Jehanna Hall had not been so alive in years. The lights dazzling, not so dim and gloomy. The room full, not just lingering presences of passing servants and the occasional mercenary. Dressed up, decorated to its finest, crowded and glowing. Selena has been here only a few times in her life, but never had it been like this. And not without reason, not at all.
She was, after all, here to represent Grado, for the coronation of the crown prince. Interesting, she thinks, watching from the front of the crowd, that she pass the duty down to him despite there being no marriage, and no death of the previous ruler. It had been in the king's will for Ismaire to rule in his stead, hadn't it? It didn't matter, though. She wasn't going to question Queen Ismaire's choices.
Instead, she waits quietly for the event to slow to a close, eager to see her . Prince Joshua's speech is curt, orderly, simple and full of nerves but he hides it well. From here she can see his face close and he truly did look just like her. You wouldn't realize it until they were beside each other, but it was true nonetheless.
The queen herself steps beside him, and after a few emotional words takes the delicate, intricate crown from her head and places it upon him, clipping it neatly into his hair. Selena can see tears in her eyes, but she has this wide, ecstatic smile that he returns. Selena can't help but mimic it.
The festivities move to the dining hall, and everything is lively, leisurely. Selena watches from a railing a floor above, not yet feeling like joining it. But to her surprise, she doesn't have to. She hears fabrics drag the floor, quiet ringing of jewelry, and turns to see quite the presence making its way to her.
Ismaire herself. She smiles when she draws near, one hand loosely running along the aged wood. Selena's hairs stand on end.
"Is the party not to your liking?"
"Of course not, Your Majesty! I merely needed a break".
"I tease." Ismaire replies, giggles. "I'm very glad you could make it, Dame Selena".
"Quite, Your Majesty."
"And please, just 'Ismaire' tonight."
"...Of course, Ismaire." It feels wrong to say, but she's honored to do so. "How have you been?"
"Very good...I've been eager for this for weeks." Ismaire turns to look over the banister, at the people below. The chatter is audible, but happy. Everyone is at peace. "Look at him."
He's hard to spot, even now he still blends into the crowds. But Prince Joshua is there, leaned against a pillar, drink in hand. He seems natural in this setting, talking with the twins from Renais. So the royal pair did attend, were the other heirs around here too?
If only Prince Lyon could be among them, she thinks, then immediately parishes the thought. No, he would not enjoy such a large attending as this.
"I never thought this day would come." Ismaire whispers, hushed, amazed. But still smiling. "I always wondered what would have happened were it only me when my time came. "
Right, Selena had thought of that as well, in one of her rare prior visits here.
Ismaire invited her to a small walk throughout the courtyard, making conversation. Every part of her seemed exhausted, from her voice to her eyes to her movements. Selena was afraid she was only doing this out of courtesy, despite feeling sickly.
"Perhaps you should rest, your Majesty?"
"Oh, I am fine. Your visit is a rare treat, General."
Selena feels her cheeks flushing.
"Are you not in your own courtyard often?"
"No. Much lies on my shoulders every day." Her lips make the slightest smile. "At least, giving a foreign diplomat a tour is the least tasking chore of mine."
"...I see."
Even with how high her boots are, sand scratches at Selena's feet. And it amazes her that plants thrived in a place like this, those that weren't of this country, flowerly and colorful. They were out of place, but they matched her.
"I hope this doesn't bore you, General?"
"N-no, it's quite pleasant."
"I'm glad," she sounds relieved, Selena wonders why. "Come back soon, won't you?"
She hears the whispers of servants on her way out.
"The queen was talking to her?"
"She so rarely speaks to anyone these days…"
And Selena wonders, no husband, no son, who did she have left? How lonely it must be.
She thinks to herself that yes, she should visit on Grado's behalf more often.
"I'm very honored to witness it." She replies, but it feels too...formal, empty. Of course, this was a queen she was addressing, beyond her level but...She wishes she could be more casual around the woman. She treads over the line a little bit, "...how is he?...If I may ask."
"...Nervous. I could tell." She sighs. "He hides it, but a mother can always tell."
"I take it he isn't eager to be in this position."
Truth be told, Selena knows very little about the prince. Ismaire seldom spoke of him, and she never asked, she was certain it wasn't appropriate to. Few didn't know the mysterious situation of his disappearance. A kidnapping, some said. A runaway, others said.
It was her fourth visit, Grado and Jehanna were planning and reevaluating trade deals. She was treated to a dinner, and again they take to the courtyard. It's night this time, the stars bright and glaring in the cloudless sky.
She isn't sure how they got to this point, other than her asking boldly.
"No, he is...was the only of our bloodline left." Ismaire says, sighing softly. "I am all there is."
"...Will you ever remarry?"
"No." Why does Selena feel disappointment? "My husband...I loved him. I can see myself with no other man."
With another woman, then? She wants to ask. She doesn't.
"And even if I could...I don't think— I couldn't handle another child, not when he is on my mind every night…"
"I don't blame you, Your Majesty." But what will she do? Morbid a thought as it is, she cannot rule Jehanna forever.
"At times, it feels like he was never here to begin with, like I imagined him this whole time…"
Ismaire tears up, it's visible in the moonlight. Selena momentarily panics, but what chance does she have to help her if she can't think clearly herself? Hesitantly, she puts a hand on Ismaire's shoulder, and she looks, wide-eyed.
"Pardon if I overstep my boundaries, Your Majesty. But we should not talk like this, there's still a chance he is out there...I believe it."
Truthfully, Selena isn't sure if she does or not.
"...Thank you, Selena." Ismaire composes herself, breathing deeply. "No one else seems to."
But for Ismaire's sake, she will.
"No, he is not." She replies. "I wasn't either. But he insisted, he wants so badly to make up for his mistakes…"
"Is that a smart decision…? If he is not suited—"
"He is." Ismaire's voice is so firm, certain. "He's not the child I last saw him as."
Selena feels embarrassed, and a little mortified. Had she offended her?!
"I-I apologize, I meant no offense, You– Ismaire."
"None at all." She waves the reply off. "It's just...that's what everyone is telling him, and I understand. He was early in his studies when he ran, and I was told he never paid them any effort…" She doesn't take her eyes off him for a moment, even when he moves about the room. "I was so foolish. I never looked into it more, I never asked why...I was so busy I had never considered something was troubling him."
Selena can't fathom a reply, so she only listens.
"The tutors told me he often would sneak off when they weren't looking. They never knew where he went, he was so quick on his feet. But I would catch him sometimes, in the courtyard with his retainer instead, his swordsmanship mentor." Ismaire is silent for a moment, steadying herself. "I think he was the only who understood him, more than I ever did."
"...And where is he now?"
"Dead."
"..."
"But it's going to be different this time. I'll make sure of it. I'll be there for him when I wasn't before." Ismaire's long nails drag the wood of the banister, curling round it. "It's...it's going to be difficult, but I want to help him this time. I want to make it right."
Selena is left speechless. She never was able to imagine Ismaire's despair...As a mother, as a widow. She had always seemed so hopeless, so solemn, only going on for the sake of her country. But the worry lines on her face softened, her eyes were no longer so vacant, she stood straight. This was the queen of Jehanna they spoke of, a monarch and a mother.
"I think you will do a splendid job of it. He...is lucky to have someone like you."
"It's my fault it happened in the first place, but...you were right." She detaches herself from the railing, facing Selena and smiling again. Dazzling, hypnotizing. "I wonder if I would have held so much faith, if not for you…"
"For me…?"
"Our talks were always so refreshing...You treated me like my position didn't matter. You held no assumptions about me… I was merely another person to you. I've never had such a friendship with another woman."
"I couldn't have helped it. You're wonderful…"
The queen raises an eyebrow, then grins, coy. "I could say the same to you. A most wonderful friend."
"...Just friend?"
She steps closer, so only they can hear. She's even more beautiful up close. Selena holds her breath.
"Did you want something more?"
Was this really happening?
"...If...If I do?"
"I wouldn't refuse, Selena. Our time together may have been little, but...you mean much to me."
Selena feels Ismaire's hand take a gentle hold of hers, she stutters. "But— someone of my station…"
"I am no longer a queen." She looks to the floor below, direct's Selena's eyes with hers. Joshua's still in conversation, the crown elegant on him. "It's his throne now. I've no need to worry about a heir."
"...Is it really fine?" Selena whispers.
"Not all needs to be figured out now. We have time now." Ismaire backs away, but doesn't let go of her hand. "For now...Dance with me, Selena? It's a night for celebration."
There's a thousand questions on her mind, tied with her amazement that she hadn't imagined this closeness between them— but she's right. "I would love to."
She allows herself to led down the stairway, enveloped in the lights and the music. The tribulations of the past were forgotten. The amazing and strong and resilient Ismaire was forging a new path for herself, and Selena would follow her every step of the way.