Public Service
by
RobertCop3
So, this is an idea I got that is inspired by "Seclusion Stories," an ongoing series being written by my friend Illyrilex. It deals with the subject of how KoF characters are coping with the COVID-19 pandemic. And since I'm currently working on an origin story for the character of Malin, I started to think about how Malin would be handling the pandemic. Answer: probably not very well. Which inspired this fic.
But at the end of the day, this is really inspired by "Seclusion Stories," which means it is separate from my Malin passion project, "Metamorphosis," and is not related to my own fic-verse timeline at all. And with that, I hope you enjoy.
All characters are the property of SNK/Playmore. I don't own them or the video games. Also, any political views expressed by Malin or any other character in this fic are merely their own, and may not reflect the views of the author. ( ;
Bored.
Bored, bored, bored...
Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored...
Malin had seen that once on a Garfield mug, and even though the blonde girl didn't find it funny (Athena did, for some reason, but Malin never found Garfield funny unless he was abusing his owner or that stupid dog), lately she felt like she finally understood it. Life overall had gotten more boring lately, as it tends to do during a pandemic, when it was recommended people stay in their homes and limit their outdoor activities, as well as contact with others. Not that Malin wanted to. She would have loved to be out and about, but the Organization had instructed its students to follow social distancing and all other guidelines, and the Organization paid for her apartment and utilities (the girl never saw a bill for either), so she was forced to comply.
It hadn't been so bad at first. She had online class to keep her busy, as well as assignments from her superiors of a more covert nature. Then the term ended, and for the last few weeks, she hadn't heard a peep from the Organization. So she'd tried to find other things to do: sharpening her collection of stabbing implements, tuning her harp (and replacing a few of the strings), updating Athena's website. As chair of the fan-club, she'd tried to hold a few meetings via Zoom, but lately there wasn't much to talk about, since Athena was one of the celebrities who was actually taking COVID seriously, and had canceled all her shows until the end of the year. So lately, there was nothing to post except short videos of the pop star talking about how she was dealing with quarantine.
Malin had called her a few times to talk. Well, more than a few. Probably too many, if one was being honest, but then, she'd been shitting bricks after learning that Athena had caught the virus. Lately, though, her calls had been going straight to voicemail. Which was odd, since Athena didn't have much to do except rest and heal. The blonde girl gave the fan-site's home page a periodic update saying Athena was still in quarantine, but she was recovering nicely and her spirits appeared high.
She had also found other things to occupy her days: using star-six-seven to make prank calls, marathoning every Die Hard movie on the various channels she subscribed to, then marathoning every Predator movie. She'd tried multiplayer gaming online, and found she was quite good at it. She preferred melee weapons to guns, and thanks to her training, kept schooling those of her opponents who did favor guns. But it had only taken her two days to get banned from all servers in her area, as her "trash talk" usually made her opponents cry.
So she took to social media, though she was quick to get banned from those sites as well. Now it seemed her activities were limited to watching television and creating new e-mail accounts so she could sneak back onto Twitter and YouTube. Currently, she sat at her computer with the latter app booted up, watching Mai Shiranui's latest upload, a collaboration with those loser Sakazakis.
Only an idiot would be thirsty enough to want you fat-assed cows. I bet all the plastic in your butts would melt if I shined a sun lamp on you. Bitch soup! The small blonde cackled with glee as she hit the COMMENT button. A minute went by, and then she hit Refresh. And then cursed when she saw her comment hadn't gotten any Likes.
She hit Refresh again. Nothing. "Come on, someone say something!" She snapped at her screen. "So I can tell you how stupid you are!" She gave a growl of frustration, then rose from the computer chair and threw herself down on the couch. "God damn it, it's boring here!"
She pulled her phone out, opened her list of contacts and selected FaceTime for one of them. It took a few rings before she got an answer. "H-hello?" Said a familiar voice on the other end, though Malin still couldn't see the face.
"Hey, bestie!" Malin greeted her in a cheerful voice. "How's it hangin'?"
There was shuffling on the other end, the rustle of bedclothes, then the snap of a light switch, and Kasumi Todoh's face became visible on Malin's phone. It took the blonde girl a moment to recognize her, as the Aikido disciple was without her headband, and her bluish-black hair was not pulled back into its usual ponytail. Not to mention her gray eyes were bleary with sleep. What time was it over in Japan, anyway? Ah, well, too late to ask that now.
"Malin? W-what time is it?" Kasumi asked her. "Why are you calling at this hour?" Due to current events, the girl's fighting instincts kicked on rather quickly. "Is... is everything alright? You didn't... test positive, did you?"
Malin laughed. "Nah, I'm fine. I'm actually being a good girl, for now. Not feeling any symptoms, and if I were, you know I'd beat that virus like it was adopted. Just calling to see what's up."
A look of annoyance now replaced the panic that had been on her friend's face. "What is up... is that I was asleep, and then you woke me. Malin, it's two in the morning over here!"
"Yeah, but you don't have to get up early, do you? I mean, your class is still online, right?"
"Well, before class starts, I've still gotta cook breakfast for the household. Then before that, there's my Aikido training."
"Speaking of training, have you been on YouTube recently? The funniest shit just got uploaded. Fake titty Robocop finally snapped, and went LAPD on Yuri's brother at the Pao Pao. Made him look like a little punk bitch." The small blonde gave a short cackle of amusement. "A bystander taped the whole thing on their phone."
Kasumi groaned. "Malin, can we talk about this later? I'll watch the video after school, and then this weekend we can..."
"Then there was this other video where she was arguing with Yuri's dad, who was dressed like a complete tool..."
"Good night, Malin," her friend cut her off, and then disconnected abruptly.
For a moment, Malin sat there with the phone in hand. Then she shrugged and started to look for another contact. "She's probably just on the rag, or something," she muttered to herself. "I'll give her a few days." After a little scrolling, she found the number for her other teammate and dialed that.
The mug that popped up in FaceTime was that of a brown-haired man with a cowlick even more extreme than Malin's, wearing a purple mask. He seemed wide awake despite the late hour in Japan's time zone, but then, Malin had always wondered if he ever slept.
"Hey, Grimace!" Malin greeted him before Eiji Kisaragi could open his mouth. "What's the good word?"
The ninja's dark eyes were unblinking. "What is your purpose for calling?"
Malin pretended to look offended. "Who says I need one?"
"Because you and I have never talked, unless it is to discuss our common enemy."
"And that's exactly what I wanted to fix. We never talk! So... let's talk! What's going on?"
"Kasumi-san hung up you, didn't she?"
The wounded look returned to the blonde girl's amber eyes. "Noooo!" She insisted. "No, no, no, no, no, no!" Even through the app, Eiji's stare was unwavering. So, finally, Malin conceded. "Well, yes! But that's not why I was calling. So, um... what are you doing?"
There was a loud sigh that could be heard even through the mask. "If you must know... I'm prepping some mason jars for canning tsukemono. Then I intend to practice some origami."
"Wow!" Malin said with entirely too much enthusiasm. "That sounds... fascinating, and... not lame at all. Wait... origami is, like, making paper birds and shit, right?"
"There is paper involved, but there is more to it than that. By folding a single sheet without using any other materials, it helps to keep the mind focused and foster one's creative side."
Malin was now trying to stifle a laugh. "Okay, well, sorry, that is a little lame. But... you know, I'm sure it's the good kind of lame."
The ninja disconnected without another word. "Well, it's not my fault your hobbies suck," she muttered to herself. She scrolled through her phone some more, until she came to a number she thought she had deleted from her contacts.
"Why not?" She said to herself. "Boring day is boring."
After a few rings, Hinako Shijou's face appeared on the screen of her smartphone. The other girl frowned when she saw who'd called her. "What do you want?" She grumbled. Even back when they'd been teammates, the two had never gotten along. Hinako was not shy in her opinions about Malin's fighting style lacking any honor (unlike Yuri, she had the good grace to never call it cowardly, but she was thinking it), and Malin for the most part had kept her retorts G-Rated in an effort to stay on Athena's good side.
Now Malin saw no reason to pull any punches. Instead of answering the question, she started laughing. Which only brought the red to the Sumo girl's face. "Malin, I'm not in the mood for this, okay? Honestly, I don't know why you still have my number. Now tell me why you're calling."
Malin continued to laugh. "WHAT IS SO FUNNY?" Hinako finally snapped.
"Oh, nothing," the blonde sociopath replied. "It's just... I'm surprised you still look the same. I mean, we're all staying indoors, so I figured you've got nothing to do but sit around and eat that slop outta your trough..."
"First of all," she grumbled, playing right into Malin's hands. "I still exercise at least two hours every day. And second, Chanko Nabe is not slop. It's extremely flavorful, and very rich in protein and other nutrients, essential for nourishing the body and mind of one who is serious about the art. Not that you're ever serious about anything."
Malin rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever, pork-chop. Anyway, since you've got nothing to do but sit around and eat your chimichanga slop, I kinda expected you to look like Jabba the Hutt when you answered my call. So, thanks for disappointing me."
"That's it, I'm getting back to my stories..."
"What are you, my grandmother?" Malin asked with a laugh. "Well, don't forget to salt the TV. And then try not to eat it."
For some reason, Hinako did not disconnect, and instead allowed herself to play back into Malin's hands. "I have told you before, there is a purpose to everything in Sumo..."
"Blah blah blah, Sumo is great and doesn't have yo-yos." Malin held a hand up to the screen and started to open and close her fingers like a beak. "Yeah, I know all that. Gets funnier every time I hear it. By the way, did you know Sumo wrestlers can't wipe their own asses? Know who else can't do that? Babies."
It was now beginning to dawn on Hinako. "Wait... are you just calling me to start a fight?"
Malin touched a finger to the tip of her nose. "No, I was calling to tell you how those knee-pads must be a god-send when you're busy sucking all that dick to reach yokozuna class!"
"That's it. I'm hanging up for real now and blocking this number. Good-bye." In a huff, Malin's one-time teammate disconnected.
Malin tried to call back, but the Russo-Japanese girl had been true to her word. And so far, the urge to pick a fight had not yet been sated. So she opened her YouTube app, and was dismayed to find her notifications were empty, meaning no one had responded to her latest barb at Mai's channel.
"Fuck it, I need a snack," she spoke to the stillness of her apartment. She tossed her phone onto the couch, got up and went to the kitchen. Dishes were piling up in the sink, but she managed to find a clean bowl, and then grabbed a box of Reese's Peanut Butter Puffs cereal from the pantry, and a quart of milk from the fridge.
Her ire was raised, however, when she tipped the box upside-down and saw only three pieces of cereal drop out to clatter into the bowl. "Gone already? Son of a fucking cock-sucker!" Though inwardly, she was relieved since it meant that she had an excuse to go outside and go to the store. She went to her bedroom and changed out of the pajamas she'd still been wearing and into street clothes. She thought about showering first, but then decided to do that when she got back from her errand, as her contacts at the Organization had advised that if a student needed to go out, to shower as soon as they got home.
After making sure she had a mask in her back pocket, as well as enough cash on hand, Malin ventured out into the streets of South Town. Admittedly, it felt odd to be walking down the sidewalk as a "normal citizen." Usually when she went out, she was sneaking across rooftops, and she was in the fighting uniform of her school, a sharp contrast to the jeans and T-shirt she wore now, though she did still have her yellow sneakers (with their concealed blades), black hip satchel, and her brown bandanna knotted about her scalp. Most people who'd seen Malin's bright blonde hair, unfettered by her bandanna and hanging down past her shoulders, told her she should wear it loose more often, but she liked her head covering. It was almost as familiar as her knife, or her custom hammer.
Eventually, she reached the Kroger's that was a few blocks from her apartment. She paused before going in to pull out her face mask and don it. When she'd come here a few weeks ago, the manager had told her that her bandanna did not meet the requirements for a mask. Malin thought he was full of shit, but she needed to eat. And this was the closest store to her apartment. But most of all, she'd rather not have her superiors find out she wasn't complying with safety rules. They had a bad habit of finding things out no matter how hard she tried to hide them.
"Okay, Malin," she told herself. "Remember: you're on a grocery budget until the Organization calls with more work. So only get the essential items! Go time!" With that, she stepped through the automatic doors to begin her mission.
A half-hour later, she was pushing a cart towards the check-out laden with the following: two cans of E-Z Cheese, six cans of Spaghetti-Os (three with meatballs, three with sliced hot dog), two boxes of Reese's Puffs cereal, a jar of pickled jalapenos, a family-sized bag of Flaming Nacho Doritos, a box of strawberry wine, a Screamin' Sicilian frozen pizza (buffalo chicken flavored), some boxes of Bagel Bites, a twenty-four ounce bottle of Frank's Red Hot, a pack of Double-Stuf Oreos, a pint of Ben and Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream, and a few packages of bacon.
She was glad to be getting the hell out of there, as the supermarket felt like a ghost town, and it was a little creepy seeing a few of the aisles devoid of any paper products. So it was a relief to her to see that there was only one other customer at the check-out.
Sadly, as she got closer, she saw that said customer was a woman with an awful botox job who looked to be in her early forties, with hideous press-on nails and an even more hideous bleached-blonde coiffure that looked more like a helmet than actual human hair, and she did not appear to be wearing a face mask. She also was not shy about sharing her extreme displeasure with the clerk, who was trying to enforce this rule.
Malin's eyes flicked over to the self checkout, and saw that it was out of order. So she had no choice but to stand and wait while the conflict played out. She'd seen videos of these things before, and under normal circumstances, she'd be laughing at the entitled woman's bitchiness. But these weren't normal circumstances. In fact, Malin was starting to question what "normal" even was anymore. She'd seen things at King of Fighters that weren't exactly human and defied all logic by existing, and she still thought some of the shit happening in this pandemic was even worse than that. She'd take Mukai over a "Karen" any day of the week.
"I'm sorry, ma'am," the clerk said in a tired voice, like he'd had this conversation a million times before (which was probably not far from the truth). "But I cannot let you in without a face covering. This is the policy that my bosses came up with..."
"Well, your bosses are idiots for believing the Jew-run media!" The woman snarled at him. "This COVID is fake news! I don't need a mask, because I'm not in danger!"
"It would make the other customers feel better," the poor kid tried to argue.
"I don't give a fuck about them!" Karen continued her rant. "They're idiots if they believe the fake media and the virus. It's all a hoax invented by the liberal Jew-run media and their liberal pro-choice candidate! Besides, I have a doctor's order saying that I can't wear a mask for health reasons!" She reached into her purse and after rummaging for a very long amount of time, produced a laminated card which she shoved a little too close to the clerk's face.
Malin had heard of these "fake medical notes," and under normal circumstances, she'd be applauding that, but now she just rolled her eyes. Her pizza and ice cream were slowly thawing. "Hey, any chance we could open another register?" She asked.
The clerk was about to pick up the intercom to call someone up when Karen slapped his hand. "No, don't listen to her. You're dealing with me! Don't you know anything about how to do your job?"
Beneath her brown face mask, Malin was starting to grind her teeth. "Hey! Hungry Hungry Hippos!" She called. "Why don't you just shut the fuck up?"
The Karen's face began to turn a shade of crimson. Her ire with the clerk was forgotten as she turned to the small blonde girl. "What... did you just say?"
"What are you, deaf and stupid?" Malin said with a shrug. "I said shut the fuck up! I guess your muffin tops are sucking energy out of your brain!"
The older woman stomped over to the teen and stared her down from the other end of Malin's shopping cart. "You can't talk to me like that, young lady!"
"Says who? You're not my mom!"
"Well, where is your mom?"
"Don't have one. Which means no one can stop me from telling you to... say... eat shit."
Karen gave a sputter of indignation. "How dare you? Who do you think you are?"
Malin yawned. "Your worst nightmare, if you keep this up."
"Was... that a threat, you little..."
"Nope." Malin's knife was out now, her expression oozing boredom as she used the tip of the blade to clean her fingernails. "I don't make threats. Only promises."
"As classy as ever, I see," spoke a familiar voice from behind her. Malin turned and saw a familiar figure. Though she was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, with her headband missing and a Power Puff Girls mask covering the bottom part of her face, Yuri Sakazaki was unmistakable.
"Wonderful," Malin growled. "All I wanted was to go grocery shopping in peace and I run into both Karen the Hutt and Princess PAWG. Out of all the Kroger's in all the South Towns in all the world..." She sighed and then flicked the tip of her dagger in Yuri's direction. "You'd better not get in my way. This bitch has it coming..."
Yuri laughed. "Relax. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm on your side for once. This time, I'm just gonna watch the show. You know, as long as you don't get stabby."
Malin did not laugh with her. "This changes nothing," she said.
Her rival shrugged. "Whatever you say, you walking gimmick."
"You're one to talk, Ms. Spanks-a-Lot."
The older woman seemed to be getting even more annoyed, now by the fact that she was no longer the center of attention, and tried to bring the focus back to her. "Where do you live, you little runt?" She asked, reaching over to tap Malin on the shoulder.
Like a cat rubbed the wrong way, Malin jumped about a foot in the air and spun back around towards her prey. She managed not to extend her knife hand, but she still made sure the blade was on prominent display. "Let's keep our hands to ourselves, there, Tubby the Tuba," she said coldly. "I don't like to be touched, unless it's only certain people, and even then, they'd better be buying me dinner first."
Karen's face was now beyond tomato. "How dare you... do you know who I am, you little bitch?"
Malin gave a bored shrug. "You're a stupid cunt who's one of the reasons the rest of the world is laughing at us, and also why I'm still stuck inside. Morons like you are also why my friend is sick with COVID, which I can assure you is very real. So shut the fuck up. Or, better idea. Wear your goddamn mask. See how I'm wearing mine. I don't like it, but I'm doing it. And if I can do it, then even someone with a smaller brain than me can figure it out. Or maybe it's just because you're hangry. It's clearly been twenty minutes since you last ate, so..." The small blonde walked over to the rack by the checkout, grabbed a Snickers bar, and tossed it to the other end of the store. "Fetch!" She smirked at the older woman behind her mask.
The Karen puffed herself up with indignation. "My husband is a partner in one of South Town's most decorated law firms. I'll sue you for this!"
"Oooh, I'm so scared I'm shitting myself. I bet if he spent five minutes in the same room with the people I work for, he might decide to choose a new career."
"You're full of it!" Karen retorted. "Just another by-product of liberal media, raised on fake news. I know the truth!"
Malin laughed at that. "Lady, if you saw just half the 'truth' I've seen, you'd shit yourself so much you'd lose fifty pounds."
"You haven't seen anything, kid," her antagonist fired back. Malin was about to forget Yuri and start stabbing when the karate girl (sensing her nemesis's patience grew dangerously thin) cleared her throat.
"So, as much as I love watching this," Yuri said. "I just wanted to point that out." She gestured to another shopper, who had their Smartphone out and was recording the proceedings on video. The Karen seemed ready to turn her wrath on him, but Malin nipped that in the bud by asking him: "Is that thing on?"
"Yeah," the man responded. "And I'm not gonna stop recording, no matter what you..."
Malin laughed. "Relax, Kubrick. I ain't gonna stop ya. In fact, keep rolling and zoom in tight on me."
"W-why?"
"You'll see. Now just do it! Got some things I need to say to the public."
Yuri frowned under her mask. "What are you planning?"
"Community service," was the answer.
The karate girl was holding back the urge to try and force a more straight answer out of the smaller blonde, as they were being taped. "Really? Community service? You?"
"Yeah. Watch and learn, thunder thighs."
Karen, annoyed that no one seemed to be paying attention to her, started up again. "Hey, he should be taping me. I'm the victim, here. I'm the one who's being forced to wear a mask, and got threatened with…"
"SHUT UP!" Malin and Yuri both snapped at the same time. The older woman turned an indignant shade of red over most of her body, but she still closed her mouth.
"Um… miss," the man with the phone said. "I've got you framed in."
"Good." Malin turned back to him and pulled her mask down so whoever was watching could see her face. "Don't listen to that Shamu behind me. Keep it on me and keep rolling. And three… two…" She ticked off her fingers, and then started talking at the camera. "Howdy, folks. Are you tired of having to stay inside all the time? Do you miss going to the beach, or the movies, or Disneyland, or an Athena concert? Don't you wish this pandemic were over so we could all have our lives back? Well, wake up, Joe schmo. As long as there's bitches like her in the world…" Malin jerked her thumb over her shoulder, pointing at the Karen behind her. Fortunately, her reluctant camera guy was pretty savvy, and moved his phone to zoom in on the older woman for a moment, just long enough for whoever might be watching to get a good look at her.
"You'd better blank my face out, college boy!" She growled.
A few seconds later, he was back to shooting Malin again. She continued her sentence after he gave her a thumbs-up. "...things aren't gonna get better. Yup, we've got a problem, folks. Her name is Karen. You see them everywhere. Refusing to wear masks, demanding to speak to the manager because their cashier is Chinese, and this is 'Murica, and God, and the Bible, and guns! Yes, they're a danger to our society, acting like spoiled little bitches, making all our lives miserable because some fat old guy with a drug problem told them COVID is really not a big deal.
"And of course, we have another problem, because you can't just stab them." She paused, then, flashed the phone a cheeky grin. "Well… maybe you can't…" Another pause, to point both her thumbs at herself. "But this gal can! And she's willing to, for a price. So, here's the deal, folks: is there a Karen in your life that you'd love to teach a lesson to? Well, then, just call 555-7822, that's 555-STAB, and ask for Malin. I'll get my hands dirty, so you won't have to."
"Um, Malin," Yuri spoke off-camera. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure this could come back to..."
"Sure I'm sure," Malin cut her off. She pulled her knife out again, began twirling the handle through the fingers of her left hand, and kept talking to the camera. "Now I understand this pandemic probably has some of you on a tight budget. Which is why my rates are negotiable. Whether you want me to make your Karen wish they were never born, or just have me cut them a teeny bit, we can come up with a package that fits you financially." She jabbed the tip of her blade toward the phone. "And no need to worry about getting caught. That phone number is not linked to any service provider that can be traced, and I don't accept electronic payments. Only cash in the form of unmarked bills. And you have my guarantee that I'll be totally discreet. My victims will never see or hear me coming."
She then pulled her mask back up over her mouth and nose. "And in these uncertain times, if you're scared of COVID, then I can arrange a contact-less experience for you. From discussing the details of the job, to dropping off my payment, it can all be done remotely. You'll never have to see me in person if you don't want to."
She took a yo-yo out of her pocket, and started to roll it lazily up and down. "And if you don't like knives, there's plenty of other things I can do. I can shock them. Paralyze them with neuro-toxic darts. Flatten them with a giant hammer." She stopped playing with the yo-yo to pull the string taut in front of her face. "Did you know you can garrote someone with the string of a yo-yo? Well, you do now!"
"Okay, Malin, maybe tone it down," Yuri said off-camera.
"That's what your mom said last night," Malin shot back.
"Uh, that makes no sense. You know I don't have a mom."
The blonde girl ignored her and turned back to the phone-camera, waving her knife for emphasis. "So in conclusion, folks, if there's a Karen you wanna make suffer, then call 555-STAB, ask for Malin, and let me do your dirty work! Have a nice day!"
Her demeanor became more relaxed after speaking those words, and her "cameraman" hit the STOP button. "Thanks, Kubrick," she said as she sheathed her knife. "Don't forget to upload that."
"Um, I'll have to do that later," the man told her with a nervous edge to his voice. "When I'm at home with IPVanish running. I… don't want to get any credit for this."
"No problem, dude," Malin said with a laugh. "Just means I don't have to split any of the dough. But, seriously, you'd better remember to upload, or I'll come looking for you."
Malin's "opponent," who'd been flabbergasted through much of the video, finally seemed to find her voice again. "You'll do no such thing," she said to the man with the phone. "You're gonna erase that right now, or I'm gonna sue you too."
She started towards him, but only got halfway there when Malin stepped between them. What happened next took place in the blink of an eye: some flechettes appeared in each hand, which Malin used to tear her clothes to pieces in a swift stroke, but somehow after doing that she was instantly dressed in her familiar brown and white fighting costume. Karen paused in her advance, momentarily taken aback, and the small blonde used that pause to pull a small cylinder from her hip satchel and hold it out in front of her, two fingers on the other hand slightly pinching the pin.
"Let's back off, there, shall we?" Malin admonished the older woman, one side of her mouth curled up in a smirk under her mask. "Otherwise, I pull the pin, and it's clean-up in Aisle Cunt!"
The woman sputtered as she tried to come up with words, then turned to the clerk, who had been watching everything silently the whole time, the look in his eyes suggesting that he felt like he was witness to some sacred ceremony. "Are… are you gonna let her threaten me? Call the police!"
The clerk raised his hands, but since she couldn't see it, underneath his mask he was smiling broadly. "Sorry, but I'd rather not take sides."
"Relax, lady," Yuri told the Karen. "That's not an explosive. Just smoke."
"Yeah, right," said Malin, taking a small step forward. "I pull this pin, and it wipes all three of us out."
"Bull crap," Yuri retorted.
"How can you be sure?" The obnoxious woman asked, surprising Yuri with how accusing her tone still managed to sound.
"Because I know her," the karate girl explained. "She'd never blow herself up because she's too…"
"Don't you dare use the C Word, Jell-O Butt!" Malin growled at her.
"Wasn't gonna," Yuri said calmly. "I was going to say you're too self-centered to ever sacrifice yourself for any cause."
"Shows what you know," Malin spat back. She glanced over her shoulder, saw that her reluctant cameraman had wisely gotten the hell out of that store. Which is what she meant this diversion for. "And anyway, it's moot now, since my camera guy got away. So, yippee-ki-yay, mother-fuckers!" She yanked out the pin, and then opened her hand, dropping the grenade at her feet like a microphone. "Malin out!"
A moment later, there was a small but loud bang, and the aisle filled with a thick cloud of gray smoke. Yuri had been expecting it and had her head turned away. The Karen, however, had her eyes squeezed shut and was coughing up a storm. When the smoke finally dissipated, there was no trace of Malin. Her shopping cart was where she'd left it, now empty, and there was a small stack of cash left by the clerk's register.
"Well, that was fun," said Yuri. "Better than my normal encounters with her. Now I forgot why I came in here. Oh, well. Guess I'll leave too."
"W-wait," the Karen said. "You're a witness. I need you to give a statement to the police."
"I didn't see anything," the karate girl said with a shrug, and started towards the exit. "At least, nothing worth reporting."
The older woman was quick to step in her way. Now that she was out of perceived danger, her "bitch factor" was lighting up again with a vengeance. "Wait, you have to help me, you little brat. You're one of those fighters, aren't you? I've seen you and your family on TV when you compete in tournaments. I thought you were supposed to do good."
Yuri laughed. "Sorry, you got me confused with one of Kim Kaphwan's people. And even if I were May Lee, today would be my day off. Now if you'll excuse me…"
The Karen remained in front of her, not moving. So Yuri gave a bored yawn under her mask and casually pressed her wrists together, summoning just enough chi to create a small pink glow between her hands. This got the woman to jump out of her way, as she'd already been challenged enough today. The karate girl then gave a polite nod and left the store.
Once more, the women was left only with the clerk to take out her frustrations on. She turned back over to him, and saw him pressing buttons on his phone. "You're in a lot of trouble, you little punk!"
The clerk looked confused, seeming not to comprehend. "I'm sorry, ma'am, can I help you?"
"I doubt it," she scoffed. "You were barely any help just now, standing by and doing nothing while one of your customers was threatened. I'm gonna lodge a complaint and do everything I can to make sure you lose your job! Now put that phone away and help me!"
If he was nervous, the kid was doing a fine job of hiding it. "Of course, ma'am. I'm happy to help you with that. I was just finishing putting that girl's phone number to my contacts."
At hearing that, some of the wind left her sails. Small beads of sweat broke out on the back of her neck. "You… what?"
"Yeah, I was thinking of calling her later. It sounds like a good service. But, anyway, you said you want to lodge a complaint with our Branch Manager? That's no problem. I just need you to give me your name, address, and a phone number he can reach you at."
The clerk smiled politely underneath his mask. At hearing his words, though, the Karen was now completely deflated. "Um… never mind. I… don't want to lodge anything. And… I'll take one of those masks."
The polite smile, though unseen, grew wider. He reached under the counter and offered her a face mask. "Of course, ma'am. If you need help finding anything, please let me know."
The woman snatched the mask and slipped it on, forgetting to pull it over her nose. Then she stalked off, muttering about how this was her worst day ever. The clerk, however, was feeling the opposite. If anything, this had been one of his best days since the pandemic had started.
A few blocks away, a familiar blonde figure was trudging down the sidewalk with several grocery bags in tow. Every now and then, she cast a glance over her shoulder, but did not see anyone following her, nor did she hear any sirens.
Malin gave a sigh of relief and reached into her satchel, pulling out the pocketbook she'd lifted from the Karen under the cover of the smoke. She opened it, removed the cash and the driver's license, and dropped the rest into a storm drain. The main reason she'd left the money to pay for her groceries was because she knew if she didn't, Yuri would have come after her. But at least I offset that loss, she thought as she tucked the older woman's cash into her satchel. And if my latest venture pays off, I'll be making enough scratch to get by until the Organization calls again.
Malin then looked at the driver's license, and started laughing aloud beneath the mask. "No fucking way!" She chortled. "Her name really is Karen! Go figure!" And of course, now that she had the woman's address, she would need to think of some suitable payback under cover of darkness.
What should it be? Slash her tires? Broken glass in her garden? Take a dump in her swimming pool? Or maybe switch those last two around? Sky's the limit. After all, she would need to find ways to stay in practice until she started getting phone calls. And her goal was not to run into anyone, so if the Organization asked, she could honestly say she was practicing social distancing.
As she continued back to her apartment with thoughts of a shower and some sugary cereal, Malin allowed herself a smile under her face mask. I'd say this pandemic finally got interesting. True, she was still without a social calendar, but at least she'd found other ways to keep busy...
ADDITIONAL NOTES
"Fake titty Robocop" is Malin's nickname for Blue Mary. And if you'd like to know more about what she's referring to, check out "Aftershocks" and "Officer Friendly," both written by Illyrilex. And be sure to leave her a review and tell her she's pretty. ( ;
On another amusing note, one of the personality quirks I gave Malin is that she assumes anyone with bigger boobs than her has implants. But in this case, she's right, because in Illy's fic-verse, Mary's tits are fake. And for more info on that, check out her fic "Upsizing."
And on that subject, in my own fics, Yuri's boobs are a little smaller than they are in the games (inspired by a scene from KoF: Destiny), but she makes up for that by being very thicc below the waist. Hence Malin's colorful nicknames for her. Yuri is a total PAWG. I will die on that hill!
Chanko Nabe is also known as "Sumo stew," because it is popular with Sumo wrestlers in training due to its high nutritional content. Also, according to my research, they do wipe their own asses. There was a time when they may not have, but Malin was hoping that Hinako didn't know that.
Since this is inspired by Illyrilex's fic-verse, South Town is in California, as opposed to Florida in my fic. And according to my research, Kroger's is a supermarket chain that exists in that state. And if you have never tried "Screamin' Sicilian", it is hands-down the best frozen pizza on the market. So do yourself a favor and try it. If you can find it, I highly recommend their "Three Little Piggies," but that seems hard to find lately, so I also recommend "Holy Pepperoni" or "Supremus Maximus."
Also wanted to add that Kasumi was only annoyed because Malin jolted her out of a sound sleep. In my HC, she and Malin are actually best friends. Athena is grateful that Malin loves her music, but she dislikes Malin as a person, and manages to act nice around her because Malin plays such an active role in her fan-club. And Hinako just hates her.
And the only reason Malin is buying wine is because she carries a Fake ID. Don't drink unless you're twenty-one or older.
Well, that's all for now. Hope you enjoyed! Remember, folks: the Coronavirus is real. Stay safe, wear masks in public, practice social distancing, and keep your hands clean! See you next time!