The Boeing 747 cut through the tropical air over the ocean. Onboard were people of all faiths, colors, religions, and backgrounds. Still, a handful stood out (mostly because a post 9/11 Islamaphobic atmosphere stills exists because Middle Eastern terrorists continue to ravage the world). These handful were, obviously, of Middle Eastern descent and, not ironically, were wearing bulletproof vests and wielding AK-47 assault rifles.

Alexandria "Lex" Hammond sat calmly in her first-class passenger seat, having avoided mingling with the man-spreading, rapist "coach" people who enslaved their women with the patriarchy--an institution she was dedicated to dismantling with her grandfather's massive fortune (and all the money she won in her sexual assault lawsuit against her dead uncle Peter Ludlow).

She watched dutifully as the Islamic terrorists harassed passengers and spoke in a foreign language angrily to each other.

"Fucking misogynist islamofags," Lex's deformed husband whispered to her.

She grimaced. "Shut your whore simp mouth and stop man-splaining the situation to me." She sighed and shook her head. "Fucking stooge."

Her husband was--by his legal name, Fredrick Von Trauss--deformed from an animal attack in Costa Rica many years prior. The arm and leg on his right side were mostly mangled (although reconstructive surgery at least made him look like he had cerebral palsy and wasn't some goddamn amputee). He has been 350 pounds overweight at the time, and the animals had eaten away most of his fat and parts of his internal organs and, as a result, he looked as if he was half-eaten. His form was hideous, even under his torn yellow rain-slicker, which he wore every single day to honor the attack that changed his life.

He met Lex in the hospital in Costa Rica. She had been at the wildlife preserve at the time of his attack and came to see if he was okay. She explained to him then, in the third-world intensive care unit, that she needed an older man to marry her so she could gain access to her trust fund and begin her plans to become a hardcore feminist radical (women mature early and so these ridiculously radical causes come about when they're children because they're still not mature enough to know better, despite their leap in physical maturity).

"I'm just saying, the fucking patriarchy has kept the liberal media from accurately portraying social injustice which leads to extremism like this hijacking--"

"Man-splaining," she interrupted, and then added, "Dennis."

The name caused him to recoil. "I thought we talked about this. My name now is Fredrick!"

The terrorists heard the commotion and came running, yelling things in some made-up language. They beat Fredrick (Dennis) with the butts of their guns and stabbed him with box cutters. "Infidel!"

Lex smiled as Dennis groaned in pain and then said, "That's enough, little boys." The terrorists stopped beating and stabbing Dennis Nedry.

"Would you like orange juice, Ms. Hammond?" One of the terrorists asked in perfect English.

"No thank you, Tyrek," she said, "just let me know when you're done dicking around like some penis-having moron so I can frame my debate on gender norms and the oppression of WOG--that's 'woman of gender.'"

Tyrek, the Islamic terrorist and soon to be jihadist, frowned and nodded. "Of course, Ms. Hammond."

She stuck her chin up in the air and smiled, presumably inhaling the fumes of her farts.

She'd hired the Islamic jihadi terrorist after receiving a vision from God. She'd always believed in the paranormal and further believed that if the supernatural existed that it too must be sexist and unbalanced. One night, she was showering in her 450,000 custom made, mold-proof, gold-trimmed hydrodynamic shower that she didn't work a day in her life for (but felt all women should receive one because of a wage gap that only existed in .02% of the population). She thought she felt the toxic presence of a male within 500ft of her (it was illegal for any man to be within 500ft of her--except her husband on the weekends--after she sued all men collectively and won). She looked out of the shower pane and saw the blurry form of a man fapping under his long, beige robe. She immediately hit her 10,000, diamond-encrusted rape button that she had installed every ten feet in every section of her house (including her female-only survival bunker). It didn't work. The robed man materialized. It was Jesus Christ!

He gave her a mission to stop the evil misogynist Satanists plotting pure evil on Isla Nublar. Jesus suggested that she hire an Islamic terror cell that he was talking to currently to hijack a plane to get to the island and so that she would have an army to back her up. He had already told the terror cell that he would put a sign on the face of mars to warn them about venturing out into space and that the Satanists on Isla Nublar were trying to go to Mars. The terrorists were ready; they just needed her funding.

After demanding that he leave her bathroom, she fingered herself to the thought of her hijacking a plane in the name of feminism. She decided she could fulfill her agenda while also honoring God, which she tried to do daily by never allowing a man to penetrate her (only her side-bitches and her personal 18" ejaculating horse dildo).

Now, she was on the plane, and it was hijacked. Everything was going as planned.

"Ms. Hammond?" One of the terrorists asked in perfect English.

She scowled at him. How dare he even look upon her feminine beauty! But he was essential to this operation.

"What is it?" She demanded.

"We may have a problem," he said cautiously.

She smacked her lips and sighed. "Of course we have a problem, you dim-witted man. Thousands of babies are being raped every second all around the world because of the Patriarchy!"

The terrorist cleared his throat. "I mean, we have a real problem." Lex opened her mouth to verbally assault him as no human being should verbally assault another. Still, he cut her off in proper fashion and continued expressing his clearly superior thoughts and ideas. "The Pilot has locked us out of the cockpit."

She was furious; her face turning red and her SJW bone fully erect. "He what?"

"He locked us out of the cockpit," the terrorist repeated.

"Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean you have to man-splain everything to me."

"I, er, well," the terrorist didn't know precisely how to reply to such stupidity. "Anyway, he claims that traditional jihad is the only real jihad, which presents us with a bit of a problem."

Lex looked at him dumbly. "I don't understand. Your simple male concepts are below my understanding. Explain it to me as the superior creature that I am."

The terrorist sucked in his lips. He teetered somewhere between throwing her out of the plane and killing himself non-religiously. "The pilot--you know, who drives the plane?" He made a steering motion with his hand, his eyes wide, exaggerating every word. "He believes--" he made put his hands together in prayer, "--that the only way to get to heaven--" he made an air halo around his head and pointed up to the sky, "--is to crash the plane--" he made a plane with his hand and crashed it into the palm of his other hand,"--into a building owned by western white men." He pointed to Lex. "Or women."

It took Lex several minutes (four minutes and twenty-three seconds to be exact) to process what the terrorist had told her.

"So, what you're saying is, you--the hijackers--got hijacked?"

The terrorist sighed in relief. "Yes! Yes. And it gets worse."

"How?" Lex asked, her hateful stare piercing this poor man's soul.

"Well, my brothers and I must complete our mission for Allah, so we must parachute out of the plane, and we were not able to locate any additional parachutes."

Lex slapped the terrorist across the face. "Don't you man-spl--" the terrorist spit in her mouth as she spoke. She was so shocked and revolted that she didn't know what to do.

"Allah Akbar," he said calmly. "As-salamu Alaykum, bitch." And with that, he left her to vomit on her simp husband as the traditional Muslim terrorist pivoted the plane downward and the remaining terrorists parachuted out of the plane to complete their mission for God.

Lex was too in shock to process what was happening to her and put her earbuds in, and turned on "WAP" by Cardi B. as the plane flew toward the ground and the passengers screamed in terror around her.