highly requested for me to keep writing this story. I am sorry for the long break.

.-.

"How's your day going?" Callie asks Addison when they meet at a nurse station. Addison tries her best on smiling. "What's up?" Callie asks, noticing the fake smile and the exhausted look on the redhead's face.

"Just... today is a sad day." The neonatal surgeon sighs, "All cases I've been assigned to today involve a sad story. Everything is too much tragedy. I haven't sent any mom home with her newborn." Addison sighs, taking her red glasses off.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I've had a pretty good day, and I'm saying it even if you didn't ask me." Callie says, clearly cheerful.

"Miscarriages, dead babies... too much death for today." She shakes her head. It hasn't been a good day, for sure. But there was a positive thought inside of her mind, it was there even if her main focus right now was her patients, what Derek said last night made her feel mesmerized.

I will never hate you.

"Are you going to Joe's later?" Callie asks Addison, trying to distract her from her ugly day.

"I don't know. I'll probably leave late tonight, I have some paperwork to do, but I'll let you know if anything changes." Addison says, showing her best friendly smile, taking the chart she was examining and walking away.

Today brains are lazy. No tumors or aneurysms or any kind of brain bleeding left for today, none. Most surgeries are scheduled for tomorrow or in a couple of days, most cases aren't a hurry or anything like that. Derek can have the day off if he wants to. Still, he's never been used to days off, he's a surgeon, he cuts and keeps cutting and that's what he does on a daily basis.

He walks over the surgical board to check it, his eyes see his own name in there. Well, her name. His wife is in OR 3 operating, doing a TEF repair on a newborn. Derek walks to the nearest elevator from where he was, finding Mark Sloan inside of it.

"Hey." Mark says, he doesn't sound as confident as he has always sounds like which is strange, for sure.

Derek scoffs, shaking his head slightly, "Why are you back?" he asks, pushing the button to the fourth floor.

"I came back for her. But she doesn't listen. I guess she has fallen for you again." Mark says spontaneously. He's obviously talking about Addison.

"I'm sorry?" Derek plays dumb, giving Mark an annoyed glance.

"Addison. She... she's not leaving you." He tells his former best friend and as a matter of fact, she wasn't going to.

"Why would she?" Derek asks, a little confused as to why the statement.

"I thought she was going to come back to New York eventually and... I guess I was wrong. She's here with you."

I would be aware if my wife wanted to leave me, am I right? Derek thinks.

"Why do you care if she's staying or not? She's my wife, I don't know if you remember that." Maybe that question was too much, but it wasn't too much for him. It's Mark Sloan, the man whore. The man who slept with the love of his life and screwed up their lives.

"She was also my best friend." Mark says.

"Leave, alright? Just leave! You hate the rain, you hate this place and you clearly hate me enough to be bothering around." Derek explodes.

"What the hell is your problem with me?!" That's more like Mark Sloan. He stoles your wife but then he doesn't understand why the hate and disrespect towards him.

"You slept with my wife, there's no mercy left for you, Mark. Go back home and look for a new best friend because you have already lost me." Thank God the elevator doors open, and Derek comes out of it. He walked towards the gallery of the OR 3 and sat down, letting out a heavy sigh that had built up from his conversation with Mark.

He spots her down there, working her hands inside of that baby. He used to love doing this, coming to the gallery and staring at her perfect self meanwhile she worked on saving a life. Lately those memories are blurry, when they were young and filled of excitement. He regrets not being pleased by her visit… at first he wanted her on the first plane out here and now the thought of her leaving him makes him uncomfortable, even sad.

She looks so confident and focused on what she's doing.

"Doctor Shepherd?" A small voice calls from the back. Izzie Stevens waves at him when he turns around to see who's calling his name.

"Stevens." That's his way of greeting apparently.

"Have you ever seen a TEF on a newborn before?"

"I believe it's my fourth, actually." He says with a friendly grin.

"You've already watched your wife perform these kind of surgeries?"

"Yeah, I mean... one of those surgeries was performed by my sister Nancy."

"I see. So, she's a neonatal surgeon too?" The intern asks.

"No, just obstetrician. She took half fellowship, and then my fourth nephew happened." he grins. Suddenly the sound of the monitors catches his ears, three minutes later, that baby was dead in the table and Addison stormed out of the OR clearly upset.

He catches his breath after running to catch her, "Addison!" He calls, watching her walk through the hallway, scrub cap in hand.

"I need alcohol." She walks even faster.

We keep on walking and she hasn't take her scrubs off. "Addison..." He tries again, when he's almost at her level, he tries to catch her arm, but she immediately pulled herself away and kept looking down.

"Derek." She stops and looks at him in the eye, "I need to be alone."

"We all lose patients, you don't have to feel bad." He tries to comfort her. Nothing seems to help.

"Leave me alone," and she starts walking away again.

As expected, the redhead joins the orthopedic surgeon at the bar, sitting down and letting her face fall in her palms.

"Hey!" Callie greets. "You came."

Addison nods as she looks up, "I did. What are you drinking?" She asks.

"Mojito. Wanna try?"

"No, thanks. I need something stronger." Addison says, doing a gesture towards Joe for him to approach.

After her fifth drink, Callie takes her car keys away. Addison's uncontrollable laughing started, she was certainly drunk and left no other option but for Callie to have to call her husband. Derek was there in less than twenty minutes after Callie called him, he had been waiting for Addison at the trailer.

He takes the drink away from Addison's hands when he arrives to her side. Derek tries to catch her attention, but she's clearly too drunk and she's trying to get her glass of scotch from her husband's grip.

"Addison, listen to me. Let's go home." Derek insisted, holding her by the shoulder.

"I miss our home." She mumbled, looking up to his blue eyes. By 'our home' she meant New York, he knew that for sure.

"Addie, come on. Let's go, you need to rest." Derek said, walking closer to his wife.

Eventually she allowed him to help her out of the bar and inside his jeep. On their way home she starts sobbing and as much as he wants to stop the car and kiss her tears away, he can only rest a hand on her knee and concentrate on driving.

They arrive and Derek tries his best on getting Addison inside the trailer without harming her in anyway. When she's finally settled on the bed, he sits next to her and takes a deep breath. She sits up and rests her head on his shoulder, "Mark thinks I don't love you anymore." She whispers in a shaky voice. As Derek had suspected, his former best friend had been talking to Addison.

"Addison…" He's tired, exhausted of this theme.

"He says you don't love me anymore, that maybe I should forget about you." Addison keeps talking with that drunk voice that makes Derek shiver. "What's scary is that… I think I believe him."

"Addison, you can't believe him." Derek said, turning in place, allowing her to rest her head on his chest, holding her close. "You know he's lying."

"Is he?" She whispers against his flannel shirt.

He kisses the top of her head, "I don't know. I just know we can't be over yet, alright?"

She pulled away from him, "I don't want to be your wife anymore if all we will keep doing is lie to each other and pretend." She says, tired.

"I won't pretend anymore then, alright?" He says sweetly, looking into her glassy eyes. "You need to go to sleep, alright?"

"I'm not tired." She said, pulling her hand away from his, standing up from the bed. "I'm exhausted of this! Of us! Of Mark hitting on me like I'm some puppy dog that will follow his lead." She raises her voice.

He watches her rest her back against the bathroom door. She rubs her eyes, trying not to let him see her tears, but it's too late. "I'm still deeply sorry and I love you and I just want to be with you and you don't want to."

"Addie…" He stands up from bed and walks toward her. "Addison, I'm sorry."

"I had a crappy day, alright?" She shouts.

"Addison." He says annoyed, expecting her to lower her voice. "Calm down."

"I've been calm, Derek. I've been patient! I've been a saint around you and you push me away. I would have stayed in New York, I would have never come here but I can't get you out of my mind…" She trails off, turning away, resting her forehead against the bathroom door.

He walks towards her and wraps his arms around her, pulling her against him, kissing the side of her neck. "I can't get you out of my mind either."

"Don't lie to me." She sighed.

He rested his chin against her shoulder, "I'm not."

Finally she let her tense drunken body rest against his body, she lets her crying increase. He holds her as closer as possible and kisses her temple, mumbling a 'shh', thinking that could calm her down somehow. After a few minutes, she takes a deep breath and she turns around, facing him no matter how screwed up her cheeks full of mascara look like.

Derek doesn't let a second go by, he takes a step closer and wraps his arms around her, letting her start to sob again. "Do you even love me?" She whispers.

"I think I do." He whispers back, scared of hearing those words leave his mouth, he's stubborn and he's still deeply hurt by his wife's actions, there's also regret for not coming home earlier that night or every night the last couple of years. He is in pain too.

Addison pulls away to look into his eyes, "You think?" She asks, her voice breaking.

"I do." He says, looking into her blue greenish eyes, that are filled with tears. Her gorgeous features show sorrow and he feels guilty for it, for her pain. It takes two to break a marriage, and this moment makes him notice that.

He didn't show up, she didn't confront him about it. At least not as much as she should have.

"I do, too." She says, a small grin on her lips that quickly turns in a sad smile.

Suddenly his own eyes are a pool and she gets closer to him, she kisses his cheek and mumbles an "I love you."

"Addie, let's go to bed, alright?" He tries again, rubbing his eyes, taking away the tears. Surprisingly she lets him get her undressed and into her silk pajamas. Finally she's inside of the covers and Derek lies next to her until she's asleep.

"I love you, Addison. I'm just scared of getting hurt, I guess." Derek whispers after he's completely certain his wife was asleep.

The next morning Addison woke up to the smell of coffee, black coffee. She opens her eyes and find him sitting on his side of the bed, he's holding a mug and he's reading a medical journal, clearly really into whatever he's reading about.

She sits up slowly and his gaze is directed to her almost immediately, "You're up."

Addison nods, rubbing her eyes, "As a matter of fact, I am." She says, sarcasm in her voice. "Oh God." She mumbles as she starts feeling the hungover wave wash over her.

"Hungover?" He asked sweetly and offered his mug to her. She took it and sipped it.

"Thank you." She said, not meeting his eyes. She certainly remember yelling and that he said he loved her, but she was still confused if she imagined that, if it was the alcohol or what, she just knew there was a strange feeling building up inside her. "I'm sorry about last night, I'm sure I was a mess."

"It's fine." Derek said, caressing her upper arm as she kept drinking the coffee. Addison shivers a little at her husband's touch, surprised by it. She gives him the mug back and brushes some hairs out of her face.

"Did you mean it?" Addison asks after a couple of silent minutes, looking into his sad blue eyes, trying to find some honesty in them. She's scared of his answer and she is scared of not being able to cope with it, whether it's a yes or a no.

He looks a little confused, "You mean, last night?"

She nods mutely as his hand gets off of her upper arm and tucks a strand of red hair behind her ear. "Yeah, I did." He confirms.

An unexpected smile came to her lips. "Always and forever, huh?"

.-.-.-.

1994

addek wedding night

"I love you, Addison Shepherd." He said against her ear. Both lying naked under the covers, her red curls all over the pillow, her hands resting on his chest, caressing his warm and sweaty skin.

She smiles and reaches for his face to kiss his lips, "I love you, Derek Shepherd." She says, kissing him softly again. His response was to kiss her back and pull her on top of him again, enjoying her soft pale skin, the smell of her and her lips against his. He held her close, his hands rubbing up and down her back.

Tonight they could pretend the rest of the world didn't exist.

Addison pulled away sightly, just enough to tilt her head to the side, she didn't need any words, she didn't need an act of love to know that he was the one for her and she was the one for him. Always and Forever.

He cupped her jaw with his hand and pulled her in closer, slowly. They kissed again and as the kiss deepened she ran her hands up his chest to his shoulders. There was something about taking this slow that was turning her on more than she could have ever imagined it could.

He pulled away and breathed deeply, trying to catch his breath, looking at his eyes, mesmerized by his wife's beauty. "You're perfect." He mumbled, caressing her cheek.

"You are perfect, husband." She said, pecking his lips. "Always and Forever, Der."

"Always and Forever, Addie." He said, looking into her deep blue greenish eyes.

.-.-.-.

"Always and Forever." Derek echoed, closing the medical journal, getting closer to his wife, kissing her cheek and looking into her eyes for a couple of seconds afterwards. "We haven't said that to each other in years."

"Seven years." She says.

He nods mutely.

Her eyes look down to his lap, recognizing that medical journal perfectly, because it's not his, it's hers. "That's mine. What were you reading about neonatal surgery?"

"About omphaloceles. You were asleep and I had questions, I didn't want to bother you." He explains, leaving the medical journal on his night stand.

"What kind of omphalocele? How many weeks does the baby have?" She starts to get all 'doctor'y on him.

He laughs at her behavior and shakes his head, "There's no case, it was just a consult from a colleague."

She raises an eyebrow, "What colleague?"

"Phillips." He says.

She looks confused now, "Aaron Phillips?"

"Yeah." He nods.

She scoffs, getting comfortable in bed, resting her elbow against the pillow, "He's not your colleague, he used to be your colleague until that one event when he started flirting with me and you punched him." Addison says.

"Right! Well, that explains why I didn't have his number." He laughs and gets to her level in bed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For punching Mark when he came out here, when I should have done it a long time ago." He said, a small sad grin on his face. Derek was never a violent man, he couldn't even kill a fly, yes he had anger problem sometimes, but he wasn't a violent man.

She blinks, a little surprised by his confession and apology.

She rolls onto her back, so she's looking up to the ceiling now and she sighs, because she's not used to this new version of Derek. She's not used to the apologies and the sweet gestures, she hasn't seen this Derek in so long.

"I've heard the gossip Addie, I've heard it a thousand of times and it's not like it. I didn't punch Mark because he was talking to Meredith, I didn't even realize Meredith was in front of him, I just saw him and then the thought of him on top of you…"

She shivered and sighed heavily.

"...it made me angry."

Addison looked up to his eyes staring at her, "I accept your apology, Derek." She said, smiling a bit. "I just wish you would have told me this earlier."

"I know. I'm stupid for not doing that, and i'm sorry if you ever listened to the hospital gossip. I really am." Derek said, sincerely.

Addison knew him good, she knew him for a long time now (eleven plus years to be exact) and when she heard all of this coming out of his mouth, she knew it was true. She didn't know if it was terrifying or wonderful, she only knew something in her told her not to get too comfortable.

"Stop apologising." Addison requests, shutting her eyes closed, fighting the headache that was increasing as time went by. "Just… It's okay, Derek. I forgive you as long as you forgive me." Addison said with a soft voice, resting a hand against her forehead, fighting her hungover.

"Addie, that's…" He trails off.

"Hard?" She fills in, sitting up again, resting her hand against her mouth now, feeling nausea increasing within her.

"Addison, are you okay?" He asks alarmed, knowing how hard hangovers were on her. She stood up and ran into the bathroom, Derek behind her, willing to hold her hair meanwhile she throws up the contents of her stomach.

He rubs circles on her back with one of his hand meanwhile the other one holds her hair. When she's finally finished, she gasps for air and Derek gives her a towel so she can clean up herself.

"Thanks," She mutters as she starts to stand up from her kneeling position, careful not to squeeze herself against him, considering the bathroom is certainly not espacious. She starts brushing her teeth after he has given her some space inside of the restroom.

"I'll get you some water." He announces, getting out of the small bathroom, walking a few steps towards the fridge and getting a bottle of water for her. When he turned around to return to the bathroom, he had noticed she was quick, she was already sitting on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths, hoping the rest of her stomach contents (if they were any left) wouldn't decide to come out too. "Here, drink." He said, sitting next to her, handing her the water bottle.

Addison took the bottle from him and started drinking sips.

"Drink slowly." He advices.

She scoffs, "I'm a doctor, Derek. I know how to deal with these kind of things." She says, a little annoyed for no reason at all.

"I'll call Richard and let him know you're sick." Derek says, patting her knee twice before standing up looking for his phone.

She almost spit the water after hearing him say that, "What?! No." She said standing up as fast as she could, turning to look at him in the eye. "I'm not staying here just because I have a hangover." The redhead said seriously, taking another sip of water before closing the bottle and tossing it on the bed.

Derek rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his dark hairs, "Addison, you're clearly dehydrated."

"I am not- The hospital has IV bags! I can get hydrated over there." She says, clearly ready to win this argument.

Derek sighs, annoyed. "Addison, come on, you can give your surgeries to someone else, I'm sure a c-section is not that complicated."

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms over her chest, "Ah, and brain surgery is so impressive."

"It is, actually." He said with a half smile.

She shrugged and scoffed again, sitting at the edge of the bed, "This is nonsense, we'll be late for work." She said firmly.

"I will be late for work. You are staying here, relaxing." Derek said, pointing his index finger at her.

She shakes her head slightly, "What exactly is so relaxing about this trailer, Derek?"

He ignores her question and moves past her, turning the shower on, "I care about you Addison, I know how hangovers are on you. You'll be cranky all day and you will treat interns worse than as usual."

"Maybe Karev deserves my crankiness." Addison says, staring at her husband as he starts to get naked in front of her.

"Nobody deserves cranky-hungover Addison Shepherd." Derek giggled before getting inside of the steamy mini-shower.

so excited to keep writing this story! posting the next chapter on Monday.