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Of Earth and Stars
Chapter 10: Who You Are
June 1989
Suri and Jessica glared daggers at each other in Professor Dumbledore's office.
"Most people seem to believe that the last few days of school are the most relaxing," said Professor Dumbledore from behind his great wooden desk as he appraised Jessica, Suri, and Professor Snape. "Though it seems like it might not be the case. What is the meaning of this, Severus?"
"These two were caught in the middle of a fight," Snape explained, his dark eyes, much to Suri's surprise, were trained darkly on Jessica. "Apparently, Miss Yates has accused Miss Rosier-Black of insulting her...lineage."
Suri fixed her gaze on the floor, hoping neither Snape nor Dumbledore noticed her surprise at Snape's defense.
"Is this true, Miss Rosier-Black? Did you insult Miss Yates?"
When Dumbledore addressed her, Suri had to look up. She fixed her gaze on the headmaster, and in that split second she warred between making her mind blank and staying open. She took a deep breath. "No, Professor, it's not true. I don't even know her!" She chose the latter.
"I can't believe you would let someone like her learn magic," Jessica burst, breathing heavily. "Her father was deranged! She could be the same! Isn't there a program for people like her to keep her from using magic?"
"Jessica," Dumbledore started calmly, "I can see how troubled you are. Has Suri given you any indication that she shares the same views?"
"I don't need indication!" Jessica balled her hands into fists. She bit her bottom lip and turned away, wiping angrily at the tears on her cheeks.
"Hogwarts is a safe place for all of my students, Miss Yates, and because you were the one to start the fight, the punishment will be left as it is. Though if Miss Rosier-Black had been the one to attack you first, this conversation would have gone very differently. This is the best answer I can give you."
Jessica took a deep shuddering breath, "I understand, Professor." Her tone indicated that she was anything but understanding.
Even from where Jessica stood, a healthy distance away, Suri could feel the other girl's anger, as if it were palpable. And beneath Jessica's anger, there was a deep sadness that radiated that seemed to reach out to Suri. That deep sadness was enough to cause her anger to ebb away.
"You both are dismissed," said Dumbledore.
"Professor, there is another matter that needs to be addressed," Snape interjected, "regarding Miss Rosier-Black."
Dumbledore gave Snape a long look before he nodded once. "Miss Yates, you're free to go; Miss Rosier-Black, you'll stay a little longer."
Jessica turned sharply on her heel and stalked out of the office, head high as she slammed the door behind her.
"I've seen worse," Dumbledore said calmly, breaking the tension in the room.
"Excuse me, Professor," Suri ran after Jessica.
"Miss Rosier-Black, you are not dismissed!" Snape reprimanded, stopping Suri in her tracks.
Hand on the door knob, Suri looked at both professors over her shoulder. "I know I'm not, there's just something I have to do, I promise I'll be right back!"
"Miss Rosier-Black—!"
"Let her go, Severus."
Suri ran out of the office and down the spiral staircase where she caught Jessica at the bottom.
"Jessica! Wait!"
"What do you want?" Jessica whirled on her heel. Her green eyes were rimmed with red, and her voice shook with emotion.
"Jessica, I…" Suri trailed off and caught her breath. She found that she had no idea what to say. She knew nothing she said would take away the pain of losing a parent. Especially when it was her parent that took Jessica's parent.
"I am so, so sorry," she finally said, and hoped Jessica felt the weight of her sincerity. "I would do anything to make what happened to you and to me different, but I can't. You have every right to be mad at me. I think if I were you, I would hate me too."
Jessica scoffed and rolled her eyes in confirmation.
"But I want you to know," Suri continued, before she lost Jessica altogether, "that my views aren't the same as Sirius Black's. I am not my father, and I wouldn't hurt you, a muggle, or anyone else because they didn't believe the same things as me."
Suri's words hung in the air as Jessica searched Suri's face. Finally, Jessica shook her head. "You're right, I do hate you, Suri. If you were different from your murderer father, you wouldn't be in Slytherin! There's not a witch or wizard that hasn't gone bad in your house."
"I—"
"Save your apology for someone that cares!"
Suri stared after Jessica as she walked away. She wanted to scream that her mother was a Slytherin and defied Death Eaters who were likely her friends. She wanted to scream that the Sorting Hat wanted her in Gryffindor, but she had defied the hat and was placed in Slytherin.
Mulling over the apology, Suri's train of thought only stopped when she reached Dumbledore's office door that was cracked open. She raised a hand to knock on the door, but the sound of the professors' voices stopped her.
"...just as impulsive, just as rash. Did you see the way she rushed out of your office?"
"I will admit that I expected to see her in my office more than this one time," Dumbledore said after a moment's pause. "Outside of this incident, and the one earlier this year that involved your supply closet, Suri Rosier-Black has demonstrated upstanding character."
"And an unchecked skill in legilimency."
"Ah, that is something that I am aware of, Severus. Soon after her acceptance letter was sent home, I received a letter from her grandmother, explaining Suri's extraordinary gift. It seems it would differ from her own mother's unique gift, but still not uncommon given her family history."
Suri immediately knocked on the door before peeking her head around the corner. "It's just me, Professor."
"Did you take care of what you needed to do," asked Dumbledore by way of greeting.
"I did," Suri answered distractedly; she looked pointedly at Dumbledore. "My grandmother wrote to you?"
"I had wondered when you would come into my office for this, Miss Rosier-Black," Dumbledore said thoughtfully, as he steepled his fingers together. "Natural gifts like yours are quite rare, and only the most talented witches and wizards ever attempt to master such skill."
"She could have used legilimency on all of her exams to pass," Snape pointed out.
"I did not!" Suri's eyes flashed with anger. "I make good marks on my own!"
"Watch your tone, Suri," Snape replied coldly.
"You're accusing me of being a cheat!" Suri shot back. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. First it was Jessica accusing her of her hatred for mudbloods, now it was Professor Snape accusing her of stealing answers.
"Your skill as a legilimens has nothing to do with your character. However, stealing a bezoar, powdered Ashwinder egg, and lavender from my supplies are testament to who you are."
"How did…" Suri trailed off. "You're a legilimens." Realization washed over Suri like a cold wave. Reflexively, her mind went black.
"Like you, Professor Snape is a legillimens."
If Dumbledore noticed Suri jump in surprise, he did not react to it. "Your grandmother had written in request that you be formally trained to control your abilities. She would teach you herself, but now that you're of school-age, it is illegal to practice magic while you're underage and away from school."
"So she asked you."
"She did," Dumbledore confirmed, "but perhaps it would be best for you to learn from someone even more skilled than I. Professor Snape is one of the best I know—"
"No, Sir, I'm sorry, but no." She wondered if Dumbledore knew the extent of Snape's disdain for her, and the very last thing she wanted was to spend hours under the tutelage of someone who hated her for reasons she couldn't even begin to understand.
"Sir," Snape started, "I would ask that you reconsider that request. I cannot teach her."
Suri pressed fingers to either side of her temples, her mind tickled. "Stop using legilimency on me!"
Snape clearly made it a point to ignore her. For the second time in one day, he and Suri were on the same side of a disagreement.
"Severus, we cannot have a student go untrained. Not when there is someone as skilled as you."
"Then I will teach myself," Suri decided. With the attention of both professors, Suri took a deep breath. "I can do it. I can learn on my own."
"Miss Rosier-Black, you are only eleven." Dumbledore's reminder of how young she was hung heavy in the air.
"I am only eleven. But I know so much more than other kids my age. I'll teach myself." Suri reached up to touch the slight bump under her shirt, feeling the crystal vial that she wore everywhere. She allowed herself to feel the weight of her loss—the memories of laughter and kisses and hugs she clung to, and the pain of being wrenched away from the arms of someone she loved very much. Shaking her head, as if remembering where she was, she regarded both of her professors.
"Some would say it is unwise to dismiss the help of others," Dumbledore said and Suri shrugged a shoulder lightly, but with her chin tilted the way it was, it was clear her mind would not be swayed. Professor Dumbledore sighed.
"Perhaps the great philosophers of the past were right: never make an important decision on an empty stomach, on lack of sleep, or in the presence of water nymphs. There are three days left of the school year, and not nearly enough time to begin training of any sort. Very well then, this will be something we discuss in length when you return in the fall. You may go, Suri."
"Thank you, Professor." Suri hurried out of the room and closed the large office door behind her.
With a door behind her and the professors, Suri's shoulders sagged. Although Dumbledore's promise was said lightly, she might as well have been warned. She knew Dumbledore would find some way or another to help her reign in her ability. Even if it ultimately meant Snape would teach her. She shuddered at the thought.
But for now, Suri would take Dumbledore's advice to heart: never make an important decision without rest.
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"We could play Wizard's Chess?"
"Hm? Wizard's Chess...sure, let's play." Suri looked away from the landscape that raced by outside the Express, and gave a sort of half-smile to Nate.
"I'll play winner," said Mara, standing and stretching her arms. 'I'm going to stretch my legs for a bit."
Nate watched as Mara slid the compartment door shut behind her before he jumped from his seat by the door and pushed Suri's legs off bench she had propped her feet against.
"What's your problem?!"
"Willem is in the loo, Mara's on a walk, Carla is tracking down the trolley witch and Gemma is probably with the second years. You've got five minutes before one of them comes back to tell me what's your problem."
"Right now it's you."
"Come off it, Suri," Nate rolled his eyes. "You've been acting odd ever since you and Yates were taken to Dumbledore's office, and don't tell me I'm making it up."
Suri raised her chin carefully, her stormy eyes narrowed at Nate. She blew out a sigh when he matched her stubborn expression with his own. Suri's shoulders sagged.
"Do you think I'm trustworthy, Nate?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean," Suri ran her hand through her tangle of dark waves, feeling oddly exposed, "do you think I'm a cheat? And I'm not talking about Wizard's Chess."
"Everyone cheats at Wizard's Chess. That's how you win."
"I really don't think that's true."
Nate sat back and folded his arms across his chest. Finally, he said, "I think your trustworthy. But we're Slytherins, we're the least trustworthy of the bunch—what are you getting at?"
Suri took a deep breath and launched into the story of what happened in Dumbledore's office. She told him about apologizing to Jessica, and Jessica blowing her off. She did not tell him about her legilimency, but managed to tell him that Snape also questioned her ability to be trusted because of her parents. All the while, Nate stared out the window, but by the way his head was cocked to the side, Suri knew he listened to every word.
"Honest opinion?"
"Always," Suri answered. During the school year, whenever Nate was about to deliver critical, but usually insightfully honest truths, he would ask if he could give his honest opinion—it came about after he made Carly cry when he said her new haircut looked terrible. Though with Suri, even if the truth stung, she knew Nate always had his friends' best interest at heart.
"You act like rules don't matter to you," Nate said.
"They don't—"
"Hey," Nate held up a hand to stop Suri, "I'm speaking now, don't interrupt me." Nate continued after Suri's eyeroll. "Once you have your mind set on something, you will find a way to do it, regardless of the consequences. It's like you make up your own rules as you go so for those that don't know you, or might not particularly like you, it looks like you think you're better than everyone. But for those that do know you, it's easy to see that you act that way because you're doing what you think is right. So, maybe it's cheating on the outside, or stealing. But on the inside, it's being loyal to a friend."
"I…" Suri trailed off and frowned at Nate. "You see all of that in me?" Her voice was almost a whisper as she realized how observant Nate could be.
He shrugged his shoulders. "There's a lot of things that I see. It comes with the territory of being the only child in my family."
Suri picked up on the resentment in Nate's tone. Even ifshe pressed, he wouldn't talk about his family. Instead, she saved this bit of information for a time when he would talk. Suri leaned forward and put her face in her hands and groaned.
"What's got you twisted up? Is it Yates? Don't let her bother you. Oh, I know…" Nate's tone change drastically, and Suri didn't have to look up to imagine the mischief in his face. "Is it Oliver Wood?"
Suri sat up suddenly, her face bright red. "W-Why would you say that?"
"Because," Nate laughed, "The fact that you're embarrassed right now tells me that you fancy him!"
"I do not!" Suri swatted at Nate's leg, but he dodged her in the nick of time and laughed harder. "Out of any person at Hogwarts, you choose the bloke who thinks of nothing but quidditch!"
"That's not true! I'm sure he thinks of other things!" This time, Suri's hand connected with Nate's leg when she hit him. Eventually, Nate's laughter ebbed away, and Suri glared at hi with her storm-colored eyes.
"Suri, as your best friend, keep being you. Who cares who your parents were? Okay, a lot of people care. But you aren't them, so act like it."
Suri looked down at her hands, committing Nate's words to heart. When she looked up at him, she smiled earnestly at him and felt the warmth of friendship when Nate matched her open smile with one of his own. "Thanks for making Hogwarts home, Nate, especially Slytherin. If it wasn't for you, I think I'd still be talking to the mermaids."
"Anytime, Rosier-Black. And when you're ready to flirt with Oliver Wood, I'll be sure to be there making sure you realize how embarrassing you look every single time."
"Nate!"
"What's so funny?" The compartment door slip open as Willem re-joined them. He caught Suri's irritated expression and Nate doubled over with laughter.
"Nate is being an absolute toad," said Suri.
"Oh boy. What's he done now?"
"I was just telling her about the time the seventh year guys pranked the sixth years a couple weeks ago." Nate's lie was so smooth, that even Suri would have believed it, had she not been there.
And naturally, she knew about the prank already. Nate had told her the morning after it happened. Suri and Willem joined in with Nate as they remembered the unfortunate event with the pixies and bread pudding.
At that time, Suri caught Nate's eye, and behind the merriment, she saw what she was looking for, and she knew Nate saw it in her too. She knew she could trust him with her secrets and he would guard them without hesitation.
From that moment on, Suri Rosier-Black knew she had found a best friend in Nathaniel Avery.
Author's Note:
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