A/N: Hello, everyone. I hope you are all doing well and staying safe still during the pandemic. It's bizarre, crazy, yet horrific and uncertain times these days. I want to continue to pray for those who are affected by the virus for healing and hope you recover fully.
If anyone was laid-off due to COVID-19, I'm sorry this has happened to you. I'm sure it's got to be really hard and frustrating for you of what to do next. I just hope once all of this over that, you will be able to retain your position wherever you worked. If not, I hope you will find a new job elsewhere.
We're all in this together. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It's uncertain, though, of how close we are.
It's time to escape reality now. We're nearing the end with only two chapters remaining. An epilogue is still possible. Instead of following up where we previously left off, here is the full New Year's Eve encounter between Ruth and Pennywise, like I promised. We'll get back to confrontation in the next update.
Anyways, please enjoy the read guys.
Take care and be kind.
New Years Eve, 1989
Eight months earlier
It's nearly a week now, and Ruth has yet to find Pennywise. She searched for him in the sewers, his lair, even inside the Neibolt House. He is nowhere to be found, and it is scaring her. Her deadline is approaching quickly, and Ruth needs to figure out what to do real soon. A new year will begin in three hours. Ruth has a plan in mind, but she must speak with Pennywise about this. If she came out of hiding without his knowing, Pennywise will feel even more betrayed. Ruth doesn't want to hurt him to the point of losing him and their friendship or whatever it is they have. She cares way too much for him to give up.
Ruth found herself back at the Neibolt House, searching in the shadows of the basement for him. Alas, no cold prickle ran along her back. She frowns as desperation took root. Ruth must figure out a way to draw him out before dawn. She is sure Mike wants her to emerge by morning anyway.
She shuddered a violent sigh of a sob then collapses near the well. Thick tears streamed down her cheeks, choking back a wail.
"God, fuck, I am so fucking stupid," Ruth mumbled with a struggle.
Her back pressed against the rock and head laid on the ledge. Ruth's fingers unknowingly traced unusual patterns and symbols within the grime, mumbling incoherently before whispering a tune.
"I hear the ticking of the clock. I'm lying here, the room's pitch dark. I wonder where you are tonight. No answer on the " Ruth trails off when she heard a sound, or maybe a voice.
"Ruth?"
Ruth gasps and snaps her head up from the ledge to stare into the darkness. She strained her eyes to see who had spoken, but Ruth already knew who it was. There is an exciting flip in her stomach, and heart burst alive from the sound of their voice.
She shuddered a sigh, lightly smiling. "Pen."
Ruth quickly stood, ecstatic when she saw his golden-orange eyes appear in the inky black.
"Ruth," he breathes shakily.
She can see it in his gaze, Pennywise is glad to see her, but there is also disbelief. It's as if he is unsure Ruth is really there with him.
"It's me, Pen."
It was silent between them for a moment before Pennywise started forwards with a snarl.
"What are you doing here?" Pennywise growls, stopping several feet from her.
Ruth stares at him, frowning sadly from the hostility in his voice.
"I was looking everywhere for you. Where did you go?"
His growl deepens then towers over her, intimidating Ruth, where she stepped back.
"Why would you care to know, you irritating brat?"
She felt a dagger run through her heart from the name. Her frown deepens, tears brimming her eyes.
"I needed to talk with you," Ruth goes to say his name only to be interrupted.
"Oh, now you want to talk and on New Year's Even no less," he snaps viciously.
"I've wanted to talk since the day we scared Victor!" She yells.
Ruth immediately regretted it. Pennywise stepped closer, forcing her back further and against the crumbling wall. If she goes any further, Ruth will inevitably fall through and get seriously hurt or worse. She glances over her shoulder to stare into the maw of the well.
Don't fall through, she thought.
"Oh, really now? Then why were you with the Hanlon boy afterward?"
"Like the other dinguses, he just showed up here!"
"You could have brushed him off!"
"I tried to damnit!"
He pauses with a sneer, "Oh?"
Ruth stares and presses her lips, increasingly growing upset. All she wants to do is wrap her arms around his neck and hug Pennywise tightly. Mind you, Ruth is relieved she found him, or maybe he did, but this reunion is causing distress on her heart.
"I tried Pen. I didn't want to talk with Mike at all. Even when I told him what was going on, he wouldn't leave me alone."
Pennywise's lips pulled back in a toothy snarl.
"You… told him!"
"What? No! I didn't tell him shit! I wasn't going to let that weasel know who you really were or what really happened with us. Knowing that idiot, Mike would open his bucket mouth. The only thing I told him was that you and I had a "misunderstanding," and we needed space. That's beside the point."
"What is the point, Ruth?" He toothily growls.
Ruth groans and threw her hands in the air. "The point is, I was looking for you to apologize!"
"For what?"
"For not realizing you attacked me out of hunger, Penny!"
Pennywise stared for a moment frowning. "You only just now realized that?"
"No," she pauses to bite at her lip and sighs. "I figured it out when I was with Mike. It took a newspaper to blaster onto my face to see a picture of the last kid you ate, along with the date. Did you not see the note I left for you?" Ruth admits sadly.
"What note?"
She blinks, "I left you a note of where I was in between the basement door and sash."
"I saw nothing there, you blasted child."
Ruth shakily sighs, a small whimper followed. She assumes the wind carried it away and would never be seen by his eyes except for someone else. The thought alone put more distress on her heart. She lightly sobs, anxiety overwhelming her now. Ruth would have to find it so no one else would. She'll worry about that later, though. Right now, Ruth needs to patch things up with Pennywise. Like him, she has grown so dependent on him that Ruth wouldn't know what to do if she were to lose him. Now that frightened her. Ruth found someone she considers a friend still, despite its current status, and fears of being abandoned.
She chokes back a shallow and frightened sob to try focusing on the current issue.
"Will you answer this for me? Were you remotely aware you blindly attacked and nearly killed me?"
His scowl falls, and features slacked. Pennywise gulps tightly, locking his gaze on Ruth, and heaves a sigh.
"Yes," he guiltily answers.
Ruth's breath hitched, and eyes brimmed with tears.
"What?"
"My need to feed is what drove me to lay harm on you, Ruth."
She quickly glances away from him with her lips trembling into a deep, saddened grimace.
"Then I'm the biggest idiot on the planet," she sobs.
"No, you're not," Pennywise quickly counters, frowning deeply.
Ruth regards him again, her grimace turning into a scowl.
"How so? You just admitted to attacking and nearly killing me. How could?" She stops briefly when Pennywise lightly touched her cheek.
"Ruth," he urged.
She continued despite the urgency in his voice.
"I called out for you to stop, but it seemed my voice couldn't reach your ears, or you chose to ignore my pleas. You scared me, Pen. How could you do that to me if you had some sort of awareness? I thought_."
He felt a stabbing pain in his chest from her admittance. That was the last thing Pennywise wanted to hear from her. Pennywise smooths his fingers away from her cheek to her throat. He gingerly squeezes, causing Ruth to stop talking for a moment. She holds a breath and stiffens. He can even feel her pulse quicken.
"You talk too much," Pennywise noted, his voice quavering some.
Ruth stares up at him, trembling slightly from his touch. Pennywise can tell he's doing something to her. It's from the look in her eyes and the warmth radiating from her flesh, even the goosebumps.
"I couldn't control myself, Ruth. Your voice alone couldn't draw me out of my primal instinct. I wanted to tell you this, but you pushed me away. You promised you wouldn't."
Ruth gulps tightly, glances down as guilt settled on her shoulders, truly ashamed at herself for forgetting the promise she made.
When Ruth doesn't say anything in return, Pennywise seizes the opportunity and speaks softly.
"You said you went searching for me, and yet I found you with the Hanlon boy when I went looking for you. Explain that to me," he implored and crossed his arms.
With a long, steady breath and fingers fidgeting, Ruth regards him with her lip jutted out.
"Mike insisted I go for a walk with him. I didn't want to but went with him anyway. Once I realized you haven't had a meal in several weeks, I immediately came rushing back here. Neither of us was supposed to be alone since we," she pauses to glance away, pink gracing her cheeks.
Pennywise watched her briefly, noting her body language.
"Since we what?" He questioned softly.
Her mouth curved into a smile. "Since whatever it was, we started. You know, the kiss."
Ruth doesn't see it, but Pennywise lightly smirks. I know.
She clears her throat, then continued. "Except when I reached the basement door, it was gone. Apparently, you created an illusion to keep me out. I wasn't going to let it keep me from scratching, banging, and kicking at the wall begging for you to let me through."
Ruth held out her hands, showing him the slowly healing lacerations on her palms. Pennywise unknowingly reached out and gently grasped her wrists. He stares at the red markings while gingerly brushing them. The pain in his chest worsened, and throat tightened.
"I ended up causing damage to myself."
Pennywise remained silent as he stared at the red markings, guilt settling deeper into his bones.
"I had to speak with you and apologize for the horrible thing I said. You needed to explain yourself, and I didn't give you the opportunity. I came back here after I figured out the reason why you attacked, only to discover the basement door gone. Copper helped me realize I could search for you in the sewers from the outside. There is a sewer pipe in the Barrens where I ventured into your lair, but you weren't there. I stayed there for a week waiting for you."
He didn't say anything for a moment to process this. Pennywise did prevent Ruth from coming down the basement to travel the sewers. It would have been too easy for her to access. If she wanted to make amends, he wanted her to work hard for it. Besides, Pennywise knew she would figure it out quickly. Except, him doing that caused Ruth to get distracted by the Hanlon boy. Pennywise saw them together. He thought she had gone to him for comfort, which resulted in Pennywise to hide with an even more broken heart.
This is all his fault.
"My intent on creating that damned illusion was for you to find me elsewhere. The basement is much too easy to access. When it took you longer than I expected, I went looking for you. The last thing I wanted to see was you with the Hanlon boy. I was under the impression you went to him for comfort despite the fact you didn't trust him. It hurt seeing you with him, Ruth."
Ruth observed him in the dark, his gold eyes now blue and not looking at her.
"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you by going to him. I hate that I did. I know a simple apology isn't enough to atone for my actions. I would have to do something extreme to make up for it. I'm not asking for your forgiveness or to accept my apology, I wouldn't if I was you. I just want you to know how sorry I am for everything I have done."
Pennywise regards her then, lightly frowning.
"You're right about one thing, I can't forgive you, but I will accept your apology."
She smiles weakly and shifts in her spot, "I'm okay with that."
They fall in an awkward silence afterward, and neither could look each other in the eye now.
After a prolonged silence, Ruth disturbs it with a question.
"Where did you go that I couldn't find you?"
He was silent for a moment, considering a response. Pennywise searched his brain to answer but couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation or put it to words.
"I can't say where, but I can show you," he says without looking at Ruth.
Ruth doesn't say anything back, even though she would like to. If Pennywise is willing to show her where he was, then there is no need to acknowledge that.
She hears him shuffle in the darkness and nears the well.
"Wait, down there in the sewers?"
He pauses, screwing his lips with a small hum. "Kind of."
Intrigued, Ruth approaches his side. She glances into the inky black, envisioning another place within the labyrinth of cesspools. Ruth imagines a deep cavern with jagged rocks and damp air that smelled of moss and soil. She can even see a foreign object protruding from the ground, or maybe the earth carved itself a hollowed crown.
What exactly am I visualizing here?
"Keep up," Pennywise says suddenly, disturbing Ruth's thoughts.
"You-you want me to follow?" She questions with uncertainty.
"Yeah. You got a problem with that?"
Ruth noticed the indifference in his voice. Frankly, she doesn't like it. She's growing even more frightened and hurt by the minute of their reunion.
"No," she mumbles, choking back a sob.
Pennywise noticed. "Please, don't cry. You know, I hate it when you weep."
"Sorry, but it's kind of hard not to," Ruth responds lowly.
He sighs heavily, hating that their reunion is bringing her heartache. Pennywise would much rather continue avoiding her, but he needed to see Ruth. Despite the broken heart she caused, Pennywise missed her terribly. Mind you when he saw her down here, he was ecstatic to see Ruth. He wanted to hug Ruth tightly and not let go. She came back for crying out loud! To hear she stayed in the sewers for a week wanting to talk demonstrated her determination to mend what was done.
Except, Pennywise had to remind himself Ruth broke her promise and pushed him away. It hurt a lot because Pennywise had finally let his guard down, and yet she pulled the rug out from under him. Of course, he had to think back to the moment when he promised never to hurt her. Ruth believed he went back on his word. It's true to an extent, but he couldn't control himself or stop.
He then remembers the conversation about the ring, how it represented his and Ruth's under the radar friendship and alliance.
"Do you still have the ring on you?" He questioned suddenly.
Ruth glances at him, nervous at the inquiry. "I do. I not once took it off. Why? Do, do you want it back?"
He wants to say yes and have her take it off. Except, something within his core told him not to hurt Ruth further.
"No," Pennywise answers, lowly. "You broke your promise to not push me away. So, keep it. Let it be a reminder of what we once had."
Ruth stares helplessly, heartbroken to the point of crying. She sniffs, sobs, and lightly weeps.
Pennywise tried to ignore the cries, but it's hard doing that. Despite his better judgment, he gently placed a hand on her small shoulder. Ruth jumped slightly from his touch and trembled. He can tell she wants to fling herself at him for a hug. Honestly, Pennywise would like for Ruth to do just that. If she does, he won't be able to pull her off.
"Sorry," Ruth mumbles.
He doesn't say anything, just prepared himself to jump into the abyss and into the sewers.
"Wait," Ruth called, stopping him.
Pennywise pouts, suppressing a groan.
"What?"
Catching the tone in his voice, Ruth decided not to irritate him further.
"Never mind, sorry," she murmurs sadly.
She may not have gotten to say what needed to be said, but Pennywise still groans a heavy sigh.
"Just come out with it."
Ruth hesitated but finally managed to chalk up some courage.
"I just had a request I wanted to run by you."
With a frown, Pennywise glances at Ruth. Despite the darkness, he sees Ruth's disheartened expression. He mirrors with a gentle sigh.
"What kind of request?" He questions softly.
Ruth locks her eyes on his, feigning a small hopeful smile.
"I know it sounds juvenile, but I was wondering if I could ride on your back?"
Dumbfounded, he stares back and suppresses a smirk. Pennywise wants to decline, but he can't find it in his heart to turn Ruth down. He missed her a lot. With slight hesitation, Pennywise gave Ruth a hand and helped her to stand on the lip of the well. He never noticed until now how small and dainty Ruth's hand is. His dwarves hers in size, but their fingers still entwine perfectly like puzzle pieces.
In the darkness of the basement, Pennywise finally smiles. Ruth hugged his neck tightly and laid against his back with a content sigh. There was even a hiccup of a sob. The weight and feel of her warmth brought memories back from when they were inseparable. She loved riding on him because it felt like hugging to her with legs, something he also missed.
He breathes steadily through his nose to calm the sudden want within his being. Having Ruth pressed against his back and her breath, tingling at his neck gave him a charge. Pennywise can't explain it, let alone understand this sudden desire for her. He wants Ruth, and that scares him.
"I've missed you," Ruth whispers, her breath tingling at his ear.
Pennywise quivered in delight, "I missed you, too," he admits.
He felt Ruth smile before jumping into the well with an excited grin. Pennywise will make their travel a little more fun for her.
It didn't take Pennywise very long to get Ruth where he hid deep within the earth. His inhuman speed should have affected Ruth in some fashion, but it never did. Ruth thoroughly enjoyed the rush and felt an odd tingling sensation, but it never harmed her. Pennywise is beginning to wonder if his extensive powers are invigorating and feeding Ruth with abilities that might affect her later down the road. Pennywise doesn't know for sure if it will, but he's not going to worry about it for now.
When they did arrive, Ruth only saw darkness. Ruth couldn't tell where she was or what is around her. She remained on his back, clinging tightly around his neck as Pennywise moved swiftly through the dark. He soon stopped and just stood there. Ruth wasn't sure why, but she understood once Pennywise started to release his grip on her legs. She pouts in the dark, reluctantly yet clumsily withdrew herself off his back. Of course, with Ruth being a klutz, she stumbled and fell on a rocky surface squarely on her ass.
"Ow."
Pennywise doesn't say anything, not even a laugh, just slips forward.
She gazes into the dark, hoping her eyes would adjust to the pitch blackness. When her vision didn't make out any shapes, Ruth used her other senses. She took a small sniff, smelling moss and soil. The air around Ruth is moist, creating goosebumps along her flesh and shivered. Ruth then ran her fingers on the ground, feeling rough rocky surface and dirt. In the darkness, Ruth started to see something form in her mind, a formation. It is jagged and protruded upwards like spikes forming what Ruth thought was a crown but an empty crater. Ruth then envisioned an alien lifeform emerging from the meteorite of which crash-landed here eons ago. Her bones and muscles suddenly ached as the creature painfully awoke with a deep groan. Ruth saw something else, a light source. Not just one, not even two, but three huge glowing bright orange balls of fire, which surged and swirled in synchronization like an invisible juggler. She watched them hover above the crater briefly then ascended towards the high, earthy ceiling of its deep dwelling. The balls of energy slowly transitioned into a cold icy blue before disappearing, hiding its true form.
The Deadlights.
Ruth exhales, her vision tunneling as she stared into the abyss. Her skin tingled, burned, and grew numb as if Ruth's body fell asleep from an intense warmth washing over her like candle wax.
Holy. What, what in the hell was that?
"Ruth," Pennywise calls from within the dark.
She breathes raggedly, and eyes scanned the darkness.
"I, I can't," Ruth began, trying to speak. I can't comprehend what I just saw, she wanted to say but refrained.
She hears him sigh heavily with a slight groan following. Slowly, Ruth started to see golden-orange lights pierce the darkness. At first, they started small like fireflies but grew larger with each passing second. The balls of light increased the size of beachballs and floated freely, illuminating the space of which she and Pennywise came. Ruth scans the lit walls, discovering she is deep within the earth. She gaps as the earthy sides stretched high and barely out of sight. Ruth realized quickly she is in the cavern of where Pennywise, aka Deadlights the Eater of Worlds, originated.
"Holy shit balls," Ruth breathes in awe.
"Ruth," Pennywise called to her again.
She snaps her gaze away from the rocky ceiling to him. He glared at Ruth impatiently, and with a scowl. Ruth should feel nervous, except something caught her eye while Pennywise stood in the center. She raggedly exhales then swiftly approached the alien meteorite with a critical eye. Ruth examined the black crystallized material, touching the spike as a strange sense of familiarity swept over her.
"I've seen this place," Ruth revealed. Her voice level yet in awe.
Pennywise stares, watching her cautiously as Ruth examined the dark matter.
"How?"
"Before we came down here, I," Ruth pauses, unsure about sharing but decided anyway. "I envisioned this place. It's as if I predicted what this place would look like. I wasn't wrong. It's_."
She stops then glances over her shoulder at Pennywise.
"This is how you arrived here on earth."
He watched her, scrutinizing Ruth's excited gaze.
"It's no wonder I couldn't find you or sense your presence. You came here to hide, of which blocked that ability of mine. Something I'm still confused about."
Pennywise doesn't respond, just observed her still with caution.
Ruth looks away to continue examining the formation with an entranced gleam in her eye.
"Fascinating," she whispered and grinned.
It is silent between them for a few minutes until Pennywise disturbed Ruth's investigation.
"What exactly are you?"
Ruth pauses in her stop with brows furrowed. She glances over her shoulder at him, seeing his expression of uncertainty and unease.
"What do you mean?"
He growls, "How were you able to envision my place of origin?"
She gulps, her excitement diminishing to uncertainty. "I, I don't know. I've never had visions before until now."
Pennywise deadpans, "Seriously, now?"
Ruth looks him in the eye. "I'm being honest with you, Pen. I really don't know."
She spoke the truth, but Pennywise remained skeptical. He doesn't reply back, just stared. His eyes dropped to break contact, suddenly feeling the want within his being again. Despite everything that is going through his mind about Ruth's sudden visions, Pennywise is still very much glad to see her. He's wanted to see Ruth since this past week but was constantly reminded of her betrayal. Pennywise desperately wants to make Ruth his, but he can't trust himself being around her anymore. He is afraid of hurting her again, and Pennywise doesn't want that to happen… ever.
He sighs then tried to regard Ruth again but stopped when Pennywise saw the healing lacerations on her palms. He finally noticed her nails are trimmed back to almost nothing. Pennywise knows Ruth takes good care of her hands, especially her fingernails. Ruth would have a coronary if she accidentally broke one. Ruth loves her long nails, and so does he. Mainly because Pennywise realized a long while ago, he enjoys back scratches. It's a marvelous yet sedating sensation. Ruth, on several occasions, hit one particular spot, and he, Pennywise, would react like the basset hound puppy with its hind-leg twitching vigorously.
He inwardly grins from the thought but refused to comment. Pennywise should feel angry and betrayed, not nostalgia from reminiscing over a fond memory. With a quick shake of his head, Pennywise cleared his mind to the matter at hand.
"Your nails are short," Pennywise observed with a slight pout. "Why?"
Ruth glances down at her hands, a frown adorning her lips.
"I broke quite a few of them when I was clawing and pounding at the wall. I hated doing it, but I had to trim and file my nails down to almost nothing. They'll grow back to normal length in a few weeks. Besides, I know how you like your back scratches." She replies, feigning a small smile.
Pennywise's lips twitch, wanting to return the gesture. Instead, he halfheartedly scowled and flicked his gaze to her own, catching the hopeful glimmer in her eyes.
"Other than wanting to apologize, why were you so desperate in wanting to talk with me?"
Ruth eyed him for a moment, huffing a sigh. "I'm not going to dance around the subject and put it bluntly. Michael gave me an ultimatum."
Within a blink, Pennywise approached Ruth and loomed over the small girl, forcing Ruth into the formation.
"He WHAT?" Pennywise half hollered and growled.
His tone frightened Ruth, but she dared not to show how much so. Despite it, with Pennywise this close, Ruth can feel the inferno in her abdomen burn like a California wildfire. She is very much attracted to him, no matter what the form. Rather Pennywise is in this favorite and preferred form or his alternative human disguise, Robert, her heart beats a mile a minute and palms sweat. Pennywise does something to her of which makes Ruth feel wanted and cherished. Ruth anticipated his touch, to actually feel the intensity beneath those gloved fingers, but knew he never will. She wants the goosebumps and satisfaction, but its dangerous territory.
If either of them were to succumb to their hidden desires for one another, it would break them apart indefinitely. The foundation and friendship they built will crumble in an instant. Their deep bond will vanish like a fart in the wind. Pennywise will eventually kill her, if not right then and there. Something of which Ruth doesn't want to happen. She must deny her affection for him. Loving an ancient alien being like him will be the death of her. However, Ruth wishes to remain friends with Pennywise. He is the only person slash thing Ruth trusts the most. She is safe with him.
Safe?
She hesitates with a heavy sigh yet tried not to make eye contact. Ruth can tell they are dilated with desire, especially the growing ache between her thighs.
"He gave me a choice of what I needed to do. It's something I detest with a passion," Ruth starts.
"Because you hate being told what you can and can't do, I know. Your fearless, indomitable spirit is both a weakness and a strength."
Ruth silently smirks from the compliment then gathers enough courage to look him in the eye. She catches the flicker of his golden-orange eyes igniting, either in a predatory fashion or desire-driven. Ruth couldn't tell which.
"It's also the fact that I refuse to take shit from others after all the bullshit I gone through, especially with Michael. The Hanlon Boy, as you so nicely put it, wants me to come out of hiding."
"Why?"
"He says I'm not myself, whatever that means, and should be around my own peers. Michael even believes I need direction from someone else and not some foreign schmo. His words, not mine. Plus, Michael misses seeing me around."
"Oh boohoo," Pennywise mocks with a wrinkle of his nose and a sneer. "Now, what is this ultimatum the lovestruck idiot presented to you, Ruth?"
She gulps while continuing to hold her gaze on his. "Either I come out of hiding and save you from criminal charges since Michael believes you are the one responsible for the swine's death, even though you are. If he got the police involved, they would be chasing after a nonexistent individual, a ghost really. Although, now that I think about it, it would be fun watching the numbskulls scramble like headless chickens."
"Ruth," he growls impatiently.
Ruth smirks but continued, "Sorry. Long story short, Michael grew tired of lying for me and pretending I'm not here. So, if I refuse to come out of the shadows, he will go to the authorities and tell them everything they need to know. Michael even made a comment of the officials tearing down your place of power as it would keep me from coming back. Of course, since you are Derry and can control people at your will, I'm sure you will have a say in what they do. You are an extraordinary and profound being with incredible abilities, of which I envy, and no man would even know how to handle them, Penny."
Pennywise stared, infuriated at the ultimatum Mike had given her. However, he is astonished at Ruth for finding a way to stroke his ego. A vast amount at that since he unknowingly puffed his chest. The news of Ruth being envious of him because of his abilities is new. Although he kind of knew she did. Pennywise believes Ruth would like to be more like him anyway then a mere mortal. He's not sure how he could help her with that, though. All Pennywise knows is that he admires the way Ruth praises and worships him. The smile she flashed at him made Pennywise quiver in delight and want her even more. Except, he can't touch her.
He scowls with a glare then hums with consideration. "I assume after a week apart, you have an idea on how to resolve this… predicament, you're in, don't you?"
"Of course, I do," Ruth says with conviction.
Pennywise studied her briefly with a purse of his lips.
"You're going to come out of hiding, aren't you?"
Ruth gulps and brows drooped. "That is… part of the plan," she guiltily admits.
Pennywise growls and pressed Ruth further against the formation with a hand gripping her shirt collar. She made not a sound from his advance.
"And risk everything we built!"
"No! That is not my intention, Pen, honest!"
"Then why are you even considering leaving me?"
"I'm not leaving you, Pennywise," Ruth replies with conviction. "I will never ever leave you. I said it's part of the plan. Let me finish, please," Ruth pleads.
Pennywise skeptically stared and snarls of Ruth's motives now. He silently stared while listening to Ruth lightly pant. Pennywise can feel her pulse quicken and the warmth radiating from Ruth's creamy petal-soft flesh. He realized then he had hoisted Ruth off her feet. Her eyes widened slightly, but she never looked away. Pennywise then noticed he stood super close since Ruth's fingers curled at his chest, gripping the suit tightly. There is an intense flutter in his stomach from her heat. Pennywise has this strong and undeniable desire for her, and he's not sure how to shake it off. Yet, he felt something else that alarmed him, a sudden urge. It's a compulsion to rip at Ruth's flesh. He can already taste her innocent blood on his tongue, along with the shrill cry of pain echoing in his ears. Pennywise wants to feast on Ruth but refuses to lay harm on her. He just can't do it.
Pennywise lowly growls, frightening Ruth from the sound of his distress. He watched as her eyes searched his own, concern gracing Ruth's soft features. He didn't realize it but Ruth had reached out and gingerly cupped his cheek. Her touch startled him only a little, yet snapped him out of his primal desire to lay harm on Ruth. Pennywise stares helplessly at her conflicted about what he really wants to do with her.
"Pen," Ruth softly calls.
He shudders and sighs raggedly, instantly setting Ruth back on her feet. The urge to gnaw on Ruth's bones terrified him now that he took a step back, leaving the comfort of Ruth's warmth.
Ruth observed him for a moment, noting the hint of hunger in his gaze. She wants to be nervous that Pennywise will act out of his true nature, but Ruth knew. She knows he's fighting the urge to kill her. Why, though?
After a long moment, Pennywise finally spoke. His voice is devoid of emotion, but not his tall frame. Pennywise's shoulders rolled forward, hunching, and head hung a little.
"Don't bother," he replies while stepping further away.
"Pen, what are you_?"
"I don't need to hear about your grand scheme. Leave me out of it."
Ruth blinked as his tall, hunched form lumbered away.
"But, but I thought," she starts only to be interrupted.
"I don't want to hear any of it, you irritating child. Besides, I'm making your decision a lot easier on you anyway."
She continued to gap, while unshed tears burned her eyes.
"W-what? What are you talking about?"
He sighs heavily, refusing to look at Ruth's horror-stricken yet awed expression.
"This is the last you will ever see of me," Pennywise replies sadly.
"What?" Ruth struggles, eyes misting with tears. "What, what are you saying?"
He regards her finally with a sad frown and biting at the inside of his lip. "I can't be near you anymore."
"What, why? I don't understand. Why would you say that? You most certainly can be near me, Pen. Look, I should have never said for you to stay away. It was heartless of me, I know! But please, don't let this be how it ends between us."
"There is no us," Pennywise snaps. "There never was! Now, leave me be."
"Pen, please, don't push me away."
"You've pushed me away plenty! So, why can't I? I can't be around you!"
"Why? Why can't you? Please, Penny, help me understand. I need to know!"
"You wouldn't understand! It's better this way!"
"How? How is tearing me away any better? I'm sorry I didn't allow you to explain yourself. I don't know how it happened, but I forgot about my promise I made to you, Penny. I hate that I did. Maybe then none of this would have happened. I'm not proud of it, and I regret hurting you. It caused me more distress then you believe. I've lost sleep and barely eaten anything for almost a week. Just please, don't turn me away when I'm doing everything I can to fix my mistake. I'm practically groveling here. If me staying here in the sewers for a week getting filthy and to near starvation doesn't show you how far I would go to see you and apologize, then I don't know what will."
He sighs heavily, glaring still. "How can you stomach being anywhere near me after what I did? I'm a monster, remember?"
"You are not a monster, Pennywise. Technically by definition, you are. However, I learned who the real monsters are, and you're not one of them."
Pennywise groans and held his head.
"Goodbye, Ruth," Pennywise growls.
"Please, Pen, you're my friend! I thought," she pleads with difficultly.
"You thought what? That I had actually had feelings for you? That I… loved you? And if you really were a friend, you would have stopped to think about what triggered me to attack and nearly killed you. I told you to wait and let me explain, but you wouldn't let me! Now stay away and let me be!"
Ruth dejectedly glares, her heart crumbling like the well.
"B-but you promised me a year," she quavered.
Pennywise snaps his gaze on her, fighting back a saddened frown. "I already broke one promise to you. Another wouldn't hurt now, would it?"
She grimaces and looks away with a whimper. Ruth can feel her knees weakening but dared not to collapse in front of him. She'll do that upstairs later.
Ruth sniffles before turning her attention back on him, except he's walking away.
"No, Pen, please," Ruth cries, rushing after him. "Please, don't leave me!"
He whirls, his teeth exposed.
"It's OVER!"
Ruth stumbles to a stop, staring helplessly at him with lips quivering.
"Please," she begs a final time, then bawls.
Pennywise tries to ignore her cries, but it is hard doing that. He hates hearing her weep. Breaking Ruth's beautiful heart hurts him more than anything else. He didn't want to do this to Ruth, but Pennywise must sever his ties with her. His presence is tainting Ruth, and suddenly desiring her is dangerous territory. He can't touch Ruth, not in that fashion. That is strictly forbidden.
"You need to leave," he says without glancing.
She tearily looks at him, "Pen."
"I said, GET OUT!" Pennywise bellows.
Ruth gulps, violently shaking from her quick and shallow breaths. She moves as instructed even when her feet felt heavy. Ruth doesn't want him to erupt like Pompeii and unleash unrelating anger on her body. Her head hung with hair falling past the shoulders like a veil to shield the thick tears.
Pennywise chose not to watch her leave, or maybe he couldn't find the strength to do so. Ruth's cries echoed in his mind like a disease, even her pleas. His ancient red lips quivered downwards into a deep grimace, fighting back a sob.
Don't look back, he tells himself.
Ruth was several feet away from him when she stops. Her vision blurred from tears as she pulled something out from her back pocket. She wants to smile, but her broken heart prevented Ruth from doing so. Ruth gripped it, intending to rip the object in half. She hesitates but couldn't follow through. Sobbing harshly, Ruth tossed it to the ground and started forwards again.
She stops one last time to glance at Pennywise, who kept his back to her.
"Deadlights," she quavered.
"Leave," he demanded.
Her heart grew numb, choking on a sob.
"Never mind," she mutters then quickly turns.
Pennywise pivots in his spot and glares dangerously, "You have something to say, now say it!"
Ruth regards him with a jutted, quivering bottom lip. "I just wanted to say thank you."
His face falls. Even after everything he had said to break Ruth's heart, she still managed to break his.
Why?
"Despite what has happened recently, you made these last six months better than the first thirteen years of my life. Well, other than the swine impregnating me, along with the fall. Aside from that, you were the only person who treated me like a human being and not a punching bag. Thank you for everything."
That is the truth, he never did. Pennywise may have tried to frighten her, but never did he raise a hand. He never referred to Ruth by anything derogatory, let alone hurtful to bring her down. Pennywise only called her irritating because that is part of Ruth's personality. Ruth likes to annoy those who she finds entertaining to ruffle their feathers for the fun of it. Pennywise enjoyed it, even the childlike wonder she has. He won't admit that out loud, though.
When he failed to say anything or acknowledge her, Ruth dejectedly turned away crying.
Pennywise then glanced over his shoulder to watch Ruth's retreating form. He told himself not to look back but did anyway. He eyed Ruth's back, letting her departure be the last image Pennywise sees of the girl. Once the fiery waves fade in the dark and wails sounded, his stomach unpleasantly flips. Pushing her away feels wrong. Pennywise had thought, tearing her out of his life was the right thing to do, but now Pennywise is second-guessing himself. His head told him to let her go and stop caring, but his heart is telling him differently. His gut agrees. Maybe pushing Ruth away to save her light, and to keep himself from doing something he might regret later wasn't what Pennywise should have done.
Except, there is no going back. The damage is done.
A ragged breath leaves his lungs followed by a sniffle. His gold eyes scan the ground, landing on the object of which was left behind. Pennywise huffs tiredly then slowly dragged his heavy feet to inspect. He stoops and gently takes a Polaroid in his fingers. His heart drops even further into the pit of his already sickened stomach. There is a hesitant tear in the center of the white border of where Ruth wanted to rip it in half but couldn't. Pennywise could if he truly wanted, but he won't allow himself to do the deed. Ruth held onto the picture Victor took of him in his human form as Robert and Ruth laying in the snow, smiling fondly and brightly.
He vividly remembers that day if it were yesterday. Ruth's joyful mirth reverberated in his brain, and her beautiful smile burned his vision. She was so happy with him. No, they were happy together. Being around her brought something out of Pennywise, of which he never thought possible. He blames it on the desirable life force that lies within Ruth's heart.
Why?
Pennywise sunk to his knees with a thud to wallow in self-pity.
"Vivi," he whispers in a small, strangled voice. "I'm sorry."
The cavern deep within the earth where Pennywise brought Ruth sat in an unbearable silence for who knows how long. It could be minutes or maybe even hours, but Pennywise doesn't know which. All he knows is that he hates it with a burning passion.
Before, his world has always been filled with silence and lacked any life. The only exception is interacting with the naïve and easily frightened children so he could feast on their flesh and gnaw at their bones. It was a lifestyle he preferred immensely and thoroughly enjoyed.
Now, once Pennywise met Ruth, his unexciting and straightforward life started to brighten. Everything didn't seem so black and white anymore. Ruth brought color into his world full of her essence. She showed him how to be compassionate and caring, even learned how to love. And Pennywise adores the child because of it. Everything just seemed to balance itself out with Ruth by his side.
Except, the vibrant child is forever out of his life. Pennywise finally pushed her away. He had to. Otherwise, the evilness in him would have harmed the girl he has grown to love. Pennywise genuinely cares for Ruth, his beloved Vivi.
Pennywise sighs as he sat on his knees and stared at the photo of him with Ruth in the snow. Her bright smile outshined the white powder, even his. They really were happy together. And yet, here they are, forced apart due to his nature and her forgetfulness.
Why did it have to come down to this? Pennywise thought.
For the longest time, the dark cavern sat in that unbearable silence for a long while. Enough so to drive Pennywise to the brink of madness. He despises the hollow sound. That is until a murmur of footsteps rushed from behind him. His ears perked from the noise, perplexed at the approaching feet. Pennywise would have stood to confront whoever it was that happened upon him, but he knows. He also would have spoken to prevent them from coming closer, but couldn't. A sudden heavy weight landed on his back with a crash, in which he lightly grunted from impact. Pennywise then felt their arms mindfully coiled around his neck. His eyes widened, and mouth gapped slightly. Pennywise then heard a light weep and a sniffle.
Ruth?
"I do understand," her sweet voice whispers into his ear.
Pennywise pressed his eyes closed from a sensation swelling in his chest. His heart seems light and shoulders sagged. He wants to be mad at her for coming back, but Pennywise is glad she defied his request. A weight lifted off him as he happily welcomed Ruth's embrace from behind. He reaches to try returning the gesture, only to grip her arm tightly. Pennywise shudders slightly with a gentle sob, reveling in the much-needed embrace. He shakily sighs from the weight of her body against him and arms tightening by a fraction.
"I know why you're pushing me away," Ruth continued.
Ruth doesn't pull away as she spoke.
"You're afraid you might lay harm on me, I know that much. But I also know you're doing this to fight off your affections for me. I know I'm right, too, because I'm trying to fight my own, Pen."
His breath stalls in his throat and lungs, but refused to reply.
"You don't have to say anything, Penny. I understand you're probably angry at me for staying, but I can't let this be how it ends for us. Besides, it's New Year's Eve. Please, just give me one more night. That's all I ask. Afterward, we'll go our separate ways."
He sat there for a moment, observing the dim-lit cavern in consideration. Ruth is right that they can't let their relationship end on a sour note like this. One more night won't hurt them. Would it?
Pennywise sighs once more, breathing in her dirty vanilla rose hair and grimaces.
"You need a bath."