Ugly

A sigh escaped her mouth as she flipped on to her back. Katara was finding sleep difficult despite the heavy ache in her muscles, she had spent much of the night tossing and turning. Thoughts ran rampant through the idle hours of the night, and Katara found it difficult not to ponder the events of the past day. Every single detail was seared in to her mind; the overwhelming anger, the raw power she felt as she manipulated that Fire Nation soldier's body, and the fear in Yon Rha's eyes as he awaited death were going to forever be ingrained in her memory. She felt disgusting.

Katara sat up inside the tent and tucked her knees in close before wrapping her arms around them. She had wanted to end that man's life so he could feel the pain that he caused her for all these years, but when she hurtled the ice shards towards him all she could see was Aang's face. The disappointment that would surely be sketched on his features was enough to make her reconsider. Katara cringed as she thought back to the words, she hurled at Sokka.

Then you didn't love her the way I did!

A shiver trickled its way down her spine as she replayed those words. For a moment, Katara couldn't even believe she had said something like that, but then again, she always let her temper get the best of her. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought about what her mother would think about her now.

She would probably be so ashamed. Her daughter turned out to be such a hateful person, someone who would say the exact right thing to cause the most damage.

Katara wiped away the stray tears leaking from her eyes and reminded herself that it wasn't too late to apologize. It wouldn't take back the words she said, but maybe she could at least help heal some of the pain she caused.

Pulling back the flap of her tent revealed a familiar sight, the camp was mostly quiet considering the lateness of the hour. However, sitting close by a small fire was the unmistakable shape of her brother. Katara couldn't help but notice just how much he looked like dad in the shadows of the campfire. She cast her eyes downwards as she contemplated if she looked like her mother for a moment.

It's getting so hard to remember her face.

Katara shook the thought free from her head, she couldn't think about that right now. This was about the things she said and fixing them. With her renewed vigor Katara slowly made her way to the fire side. Sokka didn't seem to acknowledge her as she sat down next to him, an uneasy silence drew around them.

He used a long, thin stick to rearrange the logs in the fire. Katara thought she heard him about to speak before the sound died in his throat.

I guess I should say something first.

"So, where's everyone at?" Katara couldn't help but wince at the sound of her voice. The question was just a pretense, she knew they were sleeping, and judging by the moon in the sky they should be as well.

"Sleeping."

The awkward silence returned to them, heavier than before. It wasn't ever this hard to talk to Sokka but she wasn't even sure if he wanted to talk to her anymore.

What do you even say to your brother after you accuse him of not loving our dead mother? I'm sorry? That doesn't seem enough. Maybe I should talk to Aang before I do this, I don't want to mess anything up anymore.

Katara decided against it, this was her mess, so she was going to fix it. Also, things have been tense with Aang since the invasion. She missed him a lot, but she wasn't ready to have that conversation yet.

Words left her mouth before she could process what she was saying, "Sokka, I'm sorr- "

He interrupted her, "Stop. Don't say it. I know."

A look of shock crossed Katara's face.

For the first time since she sat down, Sokka raised his gaze to meet her eyes. They shared a moment before a small smile crossed her brother's face.

"You were about to apologize for what you said before you left." He took a deep breath before continuing, "Don't. I understand Katara. You were angry and didn't mean it. I was angry right after you left, but Aang stopped me and made me realize that it wasn't you talking, it was your grief."

Katara felt tears beginning to well up in her eyes again. She didn't want them to fall anymore, so she buried her head in Sokka's chest before wrapping her arms around him. It took a moment before she felt his arms wrap her up in response.

"Thank you." Katara's voice was thick with emotion.

"I'm proud of you Katara, and I know mom would be too."

They finally broke away after a moment, Katara found herself grateful that everyone else was sleeping. She doubted that Sokka would be this willing to show his emotional side around anyone else. Katara took a moment to look around the camp and notice a certain airbender missing from his usual sleeping spot curled up on Appa's tail.

Confusion and worry flooded her for a moment, and she turned around to ask Sokka where Aang had went only to find her brother staring back at her with a knowing expression.

"He went to meditate once everyone else went to bed."

Katara nodded her head, "That makes sense. He usually meditates in camp, but I guess he found a spot he liked more."

Sokka nodded is head in agreement before turning back to the fire. A silence fell over them again, but this time it was more comfortable than before. The tension that had blanketed them at the start of the conversation was gone, yet Katara felt like there was still something that Sokka was hold back. He looked conflicted when she had mentioned Aang.

Did Aang say something to him about what happened on the day of the invasion? I don't think he would, we haven't even had a chance to talk about it. I'm not even sure what to think anymore. I like him, but its just too much right now. Its always too much.

Sokka clearing his throat brought her out of her thoughts and it was clear by the way he fiddled with his thumbs that he was nervous about what he was going to say, "I thin…Maybe…Kat- "

"Sokka, I promise I won't blow up on you again. Just tell me what you're thinking." Katara didn't want him to think he had to walk on eggshells around her.

"I think you need to talk to Aang."

Katara hadn't been expecting that, "Aang and I talk all the time. We talked when I came back."

Sokka sighed, "I'm not blind. I don't know what happened on the day of the invasion, but something's wrong with you two. You act so nervous around each other and you look guiltier than that time you stole that scroll from the pirates!"

Heat blossomed on Katara's cheek as she thought back to the kiss on the day of the invasion. She cherished that memory but chastised herself for lingering on it.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened between us!" Katara hoped she sounded convincing. She really couldn't deal with any more emotional predicaments; she had reached her quota for the day.

All Sokka could do was shake his had and let out a short chuckle, "Whatever you say, but that's not my point. I mean you should talk to him and apologize."

Now Katara was really confused.

Apologize? Apologize for what? That he kissed me on the day of the invasion, and I liked it. That I've been too scared to talk to him about it because I don't want to lose a friend. Or maybe because I've been avoiding my best friend because I'm too worried about what he'll say.

Katara decided against saying those thoughts while formulating her thoughts, "Apologize? For what?"

Sokka snorted and looked at her in disbelief, "Really? How about telling the last living member of a whole nation that he wouldn't understand grief?"

"Oh."

It only took a moment for the memory to come back to her.

Ugh, I knew you wouldn't understand.

Katara felt sick to her stomach and she didn't know what was worse; that she had said that to Aang or that she had forgotten. Her chest tightened and she struggled to get her next breath in to her lungs.

Spirts, I barely remember saying that to him. Why did I do that? Of course, he would understand!

Katara thought back to the tender moment they shared on the submarine that day and cringed thinking about how what she said must have crushed him.

"He's probably forgiven you already, but still… I think you should go to him."

Katara tried to smile through her guilt before answering, "Yeah… I think I will."

Sokka gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder before she stood up and walked to the clearing near the woods. She was pretty sure she knew where Aang would be.

As she continued to walk through the woods, she couldn't help but think about Aang. She had managed to keep any awkward conversations about their feelings from happening by mostly avoiding him, but it was becoming harder and harder to do that. She was drawn to him, and she missed the laughs they used to share or the way they used to practice waterbending. She missed him so much. She hated the way that she spoke to him earlier, and the way she treated him.

Her thoughts stopped as she reached her destination. On a cliff edge, just outside of the small woods near camp, Aang was seated in the lotus position facing the overlook. Katara took a moment to appreciate him, and to think of something to say to him.

Aang had changed so much since she had pulled him from that iceberg. He was taller, wiser yet he never lost that thing that made people smile. It was her favorite part, the way he could just make anyone smile. She could see his back expand with steady breath as he meditated.

Katara felt her resolve waver for a moment.

What if he's done with me? What if… whatever he felt for me before is gone because of what I did and said? He's a monk, I probably scared him off with the way I acted. Is this going to be how it is from now on? Us avoiding each other because he despises who I actually am. A hateful person with nothing but revenge on their mind.

Katara was crushed by these thoughts. Maybe she ruined … whatever they had by just showing that side of her. That ugly little monster that rears its head sometimes and makes her lash out. The monster that hates all the Fire Nation for what they've done to her family and everyone else that's ever suffered. The Fire Nation that took Aang's people away from him.

She had to do this. No matter what he says or does she has to let him know that she's sorry, that what she said wasn't true. Katara felt tiny as she walked up to the meditating airbender.

He kept a steady breath as she approached.

"Aang?"

He didn't move or acknowledge her. Katara's heart faltered for a moment, and she struggled to take a breath. Her knees felt light and she bent down to take a seat next to him.

This can't be how it ends. Say something.

Katara wound her arms around herself to protect from the wind that was invading the cliffside. She supposed that she was trying to hide her shame away from him too. It was never this hard to talk to Aang before, somehow it was always so simple like water pouring down a waterfall. It was as easy as taking a breath for Katara. She told him everything, and now simply starting a conversation was difficult.

Katara could feel a sob rising in her throat as she turned her head to inspect her friend. His eyes were closed shut and fists were pressed together. Despite the relative peace around them, Aang's gentle features were tense and hardened. It made Katara feel worse, almost like the expression was aimed at her.

He looks angry… or sorrowful maybe. Almost like he's in pain.

Katara didn't think she's ever seen Aang look like this while meditating. She spent a lot of timing looking at him then, and he always look at peace.

She turned away from him as she began to search for the right words.

Anything elegant or poetic escaped her, so she started off with the simplest thing she could think off, "I'm sorry."

If Aang heard her, he didn't give any sign.

So, she continued, "I didn't kill him, but I guess I already told you that… I wanted too, but I kept thinking about you and my mom. You guys would be so disappointed in me if I did. Mom would have liked you a lot Aang. You're so similar sometimes its crazy. She had this annoying of being right most of the time too."

Katara paused for a moment and let some silence pass. She sighed when she realized that Aang wasn't going to respond.

"I said something earlier… before Zuko and I left. I regret it." A crack in her voice interrupted her at the end.

"You do understand, Aang. I was so caught up in being angry that I didn't even think about what I was saying." A few more tears were running down her face, and she found it impossible to stop talking now, "I'm not you Aang. You lost everyone and you've accepted it, moved on and forgiven them. I can't. I'm sorry I can't, but I don't want you to hate me because of it. I've shown you what I really am. This ugly, stupid monster that's so caught up in revenge that she hurts her friends just to be an inch closer to the man that took her mother away" Hot tears were pouring down her face and she didn't know how to stop. Each of her words were prefaced by a hiccup as she bit back sobs. "You're beautiful, Aang. In a world full of hate and murders, you're beautiful, and I'm so ugly. They made me this."

Katara placed her head in her hands and sobbed. Each moment of silence made her tears fall faster and she wished Aang would just say something, anything.

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned her blurry vision towards her friend and found his brilliant grey eyes staring back at her. He opened his arms wide and Katara didn't hesitate for a moment as she took up his offer, Aang waited patiently for the sobs to die down before releasing her.

Katara instantly missed the warmth and comfort of the embrace. She didn't notice that her hand still clung to Aang's.

He gave her a reassuring smile before speaking, "You're beautiful. The world hasn't made you ugly, you've made it pretty. The monks used to tell us that everyone was placed here for a purpose, and that we never truly get to find out what it is until we're gone. Whatever your reason is, Katara, I'm sure its to make the world better."

Katara felt a blush rising, but before she could respond Aang continued.

"I wasn't mad. I know you were upset, and I forgive you." Katara saw him close his eyes and that same hurt expression crossed his face. "I wish I could say you were right, and I've moved on from my people, but I haven't. I still see them every night or sometimes I swear I can hear their voice on the wind, but I can't let my grief rule me. They're gone, but I'm not. That has to be enough."

Katara nodded and for a moment appreciated the peaceful silence that settled over them. The first one since the invasion.

Aang looked away from her. "Do you… Do you want to sit here with me and watch the stars?

Katara kept her focus on his face and squeezed his hand, "Of course."

Tonight, this was enough.

AN: Well, here we are at the end. Kinda. See, when I was writing this final story for this collection it was originally completely different. It was set after Sozin's Comet but before the coronation, and was titled "Indecision". Unfortunately, I was having this huge issue finishing the story cause I wrote myself in to a corner and spent hours trying to fix it. By the time I did, I realized that it didn't really fit the theme anymore and I kind of didn't like it. So, instead I wrote this story and it was just such a better fit for this collection. I'm really proud of this one, I think its my favorite. However, that being said, I will still post the original story just separately from this one. You should see that up really late tonight (I work a long shift today so I won't get around to it until late)

Also, someone mentioned in a review that I seemed ambivalent towards this series, and I wanted to mention that. They found me out! Well, again, sort of. I have mixed feelings towards all of my writings, its something that I've dealt with for a long time now because its so hard for me to find anything positive. I tend to be my own worst critic, but I'm trying to get better at it. I'm proud of everything I write, but at the end of the day I'm just kinda harsh on myself.

Finally, a big thank you to everyone who've been reading. I hope you enjoyed it and I'm so happy to be done with my first writings up here. I'm so excited to share some more with you guys. My first multichapter fic is going to be out tomorrow in the afternoon called, "The Ocean Between Us". Please check it out if you think you would enjoy it. Thanks everyone! Make sure to let me know what you thought. I appreciate it!