ok so I'm 15 years old and i write fanfiction for fun. I'm not from America so i do not know some things and i'd really appreciate if you would not judge me because of that. I try to do some research when it comes to medical stuff and I knew I should have used the other measurements, but yolo… i'm not a perfect writer, i've realized the horrible typos on my fics, i use different things as americans would and i'm certainly not the best at speaking the language. anyway, hopefully you enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it.

She kissed him so passionately he thought he'd faint because of the loss of air, her hands on his black curls, drawing him even closer if he wasn't close enough already. He tried to speak, but she was surprisingly faster and used her tongue to keep him mute.

But he won eventually.

When she started to try to be on top of him, he found the moment that lasted less than a second and pushed her a little away by the shoulders, "Addison…" He finally breathed.

Addison chuckled, trying to catch her breath as well, "Sorry… just… second trimester things." Addison said, pecking his lips and playing with the waist of his shirt, trying to get it off of him.

"Would you slow down?" He demanded, grabbing her wrists gently away from him, he tried to sit up but they both banged their heads against the ceiling of the car. Sex in the backseat had not been a current place for them, and sadly they weren't as young as when they started dating in med school.

Addison muttered an ow under her breath, "Are you okay?" Derek asked her, caressing the top of her head, where she had hit her delicate flesh.

"Yeah, I'm alright." She nodded slightly and kissed his lips softly, trying not to go too fast, realizing she had barely savored the moment.

But then the knocking on the window distracted them both. They looked up to the image of Mark Sloan smirking, thumbs up. He raised his eyebrows and then left.

Addison sighed and tried to catch her breath.

"I told you having sex in the parking lot wasn't a good idea." Derek said.

Addison rolled her eyes, "Oh shut up. You were loving it."

"That doesn't mean it was a good idea."

"Feelin' fresh, Montgomery?" Mark said, smirking as he always did and offered her a cup of coffee.

She raised an eyebrow at him, "Shepherd." Addison said, raising her left hand to show him her rings, "And I will assume that is not decaf, so, no thanks." Addison said, improvising a small lip closed smile at him, maybe just to seem nice, maybe not to be an enormous jerk.

"Addison…"

She just wanted to start her day, it was already depressing for her that he had interrupted sex for her this morning, and now he was on her way, when all she wanted was to do rounds, "Mark, I already made it pretty clear."

"I know you did. I just want to try." He insisted.

She sighed, "Please don't do this. We're happy, Derek and I. I get it, what happened in New York might have touched some human part inside your heart and you liked that, but it's all over."

"You talk like I'm a monster."

"Well, you are being a monster right now by not allowing me to do my rounds in peace so I can start my day." She said with that half joking, half not joking voice, and walked past him.

But his voice stopped her, because he raised his voice and asked out loud for everyone who was walking by: "Did you ever love me?"

She turned around, her face a little deformed because of the kind of question and the fact that they were in public, Addison took a couple steps forward, "It's not the time to have this conversation."

"Did you, Addison?" Mark insisted, looking into her pale blue greenish eyes, his eyes showing something almost like… pain?

Addison tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and whispered, "I did love you, I do. But not as you want me to love you," She said softly and walked away, the fastest she could, even if her feet were killing her.

And when he less expected it, he heard a familiar voice yelling, "What the hell was that?!" Derek exclaimed, approaching Mark furiously. He had heard everything, he was a few feet away but waited until Addison was gone to talk to his former best friend.

"Nothing."

"Nothing? She was clearly upset. How would that be nothing?" Derek challenged, furiously.

"I don't know, why don't you ask your wife then? I thought you were doing fine now that you've finally come back to the 'horny dating phase'," Mark crossed his arms over his chest.

Derek scoffed, "That smirk of yours looked better when the black eye and bleeding lip gave it a gangster touch," He said, referring to their fighting a while ago.

"Nah, black eyes look better on you." Mark said, tilting his head to the side just a little.

three years ago…

"Happy birthday!" Mark exclaimed, surprising the redhead.

She had been waiting for Derek for the past fifteen minutes, she called twice, but there was no response.

"Mark!" She looked up from her martini and her lips curled up into a smile, she stood up and hugged him tightly, "Thank you."

"Here, this is for you." Mark said, giving Addison a red rose, "I know it's kind of a boring gift, it will die eventually and it's only one rose…"

"It's perfect." Addison interrupted him and grabbed the flower from his hands, smelling its scent, "Do you happen to know where's Derek?"

"I thought he called you. Um, there was a complication with Miss Vargas, so he had to stay and fix whatever was wrong." Mark shrugged, "I'm sorry he missed this."

"It's alright. At least I have you here for drinks and chat." Addison chuckled, "Savvy and Weiss are on their way and Archer will try to make an appearance."

"Does he know Savvy is coming? Cause if he knows, he's totally coming." Mark laughed.

Addison laughed along, "Yeah, I guess you're right." She said, sitting back on her seat at the bar. She was wearing a beautiful strapless red gown, because she knew how much her husband loved when she wore red, her hair was up into a classy bun. Her eyes sparkled with hope for her husband to show up, since he hadn't showed up as much as he used to for the last couple of months.

Mark took a seat next her and ordered himself a drink, they chatted and it felt good to have each other there.

"He'll come." Mark assured her after a long uncomfortable silence.

He didn't show up, but still, saying it made her feel better somehow.

She scoffed, "You think?"

"I do." Mark said, kissing her cheek and squeezing her nude shoulder comfortingly.

"You're such a jerk." Derek said, trying his best not to roll his eyes.

Mark looked at him and scoffed, "Me? I was there for her when you were busy being a workaholic that wouldn't even take a second to look at his wife or even remember a special date because you were busy. I was there. You weren't." Mark said, pointing his index finger at his former best friend.

Mark turned around and left, leaving Derek alone in that hallway.

Derek released a breath he didn't know he was holding and walked to the direction his wife had walked to a few minutes ago.

For his surprise, she was there. Resting her back against the wall, her eyes faintly closed.

"Addie?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him, her sad eyes told him everything, "He wasn't lying. And I really wish he was." Addison said softly and walked away.

Lately everyone was walking away from him. Even Meredith Grey, whom used to have a thing for him. Even his wife, whom he was in love with and couldn't stop thinking about.

But it's hard to just forget the mistakes. It always is. And it hurts not only him, but everyone who surrounds him.

Is he being a hypocrite?

He knocked again, and again, and again.

"Addison, I know you're in there." Derek said, getting impatient.

She opened the door of her office, "I just want to be alone."

"Are you… I mean, are we okay?" Derek asked, running a hand through his hair.

Addison hadn't seen him this… insecure in so long.

"Yeah, I just wanted to think." She said, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear.

"Can I think with you?" He said, his lips twisting to a half smile she appreciated more than he knew.

She shook her head no, "I rather think at home." Addison said sweetly, she took a step forward and pecked his lips, "You have surgery in thirty minutes, go."

He did go, but he regretted going.

Inside the OR all he wanted was to talk to Addison. They had been over the whole Mark situation a hundred times, but this time was different. This time it somehow hurt them all. The three of them. It was eating them all alive.

Mark was being rejected by the only people he had ever loved.

Addison was feeling guilty because Mark was there for her when Derek wasn't.

Derek was feeling like a jackass for not being there and having to have his best friend and wife support each other because he couldn't stay out of the OR for more than five hours.

They all had shit inside their hearts and it was complicated to fix it.

There was a chance it was going to be permanent damage.

There always is.

short chapter! I'm currently having a week off from school and I'm going to try to keep writing, but I might get a little inactive. :)

please review and let me know what you think!