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Of Earth and Stars
Chapter 16: Ugly Secrets
May 1991
"I don't care if you're in the hospital for the rest of the school year. We are not leaving without winning the Quidditch Cup. Do whatever it takes to win, am I clear, team?"
"What happened to playing for fun," Suri wondered, but still she put her hand in with the rest of her team.
"Slytherin on three! One...two...three…"
"SLYTHERIN!"
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"Slytherin is out for blood! They're up by one hundred points, and no one has seen the snitch yet! C'mon Gryffindor, don't lose to those dirty—"
"JORDAN!"
By this point it just felt unnecessary to block any of Gryffindor's attempts to score, but still Suri dove for any quaffle that came near. She dove, spiraled and twisted in the sky and earned gasps from the bleachers for her reckless flying.
She knew McGonagall was worried that she would fall and break her neck.
She saw Snape watch with disdain as he thought she was a show-off like her degenerate father.
And Dumbledore knew she was navigating through people's minds. Quickly she pulled out of his stream of consciousness, but she was far too elated to care about Dumbledore's opinion right now. The Inter-House Cup was as good as Slytherin's, but far more importantly she was flying.
On the ground, she had to be Suri Rosier-Black, a girl who people watched warily, as if her compassion was a cover and she was one minute away from killing muggles like Sirius Black. On the ground, she had to bite her tongue against Snape's cutting remarks or Marcus Flint's horrible leadership. On the ground, she had to work hard to keep unwanted weight off of her.
But high above everyone else, she had to be none of those things. Flying, and, ultimately, playing quidditch was everything, even if she was the first girl in her mother's lineage to not be a chaser in four generations.
"SLYTHERIN CATCHES THE SNITCH! To our great dismay, Slytherin wins the Inter-House Quidditch Cup with a score of three hundred and eighty to seventy."
Gryffindor and Slytherin lined up to shake hands after the game; the players on Gryffindor's team could hardly look at Slytherin. Suri was behind Nate in line, and she heard when Nate gripped Fred Weasley's hand hard and pulled him forward.
Into his ear, Nate said "What happened, Weasel? You weren't even under a Confundus this time." He laughed and pulled away.
"That's my name for them, Nate," Suri rolled her eyes, making her irritation. She had given Fred and George the name "weasel" as a gentle teasing. It irked her that Nate used it maliciously. Nate was too ecstatic over their victory to care.
Fred and George were fuming by the time Suri got to them in line. Fred looked ready to attack Nate after he learned that it was Nate who hexed them during their game against Hufflepuff. Suri only shrugged her shoulders at the boys.
"I told you that it wasn't me who hexed you."
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There was no party like a Slytherin after party. A couple students had brought back a ton of food from the kitchens, and some older students brought out their hidden alcohol. It was a rule of thumb in Slytherin that first through fourth years could attend parties for an hour before they had to disperse, but since Suri and Nate were on the team, they were allowed to stay. Of course they brought Mara, Carly, and Willem with them.
The firewhiskey's cinnamon taste burned Suri's throat every time she took a swig, and by the end of the night she felt like she was floating and everything was funny. At one point she plopped on the couch beside Nate, who sat alone.
"What's so funny," asked Nate when Suri giggled. He tried to look stern, but immediately dissolved into laughter too.
"Not a bad way to end the season, Avery."
"Pleasse, you're a great keeper." There was a slur in his speech. Suri poked her best friend's shoulder.
"What are you doing here all by yourself? What's wrong?"
"I'm not by myself. Mara and Willem were here just a minute ago but went to get snacks."
"Avery! Suri! My teammates!" Michael Polley jumped over the back of the couch and wedged his way between Suri and Nate, hooking an arm around both of them. "Two of my favorites!"
Suri laughed politely and ducked out from under Michael's arm. Michael was incredibly affectionate while drunk.
"You both killed it out there today! Truly, this is the best team Slytherin has had in ages. I owe the best damn seventh year to you two." He then leaned over and kissed Suri's then Nate's forehead.
"Okay, Polley, time to cut you off from the firewhiskey," Suri laughed, wiping at her forehead. "No more kisses."
"Oh alright, kid, you're prolly right," Michael laughed. He then rose to his unsteady feet. "As for me, I need to find the loo." He then weaved his way through the throngs of Slytherins still at the party.
"Oh I do hope he doesn't get lost and mistakes the succulents for a toilet," said Suri, her eyebrows knitted together. She looked at Nate and noticed the curious look on his face. She wanted to poke through his thoughts more than anything, but she promised herself she would never invade the minds of someone she considered close unless necessary.
"When you're doing those crazy flips of yours, do you think about doing them?"
"What do you mean?" Nate's question caught Suri by surprise.
"Your flying," Nate urged, his tone exasperated. "Do you think about taking your hands off the broom, or that you might fall?"
"Not really. Today I did because I got bored, but usually no. I just think, "I want to stop that quaffle" and do whatever it takes to do it. I just think about getting what I want on the field. Why?"
"Getting what you want…" Nate murmured. "Thanks Suri, I've got to go do something."
Suri watched as bounded up the stairs toward the dormitories, and she ached to know what he was up to.
"Where's Nate," Willem asked a minute later when he and Mara returned with plates of food. Suri plucked one of the chocolate covered strawberries from Mara's plate and stuck out her tongue when Mara protested.
"I dunno. I saw him heading toward the dormitories, he didn't say why."
"He probably needed to use the loo, he did drink quite a bit."
After a few minutes, when Suri glanced back, she saw Nate running down the stairs, taking them two at a time, and his face was absolutely pale. He didn't come back to the couch but instead headed toward the exit and left the Common Room altogether.
"I need to use the toilet," Suri said quickly and left Willem and Mara to go after Nate. As she was leaving, she heard Michael Polley and a friend come down the stairs. Michael was laughing as if he heard the funniest joke.
"—he's a bloody faggot!"
Suri stopped in her tracks and turned around, storming up to Michael. His blue eyes fixed on her when she came closer.
"Kid! You'll never guess what your friend just told me, well you probably know since you're always together."
"Polley," Suri laughed charmingly and put an arm around his waist to steady him. "You've drunk too much tonight, you aren't making any sense!"
"I don't think I've had enough!"
"Maybe you're right, I don't know how much liquor you can hold. What I do know is that you're hardly going to remember tonight!" Suri made sure she made direct eye contact with Michael. She made sure the boy who treated her like a little sister these past two years could see her eyes.
Michael's blue eyes were glazed over, either from pure intoxication or something else. "You're right, Rosier-Black. Hey, I don't normally ask this, especially from a kid your age, but why not, this is our party! Come take a shot with me!"
"Sorry, I'm done for the night," Suri let go of Michael and carefully pushed him to the vodka-spiked punch bowl. "But take one for me, and have fun not remembering!"
After the hanging portrait that guarded the Slytherin Common room swung down behind her, Suri found the ensuing silence almost deafening. The last time there was a wild Slytherin party she had been a first year and was sent to bed by all the older students. She did remember hearing the party going late into the early morning.
"Nate!" Suri whisper-yelled into the darkness. She fumbled for her wand and muttered "lumos" to illuminate the darkness.
She walked the length of the dungeons and couldn't find him. She bypassed the first and second floor, knowing there was nowhere in those areas that Nate would be. She knew Nate would be in one of three places: the courtyard by the apple tree, the astronomy tower, or the clock tower.
Eventually, after dodging the Ravenclaw prefect on duty, she found him at the clock tower. Nate leaned against the balcony that overlooked the courtyard and beyond Hogwarts.
If he heard her approach, Nate didn't give any indication. He even remained quiet when Suri dispelled the light of her wand out and stood beside him. They stood like this, in a long silence, until Suri gently broke it.
"You asked me if I thought about the way I flew because you wanted to know if I thought about things before I did them. When it comes to flying or doing something for a friend, I hardly ever think, I just...do...and I hope for the best. But for everything else, like whether or not people like me or if I'm doing everything I can to prove I'm not like my dad...then I think too much." She stole a glance at Nate who looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact with her altogether. When he didn't say anything, she continued.
"I think you were trying to ask me if I think about consequences before I do something, or if I just take chances no matter what. You asked because...you wanted to know if you should take the chance to tell a boy that you fancied him."
"I don't just like other boys, I fancy girls, too." Nate pulled his gaze away from his hands, and his hazel stare found Suri's grey-blue eyes. The rims of his eyes were bright red—Nate had been crying.
"I mean," Nate continued with a shuddering breath, "Before Polley, I fancied you because you're pretty in a way no other girls are."
"If you like girls with blubber—"
"I think you're the prettiest girl I've seen, and you walk around like you're average at best. You have eyes like no other, and your hair—the way it's always wavy like that—makes you look free. And you're wicked clever too. You're not like any girl, and Oliver Wood will never be good enough for you. And if we ever got together, it would be okay among our families because we're not direct cousins, and we would be keeping our blood pure."
"I...you thought a lot about this…" Suri frowned, trying not to show how unsettled she was by Nate's outpouring of compliments.
"You don't have to look like that. I don't like you in that way anymore, but I do think about you a lot because you're the greatest friend I've ever had."
"Nate—"
"Let me finish, please. So, I know I fancy girls. But I've always known I liked boys too. And Michael Polley, compared to anyone else in our house, was actually someone I thought was good enough for someone like me. He's tall, he makes good marks, and he's a pureblood. So when I told him tonight that I've noticed him for a while, I didn't expect it to go anywhere because I know he doesn't like boys the way I do. But I didn't expect him to…" Nate trailed off and gripped his hands into shaking fists.
"Nate, you don't have to say it."
"He laughed in my face and called me a pansy and a faggot, Suri. He was the first boy I've ever told how I felt. If word gets out to our house, to my family about this…" Nate grew pale again.
"Word won't get out, Nate, I promise you."
"How can you make that promise? Can you control who Polley is telling this minute?!"
Now it was Suri's turn to look down at her hands.
"Suri Rosier-Black, what aren't you telling me? You know my ugly secret now, so what's yours?"
"Nathaniel Avery, honest opinion, your secret is anything but ugly. It's the people that might treat you differently that are ugly."
Nate opened his mouth to say something, but instead he regarded Suri thoughtfully. Finally, he ducked his head. "Thank you."
Suri reached over and squeezed his hand. For a moment they stayed like that, shoulder to shoulder, holding each other up. Nate gently squeezed her hand.
"What's your not ugly secret?"
"I'm a natrual legilimens. It's not an ugly secret, but it has to be a secret because legillimency is considered a Dark Art. People will be thrilled to know Sirius Black's daughter might also be involved in the Dark Arts."
"Whoa!"
"Naturally occurring gifts like legilimency and premonitions run in the women of my family—on my mother's side. Because it's natural, I don't think it's Dark at all."
"Have you been reading my mind this whole time?"
"It's not mind-reading, it's more like, a mind is a maze and I can navigate through it. But no, I haven't used legillimency on you in a long time. The last time I did it was probably when we first met. Around that time, it was harder for me to control slipping in and out of seeing people's thoughts. Now that I have more control, I make it a habit not to go into the minds of friends unless invited. I've also learned that I can influence ideas somehow. I can't make someone do something, but I can influence them by using their own thoughts. Tonight I might have helped Polley decide to drink until he can't remember parts of the night. I just hope he doesn't remember the part where he called you such terrible names."
"Wow." Nate shook his head.
"Promise you won't tell anyone?"
"I promise." Nate squeezed Suri's hand again. "Promise you won't tell anyone about...me? I'm not ready for anyone else to know yet."
"Always," Suri smiled.
Suri and Nate stayed out on the clock tower a while longer. Suri rested her head on Nate's arm. He had another growth spurt during this school year, and was once again officially taller than her.
"I suppose we should get back," Nate finally said, nudging Suri.
"Yeah. I told Mara I went to the loo when I actually came looking for you. Maybe she thinks I've drowned by now."
"Maybe."
They walked back to their common room arm and arm.
"Suri, if I did still fancy you, and that speech I made tonight about how pretty you are, how would you have taken it?"
"Probably the same as tonight...a little speechless, but not altogether surprised." Nate and Suri shared a giggle.
"But if I fancied you, then I would say a declaration of your love at the clock tower, underneath a clear night sky, would have been the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."
"Duly noted."
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June 1991
The graduating seventh years gathered their ceremonial robes, ready for the graduating ceremony about to take place. As customary in Slytherin, all students from first to sixth years cheered for their graduating housemates and sent them off in a show of green and silver glittering sparks.
When the last seventh year student went through the tunnel, the rest of the Slytherins shot off the last of the sparks before they dispersed to continue packing or hurry away to watch the ceremony.
"Michael!" Suri ran after Michael Polley who smiled at her.
"Hey kid," he greeted warmly and pulled her into a hug. "Are you going to be at the ceremony?"
"No, I need to finish packing." Suri straightened his ceremonial robes and smiled up at him. "I think Nate might go though."
"Nate?" Michael snorted.
"That's not very nice, Polley."
"I don't care. Do you know on the night of the quidditch after party he came and told me he loved me? That little fag—"
In a flash, Suri had whipped out her wand and jinxed Michael, stealing his voice. Her grey-blue eyes sparked with anger. "I don't care what you have to say, Polley. Nate is twice the person you will ever be."
Michael's face was red as he inaudibly yelled at her. Suri shrugged her shoulders. "Do you hear the Clock tower chiming? That means it's time for the ceremony to begin and you wouldn't want to miss it would you? You should probably go."
Michael looked frantic as he gripped at his throat.
"Don't be so dramatic. Your voice will be back soon enough. Though you will be stuck with a sore throat for a month."
Michael glared at Suri before he turned on his heel and stalked away to the ceremony. Before Michael got too far, Suri raised her wand again and pointed it at his back. With a flick of her wrist she directed one final hex at him. To anyone who noticed—and a couple first year students noticed her—Suri hexed Michael Polley out of the blue.
Almost immediately, Michael stopped, bent over, and vomited. Suri chuckled, which made Michael look up. His blue eyes were bloodshot as he wiped at his mouth.
"That'll wear off in an hour or so. In the meantime, I hope you learn to think before you ever speak again."
Author's Note:
THOUGHT: I really have the best readers. Thanks to EVERYONE who immediately corrected that Oliver becomes captain after Charlie Weasley graduates. I don't do math very well, haha!
Your reviews are love!
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