Chapter Two: Decisions

Harry stared at the blank parchment paper before him, twirling the quill between his fingers, moving it several times towards the inkpot before stopping and pulling it back again.

Two words stood at the very top but they'd been the easiest to write.

Dear Daphne,

But from there on Harry had struggled with the rest.

He'd gotten several letters from Daphne over the weeks.

He'd only ever answered one and even he knew that was not good.

The last one she had written lay next to him so he put the quill down, picked it up and read it again.

Her first letters had been full of worry and encouraging words.

Then she too had gone down the 'Let me help you' train but now her tone had changed.

"Harry,

Pick up a damn quill and write me. Or answer my floo-calls. I don't want to get all my information out of second hands.

We're a team Harry. We are many things, friends, co-workers, apprentices, students, even a couple. But above all we are a team Harry. And teams don't work like this. We can't be a team if you shut yourself out and keep everybody away. I rely on you. A lot of people rely on you, whether you know that or not. And I know life is unfair and that you sometimes just want to slam the door in fates face and turn your back on it all. Believe me, I've been there. But I didn't. I found you to confide in. And believe me, back then you were the last person I ever thought I'd share my deepest secrets with. But somehow you were the right person. And you helped me deal with my problems and ultimately, you were the solution to my problems as well.

You don't have to talk to me or Sirius or Remus or the Weasleys or Fleur or whoever, but you need to talk to someone.

I beg you Harry, don't go down that road.

You might feel like everybody's against you right now but you have more friends and allies that stand behind you than you might realize.

You know we - and be we I mean the entire family and I, will stand behind you until the end of time.

Now get your act together and write me a letter and even if it's just about what you had for dinner, I don't care.

Love, Daphne"

He could imagine her sitting at her desk, furiously scribbling these words.

He knew she'd been angry when she'd written it because her usually neat cursive handwriting was a lot sharper and straighter now.

And although she was basically yelling, it made him feel warm inside.

Daphne had always been someone to bring him back to reality, to knock some sense into him.

She was like an anchor that grounded him whenever he felt like he was drifting off.

Not to mention that her family had guarded him while he had been recovering at St. Mungo's.

He'd already written a Thank-you-Letter to Victor but writing Daphne seemed so much harder.

He should be able to confide in her, tell her everything.

Yet he still wasn't sure he could.

But what he could do was answer her.

"Dear Daphne,

Thanks for your letters, they have been pretty much the only thing that made me smile these past weeks.

I'm sorry for not answering more promptly and more often but I just can't find anything to tell you.

I'm sorry but don't think it's because I don't care for you or because I don't trust you.

You mean the world to me but the things I need to deal with right now are…I don't know, complicated doesn't really explain it all.

But I promise, I'll try to do better.

How's everything going on your end?

Is Isaac home yet?

Love, Harry."

There, that should do it.

He leaned back in his chair, rereading the few lines he had written as he waited for the ink to dry.

He folded it neatly, placed it in an envelope and sealed it with some wax.

He gently placed it next to Hedwig's open cage in which his lovely owl was sleeping right now, hidden from the daylight by a thick blanket.

She'd know what to do when she'd wake up. She was a smart girl.

There was a knock on the door.

"Harry? Are you ready to go?" Sirius asked.

Harry frowned. Ready to go where?

"What for?" he shouted back through the door.

"The garden party at Mrs. Henderson's house this afternoon?"

"I'm not going." Harry replied immediately.

"Yes you are, I told you three days ago, we were all going together."

"And I seem to remember that I said that I'm not going." Harry growled.

The door opened and Sirius stepped in.

He was dressed in casual muggle clothing. Blue khakis, a white shirt, sunglasses and flip-flops.

With his neatly trimmed beard and long hair pulled loosely up and his tattoos fully exposed, thanks to a very low neckline and short sleeves he looked more like a rebellious teenager and less like a godfather.

"Well, I say differently" he said, pushing the sunglasses up onto his head "You are coming with us. You're not staying here alone."

"You'll be three houses down the street, besides, with the added warding, you will know if someone tries to abduct me."

"This isn't about your safety alone Harry. It's about you getting out there and getting back into life."

"Voldemort is somewhere out there, planning to take over the world and you want me to go to a garden party?" Harry asked angrily.

"Yes. Because I am worried about you and think that this would do you really good."

"What if I don't want to go?" Harry snapped.

"Well then, though luck, because you are, end of discussion."

Sirius turned and walked straight out of the room, without closing the door.

Harry walked over and before slamming it shut he shouted down the stairs after the retreating figure of his godfather: "Fine, but I'll hate it."

"I don't care, as long as you'll come." Sirius shouted back up.

.

.

And that was how Harry found himself standing in Mrs. Henderson's garden two hours later.

There were maybe fifty or sixty people there, all laughing and talking, sitting or standing all around the huge garden.

Small children mingled around, playing with balls or skipped ropes and chased each other with water-guns.

While the smell of grilled meat was mouth-watering and the huge table with all the side-dishes looked amazing, Harry wasn't really in the mood to eat.

He looked around and found Remus and Sirius standing side by side in big group of people, laughing loudly and he watched as Remus handed Mrs. Henderson a bottle of wine.

How had his life become like this?

"You look like you could use a pick-me-up?" said someone behind him.

"Hey Gina." He greeted her as he turned around and looked up.

He'd hung out with her and some of the other teens around the neighbourhood a couple of times for the past few days.

They were all easy going and had taken him in pretty much instantly, though Gina was the only one he could address by name.

"You look like you're contemplating to make a run for it." She stated.

Harry noticed that she had changed the colour of the tips of her hair from pink to purple.

"Nice hair" he offered and then added: "And well, considering I don't really want to be here…"

She snorted. "Nobody really wants to be here. It's just one of those things you do because society expects it. But don't worry, we've found a way to make this more fun. Come on."

Harry looked over to where Remus and Sirius still stood.

"We're not leaving, right? Cause as much as I want to, Sirius is already mad as hell, I don't need a reason for him to ground me for the rest of the summer." He admitted grudgingly.

"No, we're not. Just follow me." She assured him.

And he did.

As she let him through the gathered crowd, greeting people here and there, Harry's thought wandered to Daphne and if Hedwig had delivered his letter to her yet.

"There we are" Gina announced and stopped.

Harry looked up.

He hadn't noticed it before but in the far back corner of the garden stood a garden shed.

It wasn't really big and all the windows had curtains before them.

"Wow, impressive." Harry muttered.

Gina rolled her eyes.

"Mrs. Henderson's parties are the most boring events of the year. But like you, our parents make us go as well, every single time. The only good thing is: they don't care what we do as long as follow two simple rules. Stay in the garden and stay out of trouble."

"That pretty much what Sirius said to me."

"So we come here to pass the time. Officially nobody knows what we do in here but let's be honest, this is a small community."

Harry frowned. "And what do you do in there?" he asked suspiciously.

She laughed and opened the door.

A wall of smoke hit Harry in the face, stale and bitter.

It took his eyes a few moments to stop tearing so he could make out what was going on inside the gloomy room.

Six or seven teens, all of which Harry knew he had met at some point but couldn't remember their names, sat crammed together inside the shed around a table.

It was hot inside but nobody seemed to really care.

All of them had cards in their hands and on the table lay more cards along with an assortment of round plastic coins, cash, a lot of candy, something that looked like concert-tickets and some other stuff.

"We gamble and we smoke mostly. To pass the time." Gina explained and shut the door firmly behind him.

The others looked up when they heard them.

"Hey, Gina's back, you got it?" asked the guy closest to the door.

From the inside of her neckline, Gina pulled out a silver flask and waved it around so Harry could hear the liquid inside sloshing around.

"Nothing easier that that" she announced as she unscrewed the top "Old man Flanders was already fast asleep. He won't notice I nicked this."

She took a long sip from the flask before she handed it to the boy that had spoken.

"By the way, look who I found outside." She added, pointing at Harry.

Harry waved slightly.

"Hi guys." He muttered.

He was surprised to see them smile.

"Hey Harry!" said one of the girls across form him.

"Come and sit down, you play?" asked another right next to him, patting on the top of the crate she was sitting on.

"Ahm…what are you playing?" Harry asked as he sat down.

"Poker. Have you heard of it?" she asked.

"No, sorry."

"It's alright. Harry and I play as a team!" she announced to the group.

"You can't teach him Ana, you barely understand the game yourself." Protested another boy.

"Eat me John." Ana said, holding up her middle finger with a grin.

"Hey Harry, do you want a fag?" Gina asked from where she had sat down.

"What did you call me?" Harry asked.

Everybody laughed and Gina rolled her eyes.

"I asked if you wanted a smoke." She waved a pack of cigarettes in his face.

"Oh…" Harry muttered, unsure if he should or not.

"Have you ever smoked?" John asked him.

"You should really try it." The first guy by the door added.

Next to him Ana pressed the flask that had been going around the table, in his hand.

"And Mr. Flanders always keeps the good booze in here." She told him with a wink.

A bit overwhelmed Harry took both the flask and a cigarette.

"Well, this is probably not what Sirius meant when he told me to stay out of trouble." He muttered to himself.

Then again, what was safe these days?

So before he could change his mind, Harry put the flask to his lips and threw his head back.

The liquor burned in his mouth and throat but not as badly as Fire-Whisky and it tasted much better.

He handed the flask to the girl next to him while the others cheered.

Ana handed him a lighter before she held up her own lighter and cigarette.

"Here, follow my lead. You light the end like this and suck at the same time so it'll glow. And then you gotta keep sucking because otherwise it'll go out. Oh and don't…"

The smoke, stale and bitter, hit Harrys lunges and he started coughing loudly.

"…inhale it too deeply, just blow it right out." Ana finished as everybody else laughed.

"Sorry, should have warned you." Ana apologized through giggling.

"It takes some practice to not cough up a lung every time." John assured him.

Harry tried again, only sucking slightly and blowing the smoke out almost immediately.

It wasn't half-bad.

"Now you've got it." Gina cheered.

"Are we going to play or what?" asked the boy next to Ana impatiently.

"Calm your tits Aaron." Ana said, nudging him in the side. "I've seen your cards by the way, don't know what you're so happy about."

Aaron reddened slightly and pressed the cards in his hand against his chest.

"Shut up." He muttered.

The boy by the door laughed.

"You're not better Shaun, you count cards!" Aaron complained.

"Alright, that's enough." Gina interrupted them. "New round!" she announced.

Harry watched as she began dividing the pile of plastic coins and all the other things on the table between them while the boy next to her began shuffling the deck of cards.

"So Harry" asked the girl next to Gina "How do you like it here so far?"

Harry shrugged. "It's okay. Better than where I lived before."

"Where did you live before?" she asked promptly.

"Ahm…Surry." Harry replied.

"I heard it's rather nice there." The girl offered.

Harry shrugged. "Maybe."

"And I also heard you go to a private school?" she continued asking.

Gina rolled her eyes.

"Yes Madeline, he does, like he told us the other day. There are no secrets and no gossip for you here."

"Au contraire mon l'amie, there is a lot to get from him. So…the question that has been burning under my nails for months now…Remus and Sirius…they are a couple, right?" she asked, leaning forward in anticipation.

Harry laughed. "Remus and Sirius? A couple? No, they are just friends."

"Are you sure?" Madeline asked.

"Maddy, I think he'd know it best. He lives with them." Shaun pointed out.

"But he spends most of his time at that boarding school of him. Maybe he just doesn't know that they're smooching booties."

"Ew, Maddy, you are disgusting." Aaron muttered.

"Why, do you have something against gays?" Maddy asked him challengingly.

"No but do you have to call it 'smooching booties'? Just call it by its name, sex!" Aaron said.

Harry put up his hands. "Okay, nobody is having sex in our house." He called out.

"Nobody, that's sad." Ana giggled.

"Oh really?" Madeline asked, one eyebrow raised high. "Ms. Bedfordshire from Nr. 20 agrees with me."

"Ms. Bedfordshire is an even worse gossip than you." Ana objected. "She thinks everyone around the street is having an affair with someone. The only one not getting any is Ms. Bedfordshire herself!"

"But she is right about Remus and Sirius, right Harry?" Madeline asked.

"Well…I think I'd know…" Harry began but didn't quite know how to continue.

"See, Harry has lived with them for years, he'd know…" Gina added.

"Well…not years…" Harry admitted "Only since last summer."

"See, maybe they haven't felt comfortable yet telling him!" Madeline shouted excitedly.

"Why only since last summer?" the guy next to Aaron asked.

Harry hesitated. Who could he possible explain that? He really didn't want to mention that Sirius had been in prison for twelve years.

"Ahm…" he began but Gina cut in before he could say anything: "Hey, Boyle, that's a rather personal question, knock it off."

"Oh really, that's personal but asking if Remus and Sirius are fucking is not?"

"Alright, how about we change the topic!" Ana suggested.

"Yes please." Harry begged with a nervous laugh.

"Well, if they actually are a couple, I want to know." Madeline said firmly.

"You'll be the first, I promise." John muttered.

.

.

Harry was surprised how much he enjoyed himself for the rest of the afternoon.

After that rather awkward beginning things had loosened up and he had managed to doge the more difficult stories and made up believable lies about the rest.

Now it was early evening and while the grown-ups were still eating and talking and in some cases heavily drinking and the smaller kinds were still playing, Harry had stepped outside the garden shed for a few minutes to catch some fresh air.

Behind him the door to the shed opened and Gina stepped out.

"You okay?" asked, slight concern in her voice. "I hope we didn't drive you away. Madeline is an old gossip, just ignore her." She explained, sitting down next to him.

"Naw, it's fine, I just needed some fresh air and something to drink." Harry explained.

His gaze fell on Sirius, who was handing Remus a glass of wine.

The werewolf smiled widely at the other man as he thanked him.

"But she does have a point. They're cute together. And Sirius is hot!" Gina whispered.

"Urgh, now I'm picturing it, thanks Gina!" Harr groaned and buried his head in his hands.

Gina just laughed. "Hey, I'm just stating a fact."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the gathered people.

"So…why do you live with them and not your parents?" Gina asked as she lit a new cigarette.

Harry sighed.

"You don't have to tell me." She added quickly. "But…I get it. I don't live with my parents anymore as well."

Harry looked at her surprised. "Why?" he asked.

She snipped away the burnt part of her cigarette.

"Well, they treated me like shit so social services took me away and put me in the system. I was seven. My chances of being adopted got smaller the older I got but when I was ten my current family adopted me for good after three years of bouncing between foster homes."

Harry stayed silent.

"And…I don't know…you got that same look I used to have when Boyle asked you why you'd only been living with Sirius and Remus for a year. You've been in the system too, haven't you?"

"Not exactly" Harry said slowly "My parents died when I was just a year old. I was put in

with my aunt and uncle but they weren't really happy about it…" he explained, trailing off at the end.

Gina nodded. "I see…so how did Remus and Sirius get into the picture?" she asked.

"Sirius is actually my godfather. But he…wasn't allowed to take care of me. I actually didn't know about him until I was thirteen. Anyway, my aunt and uncle got fed up with me and kicked me to the curb. Sirius jumped in and took over as my guardian. Remus, like Sirius, was a good friend of my parents and he helped us a lot. After losing his job Sirius told him to stay with us. And that's basically it."

"That is messed up." Gina agreed.

"Yeah but I'm much happier now than before. The Dursleys, that's my aunt and uncle and cousin, were assholes. Being able to attend a boarding school was like a blessing. And Sirius and Remus…they are good people…"

She offered him a cigarette which he willingly took.

"But you're not getting along right now?" she guessed.

"I've…I've just been dealing with a lot this past year." He mumbled.

"Does it have anything to do with this?" she asked, tapping the inside of her lower arm.

Reflexively Harry looked down at his.

The scar from where Wormtail had cut him with the knife to get his blood stood out against the skin of his arm.

It was long and about as wide as his pinkie finger and still red.

It shouldn't have scarred that badly but the healers had explained that it was a 'cursed scar', similar to his lightning-bolt scar on his forehead because it was the result of a dark ritual.

It would always be there. It would fade more in time but he would have it forever.

Another mark from Voldemort.

"It's okay Harry, I know."

She held out the inside of her left arm, revealing a tiger-tattoo to him.

"A tattoo?" he asked confused.

"Touch it." She just said.

Gently Harry let his fingers travel over the tigers' outline.

Where the black stripes of the tiger were, he felt bumps and rough uneven skin.

And the closer he looked, the more he could see the scars hidden underneath the ink.

"I too was in a bad spot and…did this…" she explained with a shrug. "But I'm better now. I got this last year so it wouldn't constantly remind me of that time."

"It's not like that…" Harry began, understanding what she had done.

"You don't have to explain it to me Harry. I get it. You're in a bad place right now too. And they" she nodded over to where Sirius and Remus stood "are trying to help but you don't know how to handle your own thoughts and emotions and they…well they mean good but you don't really feel like they understand. You still have secrets and you're not sure how they will react. So you keep them out, trying to deal with it on your own. You…you don't want to seem weak." She whispered quietly. "Am I right?"

Harry stared at the ground, staying silent for a long time.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries." She added after he still hadn't said anything.

"No…no, it's…" Harry began but stopped, throwing his head back with a groan. "You are right…in a away…It's just…there are a few things I'm not sure I can tell them and…I just feel stupid now but…I made a mess and…they are already knee-deep in it involved and I just…I just wished they'd stop treating me like a child and…I don't know it's complicated."

Gina nodded.

"Yeah. I know. I'm not saying I understand your exact situation but I get complicated."

"So what did you do?" he asked with a groan.

"Honestly…I found out talking was the only thing that helped. Get rid of everything that could create conflict, be honest and…just tell them. They love you. You said it yourself, Sirius rushed in to take you in. You don't do that for just anybody."

Harry stared at her and shook his head.

"What are you, some kind of mind-reader?" he asked.

She laughed but then got serious again.

"I know a lot of kids like you and me. I…I lost my best friend because I didn't recognize the signs sooner. I vowed to myself that if I could help prevent others from going down that path, then I would. I overcame my demons, now its my job to help others do the same."

"Thank you." Harry said honestly. "A friend of mine told me I had to find someone to talk to. But I didn't know whom to talk to." He admitted.

"Sometimes outsiders are a good choice because they are not involved and have a neutral perspective on the matter." She explained.

"Yeah…I guess so."

"You're not going to get through this alone Harry. Whatever it is. So go on, talk to your them" She said encouragingly "It's a better way of venting than this." She gestured at both their arms.

"Yeah, maybe." Harry muttered, grinding the stump of the cigarette against the stone.

"Good, oh and find out if they are gay, we have a betting pool running and we'd like some answers soon!" she added with a wink.

Harry groaned again.

"You are impossible." He told her.

Laughing Gina got back up, dusting the dirt of her shorts.

"Come on, let's go and have something to eat, I'm starving." She said, pulling him back to his feet.

.

.

It was already dark when Remus came over to them.

Harry, Gina and Ana had taken to one of the beer-benches and were eating and talking when he approached them.

"Hey kiddo, it's time to head home, Sirius has a meeting tomorrow morning and I got a few errands to run as well so we have to get up early." He said, putting a hand on Harrys shoulder.

"Sure, I'll be along in a minute." Harry said quietly.

Remus nodded and left and Harry turned back to the two girls.

"Well, I guess I'll see you around." He said.

"Sure will." Ana said.

"See you tomorrow Harry." Gina added.

Harry waved them goodbye before making his way over to the house, where Sirius and Remus were already saying their thanks to Mrs. Henderson.

"Oh, so you are Harry, I've heard a lot about you." She said when he approached.

Harry shook her hand.

"Only good things I hope." He asked.

"Oh yes." She said with a wink.

"Well, thank you for inviting us. Have a lovely evening." Remus said.

"You too, get home safe." Mrs. Henderson said, waving after them as they walked down the front stairs.

As they walked, Sirius and Remus took Harry between them.

"Did you have fun? I saw you talking with the other teens." Sirius asked.

"Yeah, their alright." Harry muttered, rubbing his arms. The evening had brought a cold breeze.

Without asking Sirius put his own jacket over his shoulders.

"Thanks." Harry muttered.

It was warm and smelled of old spice and tobacco.

It was a short walk home and when they stepped inside Harry made a decision and turned to face his godfather.

"Do you mind if I use the floo to make a quick call?" he asked.

"It's kinda late, who do you want to call?" Sirius asked hesitantly.

"Just Daphne." Harry answered, shrugging slightly.

"I guess that's okay." Sirius said slowly, looking at Remus for help, who just shrugged his own shoulders.

"It won't take long." Harry promised.

"Go ahead kiddo, we'll go and get ready for bed while you call her."

"Thanks Sirius."

.

Harry waited until their steps had left the stairs before he knelt down in front of the fireplace.

Tossing in a handful of the green power and holding his face right into it, he said loud and clearly: "Greengrass Manor, Daphne Greengrass."

The flames roared higher as he waited for her to reply.

It didn't take long for the green flames to be replaced by the interior of a bed-room.

Daphne knelt in front of him, dressed in a night-gown, rubbing her eyes.

"Harry?" she asked sleepily.

"Hey Danny, sorry, did I wake you up?" he asked guiltily.

"No, I wasn't asleep yet" she muttered before smiling and saying: "By Merlin, it is good to see your face. I got your letter today. It made me really happy."

Harry smiled. "Glad to hear it. I'm sorry I ignored you. I shouldn't have." He whispered.

She shook her head. "Don't. I understand. As long you keep getting better, that is all I care for."

"Yeah, about that, it's the reason why I'm calling. Sirius…he's trying so hard to help. But I feel I can't talk to him because he doesn't know everything. He doesn't know how deep I am involved in all of this. None of them really do except maybe Dumbledore and he's not a real help at the moment."

"So what are you saying?" she asked.

"I think that if I could tell him everything, it would be easier for me and for him."

"And by telling him everything, you mean including Isaac." she stated, understanding where he was going with this.

Harry nodded. "I can't keep lying to him. I don't have the strength to do it and if I want him to trust me I have to give him a reason to do so. Also…there is so much going on and I'm tired of the secrecy. It's what got me in most of these messes. I just…" he shook his head.

"Even I don't know how to explain it." He admitted.

"Hey, that's okay. I get it. You've been dragging our secret around for a long time now. If you think Sirius should know…then he should know! If you think it'll help you then I'm all for it."

"Thank you." He whispered gratefully.

"So how do you want to do it?"

"Can you talk to your father for me? And if he says it's okay…maybe have him invite Sirius over for dinner so we have a reason to come over? Then, we tell him? Together?"

"I'm sure that can be arranged. When?"

"I know that they're free tomorrow evening…"

"I'll talk to my father. Don't worry Harry."

"I don't. I know I got you by my side." He admitted.

She laughed. "Yeah, I'm really the only thing keeping you alive."

"You really are. I can always count on you to find a solution."

"Don't you get to sappy with me mister." She said playfully. But then she smiled softly and added: "I really look forward to seeing you. I missed you."

"I missed you too. I'll see tomorrow hopefully."

"Till tomorrow." She agreed.

"I really do love you." He added, blushing slightly.

"I know. I really do love you too. Now go to bed."

"Yes ma'am."