Chapter 3: Starting Over

Disclaimer: I am owned by, rather than owning, Harry Potter and his world.

A/N: I am SO SORRY that I haven't updated in so long! I got REALLY sick for a while; I was hospitalized and everything. Now I don't have as much internet access as I used to, so it's hard to get time to write. Hopefully I'll be getting a laptop soon, so even though my internet access will still be limited, I can write and upload my stories when I get a chance. But, in the meanwhile, I am back, and will continue updating my stories as quickly as I can. :)

Sorry for the wait, and I love you all! :D

"Honestly, Draco; you've only got yourself to blame if Potter's girlfriend attacked you. The way you've been behaving lately is insane!"

Draco turned over on his bed, where he was currently lounging and aimed his best death glare at Pansy. She rolled her eyes in response.

"Darling, that stopped working on me years ago. Just because I needed some time to get over you realising you'd rather fuck Potter than me, doesn't mean that I started fearing you again. Idiot."

Draco gaped at her. "I do not want Potter! I hate him! He's a stupid, speccy git, and I'm not in love with him!"

Pansy raised her eyebrows. "Please, Draco. I know you. I knew from the moment you told me that you were gay that you wanted Potter. And I never said anything about being in love with him – you did."

Draco flushed, and began sputtering a denial, but Pansy waved him off.

"Don't even try, Draco. I know you too well. I know you want Potter, but sadly, he's straight and utterly unattainable. You'll have to set your sights quite a bit lower, if you ever want to have sex with a man before your father makes you marry some pureblood chit – and no, before you ask; I will not be that pureblood chit. I want a man who will actually want to sleep with me once in a while for recreational purposes, and not be sleeping around on me because I don't have the bits to keep him happy."

Draco huffed at her. "You don't know what you're talking about, Pansy."

She scowled at him. "When I agreed to be your friend again, you promised me you would always be honest with me, Draco. I'm the only one who knows your secret – and I haven't told; not even when you broke my heart. If you can't be honest with me now, then I have no intention of being your friend anymore."

She turned to leave, and Draco's seeker reflexes came into play and he grabbed her arm as she moved past him. "Wait!"

Pansy paused and stared at him, one brow arched high. He drew in a deep breath and stared at the comforter. "I- I'm in love with Potter. I've been crazy about him since we were eleven."

Pansy nodded. "I suspected as much. You've been obsessed with that boy for as long as you've known him. But none of that explains why you're being so much more vicious to him than usual – especially with McGonagall's warning. It's not smart, Draco. It's not Slytherin."

Draco nodded, still staring at the blanket. "There's more. I…" He looked up, releasing her arm. "Will you sit down?" He gestured to the bed beside him. She gave him a curious look, but moved and sat beside him on the bed. He buried his face in his arms, struggling for words.

"Draco?" Pansy's voice was gentle, this time, and she reached out and petted his hair.

"I slept with Potter."

Pansy's hand froze. "What?"

Draco lifted his head, and the words tumbled out in a miserable rush. It seemed once he started speaking, he couldn't stop. "We were going to fight in the Room of Requirement, where we couldn't get caught. But the room locked us in with a bed. And… I don't even know how it happened, but we started kissing and things just… escalated. We had sex and I told him I loved him. We were going to start dating. Then when we went to leave the room, he told me he wanted it to be a secret; he didn't want anyone to know. He wanted us to come up with a cover story for why we'd stopped hating each other. And I just… I was upset. So I told him it had all been a joke, and left him there."

"Are you stupid?" Pansy demanded. "No," she held up a hand. "Don't answer that. Of course, you're stupid."

He buried his face in his arms again. "It just hurt too much, Pansy. For him to be ashamed of me… I just… I thought it would be better if I made him think it was nothing but a game."

"But Draco," Pansy said helplessly. "You'd have to keep it a secret anyway. Would you want your father to find out?"

Draco swallowed. He averted his eyes. "I don't… I don't care as much about what my father thinks as I used to. And… if it was someone I cared about as much as I care about him, I wouldn't want to have to hide it."

Pansy was silent, and Draco hazarded a glance at her. She seemed frozen in shock. She blinked and shook her head.

"Oh, Draco." She hugged him. "You poor, stupid boy."

"Will you stop calling me that?" His glare was even less effective when her face was buried in his shoulder, he realised.

"But you are, sweetheart. You really, really are."

He tried to protest, but she straightened and put a finger to his lips. "Draco, did it ever occur to you that he simply wants to get his friends used to the idea of the two of you being friends before telling them that you were lovers? To ease them into it gradually, so that they'd be more accepting?"

Draco stared. It really hadn't occurred to him.

"He's a Gryffindor, Draco – do you really think that he'd want to keep his relationship secret from his friends?"

Draco felt a surge of panic. "But I said – he thinks – Pansy, he must hate me now!"

He sat up abruptly. "I have to – I have to fix this!"

Pansy seized his arm. "Draco, wait. You need a plan before you talk to him. Not only do you have to deal with getting him to forgive you for being an unbelievable prat, but you have to compete with the Weaslette. You told me yourself that before she cursed you, they were hiding in an alcove together."

Draco closed his eyes and nodded. It hurt to think that he might have driven Potter back to the Weaslette. He couldn't let himself think that it was too late. He couldn't handle losing him again.

"What should I do?"

"Can I speak to you?"

Harry stiffened.

"Bugger off, Malfoy!" Ron snarled.

"Not until I speak with Potter."

Harry forced himself to keep walking, pretending that the father of his baby wasn't following them.

"I have no interest in speaking with you, Malfoy," he said. "We have nothing to talk about."

"I think we do," answered Malfoy, and he stepped in front of the trio, forcing them to halt. "I think we have a lot to talk about." His eyes bored straight into Harry's, and it took a great deal of effort for him to wrench his gaze away.

If only you knew.

"No, Malfoy." He tried to step around the Slytherin, but he was too quick.

"Leave Harry alone!" Ron glared at him. "I'll report you to McGonagall if you so much as look at him wrong, Malfoy!" He stepped forward, wand extended, shielding Harry with his body; prepared to take any curses Malfoy might throw in order to protect Harry's baby. A rush of affection for him spread through him.

"You've pulled too many stunts already; we'll make sure you're expelled if you try anything else!" said Hermione. Her wand was out, too, trained on Malfoy. Harry stared at the floor, wishing he could do something. He felt useless.

"I owe Potter an apology. Well; lots of apologies – but this one needs to be in private. It's about… it's about the Room of Requirement."

Harry's head snapped up, and he felt sickened. He stared at Malfoy, who met his gaze calmly; though the mention of apologies was reflected in the flush he was now sporting.

"Will you speak with me, Potter?"

"No!"

"Harry's not going anywhere alone with you!"

"Alright." Both Ron and Hermione turned to stare at him, and he flushed.

"Mate; you're not serious!" Ron shouted, and Harry winced.

"Don't you think that it would be a good idea if Malfoy and I called a truce? Right now, in particular?"

Hermione bit her lip. "That would be a good idea… but how do you know that he's not trying to get you alone to curse you, Harry?"

Harry shifted. "I don't think that's his style. He wouldn't even dream of offering an apology if he didn't intend to follow through. And I can take care of myself."

"But Madam Pomfrey said-"

"Hermione!"

She stepped back. "I'm sorry." She threw one last withering glance at Malfoy, then moved away. "Come on, Ron."

"But-"

"Ronald Bilius Weasley!"

He gritted his teeth and followed her, knocking into Malfoy quite violently as he moved past.

Harry turned and headed for an empty classroom. Malfoy followed. Once inside, he drew his wand and trained it on Malfoy.

"What the hell do you want?"

He blinked at the wand, then looked back up at Harry. "I suppose I deserve that."

Harry laughed bitterly. "Oh; you deserve a lot worse than that, Malfoy."

He swallowed. "Yes, I do. I was a complete jerk to you when we left the Room of Requirement, and I've been a jerk ever since. I apologize for that, and I want the chance to explain why I did it."

Harry snorted. "No chance, Malfoy." He shook his head. "You're unbelievable." He moved to leave, but Malfoy blocked his path.

"Please, Potter! Harry! I- I'm begging you!" His cheeks burned with humiliation, and his eyes were earnest. "Just listen to me, alright? That's all I'm asking."

Harry swallowed. He didn't want to hear anything Malfoy had to say. He didn't want anything to do with Malfoy. But what he'd said to Ron and Hermione about calling a truce with Malfoy being the best course of action right now was true. And he looked sincere.

He looked sincere in the Room of Requirement, too; when he was telling me he loved me.

Harry lowered his wand and closed his eyes. "Alright." He said hoarsely. "Talk."

"I meant everything I said to you in the Room of Requirement. When I told you… how I feel about you. How long I've felt that way."

Yeah, right.

"I just… when you said you wanted to keep us a secret; I thought you were ashamed of me. I thought you didn't think I was good enough to be your boyfriend, and you were just going to fool around with me until someone better came along. And it hurt. It hurt so much I just lashed out and left. And I've been lashing out ever since. It wasn't until I finally told Pansy, and she pointed out that you might not have meant it that way that I realised how monumentally stupid I've been."

Harry opened his eyes. Malfoy was staring at the floor, cheeks flaming, looking miserable.

And beautiful. No matter what, he still looks beautiful. Harry forced that thought down. He closed his eyes again, struggling with how to respond. Part of him was afraid that Malfoy was lying; but most of him believed Malfoy. If he hadn't been pregnant, he probably would have agreed to give Malfoy another chance.

But I am pregnant. I'm pregnant and I can't afford to take chances.

"You have been stupid," he said finally. He opened his eyes again. "You've been absolutely horrid, and you hurt me. You took my virginity and told me you loved me, then laughed in my face, left, and have gone out of your way to make my life a living hell ever since. How on earth could you think I would give you another chance?"

"I don't."

Harry started. "Then what-"

"Of course, I want another chance, Harry. I'd do anything for one. But I understand that that's asking too much. What I'm asking for is the chance to be your friend – if you decide someday that you can give me another chance at being more than that, I'll take it. But for now, please just give me the chance to be your friend. To show you that you can trust me. Please."

Malfoy raised his head, and his eyes blazed into Harry. "I love you. I love you. I screwed up because I was hurt and so afraid of being hurt more, but I want a chance to show you that there's more to me than that. I understand that even if you give me the chance to be your friend, that doesn't mean that you're promising me anything and doesn't mean that you-" he shut his eyes and swallowed, his adam's apple bobbing, "You won't see anyone else. I understand."

He opened his eyes again, and gazed at Harry expectantly. His face was crimson from blushing, and his eyes were pleading. Harry suddenly ached from the desire to kiss him. He knew that this confession must have been difficult for Malfoy. He knew how proud the blond was, how hard it must have been for him to make the admissions he had, especially without any guarantee of a favourable answer. If he hadn't been pregnant, he probably would have kissed him.

He found himself nodding.

"Alright, Malfoy – Draco." Draco's eyes lit up and he smiled. He stepped towards Harry, who raised his hands to stop him.

"You have a chance to be my friend. But you're going to have to earn it. I don't trust people easily; especially when they've already hurt me. You're going to have to prove yourself. I don't just want you to be nice to me – I want you to be nice to my friends, too. I'll tell them to lay off of you – but you'd better lay off of them, or not only will they retaliate, but I'll know that you didn't mean any of it. If they start something, that's one thing. But don't you dare go treating them the way you have been. I don't make friends with bullies. That's why I refused your hand when we were eleven. You introduced yourself by mocking the first friend I ever made. You want to be my friend? Try not to repeat your mistake."

Malfoy looked thunderstruck.

Harry glared at him. "I'm not going to make this easy for you."

Malfoy shook his head. "I didn't expect you to."

"You sure look shocked."

"I just… that's what it was? You thought I was a bully?"

"You were a bully, Draco." Harry snorted. "For Merlin's sake; you're still a bully. But you're going to have to stop if you're serious about being my friend."

Draco nodded, dumbly. "I never understood why," he said quietly. "I really liked you, in Madam Malkins. I tried to impress you, and I was looking forward to seeing you at Hogwarts. Then I found out you were Harry Potter and I was nervous, and still trying to impress you… it really hurt when you refused my hand. I was far too proud to try to get you to be my friend again after that. But I couldn't stop liking you and it made me miserable. When it comes to you, I've always lashed out because I want to make you feel as bad as I feel when I see you and remember that you're unattainable. I know it's immature, and I'm trying to be better."

He swallowed hard again. "I can't promise that I'll be perfect, but I can promise to try my best. Please just… don't hate me if I have a hard time changing."

Harry nodded. He couldn't help feeling a stab of pity for the eleven year old boy who had tried to impress him by emulating the one person he respected most – his father. It wasn't Draco's fault that Lucius Malfoy was… Lucius Malfoy. But it was Draco's fault that he had behaved the way he had, and he would need to prove that he wanted to be better before Harry was willing to be with him.

If Harry could even have that option.

"I won't. As long as I believe you honestly are trying your best, I won't ask for more."

Draco smiled. He held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Draco Malfoy," he said.

Harry couldn't hold back an answering smile, and he took Draco's hand, shaking it firmly. "Harry Potter. Pleased to meet you."

The boys smiled at one another for a moment, before Harry pointed out, "We're going to be late for class."

Draco grinned even wider. "You'll need to let go of my hand, first."

Harry blushed and dropped his hand. "Sorry."

Draco winked at him. "Trust me; I don't mind at all."

Harry blushed harder. "Walk with me to Potions?" He winced as soon as the words were out of his mouth. He sounded like he was asking Draco to be his date or something. Careful, Harry. You can't get too attached. Can't let him get too close. Unless you and your friends decide you can trust him, you can't let him know about the baby.

"Harry, what on earth is going on? Malfoy didn't cast any spells on you; did he?" Hermione's worried voice broke into Harry's concentration. He was trying to keep anyone from noticing that he was watching Draco's arse as they followed him out of the Potions classroom.

"Of course not, 'Mione. We declared a truce; that's all."

"But you partnered with him in class!" Ron stared at Harry, aghast.

"He apologized, and asked if we could try being friends. And you know as well as I do that I can't afford to have anyone hexing me right now. So I agreed. I told him I wanted him to be nice to my friends, and he agreed to be civil – if you guys can be civil to him, as well. I thought that was fair."

"He's got to be planning something." Ron scowled. "There's no way he'd decide to make a truce with you just like that if he wasn't."

Harry rolled his eyes. "I haven't decided to trust him yet, but I have decided to give him a chance. And I do believe that he was sincere."

"Harry, how can you be sure?" Hermione grabbed his arm, and Harry shook her off, annoyed.

Lately he had been really uncomfortable with people touching him. For some reason he'd had no problem with Draco, though; and that really bothered him. Both because it was frustrating that he didn't mind (and even enjoyed) Draco's touch while his best friends' made him want to run the other way screaming, and because it meant he'd have to be hyper vigilant to keep anyone from noticing that the only person he didn't mind touching him was Draco Malfoy – including Draco himself.

He didn't need to give the blond the idea that Harry was considering a romantic relationship with him. Harry refused to acknowledge that there was any hope for the two of them. He didn't want to think about what would happen if Draco was able to earn his trust, because of the fear that Draco wouldn't.

"Can you both just trust me, for once? Please?"

"What do you mean 'for once'?" Hermione narrowed her eyes at him. "When have we not trusted you, when it's been important?"

"I was right about the Deathly Hallows, and neither of you believed me," said Harry. "And in sixth year I was right about Draco being up to something – I'm asking you guys to trust me this time that he's not."

Ron glared at him. "I'm not gonna be that ferret's friend!" he spat. "Nothing could make me do that!"

Harry stopped walking and glared back. "He didn't ask you to be his friend; he asked me. All I want from the two of you is to be civil to each other, and he's already agreed to do it. Now, are you going to do it for my sake, or will you abandon me when I need you again?"

Ron turned deathly pale and Hermione gasped. "That was low, mate," said Ron quietly.

Harry closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes; it was, and I'm sorry. But this is important, Ron; and you have a habit of letting your temper get the better of you and taking too much time to cool down. I couldn't afford to wait for you to come around, and have everything blow up and go to hell in the meanwhile."

He opened his eyes and gazed levelly at his best mate. "I'm not asking you to put up with it if he's out of line. I'm just asking you not to start anything."

Ron swallowed, still looking ill. "Alright, Harry." His voice was subdued, and it wrenched Harry's heart. "I don't like it, but I understand. And I'm sorry that I'm so unreliable." His eyes were downcast as he mumbled the last bit, and Harry felt a stab of guilt.

"You're not unreliable, Ron; I never meant that. It's just that you're hotheaded and I didn't know what else to say to keep things from getting crazy. This truce is too fragile for me to know how else to handle it. But I never meant to make you feel that way; and I'm so sorry." He held out a hand. "Forgive me?"

Ron grinned. "'Course. Always, mate. Always." Ron shook his hand and clapped him on the back, and Harry winced and shied away.

"Harry, what's wrong? Do you need Madam Pomfrey?" Hermione's anxious brown eyes greeted him as he turned to her.

"No, I'm fine… I just get really uncomfortable whenever anyone touches me, lately. I… I really don't like it."

"Maybe we should go see Madam Pomfrey, just in case." Harry hesitated.

"I'll be seeing her again in a couple of weeks. I only saw her yesterday, for Merlin's sake."

"But this is a new symptom. You need to make sure that it's normal."

Harry reluctantly agreed to make a detour to the Hospital Wing before lunch.

"Pansy!"

Pansy turned around only to have Draco throw his arms around her and hug her fiercely. "Whoa!" She shoved at him. "Easy there. You want people to talk?"

Draco pulled back abruptly, glancing around the Slytherin common room at the whispering students. He glared at them and they quickly looked away.

"I need to talk to you. Come up to the dorm? Please?" He shot her a pleading look.

Pansy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Alright. Let's go, idiot."

Draco scowled. "Will you stop calling me that?"

Pansy smirked. "No."

He tried to maintain his scowl, but couldn't stop the smile that broke out over his face. He hurried up the steps to his dorm, pausing now and then for Pansy to catch up. He chuckled to hear her grumbling behind him.

When they entered the eighth year boys' dorm, Draco took a quick look around and ascertained that none of the other boys were in. He heaved a sigh of relief. Then he turned a beaming smile on Pansy.

"You were right; it worked!"

Pansy raised a brow. "Oh? He took you back?"

"Well… not exactly. But he agreed to the first part of it; to being my friend. You did say that for him to take me back right off the bat was unlikely."

"Yes; but that just means that you're his friend. It doesn't mean that your plan to get him back has worked; not by any stretch of the imagination. And this is where things are going to get hard."

"This is where things get hard? Pansy; that was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life! I apologized. I was humble!" Draco spat the word as though it left a bad taste in his mouth. "I was completely honest, and I said please! Merlin; I even begged! And you're telling me that it gets harder?" His voice rose with every word, until he was nearly shouting at the end.

Pansy folded her arms over her chest. "You're the one who fell in love with a Gryffindor. You need to deal with the consequences. If you don't like them, you can always try to fall in love with someone else."

Draco glared at her. "Believe me; if I could, I would!" Then he slumped down onto his bed, dejectedly. "How much harder?"

"Well, to start; did he give you any guidelines?"

"He told me he expects me to be nice to his friends. He'll make sure they don't try to start anything with me, and if I start something with them; that's it." Draco winced as he realised how difficult that would be. "He also said that he hates bullies."

Pansy snorted. "Draco; has he met you?"

Draco glared at her again. "I'm not a bully!"

Pansy burst into laughter. "Darling," she said between fits of giggles. "I love you. Really, I do. But you're an awful bully. You always have been. I'm not saying that's a bad thing," she held up a placating hand. "Because Merlin knows; I'm one, too. But if he hates bullies, that's bad news for you."

"He said as much," Draco said, glaring at the stone floor as though it had personally offended him. "He said that's why he refused my hand on the Hogwarts' Express."

Pansy stared in surprise. "Oh? What happened? All you ever told me was that he insulted you when you graciously offered him your friendship. And we both know now that Potter wouldn't have taken kindly to your eleven year old self's method of being gracious. I never thought to ask beyond that."

Draco mumbled indistinctly.

Pansy smirked. Clearly, he'd been holding out on her. "I insist you speak up if you want me to keep helping you. And please; tell me everything."

Draco cleared his throat. "I… insulted the Weasel."

Pansy's lips twitched. "Oh?"

"He laughed at my name!" sulked Draco.

Pansy smothered a laugh. "What did you say?"

Draco averted his gaze. "I don't remember."

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Don't lie to me, Draco. It was your first encounter with Potter. Of course you remember everything."

He coughed. "Actually, it was the second."

Pansy straightened. "Really?"

"We met in Madam Malkins, when I was getting fitted for my Hogwarts robes. He came in and stood on the stool beside me, and I thought he was incredibly interesting looking. I liked him at once, so I tried to strike up a conversation with him. Frankly, I think he was my first crush; though I didn't realize that's what it was at the time. I did my best to impress him-"

"No wonder he didn't like you," chuckled Pansy, and he attempted to death-glare her into submission.

"Anyway, he didn't say much, and I didn't get his name before he left. I never saw his scar. When I went looking for Harry Potter on the train and realised that was the boy I'd been talking to in Diagon Alley, I was a little in awe. When I realised he was the Harry Potter, I was scared he'd think he was too good for me. I wanted him to know that I was worthy of being his friend."

Pansy's gaze softened. "And you put your foot in it, didn't you?"

Draco nodded miserably. "I introduced myself, and the Weasel laughed at my name. So I said, "Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford."

Pansy giggled. It was such an accurate description of the Weasleys; she couldn't help it.

Draco shifted on the bed. "Then I looked at Harry and said, 'You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.' I offered him my hand, and he just said, 'I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks.'"

"And so was born a bitter rivalry," smirked Pansy knowingly.

Draco stared at the flagstones moodily. "I was so hurt and angry… I just wanted him to be hurt as bad as I was. Everytime I saw him my chest ached, and when he was laughing and joking with others the way he wouldn't with me I hated them, and hated him for making me feel the way I did."

Pansy walked over and sat down beside him. She put her arms around his shoulders and squeezed. "It must have been hard; especially when you felt you couldn't talk to anyone. It definitely must have been worse when the Dark Lord came back."

"It was awful, Pansy. The most awful I've ever felt; the last two years of the war."

"I know."

They sat in silence for a few moments. Then Pansy straightened up and swatted his shoulder. "So, what's your plan? You're going to have to figure out a way to spend time with him, to begin wooing him. It's not like he'll be overly eager to spend time with you right now."

Draco turned to her and smirked. "Oh, really? Well, it just so happens that he asked me to walk with him to Potions after we talked, and we partnered up in class. If you'd taken Potions for NEWTs you would have known that already. What's more; he asked me if I'd be willing to tutor him."

Pansy's jaw dropped. Then she squealed and threw her arms around him. "Draco, that's wonderful!" She pulled back, smiling broadly. "This really might work after all!"

"Of course it will work," Draco drawled. "I'm a Malfoy; we always get what we want." Pansy snorted derisively as he allowed himself a victorious smirk.