Hello lovely readers. So this is a short Samcedes fic. It'll probably be two or three chapters long. I had this idea in my head after listening to Shallow from A Star is Born like twenty times, and the idea wouldn't go away, so I had to start putting it on paper.

Anyway I need to clear my head so I can actually start writing again for my other fic Red Eye, and I don't think that will happen until this little short story is finished. Those of you that have been reading Red Eye, don't worry, I will continue that story. Just having a little mind block right now.

Warning: This story contains mentions of drug use, addiction, miscarriage, and depression. It's sad, but will get better towards the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the characters. I just like to write about them.

With that, I hope you enjoy!

Sam downed the last of the bottle of Jack Daniels trying to drown out the voices in his head. Or should he say voice. There was only one besides his own. The one that came everytime something good happened to remind him that he shouldn't be happy...that he never deserved to be happy, or live his life and move on from what tragic events took place almost a decade ago.

Stevie was dead because of him, and for the past nine years, the guilt had been slowly eating him up inside. Sam knew he didn't deserve to be alive. It should have been him instead of Stevie. He knew that. He knew his family thought the same thing. He knew whenever his mom looked at him, she saw his brother.

Sam and Stevie were only a year apart in age. Most people thought they were twins growing up, same blonde hair and bright green eyes. They'd both been a handful when they were younger, always running around and getting into trouble. But nothing too crazy because they were 'good boys' is what their mom always said.

Then there was Sam's father, who tried to act like he wasn't disappointed in him,but Sam knew. Dwight Evans didn't have to tell him he sucked at being a big brother. The one thing...the absolute one thing his father asked him to do all those years ago, and he'd failed. His dad had told him and Stevie to look out for each other. He couldn't even look out for his little brother like his old man wanted him to.

Sam opened up a new bottle of whiskey, taking a long drink before slamming it down on the mahogany coffee table. He was currently sitting on the couch in the large living room of his and his wife's Nashville estate.

His wife was the one good thing he had. But the nagging in the back of Sam's head kept telling him he didn't deserve Mercedes, his Mercy. She was way too good for him. Completely out of his league. She'd put up with all of his bullshit and then some. The two had been together for six years, married for two. And during that amount of time, Sam had been in and out of rehab three times and overdosed once, yet his Mercy stayed with him through it all.

Sam tried his best, he swore he did. Everytime he got out of rehab, he'd stay clean for months, but eventually he'd hear Stevie in his head again, and the only thing that could drown him out was booze and Coke, and writing music. All in that order.

His girl was gone on tour at the moment. She wouldn't be back for another month, and Sam really couldn't take being in this big ass house alone. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a couple little baggies of Cocaine. He held them for a minute, staring at the powdery white substance. It'd been almost two months since he touched the stuff. Sam promised Mercedes he wouldn't anymore.

'You promised a lot of things, bro.' Sam heard Stevie inside his head. 'We both know you damn sure don't keep your promises.'

Sam stood up, tossing the baggies on the coffee table and making his way to the kitchen, swaying a few times in the process. He moved to the fridge, standing up straight, and reaching at the top of the stainless steel appliance, grabbing the little black box that had been pushed back out of Mercedes line of sight. She never had a reason to look over the fridge, so it was the safest hiding spot for his stash.

Sam made his way back to the living room, and sat on the floor placing his box on the coffee table. He spread his long legs out under the table, getting comfortable as he opened his box and took out the small razor blade. Sam grabbed one of the little baggies, opening it and displaying all its contents on the top of the mahogany wood. He took another long drink of Jack Daniels, then cut the powder into four perfectly straight lines. Then he took the rolled up hundred dollar bill from the small box, tapping it on the table top a few times. 'Mercy will never know.' Sam convinced himself. His vision was already a bit blurry from the amount of alcohol he'd drank so far.

Placing the bill over a line, Sam bent down and inhaled deeply through his nose. He did one more line before relaxing against the foot of the couch, slowly exhaling as the high took over.

xxxxxxx

9 Years Ago

Stevie, get your ass up! We're going to a party." Sam announced, walking into his younger brother's bedroom of their shared apartment.

The younger man groaned as light filled the room, and he felt the bed dip from Sam's weight. "Go away Sam. I have an early class in the morning."

"So skip it." Sam shrugged, tugging at the comforter Stevie was buried under. "You're gonna be a famous film director one day. You don't need Finite Math or whatever to do that."

Stevie thought about his brother's words for a minute before throwing the blanket off himself and sitting up. "Fine, you win. Where's the party?"

Sam smiled in victory as he gave him the details.

xxxxxxx

About an hour later, the two brothers pulled up to the Sigma Kappa Phi house. Sam parked the car, and they both got out walking up the lawn.

"Two hours, then I'm callin' it a night." Stevie stated grabbing the car keys from Sam, putting them in his pocket. Sam mumbled something about Stevie needing to loosen up.

The party was just like any other typical college frat party,and by the time two hours passed by, Sam was drunk and making out with some random girl. Stevie had his one drink for the night an hour prior, and he was ready to go home. It was past midnight, and he hadn't really been in the mood to party in the first place. Walking through the house searching for his brother after Sam hadn't replied to his texts, Stevie found him in the common room sitting on the couch with drink in hand and a brunette in his lap.

"I'm goin' home Sam. You comin' or not?"

The brunette whispered something in Sam's ear causing him to lift an eyebrow and down the rest of his drink. "I'm good bro. I'll catch a ride home with…" Sam hadn't even gotten the girl's name.

"Sasha" She giggled, biting her lip. Sam looked at her with half lidded eyes, licking his lips. Sasha sure was fine as hell.

"Right, I'll catch a ride home Sasha." He looked at his brother, and Stevie shook his head. The younger man ran a hand through his hair, and pulled out his car keys making his way outside to the car.

xxxxxxx

Sam jolted awake at the sound of his phone vibrating loudly against the wood floor. He looked around, lifting up from the bed he was in. He definitely didn't know where the hell he was. Sam heard the shower running as his phone continued to ring. He stood up, ignoring the pounding in his head, moving to grab his jeans off the floor digging through his pocket for the ringing device. Looking at the caller ID, his father's number flashed across the screen. Sam quickly answered.

"Hey Dad-"

"What the hell happened last night? Why haven't you been answerin' your phone? Your mother and I have been callin' you since four this mornin'!" Dwight Evans spoke with his Kentucky accent shining through.

Sam checked the time, confusion evident on his face. It was almost 11 am. He brought the phone back to his ear. "Dad, why were you up so early? Everything's fine…"

"Everythin' damn well ain't fine Samuel! Your mother and I got a call this mornin' about Stevie bein' in a car accident! Where the hell are you? We're at the hospital. Stevie's in a coma, and you're nowhere to be found!"

Sam froze at his father's words. Stevie was in a coma? He was fine last night, from what he could remember.

"What?" His mind was going a mile a minute as he pulled on his jeans and found his shirt, socks and shoes.

"Get to Vanderbilt now!" That was the last thing Dwight said before hanging up.

Sam grabbed his things and that's when Sasha made her way out of the bathroom.

"The least you could do is say bye." She told him, standing with a hand on her towel clad hip and a frown on her face. Sam really didn't have time for this shit. She didn't even know him.

"My brother's in the hospital." Was all Sam said as he opened the door. She quickly changed her expression and moved to say something else, but Sam had already left out the door before she could.

When Sam got to the hospital half an hour later, he found his mother silently crying, and his dad pacing. Stevie was lying in the hospital bed with a breathing tube down his throat, and several wires hooked up to him. He had a large purple bruise on the side of his face, his head was bandaged and his left arm was in a cast. Sam slowly walked fully into the room. Mary was the first to notice him, and she quickly stood up, moving to Sam and wrapping him in a tight hug. He hugged his mother back as she cried into his chest. His eyes moved from Stevie to look at his father. The older man had stopped pacing and was looking at him with disappointed eyes.

xxxxxxx

Present Day

Two days later, Stevie died, and Sam had blamed himself. If he hadn't taken Stevie to that party in the first place, everything would have been fine. His little brother would still be here, and everything would be as it should.

Sam's half of their dream came true. He wanted to be a famous country singer, and Stevie a film director. They were supposed to do it together.

Sam quickly blinked back tears as he thought about his brother. Stevie didn't get to live his life, so why should he. Every time something good happened in his life, those thoughts crept up to the forefront of his mind that he didn't deserve any of it. Sam stared at the platinum and gold albums that hung on the wall for both him and Mercedes. His eyes moved to their wedding photo of just the two of them. He had been over the moon that day.

'I should've been your best man.' Stevie's voice echoed again.

Instead, his best friend Mike had ended up being his best man. Sam took a few large gulps of JD, welcoming the strong burn as the brown liquid went down his throat. The initial high he had was wearing off, and he sniffled as his eyes moved back to the two lines in front of him on the table.

Sam wiped the few tears that fell before leaning forward again and closing his eyes as the third line disappeared and then the fourth. He licked his finger, picking up the remaining Coke from the lines and spread it on his guns, then leaned back against the couch, letting the high take over as his mind drifted, and his eyes rolled into the back of his head.

xxxxxxx

Mercedes smiled as they pulled into the driveway. She was home for a couple days since there was a three day break for everyone on tour. She hadn't told Sam she was coming home, wanting to surprise him. She also had some exciting news she wanted to share with him as well.

"Thanks for picking me up from the airport girly." Mercedes told Quinn as she got out of her friend's BMW. "If you wanna come in for a minute, I can find that bag you wanted to borrow."

"The Prada bag?" Quinn asked happily, and Mercedes nodded with a smile. The blonde turned the car off as the diva grabbed her suitcase out of the trunk, and the duo made their way to the front door. Mercedes unlocked it, making her way in with Quinn following.

"Sam, babe, I'm home!" She knew he was there after seeing his truck out front. Mercedes put her keys and purse on the table in the entryway. After not seeing or receiving an answer from Sam, she figured he might've been upstairs asleep since it was a little after 10pm. Mercedes let Quinn know she'd be right back with the bag as she started heading upstairs. Quinn nodded, heading to the living room to wait.

"Cede!" The blonde woman shouted upon entering the living room and finding Sam. Mercedes was halfway up the stairs, turning around and heading back down. She moved to the living room, about to ask her friend what was going on, but she saw him as soon as she walked in.

An empty bottle of Jack was on the coffee table along with another half empty one. The razor blade and baggie of Cocaine gave away what else he had been doing. Quinn stood in the entryway, not knowing what to do as she looked at the other woman.

Mercedes cursed to herself, wiping away the stray tears that fell as she moved towards her husband. Sam was slumped over with his chin resting against his chest. Mercedes kneeled down on the floor beside him, taking his face between her hands and lifting his head.

"Baby what did you do? You were doing so good." She whispered as more tears fell. Blinking more away, Mercedes quickly realized Sam's lips were blue and he wasn't breathing right. "Quinn call 911!"

The other woman nodded, quickly pulling her phone out. Mercedes, using all the strength she had at the moment, moving Sam to lay flat on his back, tilting his head up. "Come on Sammy. Don't do this."

xxxxxxx

Four hours later, Mercedes sat in the private hospital room next to Sam's bed. The doctor let her know he should be waking up soon. Everything that happened tonight would more than likely be on the news in the morning.

She wiped her eyes, pulling down the sleeves of her sweatshirt over her hands, and covering her mouth for a moment as more tears came. Mercedes knew he was hurting, how much guilt he carried after everything that had happened over the years. She did everything she could, but whenever Sam took a couple steps forward, after a while, he'd fall several steps back. She loved him with everything she had, but Mercedes didn't know how much more she could take.

"You can't keep doing this Sammy." She stated, bringing a hand down to hold his. "I need you...our baby needs you." Mercedes placed her other hand on her still soft stomach, looking down.

Sam gave her hand a light squeeze causing her to look back at him. His eyes were red and puffy mirroring her own. "You're pregnant?" He rasped out.

Mercedes nodded with more tears falling. "That's why I came home tonight to tell you in person. I didn't wanna do it over the phone." Sam moved his hand up to cup her face wiping her tears away. "You're gonna be a daddy." She whispered, giving him a watery smile.

A baby. They were having a baby. Sam knew he couldn't keep living like this. In and out of the hospital and rehab. Staying clean for a few months and then relapsing. There was a little one to think of. Someone who would look up to him and hold him to a higher standard. Much like Stevie used to. He had to do better. Needed to do better.

"I'm -"

Mercedes shook her head, holding a hand up to stop him from saying it. She knew he was going to apologize, but she couldn't stand to hear it again. "Actions speak a thousand times louder than words Sam. Just show me. Show us." Mercedes stood up, placing his hand on her stomach. Sam nodded, silently promising to do better for their little family.

xxxxxxx

Two months had passed since Sam's overdose. After being released from the hospital, he checked himself into rehab for thirty days, and Mercedes finished the last couple weeks of her tour. They both had been home together for the past month, and things seemed to be going well. Sam and Mercedes had picked a room for the nursery. They hadn't told anyone yet with Mercedes wanting to get past the first trimester before telling anyone. As soon as she was sixteen weeks, the young diva happily called her mother in Ohio, telling her the news. Of course Deborah Jones was absolutely ecstatic at the fact she was going to be a grandma.

However, not even a full two days later, everything changed.

Mercedes knew when she woke up in the middle of the night that something wasn't right. She felt clammy, and the sheets were wet and sticky. Mercedes sat up, turning on her bedside lamp and moving the covers off of her. Her eyes widened, and a loud gasp escaped her as she saw the amount of blood on the bed.

"S-Sammy" Mercedes whispered,nudging him. Sam jerked awake, rubbing his eyes to get his bearings. He looked at his wife curiously noticing the tears in her eyes. "I think we need to go to the hospital. Something's wrong with the baby."

Sam nodded, noticing the blood stained sheets. He quickly got up, helping Mercedes up and to the bathroom to clean herself up. "It'll be okay sweetheart." Sam was trying to keep Mercedes calm, but on the inside, he was freaking out. They both knew what was happening.

He helped her get cleaned up and dressed in a clean pair of sweats and a t-shirt and put her shoes on. Then he got dressed himself and grabbed everything they needed to head to the hospital. "Come on baby." Sam held his hand out, and Mercedes wiped her tears before placing her hand in his, letting him help her up.

xxxxxxx

Mercedes didn't talk during the ride to or from the hospital. While they were in the emergency room, she only answered necessary questions that Sam couldn't answer for her. They were in and out in less than two hours since most of the people there knew who they were.

When they got back home, Mercedes went straight to one of the guest rooms just wanting to go back to bed. Sam sighed as he headed to their room to get rid of the dirty sheets, and made a mental note to order a new mattress for them as well.

If anything made him want to drink and use, it was this shit situation they were now in. More than anything, his girl deserved to be happy, and she deserved to have as many babies as she wanted. He knew one day she'd be the most amazing mother.

Sam cleaned up everything before making his way to the guest room Mercedes was in. Her quiet sobs could be heard throughout the room, and Sam's heart broke. He walked over getting into bed wrapping his strong arms around her, kissing the back of her head. Mercedes turned around to face him, burying her face in his chest and holding him tightly as she continued to sob. Sam blinked back his own tears as he held her.

xxxxxxx

The next two weeks were hell. Mercedes barely talked, and at night, she cried herself to sleep. Sam did his best to comfort and support her. He knew that he would never know how hard it was for a mother to lose her baby, but he didn't know what else to do that would help.

Sam thought about calling his mother-in-law, and debated with himself over it before doing just that. He called the older woman, explaining what was going on, and he was sure Deborah had her flight booked before they'd even finished the call.

xxxxxxx

Deborah had been there for a week and a half, and Mercedes seemed to be doing a bit better. Her spirits had been lifted seeing her mother and spending time with her. Sam, on the other hand, was becoming a mess again. He may not have physically lost their child, but he was still greatly affected by it. One day, he was going to be a daddy, and the next, it was ripped away.

Then, there was that voice in his head again, telling him he hadn't done enough to protect his Mercy and their baby, and that part of what happened was his fault. He'd fucked up again.

Sam sat in his truck, staring at the two lines in front of him. Mercedes and her mom had gone out for breakfast. They'd invited him to come, but he declined saying he wasn't really up for going out. With them gone for a while, that gave Sam the chance to do what he really wanted. The one thing that would take his mind off it all.

Sam quickly snorted both lines, wiping his nose and eye, then resting his head against the headrest as he listened to the music playing, blocking out everything that happened over the last month.

He didn't know how long he'd been sitting there, but eventually a knock on the window startled him out of his trance. He turned, seeing his wife through the window. 'Shit'

Mercedes unlocked the truck door with her set of keys, pulling it open and stepping up on the railing. A frown was evident on her face as she grabbed his chin looking into his bloodshot eyes. She shook her head as tears started to fall. "You fucking did it again." She let him go, taking off her wedding rings and throwing them at him. "I'm done Sam."

Mercedes stepped down heading into the house with her mother following. As quickly as he could, Sam found her rings that had fallen under the seat before running after her. He found her in their room, suitcase out as she started taking clothes out of the closet, packing them away.

"No, no, no, baby, you can't leave me." Sam went to Mercedes suitcase and closed it, not letting her put anything else in.

She wiped tears from her face, clearing her throat. "I can, and I will Sam. I'm not doing this anymore. I can't."

Sam moved in front of her, taking her face in his hands, forcing Mercedes to look at him. "Mercy, please. I'll do whatever you want. I'll go to rehab and AA meetings. I'll get help. Just don't-"

"You say that every time! I'm not falling for it again!" Mercedes pushed Sam away from her as she went back to packing her things.

Sam ran a shaky hand through his hair before getting down on his knees in front of her. "Baby, please don't leave me. I need you." He confessed with tears in his eyes. Taking her wedding rings out of his pocket, he held them up to her. "Please put your rings back on sweetheart." He desperately begged.

Mercedes shook her head, sniffling and taking a deep breath. Sam was the only man she's truly ever loved, and she knew they promised each other for better or for worse, but she couldn't deal with all of this right now. "I'm going to stay with my mom in Lima for a while."

"O-Okay" At least she told him where she was going. "Just please take your rings, baby."

"No Sam"

Mercedes finished packing her bag, zipping it up. Deborah was out in the hallway waiting on her daughter so they could head to the airport after already finding a flight out that same day. After she had finished, Mercedes looked at Sam who had finally stood up after realizing her no meant no, no matter how much he sat there and begged. He really had fucked up this time.

"Please don't call or text or anything, okay." She told him as their eyes met. He didn't respond, and Mercedes sighed as she took her things, making her way out, leaving Sam in their room at a loss of what to do.

More will be revealed in the next chapter. Let me know what you think. I love reading your thoughts and reviews!