Chapter 11
Sirius is standing against the wall when they emerge, staring out the window longingly. His face is thinner than it was a month ago, almost as thin as it'd been when she'd met him. He shifts from foot to foot, his long, unkempt hair, swaying with the movement.
Perhaps he's had a bad Summer as well.
Harry steps into the infirmary, and his tired eyes widen with delight. He beams brightly at her. Harry returns the smile with great effort, noticing when Snape's eyes narrow at her in suspicion.
I'll give him something to stare about.
"Sirius," she shouts, bounding toward the man and bracing herself for the contact. She launches herself into his embrace and Sirius scoops her up easily, swinging her round in a circle. He doesn't seem to notice when her body goes rigid.
He won't hurt you. He won't hurt you. He won't hurt you.
She wills her body not to overreact. It doesn't listen. Her palms grow slick with sweat. Her heart beats fast against his chest. She grits her teeth together to keep from whimpering.
This is what you wanted, stupid. All that time spent wishing someone would console you like a small child, and you can't even handle it. Pathetic.
Suddenly her feet are against solid ground again, the arms around her withdraw, and Sirius is grinning down at her, his eyes bright with emotion. "Harry! It's so good to see you, kiddo. I missed you."
His constant smile makes her skin crawl. How can anyone be so happy to see her? She's nothing special. She's just a pathetic little girl, a disgusting freak. One day, he'll realize that.
"I missed you too."
She doesn't mean it. Her voice comes out strained and raspy.
Did he notice?
No. The man is still staring down at her with that look. Guilt squirms like a serpent in her gut. Sirius doesn't deserve this.
"Are you excited?"
"Of course," she lies, keeping her voice steady this time.
She chances a glance over her shoulder at Snape. He's studying her closely.
He can see right through me. Why can't Sirius?
"You must be dying to get out of the castle. I can't believe Albus stuck you with Snivellus," her godfather says, snarling across the room at Snape.
Kind of a stupid nickname… Couldn't he think of something better?
Snape glares back with an equal amount of hatred.
Time to change the subject.
"We can go outside?"
That would definitely be pleasant. She's been dreaming of leaving the castle for weeks. "Could we go flying?"
"Yes," he says incredulously. "Didn't you read my letter?"
Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have burned them all.
Harry shakes her head regretfully. "Sorry. I was doing homework this morning, so I set it aside and forgot."
"Homework? Ugh. It's Summer. You should be having fun." He sends another sharp glare at Snape. "Did you bring her broom? Albus said he'd tell you to bring it."
Snape reluctantly pulls an object from his pocket and points his wand at it. The object grows until Harry recognizes it as her Firebolt. He holds it out to her. "Here, Potter."
The smile she gives Snape is sincere. "Thank you, sir."
He nods in response.
"C'mon Harry, you shouldn't be forced to spend any more time around him," says Sirius, curling an arm around her. "Must be like torture."
She stiffens again, both from his words and the unwelcome weight resting on her shoulders.
Stay calm. Stay calm. Just breathe.
Unable to force out any words, she nods up at him, hoping there isn't a grimace on her face. She walks out of the hospital wing side by side with Sirius, leaving Snape staring at her in bewilderment.
The grass is so much greener than she remembers. With the sun shining and the birds chirping and the air smelling of sweet flowers, it's as if she's in a dream, a good dream. She smiles over at Sirius who seems to be admiring the environment as well.
"Merlin, it's been a long time," he says, running a hand through his thick, dark hair. "I've haven't been allowed outside in months."
They gaze over the lake, watching the sunlight glitter off the water's rippling surface. Harry dips her hand below the surface, reveling in the silky warmth that sways through her fingers.
"Where've you been?"
"Nowhere pleasant," he says darkly, dodging her question. It's rare to hear him sound so bitter.
"Yeah," she begins awkwardly. "I never realized how much I like being outside, until I wasn't allowed."
His face twists with anger. "I don't understand why Snape is keeping you locked up. He shouldn't be allowed to do that Harry. You should talk to Dumbledore."
"Yeah, maybe," she says, hoping he'll change the subject. She spots a brightly colored fish darting through the crystal blue water.
"I'm not joking. I'm actually pretty pissed at him for that. You're injured and he sticks you with you Snape. Snape of all people," he shakes his head. "Even your relatives have to be better than him."
She shrugs. "He mostly just leaves me alone."
Wish you would leave me alone too.
"He's an evil git. You don't have to defend him."
"No, really. It's not so bad here. Well, besides being locked up."
"Hmph…" he grunts and then his face brightens again. "Are we gonna fly or what?"
Harry grins in response. She hops on the broom and pushes off into the air, relishing in the familiar sensation of weightlessness. She soars upward, closing her eyes, and letting the wind muss up her hair.
After a moment, she looks around for Sirius and notices him darting around below her. She leans in close to the broomstick, preparing to take a deep dive after him, but the broom resists. Instead of going into the steep drop, it pushes against her, and she inches downward at a gentle slope.
Dammit, Snape!
He's undoubtedly tampered with it. She should have known. He would never have let her fly without setting up safety precautions.
Stupid, cautious git.
Her anger at the man doesn't linger though. She's just happy to be free, even if it's only temporary.
They return to the ground after a few hours, faces shining from the heat of the sun and breathing hard. They rest in the shade of an ancient tree. Still feeling the addictive exhilaration of flight, Harry is at ease, at least until the questions start again.
"I'm glad you're doing better. Dumbledore barely told me anything about what happened," Sirius says.
Harry fidgets with the bristles on her broom.
"Just said that you had to be removed from your relatives' house and that you needed monitoring," he continues. His voice is oddly light as if he's trying too hard to sound casual. "What injury are you being monitored for?"
She has to think fast.
"Umm… Some of the curses from the graveyard had lasting effects."
"What kind of curses?"
"I don't know. There were a lot."
He sighs. "Harry, I know some awful stuff happened that night, but no one will give me any details. Can you please just tell me what happened?"
Harry turns her head away. She isn't prepared for these questions. She needs time to think.
"Harry," he says again, with a hint of irritation. "Just tell me. You can tell me, I'm your godfather."
He can't know!
"I really don't want to talk about it."
"Dumbledore knows. Even bloody Snape knows. I deserve to know!"
She rips up a chunk of grass and lets the pieces flutter from her fingertips.
"Can you just drop it?" She snarls. "I don't want you to know."
Her godfather's face twists spitefully. "Dumbledore said you'd be like this. He's worried about you. Said you won't talk to anyone about what happened, and you refuse to cooperate."
That's why he's here, for Dumbledore.
"Is that why you came? To make me cooperate with Dumbledore?"
She pushes herself of the ground and strides toward the edge of the lake. Sirius follows.
"I came to see if you were alright," he spits.
"I'm fine!"
He reaches for her hand and she pulls it away.
"Clearly, you're not! You've never acted like this before. Is Snape doing something to you?"
How dare he? After he left me with the Dursleys.
She stops in her tracks, her fists clenched. "No. Snape is fine. I am fine."
"He's brainwashing you. That's why you won't talk to me and you won't listen to Dumbledore."
"No!"
"I'll get you away from him Harry. You won't be staying with that bastard anymore."
"Just stop!" She spits. "Snape is not the problem. You are. I don't want to talk about what happened. Snape only knows because he was there, and Dumbledore only knows because Snape told him. So just drop it."
Her heart is pounding fast beneath her chest, and the temperature of the air seems to rise. Sweat beads on her forehead, and she wipes it away with her sleeve. She chances a glance at Sirius. He's frozen a few paces behind her, his mouth open like he still wants to argue.
"Please, Sirius," she begs, allowing her voice to soften.
Some of his anger fades. He buries his hands in his pockets and takes a tentative step toward her. "Listen kid, I just want to make sure you're all right. You've seemed a little off since that night. And yes, Dumbledore asked me to come here and try to get you to listen to reason, but I wanted to come anyway."
"I'm okay," she says, eliminating the distance between them. She looks him straight in the eyes. "Really. I am."
He laughs shakily. "Okay. Okay. Good."
An awkward silence falls between them. Harry avoids his eyes, hoping he will just take her back to the castle.
"Look, I'm sorry," Sirius says. His hand jostles around in his jacket pocket for a moment, and then he smiles slightly and lifts a square circular object out to her. "I almost forgot about this."
"What is it?"
The little, silver cube gleams in the sunlight.
"A gift," he says, his smile broadening. "For you."
He places it in her hand. She cocks her head slightly. It's pretty enough to be a jewel, but it's not attached to a necklace. Her brow furrows.
"It's an Excubo."
"A what?"
"It lets you keep watch. This one is charmed to show Quidditch games. You can watch the matches live, even when you can't leave your room."
"Like TV?"
"Kind of. Except much more lifelike, and you'll be able to see the entire pitch."
"That's brilliant," she says.
"Well I just thought you should have some entertainment, being locked up and all. I got one for me too."
It's a thoughtful gift. Maybe he really does care about her. But he shouldn't.
The guilt creeps back in.
"Thank you."
She tucks the cube into the pocket of her robes.
"Don't mention it." He pats her on the back, and she bites the inside of her cheek.
The sun is just beginning to fall toward the horizon. Harry gestures toward it.
"Should we head back?" she asks, her tense limbs sagging with relief.
"Oh, come on! One more round," Sirius whines playfully and hops back on his broom. In a flash, he's disappeared. His gleeful whoops ring out from up above. As weary as she feels, she can't help but be happy for him. He deserves this taste of freedom.
She throws her leg over the broom and groans. One more round won't kill her. Probably. She speeds after him.
The sky is dark by the time they enter the castle. Sirius's idea of "one" more round lasted much longer than it should have. It's far past six. She's definitely missed dinner. Snape must be fuming.
Dumbledore is waiting for them when they reach the hospital wing. He flashes an affectionate smile at them. Then he raises an eyebrow at Sirius and her godfather shakes his head slightly. Harry frowns. That's odd. She notices Snape lurking in the corner near the fireplace. He wears his usual sour expression.
"Sorry, we're late," Sirius chuckles. "Lost track of time."
Snape grunts tersely, but Dumbledore's smile never waivers.
"It's quite all right, Sirius. I'm sure you both needed the extra free time," he says good naturedly. "Now, why don't you both sit down." He levitates two chairs into the center of the room and gives Sirius a knowing look.
Something isn't right.
She sits down hesitantly, alarm bells ringing in her head.
"Harriet, are you feeling better?" Dumbledore asks.
"Yes sir," she says stiffly.
"Good. Now, that you're in better spirits, I think it's time that you tell your godfather about the third task."
The floor disappears beneath her feet, and she's falling. Down. Down. Down. When will it stop? Her hands scour frantically for purchase, finally curling around the solid edges of the chair. She squeezes tight. So tightly. But she's still plummeting. It has to stop. Make it stop! She clings to the chair with all her might and hears the hair-raising screech of its feet raking against the stone floor. She opens her eyes.
"No," she hisses.
The room swirls into focus before her. There's Dumbledore, shaking his head disapprovingly. And there's Sirius, waiting curiously. And in the corner is Snape, looking just as startled as she feels.
"You don't have to go into detail, but I think it would be good practice for you. How will you explain it to your fellow students if you can't even share the truth with your godfather?"
"Voldemort is back," she says, nearly choking on his name. "Why should I give any more detail than that?"
Harry notices that her knuckles have gone white and loosens her grip on the chair. The blood rushes back into her fingers.
"No one will accept that without a realistic account of events."
She scowls without meaning to.
"I don't care what they believe."
Sirius steps into the conversation then and places a hand on her knee. "Harry, I know about the prophecy. You're going to be a leader one day. You'll need the support of the students."
"I don't want to be a leader," she retorts, shaking his hand away.
"You will one day," Sirius claims, frowning slightly.
"Nonetheless," Dumbledore begins. "The mind is a fragile thing. You'll feel better if you talk about what happened instead of denying that it happened at all."
"I will decide who to tell when I am ready."
"Unfortunately, we can't trust your judgement right now. Not after what happened at the Dursley house."
"Why? What happened?" Sirius chimes in worriedly.
She catches Dumbledore's eye and shakes her head slightly, silently pleading for him not to say it.
And then he does.
"Harriet attempted to kill herself."
"What!" Sirius gasps. His narrow eyes lock onto hers. They are wild, dark grey pools of rage.
"She was distressed after what happened in the graveyard and she made a poor decision," Dumbledore explains, hanging his head solemnly.
Sirius jumps up from his chair and towers over Harry, looking just like the crazed criminal from the wanted posters. "Why would you! How could you! What the hell were you thinking?" He throws his hands up in frustration. "Do you know what your parents gave up so that you could live? And you were just going to throw all of that away!"
He's so angry. She's never seen him this angry before. Her chest tightens in panic, and she pushes herself against the back of the chair. This wasn't supposed to happen. She promised herself this wouldn't happen.
"Sirius, I-"
He waves away her apology with a violent gesture and she flinches, nearly toppling the chair over. She catches herself with one foot and clambers onto shaky legs, taking a few steps away from him. Someone growls in the distance. Is it Snape? She doesn't have time to find out for sure. In an instant, Sirius moves forward, gripping her shoulders tightly.
"How dare you?" Sirius roars.
Hands. There are hands on her. They tangle in the cloth of her robes.
No. No. No. No. No.
She can't breathe.
She tries to tell him. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. He's still yelling, he doesn't notice her panic.
Why doesn't he ever see her? He doesn't see her terror or her sorrow or her desperation. He doesn't see what she needs. He only sees what he wants to see.
He doesn't care.
He wants to see a girl who reminds him of his dead best friend. He wants to feel like the perfect godfather, handing out gifts and spending days lounging on a broomstick. He doesn't want the girl in front of him.
His actions only prove what she'd already known. She'd known he wouldn't accept her. She known he didn't care. Because who could love a fucking freak like her?
Anger floods in, replacing her fear. A burst of wild power rushes through her body. She wrenches her arms out of his grip and lashes out. Her palms hit his solid chest, and he stumbles backward.
"Get the hell off me!"
Sirius looks stunned. He tries to take another step toward her, but she shakes her head fiercely and puts up her hands.
"Harry!" he pleads.
"Just stop it! Stop pretending you know me! You don't know anything!"
"What is there to know! What reason could there possibly be for you to throw your life away and disgrace the sacrifice that Lily and James made! They did that for you, Harry!"
She tangles her hands in her hair, and clenches her eyes shut. "I never asked them to do that!" she screams.
"You didn't have to ask! They loved you. They would have done anything for you."
"I don't care!"
Sirius shakes his head, snarling with disgust. "Thank Merlin they're not here. They would be so ashamed if they could see you now."
That hits a nerve. A punch to the gut would hurt less. But he is right. They would be ashamed of her.
She staggers backward, breathing hard. Her eyes are stinging, but she wills the tears not to form. Dumbledore is watching. She can't be weak. Not again.
Harry straightens, shooting an icy glare at her godfather. "Fuck you, Sirius."
Then without wasting another second of her time, she turns stiffly and strides out of the infirmary.
Thanks for reading! Please leave a review and let me know what you think!