign above some double doors that mapped the different areas of the hospital and pushed it open once he'd got his directions.
Turning to his left he continued on his way towards the private ward and for some unknown reason his heart rate seemed to increase a little with every step he took.
His feet came to a steady stop.
Was he really doing this? He wasn't sure what to even expect once he got there and saw him. All he'd read on the article was that he was stable but what did that even mean? What if Kai was in a really bad way? Would he just turn around and leave? He wasn't sure if he really wanted to see him if he was that badly hurt.
Not because he was squeamish or anything, just none of this was even his business so why had his feet started moving again?
Pushing open another heavy double door Tala took in his new surroundings.
The atmosphere had changed entirely once he'd got on to the private ward. Vases of flowers were dotted around and even the air had a pleasant perfumed fragrance. The nurses were immaculate in their appearance and seemed a whole lot more relaxed than what he'd seen previously on the maternity ward.
He looked around, taking note of the numbers on the closed wooden doors surrounding him and searched for 204. There weren't that many rooms so had clocked it almost instantly just off to his right and stepped towards it, though that same hesitation struck again and he paused.
What the hell was he even expecting to come of this? What was he really wanting here?
It had all been some stupid meaningless fling and they'd been caught out. Well, Kai had, was no skin off his nose if, Roy or whatever his name was, knew what he'd been doing with his man this whole time.
Tala could only presume that the boyfriend was out of the picture though since Kai had the audacity to continue texting him after that mess of a day. Though they only came in the later hours of the evening so one could hazard a good guess that Kai wasn't exactly sober when he was sending them.
He sighed some. Like a child bored with a toy, a switch in his head had just been flicked off and he seemed to be experiencing a complete change of heart.
There was no point in trying to keep, whatever this was, going.
It was done. He was done.
The hand that had sat resting on the chrome handle of the door slid off and he turned on his heel, feet stepping to go in the direction he'd just came from when he abruptly came to a halt as he almost bumped into a plump older nurse heading right towards him.
"Whoops, steady there sweetheart, are you here for Mr Hiwatari?"
Tala had fumbled over his words for a second, sending her an apology for nearly knocking into her and dumbly nodding in response.
"Y-yeah, have I got the right room?"
Ohh fuck sake.
A kind smile graced her wrinkled face as she nodded to him, "You do dear, I just need to do some routine checks on him first so if you wouldn't mind waiting for a moment?"
Tala continued being a nodding dog.
"S-sure! That's fine! Take your time!"
No really. Take your time.
Stepping out of her way to allow her to pass and go into Kai's room she'd gestured over to one of the plush seats against the wall adjacent and like some obedient puppy Tala had gone and sat down.
Whyyyy was he sat down?! He wasn't playing this game anymore!
The wooden door opened and having pushed his inner fluster aside for a moment he watched on and caught the familiar messy slate hair laid in the bed, eyes closed and he was pretty sure there was a drip of some sort beside him.
Was a lot to take in in three seconds but was clear Kai was pretty beaten up and asleep by the looks.
The door came to a close behind her and the fluster came back.
He shouldn't be here. Really. Why was he here? REALLY?! The lack of sleep was sending him stupid, obviously.
Kai had been nothing but a fling to him. A client he'd crossed a line with and took more than a step too far.
Yes. It had been exciting. Ridiculously so. Had been a taste of danger he couldn't get enough of before, but that cheap thrill had become far too risky and sitting outside his hospital room like he meant anything to him made zero sense!
He'd had every intentions of getting up and leaving but being that caught up in his inner ramblings he hadn't noticed that the door before him had reopened and the nurse was back standing right in front of him again.
"He's all yours dear."
Tala's eyes snapped up and he instantly stood to attention too for whatever reason with his tail now completely up and tucked between his legs.
"H-how's he doing?" he blurted out, mouth as per usual having a damn mind of its own.
Plump arms hugged the clipboard against her chest.
"He's going to need to stay in for a few more days until the swelling goes down and we can get a better look at his ribs. We've ruled out any internal bleeding and the x-ray showed us nothing is broken he's just badly bruised."
Tala gave her a slight nod, not really knowing how to react to that.
"So you can go on in now if you like, dear."
He hesitated.
Oh god. What did he do?
"Uhh-"
Though before he could even come up with anything another female voice had caught his attention.
"Tala? Is that you?"
Hearing his name he turned to look over his shoulder and locked with brown eyes, all colour instantly draining from his already fair face.
Oh god.
"Tiffany. Hiiii."
"What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be with Bianca?" she questioned, brows knitted together.
Tala's throat dried like the Sahara.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
"Well I, uhm, I- Wait, what are you doing here?" he redirected, heart threatening to give up on him. "Aren't you supposed to be at the house watching Nataliya?"
"Svetlana is there now, don't worry." she waved off his attempt of concern and stepped closer. He looked awfully flushed...
"I got a call about my boss being in an accident and had to make my way over here right away to bring him some things." She explained lifting a small duffle bag to show him. "I spoke to Bianca and talked it all through with her."
"Oh... Well. That's okay then."
An awkward silence fell upon them, Tiffany keeping her stare locked on him before going to the nurse behind him who gave a small nod of her head as she left them to it.
"... and you?" she asked, looking back to him.
"...Hm?"
"Why are you here?" she repeated, it clear on her face her major confusion at seeing her best friend's husband stood outside her boss's hospital room.
"I-uh, just-"
He had nothing. The usually cool calm and cocky Tala Ivanov was speechless.
This was it. It was all over. That same feeling Kai must have felt when Ray walked in on them was now slowly drowning him from the inside out and he had no way of-
"Oh wait, gosh! Duhh!" Tiffany pat her forehead at the sudden realisation that came to her. In her defence it was five in the morning.
"You're sorta friends now right? You and B double dated with him and Ray. I completely forgot and I was the one to set it up!" she chuckled out. "I never knew you both hit it off so well! Is he doing okay? You've been in to see him already?"
Tala just blinked at her.
Ohh thank you Jesus.
"Yeahhh! Great friends in fact! That's right, yeah..." he awkwardly chuckled out, rubbing at the back of his neck.
"I uh, just popped in but he's actually sleeping so figured I'd try another time, y'know, let him rest."
Tiffany nodded accepting his answer. No trace of her earlier scepticism present as she stepped towards the room door.
"Ah, thanks for letting me know, I'll just drop his bag off then and maybe call back myself later. Bless him, I'm so glad he's okay. Gosh, what is he like..."
"Heh, yeahh, what a guy..."
Tala was sweating bullets here now especially as Tiffany had pushed down the handle and was about to step inside.
"Hey Tiff, wait."
She paused and turned to look back at him.
"Hmm?"
"D-don't tell Kai I was here alright? I want to uh... surprise him... Later or somethin'..."
She rose a brow but accepted his bullshit without question, pushing open the door and then pausing again.
"Oh Kai you're awake! Hey, Ta-"
But the redhead was already gone when she looked back over her shoulder.
She shrugged and closed the door behind her. Must've needed to get back to Bianca.
Tala pretty much hightailed it out of the ward, saving all the nurses a second look as he burst through onto the main corridor and exhaled the breath he'd been holding.
He snapped his head to his left and right before looking desperately up to the blue signs again for answers on how to get back to the maternity ward. His mind was way too frantic to remember where he'd just come from not all that long ago and these places were built like the damn labyrinth anyways.
Finding his direction he pretty much jogged it, his heart already racing threatening to burst from his chest and his stomach churned like crazy. That had been way too close in here and as usual it was all his own doing adding fuel to the fire. He knew he should've just waited outside Bianca's room. Fucking knew it!
That was it though. No more games. It had been burning curiosity that had started this entire mess in the first place and like a damn arsonist he just didn't know when to leave things alone.
It was done now. Over. Time to grow up and be the man his daughter thinks he is.
Tala had slowed his pace as he approached the end of the corridor and a clammy hand reached for the handle. Pulling it open his heart pretty much stopped entirely as he locked on golden eyes that had darkened the second they registered him.
Oh. Fuck.
Ray's body visibly went rigid, giving off no signs of him moving out of Tala's pathway as they stood there close enough to smell his cheap aftershave and was gagging on it quietly.
He wasn't about to give the floor and move first though, he'd be damned if he did that right now especially given the direction Tala was coming from.
Ray didn't particularly have anything to really say to him, hoping his silent scowl was enough for the redhead to read him loud and clear.
Oh, it was loud and crystal clear alright.
Tala broke off his gaze and tipped his head down almost sheepishly as he took a step back and silently held the door open for him.
They didn't need to say anything. Enough had already been spewed before. Ray could just go along on his way, and he go right on with his.
Ray's hands balled into fists, for whatever reason the submissive gesture exactly what he wanted but it only pissed him off more at having to look at the bastard in the face again.
Last time was more than enough, he really didn't know why he had to run into him right now; like the universe just wanted to laugh at him some more.
He knew he should follow Tala's example, put his head down and pass by like they didn't know each other but that was far from being the truth. Even if he desperately wished it was.
Exactly why was Tala coming from this ward to begin with? Did he actually have the gall to go and see Kai after everything?
Then again, why wouldn't he have? Despite Kai saying there was nothing there between him and Tala, didn't mean he hadn't been lying when he said that.
Did he dare ask though, or did he even care all that much to know? Wasn't like he had any real standing with Kai right now either aside from being his emergency contact and being genuinely concerned for him.
Seeing Tala again though had washed any of that concern away, replacing it with the same shame and anger he felt when he walked in on the redhead screwing his boyfriend on their bed in their home.
So why the hell was he here?!
Ray's eyes narrowed harder, growing darker as he tried to burn a hole with sight alone through Tala's forehead. Nails digging into the palms of his hands.
"What're you doing?" He bit out, holding back the growl he felt rising in his chest.
Completely taken back at being spoken to, Tala automatically snapped his line of vision up and locked eyes with him again though he wish he hadn't.
If Ray's tone wasn't enough of a warning, the look in his eyes sure was.
He really didn't want this escalating. He felt like he was almost out of lives for one night.
"W-what? Just, getting you the door..." he answered in his submission with a tense shrug, breaking the eye contact once more as he felt the other was staring into his soul.
"I can see that, dumbass. I'm asking what you're doing here." The growl seeped out after his words this time, back tensing up tighter to the point he was straining the muscles in it.
Blue eyes darted up again and narrowed some at the insult.
Whilst Tala was currently drowning in guilt and panic at seeing him again he wasn't just going to stand here and let this prick talk to him like this.
"I'm with my wife. She's in labour and I'm heading to the maternity ward. That okay with you, officer?"
Ray's head tilted some as if he were mocking Tala's choice of words, "Last I checked the maternity ward is two stories below us. So what exactly are you doing up here?"
Tala's heart stopped again. There went another one of his lives.
Even though Ray hadn't directly come out with the accusation his words reeked of suspicion the same way Tiffany's had. He was sure though his guardian angel wasn't going to stick around and get him out of this one too.
He was on his own here.
"III, went for a walk." He drawled until the idea had come to him, though it hadn't come out all that convincing and the dark brow that raised opposite proved it wasn't believed either.
"You won't know with not having kids yourself, but it's a pretty lengthy process." Tala continued to explain having got his bullshit together.
"Rather than just sitting and waiting for something to happen, I got bored, so went for a walk and I'm heading back there now."
"Two floors up, while your wife pushes out your child during a time when she needs you the most beside her?" Ray asked in his mocking and sarcastic tone, nodding to his own words a little as he let them seep into the air around them.
"Makes sense, since ya know, gotta keep up the tradition of leaving her behind to spend time with Kai. Right? Who cares about that little ring on your finger, means nothing to you obviously. But then again, don't want to go throwing stones here." He said and finally began to make his way through the doorway past Tala as he kept the door held open for him.
Tala's jaw clenched but it didn't stop his next retort slipping through grit teeth.
"Yeah. Probably best if you didn't. Y'know, considering neither of us are all that innocent here..."
With Ray now out of the way Tala stepped through in the other direction towards the elevators though that arsonist just, couldn't, help himself.
If Ray wanted to jump to conclusions and make up stories, well, he may as well be the star of the show, right? If he's still screwing Kai in his head then so be it. He wasn't going to waste his time trying to convince him otherwise he'd just fuel it more.
"Oh just to let ya know he'll be fine too by the way." he sang out a little turning back to face him. "Kai that is, just in case you've more people on the go, I don't know. They plan on keeping him in a few more days for the swelling to go down but, he's stable."
Like he'd been physically shoved, what little restraint Ray had snapped into pieces the moment his foot came down, it helping to pivot himself back around with his closed fist that he threw into Tala's cheek mid-spin.
In the split second of his blind rage he hadn't even realized what he'd done until the pain in his bunched up and white colored knuckles set in, feeling the pain radiating up from his fingers to his elbow that caused him to retract his hand back quickly to his side once it set in that he'd just openly punched the other in the face.
Yet, he didn't feel a lick of guilt for it either. Asshole deserved it more than he did.
Shaking and cracking out his wrist, his eyes darkened and narrowed again as he gave more of a warning look at Tala to say or do something back before he spun around on his heel once more and stormed off leaving him there.
Tala had spat an expletive the second it had registered in his own head what had just happened. His hand immediately lifting to his now reddened cheek as pain soared throughout the entirety of his face.
It wasn't like him to just stand and take a smack like that. Never had he walked away from a bare knuckle fight before but he just glared and watched the other saunter off figuring he actually deserved that one.
After all he'd done to his man was probably the least he could let Ray have.
Rubbing some more at his face a huff exhaled through Tala's nose as he too turned and head in the opposite direction towards the elevators.
Roughly pushing the button to call it, he stood and waited, looking back across to where he and Ray had just been a moment ago though the other male was long gone now.
There was a ping, and the doors had opened giving Tala the opportunity now to check his reflection in the mirrors that surrounded.
Lovely. The prick had grazed him and it was starting to swell already.
Letting his hand fall to his side he leaned back and pressed for the floor the maternity ward was on. He could only hope Bianca wouldn't notice, though wasn't like she barely looked at him anyways so was a good chance she wouldn't.
The metal doors of the elevator slowly came to a close and began to lower to the ground floor and Tala let his head roll to take in his reflection again before huffing a small laugh to himself.
Ah. It had been fun while it lasted. The small break from reality that the two had provided for each other.
Would he do it all again? Probably not. But then again why would he when even with a swollen cheek he was walking away the winner from this twisted game.
He'd been grateful for Kai in a way for playing with him but he'd meant it when he said it was time to grow up...
Toys away, back in the box. No more games.
The metal doors then opened on the floor before his and an athletic looking brunette joined him in the elevator too going down. He caught a whiff of his cologne instantly and Tala's lips curled at his thoughts.
Well...
Unless he found himself a new player of course...
x-x-x
Ray continued to march on. His throat feeling tight on him as tears fuelled by adrenaline budded in the corners of his eyes. Part of him felt stupid for even being here right now seeing as how Kai clearly already had visitors to ensure his well-being, so why should he have bothered dragging himself here at this ungodly hour to check on him?
Stepping onto the private wards the awful thought that had been brewing within him once he saw the redhead finally surfaced and his feet came to a stop.
Had they still been screwing this whole time? With him long gone and out of the way had the two of them just continued going at it like rabbits without little old him to go and interrupt them?
He shook it off as a nurse approached him. Whatever Kai did from now on wasn't really any of his business. They weren't together anymore so really neither could say much on the others lives now. But he couldn't not see him knowing what had happened to him. All resentment and bitterness aside, Ray still loved him and cared deeply enough to not want the dumbass dead.
A part of him too felt like all of this could've been avoided if he'd just come down the stairs when Kai had tried to burst into Tyson's home. He could hear the hysteria in Kai's voice as he begged and pleaded to let him see him.
As he hid in the spare bedroom Ray was surprised Tyson had managed to keep his cool and cover for him but given what had transpired after that, a clear downward spiral to rock bottom, Ray sort of wished now he'd just gone and spoken to him. Perhaps sorted something out...
Beside himself he returned the smile he'd just been sent and asked for Kai's room number.
He wasn't even sure what he was going to say to him upon seeing him, or what to even expect once he did. All he'd heard on the phone was 'car crash' and then the voice on the other end of the line turned to white noise.
He was here though now... so, he had to just play whatever cards he got dealt.
Repeating the room number in his head as he searched it out, mixing in his greeting or whatever it was he was going to say in between, that white noise came back the further he got down the hall way as the numbers along the wall seemed to blend in together with the accumulation of tears collecting in his eyes now the closer he got to Kai's room.
Did he apologize to him, but what for? Did he just sit down and stare at him, then what was the point of coming?
Whatever plan of action he had he didn't really have one, and any semblance of having one at all quickly vanished when he finally reached the designated doorway and he all but froze there for a minute or two before gently tapping on the wood with his still sore fist.
At the noise Kai's bloodshot eyes darted to the door though due the brace around his neck his head remained perfectly still propped up against the pillows.
Really? Another prodding and poking around? He was sick of all this already and he'd only been awake an hour or so.
"Come in." his croaky voice instructed before he cleared his throat and weakly reached over for his cup of water in front of him.
Ray's breath hitched at hearing his voice, yet at the same time it bringing the tears out harder and making his heart clench.
Of course it hadn't been that long since he last heard it, but hearing it now, right now after the accident, it of course did things to him he was expecting until he had to firmly remind himself that this was just a cordial visit, nothing more.
With a shaky hand he grasped the handle, giving himself a minute before shouldering his way in and it felt like he'd just been hit by a car at seeing him up on the bed.
The first thing he saw was the neck brace and then the copious amount of wires that were seemingly coming out of every part of him.
He had an IV in each arm, another on the back of his right hand and two patches stuck on each side of his bare chest that were connected to a machine beeping beside him. Bandages were wrapped around his ribs and countless small cuts, grazes and bruises littered what pale skin was on show which overall seemed greyer in appearance.
It was Kai, he could tell by the dishevelled slate hair. But the darkened eyes that had just widened and were staring back at him like they'd just seen a ghost; he wasn't sure who they belonged to.
Kai had managed to take a small sip of his water before setting the cup back down. It was a surprise he hadn't choked on it seeing who had just walked through his door.
Had he died? Was this heaven?
"R-Ray?"
As his breathing increased, the rate of the beeps going on beside him increased too and his chest was noticeably starting to rise and fall quicker through his confusion.
"W-what are you doing here?"
Ray's mouth opened only to close along with the door behind once he reminded himself to kick it shut, not tearing his eyes off Kai's person as they danced over every inch of him. Mentally noting what was and wasn't possibly damaged, and taking a few steps into the room timidly like he'd just walked into a cage with a bear.
"I'm your emergency contact... Got the call." He explained around the ever growing lump in his throat till he was stood near the corner end of Kai's bed.
Kai would've nodded to him if he could though settled on a low hum in his throat.
"Sorry.. I- I didn't think to change that..."
He kept his eyes down low, avoiding Ray's completely as he couldn't keep seeing the way he was looking at him almost fearful. Kai hadn't seen himself properly yet but what he could see and from the pain he was in, he could only imagine he looked a sorry sight right now.
"You didn't have to come..."
"Sorry?" Ray repeated back in a breath, as if it was the first time he'd ever said the word.
Then it began to settle in what else Kai had said to him, the worried and fearful look twisting into one Kai knew all too well when he was on the cusp of a rant.
"Of course I did, why wouldn't I have? Y-you flipped your damn car in the middle of the night! The hell were you thinking?!"
Kai tensed, expression resembling that of a scolded child as he tried turning his head from him but the damn neck brace refrained him from doing so.
In all honesty he hadn't been thinking and that was 90% of the problem. Not that he remembered a great deal from last night but he knew he was a whole other level of trashed and had still got behind the wheel anyways.
What had he really been expecting to happen?
"... I don't know what to tell you Ray..."
Out of frustration, Ray threw his hands up in the air only to have them slap him on his sides when they came back down.
"Of course you don't. You never do. How silly of me to think you'd have a good reason to drink and drive. Not only endanger yourself but anyone else on the road with you. Lets just be thankful you didn't kill anyone, including yourself."
Kai just sat there letting the words of truth slap him in the face.
Whilst it had selfishly never crossed his mind he could have potentially endangered anyone else, perhaps subconsciously bringing harm to himself was what he'd intended all along?
Substance abuse paired with getting behind a wheel weren't usually actions of someone who loved living their life.
"It would've made things a lot easier for everyone if I had..."
"Oh don't even start all that." Ray huffed at him, clearly not amused by the reply he'd been given.
He'd heard that line plenty of times before, among other ones that were said when Kai was at his lowest.
It wasn't that he couldn't understand, but it was the last thing he wanted to hear right now.
Was he still cut up about what had happened between them, yes, but did he want Kai dead? No. Not anytime soon at least.
"Easier on you, sure. Get that. But never mind the rest of us, right?"
"The rest of who?" Kai suddenly snapped, voice cracking on him as his own earlier words surrounding his demise caused a lump to form and sit painfully in his throat.
"Who is around me right now to care, Ray? Hm? You left. Even went as far as to say you-"
He abruptly cut himself off as his throat tightened to the point another word would surely have caused tears to fall. He was convinced Ray already viewed him as a pathetic shell of a man, which was the reason he probably didn't love him anymore in the first place; he didn't need to add to that impression showing pointless emotion.
"Forget about it... What do you even want..."
Ray held in a breath, letting it out slowly as he eased himself down into the chair beside Kai's bed.
"Why do I have to want anything from you to be here, Kai? You scared me, getting that call... I just had to come and see you..."
Silence fell upon them for a moment as Kai tried to swallow that god awful lump stuck in his throat, choked up completely and unable to query why Ray felt the need to show right now.
Phone call or not he'd chose to leave him. Even after he'd practically begged him to stay he'd twisted the knife that was already in his damn chest and had disappeared without a single word.
But he had to see him?
Kai wasn't sure if it was because of the meds currently running through him, the suspected concussion he had, or just the fact this situation alone was enough to mess with anyone's head but he couldn't make sense of any of this right now.
"That's all I'd wanted... to see you... but you avoided me like the plague." his voice wobbled on him and much to his annoyance a single tear trickled down his grazed cheek. He broke eye contact again like it would make any difference on hiding it from the other and pressed his lips together to suppress the quiver.
"You ignored every single one of my calls, my messages... so why now?"
Shifting in his seat and fiddling with the ends of his hair over his lap, Ray gave a weak shrug in reply as he tried to think of a better verbal one.
He didn't want to start up a fight about it all again, not right now as there really was no point to it anymore.
What happened did. They were done. Aside from being Kai's contact and still loving him - something he wasn't fixing to just openly admit, why did he come?
To see him, of course. Make sure he was actually still breathing but there had to be more reasons, didn't there? Especially after what Kai had just said; he did avoid him but that was only because it'd been too painful to try and see him before.
"I'm sorry..." He whispered out, unable to come up with a better response to him as his own eyes lowered to the linoleum flooring under his feet.
With Ray's eyes off him Kai slyly took the opportunity to take him in properly for the first time since he got here.
His long dark hair tied back in a simple pony tail, he too looked a little drained and his skin seemed lacklustre. Though, from the clock above the door it was only just creeping up to 6am so was understandable if Ray was tired.
Regardless of what had been said before, Kai, being the man of action he was, could appreciate such a gesture even though it contradicted what words Ray had hurled at him before. It was endearing in some messed up way that he had come but... what did any of it mean now?
God this whole thing was so fucked...
"I... just, wanted to feel something..." Kai then randomly admitted barely above a whisper going back to answering Ray's original question.
Tearing his own eyes back to his lap now in slight shame he fussed with his hospital wrist band as he felt the eyes beside him snap back on him again.
"And did you?" Ray asked just as quietly, eyes focused on the side of Kai's bruised and yet still beautiful face.
A low sound sat in his throat as Kai tried to shift himself to try and get more comfortable, pain evident on his face with every move he tensely made.
"Well I do now that's for sure." he dryly mused out loud in a groan as he struggled some.
"Could you um..."
Ray was up on his feet before he even knew what he was doing, hands out at the ready to do... Something.
"Can I what?"
"Just- move the pillow up a little." Kai directed whilst simultaneously still trying to do it himself but not really succeeding in the slightest.
"Well stop wiggling like a worm for a second and I can." Ray lightly laughed, getting his hands in behind Kai to push the pillow up like he'd asked him too.
Being so close again after everything, while enduring and still processing Kai in the hospital at all, Ray's throat began to slowly close up on him while tears budded in his eyes again.
"That better?" He asked, not even aware that the hand he'd used to move the pillow behind Kai had come up and now rested on Kai's shoulder.
Settling himself back Kai snuggled as best he could into the pillows propped up behind him and was quickly reminded once again that he couldn't nod his head so had to verbally give his response.
"Yeah, much better. Thank you..."
Kai then looked to him, two sets of eyes finally locking with each other causing a weak smile to appear on his lips that Ray returned back down to him.
The hand on Kai's shoulder gave a brief and gentle squeeze before Ray forced himself to retreat back to the safety of his chair beside the bed.
Needed some form of distance. What for he wasn't sure. It felt right and wrong to be that close, touching again, after everything.
"You're welcome..." He sent back, fiddling with the hair draped over his shoulder again as it was his turn to avoid looking at Kai.
Crimson eyes grabbed the opportunity again to look to his left unseen, the breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding on to being released once Ray had sat down.
A small tingle had radiated through his bare shoulder as the warm tanned hand had lightly squeezed him and Kai had clocked the small sparkle in gold that had been gazing at him.
He knew that look. Or thought he did anyways... though, who even knew what he knew anymore... He did know one thing though:
"I am really sorry... For everything... especially for worrying you..."
Ray's bottom lip trembled on him, eyes on the wall behind Kai's bed. He didn't want to talk about it, but what else were they supposed to talk about?
"It's fine... Don't worry about it, just worry about getting out of here." He said in a broken off tone, quickly wiping at his face to catch the tears before they fell.
Kai's expression softened, gaze breaking off for a second before looking back to him even though the sight of seeing Ray cry always did break his heart.
"And then what?" he asked in the same tone after a moment though there was an air of hope to it.
Ray shrugged his shoulders some, "Kind of up to you, isn't it? Just... Do me a favor and not end up back in here."
Kai shifted some, fussing with his wrist band again realising what he'd asked had gone completely over the others head and the hope he was clinging to was slipping through his fingers.
He cleared his throat a little before reluctantly speaking again.
"I meant more, what about us..."
"There isn't an 'us', is there?" Ray asked as his head lulled back towards Kai, not caring for the tear rolling down his cheek or the lump that was stuck in his throat again.
Kai's lower lip quivered on him again as his own bout of tears silently fell from his eyes. He did his best to force turn his head from him but to no avail, though right now he didn't even care anymore what Ray saw of him. The small flicker of hope he had for some kind of rekindling having burnt out.
"I guess not..." he forced out through the tightness of his own throat.
Ray swallowed, hard, he didn't want this. Any of this. Had never wanted this to happen between them.
He loved him, knew that down to his soul and felt it within his bones. But again, if that were true why would he have done what he had? Why would Kai?
"I get right now isn't the best time... But... Why? Why would you do what you did?" He asked, finally locking on Kai's eyes as both their tears seemed unrelenting.
Kai's lips parted though closed again, it clear he was taken back some and hadn't expected this to be brought up again for discussion.
The fact Ray had blurted this out just now showed he cared but it wasn't like he had a different answer for him than what he'd already given before that would miraculously make all this better.
"We've been through all this Ray..." came the exhausted reply.
"The same reason you did... we'd neglected each other to the point we grabbed at any form of attention we got from someone else. Was nothing more... nothing less..."
"I get that, and that explains the first few times it happened. But not last time." Ray said a bit more firmly.
Kai took in a breath pushing the growl back down.
"Oh, I'm sorry Ray for lashing out how I did after finding out you got the stupid bitch pregnant." He sneered, "You're right, was completely unjustified. Wasn't like I was fucking heartbroken or anything!"
They were not going to have this same argument again surely.
Kai knew that in an ideal world he should've perhaps talked it out with him before doing what he did, but alcohol fuelled rage had long consumed him by that point and all Kai saw was red. It was too late for any form of civility.
Biting into his lower lip, Ray just gave a slow nod back like he understood. But in reality he really didn't.
It didn't make sense. None of it did, at all. Sure, maybe the initial reasons as to why they wound up screwing other people did, but that last one... The one he had to witness after having been completely under the presumption that things were finally better, it honestly had been too much.
In a way he could almost forgive the other instances like the restaurant, the day Kai dropped him off at the airport, and however many other instances there were. But that last one... He couldn't just forgive him for it.
"Have they said how long you might be in here, or anything about physical therapy; if you need it or not?" He diverted.
"A few more days at the very least." Kai coolly answered, slight bite remaining on his tone though had accepted the diversion.
"Not too sure about the physio. Need to see how my neck is after a day or two with this thing on." He irritably gestured to his neck brace.
He'd only been aware he had it on since been awake and he already wanted to rip the damn thing off.
"Do you need me to bring you anything from the house?" Ray asked next, figuring to just keep this visit more 'professional' than whatever it had been fixing to be.
Kai pointed down to the duffle bag his assistant had brought for him earlier.
"Tiff stopped by like an hour ago so I should have everything." he answered, "If there's anything you wanna get though go ahead. Still got a fair bit of your things lying around."
He wasn't meaning for his tone to have dropped so cold but Kai couldn't just shake off the resentment for the other within him and it was clear Ray couldn't either. They couldn't even be together for half an hour now without one of them turning sour which was just upsetting.
"Yeah, guess I probably should." Ray said more to the air than at Kai as he glanced and kept his focus down at the bag he'd just now took notice of.
"Well, if it turns out she didn't get everything then just let me know. If I'm already there I can just swing back over here and give it to you."
"Thanks. Appreciate it." He almost robotically replied, he too sending his words wherever they fell in the room.
The air between them now was thick, suffocating almost. And with Ray leaving a bad taste in his mouth just now Kai's foul mood had only intensified and he of course needed to make it worse with his own jab.
"Guess it wouldn't be too much trouble for you seeing as you'll be visiting hospitals more frequently anyways..."
Ray's lips pursed together, hands clasped between his knees as his elbows rest over his thighs and the pads of his thumbs tapped each other.
"Yup..." Maybe he should just get up and leave, he'd come and done what he wanted but there was still a very small part of him that was waiting for something else. Like if they sat long enough, looked deep enough to see the love buried beneath the hurt then it'd all magically make everything better.
If Kai wanted him, like he'd seemed to the other day when he came to Tyson's, then surely he'd try harder than this right now?
Or was this all just a game to him? More punishment for Kai to dish out against him for what he did, even if it wasn't clear enough how much they'd both been suffering over it all.
Kai weakly reached for his water again, both glad Ray hadn't bit the bait and let his petty comment escalate yet irritated he hadn't either.
Sure it was none of his business what the hell went on with him and Mariah moving forward but it was like the other was just pretending the whole thing hadn't happened. Like in several months he totally wasn't going to be a father and it was just no big deal?
After a few sips he set the cup back down and the silence draped over them again. Nothing but the beeps of his monitor beside him providing noise.
"I'll keep you updated then... I guess... if you want me to that is..."
"Please." Ray nodded as he breathed out, finally snapping his attention back to him and whatever anger that had been starting to build up inside him washed away the second he looked at him.
Seeing Ray's head lift up Kai automatically glanced to him whether he'd wanted to or not. Staring into golden eyes that were causing him to feel an inner turmoil he hadn't experienced for a long time now.
On one hand he hated him. Despised everything the other had done and brought upon them but also couldn't stand that despite all this Kai still felt hopelessly in love with him.
He felt like that would never change but knowing how Ray felt there was no point even fighting anymore. He had nothing left in him and besides, Ray had his own life now to go and live without him.
He'd have to just go and get on with his.
"Alright then..."
"Thanks..." Ray smiled weakly at him, it falling just as quickly as it appeared before deciding to get up and stretch his legs a little.
He didn't want to upset the slight peace they'd managed to regain but he couldn't bite his tongue any longer.
"Besides Tiff, anyone else come to see you yet?" He asked as he wandered over to the window and played with the blinds.
Kai frowned a little as he watched him meander across, the tone he'd just used seeming to hold a sense of knowing which confused him. Unless he was just reading it all completely wrong in his fatigue which wouldn't be surprising right now.
"No? Like who?"
Ray rose a brow at him, "Like your other friends? Tyson, Max, Kenny... Tala?"
The frown dropped from Kai's face and turned deadpan in an instant. He should've known it wasn't just an innocent question.
He didn't feel so bad now for earlier since apparently Ray wanted to play tit for tat and to hold onto the petty pill too.
"Really, Ray?"
"Just a question, Kai." Ray shrugged at him, turning back to fiddle with the blinds, opening and closing them again.
"But should think of your answer very carefully." He warned without looking at him.
"And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Kai's expression contorted, not appreciating the silent accusation at all.
"How involved do you really think we are Ray that he'd come and check on me at the hospital like he gives a rat's ass? Whatever you're insinuating you can drop it because you'll only make yourself look stupid. We're nothing to each other and never were."
Dropping his hand from the blind's strings, he carried himself over towards Kai's bed, holding out the back of his hand for him to get a look at the bit of blood smeared on his knuckles amongst the bruising that had blossomed over his skin.
Why he bothered to say anything about it he didn't know, but after Kai's little jab at him about Mariah and the baby he figured he'd one up him but at least he could be honest about it all.
"Wanna try again and tell me he wasn't here?"
Kai's hardened expression dropped at seeing his hand before gently reaching out to hold it and get a better look.
"Wait, what? What happened?" He asked in his concern though Ray roughly pulled his hand from his loose grasp.
"Ray he wasn't in here, seriously. What reason do I have to lie to you right now?!"
"Then why was he walking out of this ward if it wasn't to see you, and then go and throw it in my face that he had seen you?"
"I-I don't fucking know!" Kai blurted at him wide eyed.
"To wind you up and get you to react like this! He thrives off drama Ray it's what he does!"
Both his mind and heart was racing right now and the machine beside him was doing a great job in letting everyone know about it.
Tala had been here? Here? But why?!
"I think we're long past the point of secrecy and lies, wouldn't you agree?" Kai continued, "If I'd seen him Ray I'd just admit to it 'cos what the hell am I trying to protect anymore? We're not together, hell, you don't even fucking love me anymore."
"And you're an idiot." Ray spat as he cradled his hand to his chest, "Fuck everything else I ever said, it's that one lie. That one lie that you couldn't even tell was a lie but you sit on it like it was the fucking truth!" He snapped but he didn't even know why he was. He was more angry at himself than at Kai now for how he'd gone and reacted with Tala in his space when he hadn't been here at all.
Kai just looked at him for a moment with his lips slightly gaped, fogged up brain processing all Ray had just hurled at him.
"Wait. Can we just drop the bullshit for a second please?" he snapped back, raising a hand in frustration at not following what was going on now.
"What did you lie about?"
Ray shifted his weight, torn between just blurting it out at him or smacking him upside the head.
Like he just said. Kai was an idiot.
"Never mind. It's not important." He went to brush off and go sit back down only to have his wrist tightly grabbed hold of halting his movement.
If he was hooked up to a heart monitor right now it'd be going off just as wildly as Kai's was right now as they stared at one another again, yet this time around the air was neither tense or uncomfortable like it had been.
The pleading look Ray could see in Kai's eyes nearly begging him to answer his question, as if he didn't it really would be the death of him.
Although Ray's eyes had shifted almost guiltily away for a brief moment they shied back to Kai's, making his heart flutter and break all at once.
He always did have the most beautiful eyes.
"I lied when I said I didn't love you..." He finally answered, tone low and almost shameful with a look to match like he were a child.
The grip on his wrist loosened in an instant at the admission and Kai could only stare at him for a moment as he quickly threw all the pieces together.
H-he'd lied? It had been a lie the whole time?
"Why... why would you lie about that?"
His chest heaved on him and Kai's eyes instantly filled again, the look on his face now resembling an expression not of relief but of further heartbreak.
Had Ray not even thought about what such a fabrication would've done to him? What it had done to him?
"Because I couldn't stay... You were asking me to, you'd grabbed the bag and I just had to get out. Everything is fucked, has been fucked, and I just said the only thing that I could to get away."
Kai let it all sink in. Understanding it all perfectly but then not at the same time.
He knew he couldn't blame Ray for what had happened to him. He was a big boy and it wasn't Ray who had forced him to snort cocaine and drink himself stupid to the point he nearly killed himself in a car accident. All that he'd brought upon himself, but...
"The whole reason I went out last night wanting to feel something was because you saying that lie had left me completely numb..."
His tone was as broken as he looked right now, the tears that had filled his eyes falling to his lap silently as he let his line of vision trail off and stare at nothing in particular.
They couldn't do this anymore. Kai realised that now. They were that deeply in love it was dangerous, was becoming lethal in fact.
It was natural whilst in a relationship to know just what buttons to press of the others, and know just how they ticked and what sparked joy within them and what pissed them off all at the same time. But being this close to the point ones words and actions effected the other so intensely...
Kai would never have described their relationship as toxic but perhaps in a messed up way it sort of was...
"And did you ever once consider how walking in on the two of you has made me feel? Did you even ask, or even care?
"I can't help that Mariah came to the house and told you before she even told me, obviously she did that to get at you but of course wouldn't have had the ammo to do so if I hadn't slept with her to begin with. I get that. But again, like I said before, I was honest about it from the start. That night when I got home I told you. I left it up to you on what you wanted to do. We could have saved so much time and effort if you had just kicked me out then.
"So why didn't you? Why didn't you tell me about your own little fling you supposedly needed to go and have because I was neglecting you? Of all the things I've said to you, that one lie is the one you'd rather hold on to instead of looking at yourself and the things you kept from me." Ray fired back in a calm but broken tone, it cracking in and out on him as his body shook where he stood just beside Kai's bed and the tears were now falling out harder.
"I didn't want to hurt you." Kai simply said in response, his blurred over gaze remaining staring off over to the wall dead ahead of him. "Was the last thing I wanted to do in all of this but I tried so hard to protect you that I just ended up breaking you anyways..."
He took in a shuddered breath, another round of his own tears trickling down his cheeks.
"I thought we could work it out Ray, honestly I did. I'd tried. Went along to the therapy and did what I thought would fix everything but I see now there's no use two broken people trying to fix a relationship because it just isn't ever going to work...
"I couldn't let it go. As much as I wanted to I just couldn't. I couldn't forgive you for what you did just like how you haven't forgiven me either and yet we just kept on trying anyways... It was done between us a while ago... neither of us just wanted to accept it."
Blinking a few times Kai lifted his gaze up to lock with Ray's still stood beside him. If he wasn't hooked up with a dozen wires and could move without wincing in agony he'd probably get up and hug him but that wouldn't do much for them either right now. Would just add more mess to the pile that was already too much for them to sort through.
"For what it's worth I'm really sorry... for everything I did, and brought on us. A lot of things could've been on a better path to getting fixed if I'd just opened my mouth and told you how I was feeling in the moment but, it's a little too late for that now... I realise that... And I also realise there's a lot of things I need to work on personally. The way I think and react to stuff. Though... that isn't your problem anymore, that's mine, so just, don't worry about it..."
Ray only blinked at him at all the genuine and heart breaking words that had come flowing out of Kai's mouth.
Whatever tiny bit of hope he'd been desperately trying to cling to that they could somehow find a weird and twisted way of keeping it together fizzled and died away right then and there like a light had just been snuffed out.
There was no point in trying to fight anymore, one way or another, everything was said and done now with nothing left to say but;
"Okay..."
With a brief shift of his weight, as if he was testing out the stability of his own legs before using them, Ray gave a nod to Kai as soon as he knew he wouldn't just fall the second he started walking for the door and paused near the end of Kai's bed as he walked past it.
"Just... If it's... If it's not too much I do want to know how your recovery is going, okay? Please." He asked, looking up to Kai with dried tears on both their cheeks.
"Yeah, I will... promise..." Kai assured him, voice barely above a whisper now as he watched Ray reluctantly edge his way to the door.
"I'll... text you, or something, k?"
Ray gave a slow nod in response paired with a weak smile as his hand made it's way to the door handle and pushed it down to leave. Kai's voice again though had caused him to pause and snap his gaze back over to him.
"Ray?"
"Yeah?"
"Just, know that I'll always love you, okay?"
Ray's grip on the handle tightened, bottom lip going again as he fought it and tried to smile at the same time while damning the tears as they flooded down his cheeks.
To hell with it...
Letting go of the handle, on autopilot like his body had a will of its own, he was back at Kai's bedside almost in a flash, hands shaking but being extra careful as they brushed over pale skin caressing Kai's cheek.
Being even more careful than before, seeing as how Kai even had some stitches in his lower lip that was now just noticeable, he placed the kiss to the corner of his mouth away from them. Lingering for a moment as a shiver of a spark ran down his spine, urging him to press in again more tenderly.
Another set of tears streamed from Kai's eyes when he closed them to kiss Ray back, ignoring whatever sting radiated through his lower lip the tingle from the delicate kiss took over and overpowered it almost.
They parted, and both rest there for a moment touching foreheads.
Ray confessing his love for him back in a mere whisper the two shared another soft, final, kiss before there was a knock at the door and a nurse entered needing to check Kai's vitals.
As he'd promised, Kai kept Ray updated all throughout his recovery but even after being released from the hospital the two never crossed paths again.
It hadn't been specifically discussed and agreed between them that they shouldn't see each other, but it was almost an unspoken pact that they both knew, and had silently accepted, they needed to stay away for now.
With everything still so raw, and with those deep rooted feelings of resentment still present and lingering, if they met up too soon the good terms they'd parted on could be tarnished in an instance and the thought of that scared them both.
Distance is what they needed for the time being. Distance, happy memories, and the promise that the love they had for each other would always be.