Fandom Deathmatch
Summary: People from around the multiverse fight in the Deathmatch ring to settle feuds in a fandom version of the hit MTV series, Celebrity Deathmatch.
Disclaimer: I don't own Celebrity Deathmatch or any show featured here, they belong to their respective owners.
Rated M for blood and gore, intense violence, language, and suggestive themes. So if you don't like seeing your favorite characters getting killed, turn back now.
Chapter 5: E.B's Favorite Fight Part II
"Welcome back to Fandom Deathmatch," Johnny said as the camera was pointing to the booth and Johnny then notices Nick packing a bag.
"Nick, what are you doing?" Johnny asked Nick.
"I'm going to Canada, take E.B., restrain him to a chair, and force him to watch every CDM match until he changes his mind," Nick said.
"Nick that is not going to work," Johnny said to Nick.
"It worked when I did it to Chet Zumditch to make him like T.V.," Nick said.
"Yeah, but when you mention books, he tried to strangle you," Johnny said to Nick.
"It was nothing," Nick said.
"Before we go into our next fight, we have footage of AJ Lee interviewing one of the fighters for the main event," Johnny said.
Then, the camera rolls footage of AJ Lee at Hogwarts, interviewing Luna Lovegood in the dining hall.
"So Luna, how do you feel being in this deathmatch?" AJ asked Luna.
"Well AJ, what I lack in physical strength, I make up for believing in myself," Luna said to AJ.
"Also I will pretend that bitch is the people who bullied me and beat her until she is unrecognizable," Luna said as AJ was freaked out a bit.
"Okay, I think that is enough," AJ said and then the camera switches back to the booth.
"AJ also interviewed Dawn but she found it too weird to use that footage," Johnny said.
"All I can say is that fight is going to be magical," Nick said.
"Now it is on to our second fight of the night as Snake, representing Partnership for a Drug-Free America, takes on Smokey Bear, representing Ad Council," Johnny said.
"The reason for the fight is that Smokey believes Snake has got a big head after he was featured on both The Nostalgia Critic and JonTron," Nick said.
"And now Smokey is ready to knock Snake's big head off and takes his rightful place as a PSA icon," Johnny said.
"Now let's go to the ring for the introductions," Nick said and then the camera goes down to the ring.
"In the red corner, the reptile drug dealer that has scared numerous kids during Saturday morning cartoons in the mid 1980s, Snake," Johnny said as Snake (in his reptile form, wearing his black jacket, white t-shirt underneath, grey jeans, and brown boots) stood in the corner and hisses to the cheering fans.
"And in the blue corner, the bear who scared children in the early 1970s with his Joanna Cassidy disguise, Smokey Bear," Johnny said as Smokey (wearing his usual ranger hat and blue jeans) stood in the corner, waving to the cheering fans.
Soon, Snake and Smokey walk to the middle of the ring as Chef stood beside them.
"Okay you two, users are losers and people who start forest fires are losers as well, but the real loser is whoever is dead," Chef said to the two.
"Now let's get it on," Chef said as the bell rings and he gets out of the way.
"There's the bell and the match is underway," Johnny said as Snake put up his fists towards Smokey.
"Now Snake, only you can prevent forest fires," Smokey said to Snake as he points to him.
"Oh that is so 1973," Snake said.
"But only I can kill you," Smokey said to Snake and then he kicks Snake hard below the belt.
"And right in his snake eggs," Nick said as Snake holds his balls in pain.
"Ahh that hurt," Snake said in pain.
Smokey then grabs Snake by his head and then he tosses him around the mat.
"Smokey is turning Snake into a rag doll," Johnny said.
"Those slams are worse than that slavery anti-drug PSA," Nick said.
After eight slams, Snake lands on the mat and in pain. Then, Smokey gets Snake back on his feet as he was ready to inflict more pain.
"Here's something I picked up in the ghetto," Snake said to Smokey and then he headbutts him, the move cause Smokey to let go of Snake and stumbles back.
"Oh the street smart headbutt," Johnny said.
"If Smokey thought he can prevent brain damage, well he's wrong," Nick said.
Snake then starts to repeatedly punch Smokey's stomach, but the punches had little effect on the bear.
"Snake with his reptile punches," Johnny said.
"But Smokey's fur is proving to be useful here," Nick said.
After eight punches, Smokey grabs a hold of Snake's left arm and was looking to show him a move that he won't ever forget.
"I might be gentle on T.V., but I'm still a fucking bear," Smokey said and then he bites down on Snake's left shoulder.
"Oh and Smokey is going all bear on Snake," Johnny said.
Five seconds later, Smokey pulls up as he takes a chunk out of Snake's shoulder. The move cause Snake to scream in pain as blood was leaking out of his wound. Then, Smokey swallows down Snake's flesh.
"He just took out a chunk out of the competition," Nick said as Snake was angrier than ever.
"Okay, time for my tool of the trade," Snake said and then he takes a switchblade from his jacket.
"Snake has a switchblade," Johnny said as Snake flips it as the blade comes out.
"This is about to look like a Detroit murder scene," Nick said.
"Time out," Chef said as he takes the switchblade away from Snake.
"I think Chef doesn't want a gangster weapon in the match," Johnny said.
"I can tolerate crazy weapons, but this I won't allow," Chef said.
"Now continue on," Chef said as he stands off to the side.
"Okay, time to go back to my roots," Snake said as he walks over to the ropes.
Snake then pulls up a comically large syringe from the ringside area as the fans cheer for that.
"What the hell is that?" Johnny asked in shock.
"That's the needle from the 1998 Needle PSA," Nick said.
"No matter how you do it, it's still a Deathmatch," Snake said and then he shoves the needle into Smokey's stomach as the needle impales him like a spike.
"The Needle Spike," Johnny said.
"You don't need heroin to get high, a Deathmatch can do that," Nick said as Smokey got on his knees.
Snake then slides the needle out of Smokey, leaving a hole in his stomach, but somehow he was still alive. Snake then tosses away the needle and then he pulls out a frying pan.
"Now Snake has got hold of a frying pan," Johnny said.
"A classic in the eyes of the PSA fandom," Nick said.
"This is your brain," Snake said to Smokey as he knocks on the top of Smokey's head.
"And this is a Deathmatch," Snake said as he points to the frying pan.
"This is what happens to your brain in a Deathmatch," Snake said and then he swings and strikes the pan on top of Smokey's head.
"And this what happens to your arm, and your leg, and your ribs, and your other leg, and your back, and your other arm," Snake said to Smokey as he hit the pan on each body part Snake said.
"Snake is going all Rachel Leigh Cook here," Johnny said.
"Except it is in a ring, not a kitchen," Nick said.
"And your face," Snake said to Smokey as he smacks the pan into Smokey's face.
The move causes Smokey's face to be bruised as Snake puts down the pan. As Snake was celebrating what looked like his win, Smokey gets on his feet and was very angry.
"Okay, time to get serious," Smokey said as he picks up the needle.
"Smokey has got the needle," Johnny said.
"Hey Snake," Smokey said to Snake.
Snake then turns around and Smokey breaks the needle on Snake's head, some of the glass gets embedded into Snake's skull as he screams in pain.
"And there's the Syringe Smash," Nick said.
"Oh it burns," Snake said in pain as Smokey was looking to finish this.
Smokey then takes off his hat and then he throws it towards Snake. Suddenly, Snake sees it coming and ducks the incoming object.
"Smokey couldn't hit Snake with his hat," Johnny said.
"But the hat is bouncing around the arena like Sonny the Cuckoo Bird," Nick said as Smokey's hat bounces all over the place.
The hat bounces off numerous pillars, a wall, the popcorn cart, a camera, and it ends up decapitating one of the fans in the back.
"You miss Smokes," Snake said to Smokey.
"Did I," Smokey said as the hat was heading towards Snake from behind.
When Snake turns around, the hat ends up going into Snake's face and it ends up slicing some vital parts of his brain. Snake then collapses onto the mat and was dead from the move, then the bell rings as the match was over.
"It's over, Smokey's hat just took out Snake," Johnny said.
Smokey then pulls his hat off of Snake as he was left with a long cut going down his face and blood spilling out of his head. Smokey then puts his hat back on as he smiled over his victory.
"I guess fire safety trumps anti-drug ads," Johnny said.
"The winner is Smokey Bear," Chef said as he raised Smokey's left arm to the cheers of the fans.
"Remember kids, only you can prevent forest fires," Smokey said to the people watching as he points to them.
"But if there is a reptilian drug dealer bothering you, only you can kick their ass," Smokey said as the fans cheer for the line.
The camera then goes back up to the booth as somehow Nick wasn't up there.
"What a great fight, Smokey gave Snake the beating of a lifetime and proved who the best PSA icon is," Johnny said.
"As you can see, my partner is not here, he's heading up to Canada to take care of E.B.," Johnny said as he points to the empty seat next to him.
"I seriously hope we don't get cancelled because of this, I don't want to go back doing ads for ass cream again," Johnny said.
"But anyway, coming up after the break, it is our big main event of the evening," Johnny said.
To be continued…
Wow that was awesome, the second fight of the second episode was crazy good (oddly enough, one of my favorite fights from CDM was Noel Gallagher vs. Liam Gallagher, which was the second fight on the second episode of season one, seriously check it out).
Anyway, keep suggesting future fights as we got the main event for episode two coming soon.