Chapter 1

"GET BACK HERE, MABEL!"

"Nuh-uh-uh! I'm gonna show it to Wendy…"

"MABEL, I SWEAR TO-"

"...and Pacifica…"

"I WAS GIVING HIM MOUTH-TO-MOUTH!"

"Not according to this letter, you weren't!"
Dipper stopped. "What?"

"This letter!" Mabel responded. Her and Dipper and been chasing each other around the shack for about 5 minutes over the picture of Dipper giving Mermando mouth-to-mouth. Mabel was now using it to torture Dipper - just for fun.

"Did you forge a letter from Mermando?"

"Of course!"

"...why?"

"Because I can! BWAAAH!" responded Mabel. They proceeded to chase each other around for a few more minutes until they were both out of breath.

"Mabel. *pant* Give me back *pant* the photo." said Dipper, out of breath.

"*pant* Never. *pant*" responded Mabel.

Suddenly, a shadow was cast over the twins. Looking up, they saw a giant boat - but it was flying. Seeing a familiar face on the bow, Dipper and Mabel immediately knew who it was. The twins looked at each other and said, in unison, "Gideon." Suddenly, a tractor beam erupted from the ship. Dipper and Mabel screamed as they were lifted off the ground and into the belly of the beast.

Now, you're probably wondering where everyone else was during all of this. Well, you see, Stan heard some screaming outside. He was GOING to check it out… but then he heard the opening to The Duchess Approves… yeah. He made Wendy and Soos watch it with him too, and cranked the volume all the way up. "Oh, please." he said. "It's not like some big, life-threatening event is coincidentally happening at the same time as The Duchess Approves…

We now return to your regularly scheduled big, life-threatening event that is coincidentally happening at the same time as The Duchess Approves.

"OOF!" The Pines twins hit the floor with a thud. Without even lifting his head, Dipper knew who was standing above him.

"Dipper Pines," came Gideon's southern-twanged voice. Dipper and Mabel stood up to be on his level.

"What are you doing here, Gideon?" asked Mabel, somewhat exasperated.

"Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. Mabel Pines. My little sugar dumpling," he said, pressing his face closer to Mabel's. "I'm here for a very simple reason. I'm here for you." he said, smiling unnaturally wide.

"Get away from her!" yelled Dipper, coming in between the two. "You do NOT know how to let go, do you? SHE'S. NOT. INTERESTED!" said Dipper, stepping closer to Gideon.

"You should talk, Pines." said Gideon, referencing Wendy. "But I know she loves me. YOU'RE the reason we're not together. YOU'RE the only thing keeping us apart!" proclaimed Gideon, stepping back towards Dipper. He lowered his voice to be barely above a whisper. "That's why I'm going to take her." Without any warning, he pushed Dipper aside and grabbed Mabel by the hand. Mabel broke free, but goons - big, strong goons - took her and dragged her above deck. Dipper, regaining his balance, pushed past the two and went right for Gideon. Gideon dodged and the two engaged in a fight. Dipper smacked Gideon. Then, Gideon slapped Dipper back. Then Dipper, then Gideon. The process continued for a solid minute, with a LOT of trash talking. Eventually, the two ended up on opposite sides of the ship. "This is the end for you, Pine Tree!" exclaimed Gideon in triumph.

"WHY DOES EVERYBODY CALL ME THAT?!" responded Dipper in anguish. He ran towards Gideon, but then the psychic pulled out a remote and pressed a button on it. With a whoosh of air, a giant robo-Gideon about 10 times as big as Dipper leaped from the hold. Gideon clambered into it. Why is the robot dressed in a wedding outfit? thought Dipper. Unless… no. He wouldn't.

Unfortunately for Dipper, he would. The Gideon-bot took the hat he was wearing and flung it at Dipper. It narrowly missed him, but knocked off his trusty hat. Dipper dove to grab it, but then Mabel exclaimed, "DIPPER!" She pointed above and behind him. Alas, as Dipper turned…

...Gideon-bot's massive hat hit him squarely in the chest, like a boomerang returning to the thrower. Dipper soared backwards, off the ship, above the trees, at what felt like a million miles an hour. The last thing he heard before losing consciousness was Gideon exclaiming, "Time for my wedding with Mabel! Then, the Mystery Shack will be mine! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Then, blackness…