A/N: Hallo. I'm throwing new stones into the pot. Everybody's familiar with A Date With the Drum Major, correct? Hehe. Sehr güt. P.S, sorry but this chapter sucks. And u̶n̶fortunately, I'll have to notch the rating up to M.
Author addition: Arendelle's Drum Major - wrote A Date With the Drum Major.
Forkanna woke up. She had fallen asleep on the couch. She blinked her eyes and glanced at the clock on the wall: eight o'clock in the morning. Time to go to school.
"God dammit," she muttered, looking around the living room. "Fucking plebs. I have the hugest headache."
"You'll be fine," Living Lamb replied. Her voice came from the kitchen, and from what Forkanna could see, she was holding a cold bag of peas against her forehead. "After all, you didn't drink the spiked punch."
Forkanna shrugged. She somersaulted into the kitchen and opened the fridge, blinking into the blinding light that came out of its structure; she selected for herself a piece of chocolate cake that was lying seductively on a slim, paper plate.
Celery Sticks appeared in the doorway. "You must really like cake for breakfast, eh?"
"Put a sock in it," Forkanna sneered. She was grumpy, remembering how she'd lost her glass fork which had cost her a shit ton of money. "Why are you always popping up in our apartment during breakfast, anyway?"
"Because that's the kind of person I am," Celery Sticks replied. Her fingernails were covered in mayonnaise. A book bag slung from her shoulder. "So, are we going to school or what?"
Forkanna ate the cake with her fingers and then licked her lips. "Let's hit the road, jack-wagons."
The three friends were now sitting at their favorite desks in an old-fashioned lecture hall, which was the size of a small classroom. A chalkboard hung on the wall at the front of the room; dozens of long, super complicated linear equations were drawn on it.
"Welcome to English class," the professor said, entering the room. She made her way to the podium at the front, high-heels clicking against the tiles of the floor. She basically looked just like Elsa, except she wasn't Elsa, and her hair was different. Plus her face was slightly not the same as Elsa's. She walked all sassy and sexy.
The buzzing classroom went from "Bla bla bla bla" like the adults on Charlie Brown to nothing but a quiet, mutual hush.
"Holy crap," Living Lamb whispered, eyes turning into visible fireworks.
"What's wrong, Lamb?" Forkanna asked. She lifted her head from her desk, which was still pounding from the headache, and turned her vision to the chalkboard, where the professor was writing her name in chalk. Her butt was kind of big, but not the Weenie Hut Junior kind of big; it was more beautiful than anything, so it was a stellar booty, and everybody was staring at it.
"I want her," Living Lamb said. She pointed a shaky finger at the professor. "Her I want."
"What's her name?" Celery Sticks whispered, leaning across her desk into the duo. She seemed to take a keen interest in the professor, and this caused Fork and Lamb to give her mean glances - mainly because Celery was always trying to steal their love interests, and when she used her celery-charm on a girl, she'd get what she wanted.
Celery Stick's question was answered when the professor moved away from the chalkboard, revealing the name "Drum Major" written in elegant chalk handwriting.
"Hello darlings," Drum Major smiled, nodding at each of the students. "I already recognize some of you from marching band. As you may know, I'm the head director of the music program here at the University, and I'm serving as this year's drum major because our current drum major has become the University's headmaster principle thing. You guys know Elsa, right? Anyway, I'm the fucking English teacher. We're here to learn the mechanics of English literature. Open your textbooks to page six hundred and sixty six."
Living Lamb raised her hand into the air. Sweat poured down her forehead, causing the room to become ankle-deep in her slushy lamb sweat.
"Okay, we're going to read this selection from Dante's Inferno. Would you- oh, wait," Drum Major glanced up from her podium and met eyes with Living Lamb from the back of the room. Her eyebrows raised ever so slightly, and her mouth twitched. "Yes?"
Lamb's breathing became rapid. With her hand in the air, she glanced around nervously at the eyes of her classmates who had each turned to stare at her because they're all pieces of shit like that.
"Uhhhh," Lamb muttered, saliva pouring down her throat, "I- um, I was wondering. Can I join the marching band?"
"Oh," Drum Major blinked. She cocked her head and pressed her lips together, thinking hard. "I suppose we still have some open positions on the field. Do you have any instrumental experience?"
"I'm a-a-afraid not," Living Lamb stuttered, her teeth chattering from the overbearing nerves in her system. She glanced down at her fingers on her desk, fumbling them together nervously.
Drum Major smiled at the corner of her mouth. "See me after class. I'll find a place for you."
Elsa was pacing the floor of her office, holding the sacred glass fork in her hands. A look of pain was plastered over her face.
"You need to chill," Adele Dazeem said, lounging naked on her desk. "I'm sure you'll find your mystery girl eventually."
Elsa shook her head, scrunching her face up. "You don't understand! I only know that her name is Jessica. But I looked up all the people with the name Jessica in the University's directory, and she didn't appear on anything. She must have a different name."
Adele squinted her eyes at the fork being showcased. "Holy shit! Is there chocolate cake on that fork?"
"Huh?" Elsa brought the fork up to her face and examined it closely. An idea popped into her brain, an idea which would solve all her problems. "Yes! There's chocolate cake on this fork. You're a genius, Adele."
Adele brought her hands up in defense. "Hey, I could be wrong. That could be your mystery girl's literal poop for all you know. Wouldn't surprise me, knowing the kinky-ass fuckery that people from the internet do with their eating utensils these days. Smh."
Elsa ran the tip of her tongue along the chocolate cake. "Nope, that's definitely cake."
A goofy smile came over her mouth, and her eyes filled up with dreamy mist.
"Oh my god, Elsa!" Adele groaned, rolling her eyes. She flopped her boobs together to make a train noise. "Don't tell me you're actually falling for this crazy fork girl."
Elsa narrowed an eyebrow at her friend. "And what if I am?"
Adele jumped from the desk and ran forward, taking a hold of Elsa by the shoulders. "If the University finds out you're seeing a student, you'll get fired! You're not a senior anymore, remember? Plus, every girl wants you. You don't want to mess with this loser nobody from the wrong side of the tracks."
Elsa scowled, and then shook Adele's hands off her shoulders. She glanced at the glass fork in her hands. "I need to see the mystery girl again. I have a plan."
Celery Sticks plopped a box of pizza down at her friend's lunch table, where Forkanna was sitting alone, drinking an Oreo smoothie and rubbing her fingers along the table. Her wirxjwr eyes lit up upon seeing the pizza.
"Where's Living Lamb?" Celery Sticks asked. She grabbed a heaping slice with plenty of cheese and mushrooms, and then took a generous bite. Her eyes scanned across the busy cafeteria, collectively landing on a foxy girl named Megara.
"Lamb's talking to our professor about marching band, remember?" Forkanna said. She snapped her fingers. "Hey, quit staring at Megara. It's not going to happen."
"Actually, it already did," Celery Sticks smirked coyly, taking a sip of soda.
"Oh my god, Celery," Forkanna's jaw dropped in disbelief. It dropped pretty damn far. "You did not bang Megara!"
"I did. Not to brag or anything, but she said it was the best she ever had. Better than Hercules and his meaty twenty-pound penis." Celery Sticks propped her feet up on the table, resting her hands behind her neck.
"For fuck's sake," a rice-crispy voice interrupted their banter.
Forkanna and Celery Sticks turned around to see Kate-Kane standing there, shaking in her shoes. She was holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand, and she was wearing a shirt that portrayed Belle running into the Tardis. Her eyebrows were furrowed angrily. She was shaking like she had seen a ghost. She was pretty angry.
"I thought you were different from the others," Kate-Kane said, looking straight at Celery Sticks. "But you're just a player."
She threw the flowers to the ground and turned on her feet, storming away in haste.
"No!" Celery Sticks called. She ran forward and scooped the flowers up. A single tear trickled down her cheek, prompting Forkanna to come by her side and pat her shoulder.
"Psh, I don't care," Celery Sticks scoffed. She stood to her feet and collected her things. "Honestly, she's nothing to me."
"Then why are you keeping the flowers?"
"Screw off, Fork. Now come on, let's go get Living Lamb."
Forkanna got her things and left her slice of cake on the table.
Little did she know, that five minutes later, Elsa was in the cafeteria, the glass fork clutched in her hand, scanning the tables for cake. She matched the fork up with at least a dozen slices that random strangers were carrying; but alas, none of them matched the distinct chocolate that was plastered over the glass prongs.
"What about that piece?" Adele asked, pointing to a stray piece of chocolate cake sitting at an empty table.
"Worth a try," Elsa said. Her voice was rather sulky, and she dragged herself to the cake, not expecting the results that proved a match.
"It matches," Elsa said. Disbelief layered her voice. "I'm standing where she was standing."