i updated earlier than I thought i would…. congratulate me pls.

…

"I swear I'm going to throw up again if he even says a word to me." Addison said that monday morning as they entered the hospital. She was nervous of seeing her ex-fling and Derek was trying to contain his rage towards him after all that had happened.

"I hate Richard for doing this." He groaned.

"Don't blame him, he's doing what's best for the hospital." Addison said, locking a strand of her red hair behind her ear, her heels clicking as they kept on walking.

Derek rolled his eyes, "Yeah, and part of the hospital is the hospital staff which includes us." He points out, pushing the button for the elevator.

The elevator opened and they went inside together, her face was pale and she showed discomfort, so did he. "Please don't make a scene." Addison begged.

Derek scoffed, "Why do you always assume I'll do something stupid?"

"Do you want me to answer that?" She challenged, lifting an eyebrow at him.

Just at that moment the doors opened, "I need you to promise." Addison said, grabbing his arm as they walked out of the elevator.

He sighed, "I promise I won't do anything stupid." he said walking next to his wife towards the attending lounge.

She sighed, "I'm going to be sick."

"Just take deep breaths." He advised, thinking she was just being exaggerated.

She shook her head no and ran the other way to the ladies room, she was indeed going to be sick. Derek ran behind her and entered the ladies room, realizing what the hell he had done when it was too late. He went inside of the small individual bathroom and held her hair as she threw up. "Shh, shh… you're all right." He assured her, running circles on her back with his extra hand as she kept on vomiting.

"Doctor Shepherd! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Miranda Bailey exclaimed.

He looked back at her and said, "Helping my wife to develop bulimia, what do you think Doctor Bailey?!"

Miranda looked at him with amusement and left the bathroom, holding a laugh at how ridiculous McDreamy's sarcasm was.

And finally for the second time that morning, Addison stopped. "I hate you so much for this." She muttered, standing up slowly and towards the sink while Derek flushed the toilet.

"Feeling better?" He asked, walking closer to her as she cleaned her mouth and washed her face.

She nodded and then snorted, holding a laugh.

"What?" Derek asked.

"'Develop bulimia'", She laughed out loud, "It's funny how you tried to cover that I'm pregnant with a helping my wife to develop bulimia." She mocked, laughing again.

He rolled his eyes but couldn't help and chuckle, "Shut up."

Addison coughed and then closed her eyes, "I'm tired of morning sickness." She said reaching for Derek's arm to be able to stand still. "I hate you."

"What did I do now?!" He gasped as she hit his arm playfully.

"This." She pointed to her stomach.

"But you were so happy about that.." He smiled at her and moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer.

"I am happy about it, which I'm not happy about is the vomiting, the sweating, the nausea… I'm getting dehydrated, Derek! Dehydration means dry skin." She exclaimed.

"Okay, then we'll get you an IV line and I'm going to bring you water instead of decaf when we meet after rounds." He said, kissing her cheek and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Alright?"

"Alright. Now get out of here before Miranda comes back in here with torches to murder you." She chuckled, pecking his lips quickly and turning around to dry her hands.

He did as told and excited the room, immediately seeing the human figure he had not wanted to see yet. There he was, already flirting with nurse Olivia. The knots building inside of his stomach begged him to walk away and so he did, going inside of the attendings lounge, trying not to strangle anyone. Burke asked something but Derek didn't hear a thing, as he took his lab coat out of his locker and started to change into his scrubs and sneakers for the long day that was about to start, he saw his wife come inside the room with already a disgusted face, different as the one she had done after throwing up.

She had seen him too and wasn't happy about it. "Well aren't the Shepherds happy today?!" Burke said in fluent sarcasm.

"Don't mention it." Addison blew him off as she started to change for the day as well.

The day started as usual: rounds.

Addison already felt low energy after the morning sickness, but now that Mark was here and she had seen him: she was fully exhausted and the day had just begun.

Derek on the other hand? His rage was somehow energizing him. He kept on wondering what he would say if they crossed paths during the day, would he act nice? Would he say something sarcastic trying to annoy him? Would he just ignore his presence?

They were about to find out.

"Why are you here?" She asked in an annoyed tone as she felt him rest his elbows against the nurses' desk station. Addison didn't even bother from looking up from the chart she was filling, she tried to calm down her nausea and her urge to yell at him.

He scoffed, "I thought you'd be happy to see me." He replied, looking down at her as she kept on writing on the chart.

"Yeah well, thinking has never been your forte anyways." Addison said, grabbing the chart and walking away, not even giving him a look, knowing just a peek would wake up the guilt and hate towards herself that she's been trying to keep under the rug.

Her eyes started to get glassy as she finally found where she wanted to be, The Chief's office. Chart in hand, glasses still on, devastated face: all of them entered the room without asking Patricia if Richard was inside.

She gasped as she saw her husband talking to Richard. Both men glanced at her, "Fire him." she said simply before things went blurry and she didn't know why suddenly everything felt funny and calm.

"Addison!" Her husband's voice called. But it sounded like she was underwater and then there was something red but then… then there was darkness.

/

"Derek?" She asked groggily as she tried to sit up in bed but then she came back on lying there, feeling pain on her forehead. "Oh God… What happened?" Addison asked, still eyes closed.

He squeezed her hand she didn't know he had been grabbing, "You fainted, don't worry, the baby's fine and you're fine but you need to get some rest." Derek said, smiling warmly at her while his eyes screamed concern.

"My head hurts."

"That's because you hit your head, but my suturing technique won't leave any scars, you're welcome." Sloan spoke, with that smug voice the both Shepherds disliked.

Addison started growing overwhelmed, not only because her fainting and vomiting was clearly going to cause nurses to start to gossip around her pregnancy, but because the man she cheated on her husband with is inside of this small exam room that starts to feel claustrophobic.

Derek sighed, clearly annoyed, "She's awake and responsive, can you get the hell out now?" The neurosurgeon said, looking at his former best friend with contempt.

Mark rolled his eyes but excited the room anyways.

"Why did you allow him to suture me?" Addison asked, rubbing her temple.

"He was there when I carried you into the ER, he insisted on helping." Derek said, running a hand through his hair.

She opened her eyes, revealing sadness, "I'm sorry." She apologized for nothing.

"It's not your fault he's here," Derek said gently, kissing the back of her hand and being careful not to touch her IV line, knowing she hated the feeling.

She closed her eyes again, the pain and anger towards herself started to build up, the mistakes she had made would haunt her forever and she couldn't change that. She cheated and she still couldn't fully forgive herself.

"After your IV bag is finished I'm taking you home, okay?"

She groaned, opening her eyes to meet his, "Why?! I'm fine, I fainted, just as…" She trailed off knowing that maybe she wasn't as alright as she thought and she needed some rest.

"Just as what?" He challenged.

Most of pregnant women around the world.

She sighed already defeated, "Whatever, just go get my stuff." Addison miraculously conceded.

It was already a bad day, and now she was getting an IV bag and her head was hurt. "Do you want me to page Miranda so she can stay with you?"

"No, no. Just go." She smiled softly at him and watched him leave the exam room she was trapped in. Suddenly it all felt exhausting, her back hurt and her eyes felt heavy, she wasn't alright. She put her hand over her stomach and sighed heavily, hoping her baby was alright.

"I assume you told him." His voice filled the room and she was obligated to inhale sharply.

She opened her eyes once again and met his blue ones, "I did."

"And now you're expecting again, huh? After you aborted my baby you're fine having another one with the guy that walked away from you and deleted your number." He scoffed, sitting down at the chair Derek was previously sitting on.

"Piss off." She said, looking at him with rage, pain and contempt. "You shouldn't even be here."

It hurt a little, knowing that he didn't know the whole story. He wasn't there when she lost their baby and he always was left off with the idea that she aborted behind his back when he wasn't paying attention to her while sleeping with random nurses. It felt bad, she felt a little guilty, but she decided to not tell him, since it was her story, her problem, she went through that, alone.

Mark didn't need to know.

"Well I missed you, I wanted to see you." He said with his typical signature cocky grin that would make women fall for him instantly, except her.

"Mark, just cut the crap. You don't like the rain, you like the New York life, go back… fall in love with someone else that's not married to your best friend." Addison begged, rubbing her stomach.

"You were in love with me too, remember?"

"I was alone and fragile, of course I thought I was in love. You know I've always loved Derek."

"And he loves the blonde intern."

"Not anymore, we're working things out." She said in a little aggressive tone.

He folded his arms over his chest and looked at her, "We both know Derek. He's a black and white kinda guy, he's always going to hate you for what you did and even if he seems he loves you, the little detail of us together is going to eat him alive and you know it."

"Go away, please." She choked out, "Just go." Addison begged.

Mark nodded and stood up from the chair, "Never forget what we had, please. Keep it in mind." The plastic surgeon said and walked away from the room, leaving the redhead behind.

She felt disgusted, maybe it was the morning sickness still present, but she just felt so damn disgusted. They were a mistake, what they had was a mistake, and that night was a mistake, all of that was a mistake. She loved her husband, how could she even do that in the first place? Throwing away her marriage like that? Oh right… it takes two to end a marriage… still she feels she's the one to blame at times.

…

They went home and he offered to take care of her for the rest of the day, but she insisted he should go back to work and then go buy her some crackers and ginger ale. It took fifteen minutes to convince Derek to do so, but it was worth it, because she didn't want him when her breakdown hours were about to start.

Addison knew Mark was just playing with her hand and was definitely wrong about Derek not loving her anymore, but the thought still made her feel scared, because sadly that fear had evolved with the years. She was feeling horrible, it felt like Mark was the alive reminder of her adultery, it felt like it was always haunting her whether she liked it or not.

She looked herself at the mirror, it was just a bandaid and she knew Mark had skills on his speciality, so her head would not have a scar left (hopefully).

Addison grabbed her phone and dialed the very familiar number, "Hey."

"Hey!" Savvy sounded happy on the line, probably excited to hear the redhead's voice.

"Mark knows." She said, taking a deep breath.

"What?! How?!" The blonde woman asked, surprised.

"He's here, in Seattle… he's… he works at Seattle Grace now and I fainted today…"

"You fainted?!" Savvy cut her off.

"He was nearby and helped me out and then we had a chat and I just feel… like a monster." She choked out, inhaling sharply.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry to hear that. Is the baby okay?" Her friend asked, clearly concerned.

"The baby's fine. I'm just worried about Derek and I. Do you think he's going to change his mind about us?" Addison asked, her confidence going downhill pretty quick.

Savvy sighed, defeated by what her friend was telling her, "If Derek truly loves you and wants this, which i'm certain he does, things will be just fine. I'm sorry I'm not there to go to Mark's place and give him a good smack to stop his stupidity."

Addison chuckled at that, "You don't have to be sorry."

"So If Mark knows, then Derek knows?"

They talked about the pregnancy announcement and how cute Savvy thought it was, and then kept talking about Savvy's new law firm she was working at, by the time their call was over, it was dark outside and they had wasted lots of hours on talking.

Derek came in when she was starting to fall asleep in bed, but she didn't mind him waking her up to reality. "Did I wake you?"

"No, I was awake." She said softly, sitting up in bed, "Do I look too stupid with a bandaid on my forehead?"

"You look beautiful with or without the bandaid." He said in a tone that didn't show any caring activity, so she knew something was off.

He turned around, finally letting himself be seen by his wife, "Oh my God!" She gasped, standing up from bed as fast as she was able and walked towards her gorgeous husband who had a purple black eye. "Who did this to you?!"

"An old friend." Derek shrugged, "It's nothing, I'm okay."

"You are not! Sit, I'll get you some ice."

"I should be the one taking care of you, you know." Derek said but still did as she told him to and sat down.

"We're both injured but you're worse than me." She insisted and turned to grab some ice from the freezer. After a minute she focused on her husband, she had a towel wrapped around the ice and pressed it lightly against his weak eye. "Better?"

"Yeah a little." He said, "Thank you."

"Are you going to tell me what happened?"

He inhaled sharply, "He went to my office and yelled at me… said some bullshit like I didn't deserve you and that trying to work on our marriage was going to be a big fiasco…" Derek said, "Believe me, he's way worse than I ended up."

"Derek…"

"He said I'd be a horrible father." He mumbled, hurt in his voice evident.

Addison removed the ice from his face and looked at him in the eye, she leaned down and pecked his lips, "That's a lie. You'll be an espectacular father and our child will be so lucky to have you." She cupped his jaw and caressed his cheek with her thumb.

She put the bag back on his injury, "I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry."

"Well, I am." Addison said almost automatically.

"You shouldn't. I screwed up too and I'm sorry too but it's not all your fault. I'm to blame too." He said as he still kept his eyes closed, "Sit down, don't stand, It's been a long day for you too." Derek said, patting his lap, inviting his wife to sit down as well.

Addison sat on his lap and ran a hand through his curls, "I love you, don't believe what Mark says. You're the only man I've ever truly loved and been in love with. And even if hurricane Sloan comes to bite us back in the ass, that doesn't change, alright?" She said, still caressing her husband's curls.

"Right." He nodded slightly. "I shouldn't have gotten so upset about it."

"It's okay. It's good you did though… it means that you care." Addison said in a warm tone that assured him comfort.

"And I love you too." He said.

"I told Savvy." Suddenly she said.

"Oh so… we're telling people?" He smirked a little, watching her cheeks turn a little redder.

She shook her head no, "Not yet. Our baby is too tiny yet. I want to wait a couple more weeks and I want to see if it's fine when we go to the appointment this weekend. I need to make sure I'm going to be able to carry to term." A hint of fear in her voice made Derek feel a little overwhelmed, he hated to see her down.

"Things will be just fine."

"What if they're not?" Her voice broke a little.

"We're the new Addison and Derek, Always and Forever. I'll be there for you." he assured her and ran a hand through her back, assuring his comfort along the way.

She smiled a little, "Thank you."

"No need to thank me." He winked at her with his good eye, even if it looked like he just blinked, Addison got the message.

…

short chapter, i know.

I hate myself too.

review pls!