I'm so sorry this chapter took so long to publish. There's a legitimate reason, I promise. Not only have I been swamped with homework and mental health problems, but around the time I started working on this chapter, FFN rolled out with this new glitch that prevents people from seeing updated or new stories. I decided it would be best to wait until the site was working like normal again before publishing this, because I wanted to save you guys the frustration of not being able to read a new chapter. I also got an AO3 account I have been working on (username: useless_angsty_melon) while the glitch was running rampant, so I suppose you can also blame that for distracting me lol. Enjoy the chapter!
Silva was absolutely outraged when he came to realize the only child of his left in the palace was Milluki, who had absolutely no idea where his siblings had gone.
Naturally, upon hearing the news, the first thing Kikyo did was burst into tears. She had already been having a pretty rough time with Killua gone, but losing almost all her children in one day was too much for her. She had seen what had happened to Illumi just before Killua had arrived, so she honestly couldn't blame her kids for wanting to run away, but it still broke her heart a thousand times over.
"Stop crying, woman." Silva scolded, for perhaps the fiftieth time that evening. "We'll get them back and make sure they never leave again."
"B-But how? They don't want to be here anymore. They don't love us." Kikyo dissolved into more shuddering sobs that wracked her tiny, wiry body, narrow shoulders heaving.
"That's why we might have to use some force to bring them back home and keep them in. We never should've let Killua run away like that in the first place, so it seems we're both partially at fault for this." Silva rumbled, laying his massive hand across his wife's arm in an attempt to comfort her. "While he was away in the South, he developed a more independent mindset. Now, he thinks he can do whatever he wants without having to face the consequences or consult anyone involved."
"This never would have happened if he were still under Illumi's care. Illumi always did such a good job raising him..." Kikyo shook her head almost frantically, burying her face in her thin, spidery hands and crying even harder.
"No." Silva's gentle pressure on her arm quickly became a vice-like grip. She let out a tiny yelp of alarm, but didn't try to pull away. She knew better than to struggle. "Illumi failed us. He was always jumping in the way, letting Killua get away with things. In the end, he was too much of a protective barrier between us and our son. I honestly don't know what he's good for at this point, seeing as all he's ever caused us is trouble."
"But he's been so good to his siblings! Isn't that what we expected him to do?" Kikyo squeaked out, wincing at the bruise-like ache spreading through her arm around Silva's hand. Her face was lined with dark streaks, remnants of tears that had already fallen.
"We expected him to take care of them and ensure they grew up the way we wanted them to. But instead of doing that, he's sheltered them and let them go soft." Silva explained, his voice dropping dangerously low.
Kikyo let out a tiny, choked sob, and Silva finally let go of her arm. She quickly recoiled, making sure she was well out of her husband's reach before saying, "Maybe if we had intervened at some point, things would have turned out differently. Especially with Kalluto... my precious Kalluto... I thought he loved me, but... he's gone, too."
"You coddled him too much, woman." the silver-haired male gave a slight roll of his eyes at that. "It's no wonder he was so eager to escape."
Kikyo grimaced and looked down at the floor, wringing her hands nervously. She had always assumed that Kalluto was none other than hers, and that keeping him away from his brothers and sister as much as possible would ensure he'd stay that way. Maybe she did coddle him too much.
"What are we going to do now?" she asked, after a long moment of silence.
"You remember your old friend, Machi? The girl that used to help you around here after you fell and broke your ankle? Well, she's now part of the Phantom Troupe, a group well-renowned as the most terrifying, dangerous thieves in this continent's history." Silva explained, his steely blue eyes glimmering with a malicious, sadistic light. "Because of our positive connection with Machi, I figured it wouldn't be too difficult to hire them for this kind of job. Especially if I offered them something in exchange that wasn't just money."
"What do you mean? What else do we have to offer?" Kikyo perked up slightly. She liked and trusted Machi. Maybe things weren't gonna turn out as badly as she first thought.
"I seem to recall that girl taking an interest in Illumi while she was here, despite being five years older than him. He's old enough to have an arranged marriage with a fine woman, and I think we can both agree she is a fine woman regardless of the blood on her hands. Perhaps if we promised something like that in as well as money in exchange for the Troupe's services, they wouldn't be able to turn the offer down."
"Illumi didn't seem to like her very much. If anything, he seemed afraid of her, if I recall correctly. I don't want him married off to someone he doesn't like."
"It's not your decision to make, so watch your mouth."
"Yes, Silva..."
The first thing Illumi noticed upon regaining consciousness was the pain. The indescribable, excruciating pain that started in his hands and pulsated throughout his entire body in nauseating waves, making it alarmingly difficult to breathe.
The next thing he noticed was how much warmer he felt. He definitely wasn't in the Northern Kingdom anymore; of that he was certain. But despite the warm, humid atmosphere surrounding him, he was shaking. Trembling violently, unable to control his body's reactions to the pain.
He could hear voices around him, talking in hushed, worried tones.
"...really worried about him. He's been like this for several minutes now, and I think it's because he's finally waking up, but... he's shaking so badly I fear the herbs the doctors have been using to keep the pain at bay aren't working." Killua's voice said. His voice was choked, as if he'd been crying earlier.
"I'm sure it'll be alright, Your Majesty. If anyone can get through something like this, it's Illumi." a smug, painfully familiar voice reassured.
Illumi couldn't help but grimace. Hisoka.
"There wouldn't be anything to get through if I hadn't left my siblings behind for so long. I'm such a terrible brother. After all the things my Aniki has done to keep me safe and happy, this is how I repay him?" Killua sniffled pitifully, his voice catching in his throat as he struggled to keep in the sobs that were trying to break out of his chest.
"Come now, Snowflake, you know that's not true." a soft, gentle voice with the smooth, fluid accent of a native Southerner said. It was probably Gon, Illumi reasoned. "You're a wonderful brother to them, and I know they'd agree with me if they were here right now. This isn't your fault. It's not like you went and tore up your brother's hands like that."
"But it wouldn't have happened if I had been there for them!" a loud slam immediately followed Killua's statement. Probably him stamping his foot like he tended to do when he was really upset.
Illumi couldn't help but feel a little more at ease knowing his little brother hadn't changed much over the past month. He was still as stubborn and fierce as Illumi remembered him being.
The ravenet mustered up what little strength he had and slowly cracked one eye open. He was in what appeared to be a recovery room, with glittering golden walls and an expensive-looking, polished wooden floor. There was a long, full-length window along the wall to his left, and Gon, Killua and Hisoka were standing immediately to his right. He was lying in a soft, cushiony bed with a blanket tucked around his narrow, trembling shoulders.
"Killua, listen, I know you're upset about what happened while we were away but you can't keep blaming yourself for it. It's not healthy. I guarantee your siblings don't find you at fault for any of this." Gon was saying, spreading his hands in a helpless gesture as he tried to reason with a very agitated Killua, who had begun pacing back and forth like a caged tiger.
"I just wish I could've done something. I hate thinking that while I was out here living my best life they were suffering so much." the snowy-haired male declared, balling his hands into fists, gaze locked on the floor.
Illumi shifted slightly, but immediately regretted the motion as it caused a bright wave of white-hot agony to course through his bones. He gritted his teeth, noticing for the first time that his small, slender hands were now completely useless, ginormous balls of bandaging. Was it really that bad? And would he ever be able to use them again?
"Killu...?" he managed to croak out, though his throat was so dry that talking just hurt him even worse.
Killua's sapphire-blue eyes landed on his brother and widened upon realizing that Illumi was fully awake. "Aniki!" he breathed a sigh of relief and hurried over to the side of the bed. "It's so good to see you're finally awake. Are you feeling any better? It doesn't hurt or anything, right?"
"I've... been better..." Illumi hesitantly admitted, fighting past wave after wave of indescribable agony. He didn't want to admit how bad the pain really was because he didn't want to upset Killua any further. "But... I think I'm fine, for the time being."
"You don't sound or look fine to me." Killua stated, tentatively brushing loose, tangled strands of jet-black hair out of Illumi's pale face. "Gon, can you run and get one of the doctors, please? I want them to have a look at him and make sure he's actually healing. Something tells me those painkilling herbs they've been keeping him on are not working."
Gon nodded his compliance and hurried out of the room. Not before giving his husband a quick kiss on the forehead, though.
"What herbs?" Illumi asked, curiosity piqued. "And how long was I unconscious for?"
Killua hesitated before replying, "Three days. I thought it best for them to keep you asleep as long as possible because they said the pain would be unbearable for several days. That's also how I know you aren't fine like you say you are. They've been spreading your wounds with various herbs that promote things like fast regeneration, energy and, of course, painlessness, but I don't think it's working very well. It's pretty obvious you're in a lot of pain."
Illumi didn't like the sound of that. He'd been completely unaware of what was going on for three days straight, and he still had absolutely no idea where he was. Based off the temperature and humidity as well as the color scheme of the room, he could guess he was in the Southern Palace. But how he had gotten there was entirely beyond him. Where were Alluka and Kalluto? Were they safe?
He had vague, fuzzy memories of Killua trying to bind the ghastly, deformed messes that used to be his hands, practically begging him to stay awake. But, in the end, it had been too difficult and Illumi was so tired he was willing to succumb to the warm, inky blackness of unconsciousness that had been pressing in on him. After everything he had been through, everything he had seen, he had completely lost his will to keep fighting. He honestly wouldn't be that upset if his injuries wound up killing him.
Another flare of pain in his broken body immediately brought him back to the present. His breath hitched in his throat and he almost, almost let out a tiny whimper of agony. But he bit his tongue hard to keep the sound from escaping, and was rewarded with more pain and the coppery taste of blood in his mouth.
"Aniki..." Killua whispered. He'd seen the way his brother's black, snake-like eyes widened ever so slightly for a second, the way his entire body had tensed up as the pain ripped through him. "It's okay. You're safe here, you can tell me if something hurts."
"I'm fine." Illumi insisted, between gritted teeth. "Where are the other two? Are they safe?"
"Alluka and Kal? Yeah, they're alright. Don't worry about them. I left them in Kurapika's care for the time being because he's honestly like a mother to Gon and I, he's the best person for the job." Killua reassured, sitting down on the edge of the bed and waving Hisoka over. "And this idiot's gonna be taking care of you for the next few months, so you'd better be nice to him."
Illumi shot Hisoka a glare before returning his attention to his brother. "I don't need someone to take care of me, Killu. I'm totally fine."
"No. No you aren't. You won't be able to use your hands at all for at least three months, and that's assuming you aren't permanently disabled, which is, unfortunately, a possibility." Killua said, firmly. He planted his hands on his hip and gave Illumi a look that discouraged any further argument.
"Hi, darling!" Hisoka greeted, grinning from ear to ear as if there were absolutely nothing wrong with the world at the moment.
"Um, hi..." Illumi suddenly really wished he had hands so he could pull the blanket closer around himself. He didn't like appearing so weak in front of other people, least of all Hisoka. "Why does it have to be him? Why couldn't you find someone else to help me? Hell, why couldn't you just do it you it yourself?" he asked Killua.
"Don't be silly, Aniki, you know I'm busy now that I'm married and all that. Besides, you get along well with Hisoka and that kind of thing is good for you whether you like it or not." Killua said, giving a slight roll of his eyes.
"Awww, you really are too mean to me sometimes, Illu-dear." Hisoka pretended to be hurt, pressing his palm over his chest as if he'd been stabbed. "Admit it, you're happy to see me. And you're probably excited to spend more time with me. How cute
Illumi really wanted to argue, wanted to get flustered and insist he wasn't cute, but he knew that it wouldn't get him anywhere if he did. He decided to remain silent, sighing through his nose and closing his eyes. He wished there was some sort of relief from the pain. His hands hurt so badly he almost wanted to ask for them to be cut off. He'd much rather function without them than have to tolerate this level of agony for longer than two or three days. He knew his incredible pain-tolerance would only keep his weakness under wraps for so long, and he really didn't want to appear weak in front of those he cared very deeply about.
"He's always like this." Killua was telling Hisoka. "He's just sassy. And stubborn. And fiercely independent to the point it's kind of a problem."
"I am not." Illumi insisted, but Hisoka's sharp peal of laughter completely drowned him out.
"Oh, that's hilarious. It'll probably make taking care of him so very fun, if I'm being completely honest with myself. I can imagine being forced to depend on me will make him really prickly for a while."
"Yep, that's definitely something I can see happening." Killua grinned in response.
"When you two are done talking about me like I'm not here, would you mind leaving? I'm tired and I want to go back to sleep." Illumi grumbled, using his exhaustion as an excuse to make the two troublemakers go away. He was not in the mood for listening to their opinion of him.
"Well, Hisoka's gonna stick around because he's responsible for you now, but I can go if you really want. Gon will be back with the doctor any minute now, and they'll see about something stronger to help you deal with the pain." Killua smoothed down his silky grey top before turning to leave. "Are you sure you really want me to go?"
"Yeah, please. It'll be impossible to get any rest if you stick around and chat with Hisoka like you seem to be prone to doing." Illumi replied, lifting one of his useless stumps of bandages that used to be a hand and waving it dismissively. He immediately wished he hadn't because of the intense flare-up in pain it caused him. With a defeated sigh, he dropped the ball of bandage back onto the bed.
Hisoka noticed, and chuckled softly. He moved to sit right where Killua had been as soon as the snowy-haired Prince had left the room. "Well now, this will be interesting. I may be laughing and cracking jokes about it, but I really am looking forward to spending more time with you. I missed you a whole bunch, you know. It's been so boring and lonely without you around." the magician murmured, reaching out to tuck a loose strand of tangled black hair behind Illumi's ear.
Before his fingertips could make contact with porcelain-pale skin, Illumi flinched and shrank back, wishing he had a hand to slap Hisoka's away. "Don't touch me." he hissed, through gritted teeth. "I don't like it. Please don't touch me."
"Oh, I'm sorry." Hisoka looked genuinely confused for a moment before allowing his hand to come to rest harmlessly on the bed. "I didn't mean to frighten you. You're gonna have to get used to being touched, though, seeing as that's the only way I can help you."
Illumi shook his head and swallowed thickly, wondering why such a minor thing was causing his heart to beat so hard it was almost like it was trying to pound right out of his chest. "No. I would rather you didn't."
"Illumi. Sweetheart. I understand exactly why you're feeling that way, and I know this isn't gonna be easy for you. But... we're doing the best with what we've been given to work with, okay? I have absolutely no intention of harming you, and I swear I will not touch you unless it is absolutely necessary, but you're gonna have to make allowance for the fact you do not have hands for the time being and you're going to need a lot of help that requires physical contact for the next few months." Hisoka's voice had dropped from its usual velvety, proud volume to a much more gentle, soothing tone.
Illumi still hated it. The very idea of being touched made his skin ache and burn, as if his entire body was mottled with fresh, swollen bruises. "I don't want this. I didn't ask for this." he retorted, stubbornly.
"I know, darling. But it's not like you have a choice. Your hands will heal soon enough, but until then, I'm going to be looking after you to the very best of my ability. And I promise I will not let any harm come to you." Hisoka said, intentionally leaning forward for the sake of making himself seem as small and non-threatening as possible.
The ravenet kept glancing down at the other's hands, eyes wide with a sort of genuine fright that made Hisoka's heart ache. He's afraid of my hands because he's afraid they will be the things that eventually hurt him. The poor thing hasn't been held, hasn't been treated gently for so long that he now associates physical contact and everything related to it with pain. Even though he won't admit it, the thing he fears most in this world is more pain. The redhead thought to himself, watching Illumi's face carefully as the young Prince tried to formulate a reply.
Finally, Illumi took in a deep, shaky breath and said, "Alright. I'll do my best to tolerate it. But please, do your best to warn me before you touch me in any way, shape or form."
"Might I ask why?" Hisoka asked, though he already knew the answer.
Illumi shifted around uncomfortably, suddenly unable to meet the magician's unwavering gaze. "Because," he mumbled, in a voice so soft Hisoka had to strain his ears to hear it. "...it scares me."
"Ah, okay. I understand. I'll make sure I let you know before I touch you." Hisoka promised, smiling reassuringly at the other. "Remember, I want to make this as easy as possible for you. I can't imagine how painful it must be, dealing with injuries like that."
"It's not that bad." Illumi said, quickly. A little too quickly. "But thank you for being understanding."
"No problem." Hisoka tilted his head to one side. He didn't really understand how someone could be in so much pain and yet still be able to insist they were absolutely fine. That was a level of stubbornness he had never seen before. He allowed his eyes to roam over Illumi's body, or at least what was visible above the blanket, anyway. He counted six raised scars along the sides of Illumi's neck, three along his collarbone, and countless more slashed cruelly across his arms. "You sure do have a lot of scars, Illu-chan. One might assume you used to be a soldier of some sort."
"I wasn't. I've never been on a battlefield before." Illumi replied, monotonously. He shot the magician a suspicious glare. "What's it to you?"
"Oh, nothing. I just find scars very attractive, you know. They are a sign of strength, and each one tells a different story." Hisoka leaned forward ever so slightly, eyes scanning over Illumi's arms. "You have so many. One of these days, I hope to know the story behind every single one of them, even if it takes me years and years to learn them."
"You should leave." Illumi quickly looked away from Hisoka as a delicate pink blush crept into his cheeks. "I'm not really in a talking mood."
"Prince Killua made me swear to never leave your side unless absolutely necessary. But, if you'd like, I can be quiet for the time being." Hisoka said, with a small chuckle.
"Then do that, please." gritting his teeth against the pain, Illumi rolled onto his side so his back was facing Hisoka, obviously making a huge show of ignoring him.
"You probably shouldn't be moving around so much. If anything, you're doing yourself more harm than good."
"Don't tell me what to do."
"Alright, alright."
A few moments later, Gon reappeared with a doctor right behind him. It was a woman, short in stature and sporting long blonde hair tied back in a high ponytail. She said her name was Biscuit Krueger, and that everyone present should simply call her Bisky.
"Sorry it took so long! All the doctors were busy with other patients so I had to sit around and wait for one of them to be done." Gon said, offering Illumi an apologetic smile.
"That's alright. I've been talking with him and keeping him company." Hisoka waved a hand dismissively. "He seems to be hurting quite a bit, like Killua said."
Illumi had never wanted to strangle someone more in his life than he did Hisoka in that moment. "Don't worry about it, I'm fine." he mumbled, wishing he had hands to pull the blanket closer around him. He just wanted so badly to hide under something, he hated that so many people were paying attention to him.
Bisky ignored all of them and picked up one of Illumi's useless, bandaged hands. Though her touch was light and delicate, he still let out a hiss of pain. Why did everyone insist on touching him in some way, shape or form? He knew this kind of thing was necessary because Bisky was a doctor, for heaven's sakes, but that didn't mean he wasn't uncomfortable. Immensely so.
"I was told that these wounds have already been spread with healing herbs. I take it those haven't been working?" Bisky tilted her head to one side, regarding Illlumi's pale, stricken face with rounded magenta eyes that glittered in the natural light spilling in through the window.
"I guess not. But it's not that big of a deal, I can handle a little bit of pain." Illumi replied, grimacing and trying his absolute hardest not to think about the waves of excruciating agony shooting from the tips of his mangled fingers all the way down to his elbows, pulsating and burning as if someone had doused them with gasoline and set them alight. "If this causes any sort of inconvenience for you, don't pay me any mind. I really don't need anything, I can take it."
Bisky clicked her tongue disapprovingly, giving a slight shake of her blonde head. "It's not an inconvenience, dear. This is exactly what my job entails: helping people who are in some sort of pain."
"Oh. Alright." Illumi had to admit that he liked how she was talking to him and only him, ignoring everyone else in the room. "Aren't you going to ask the others for their opinion on this?"
"No. Of course not. They're not the ones experiencing this, so they can't give me an accurate description of what's going on." Bisky replied, evenly. She reached for something in the pocket of the long white coat she wore, talking all the while. "I'm sure they'd tell me not to listen to you because you have a much greater tolerance for pain than any human I've ever encountered, and that I should just assume you're dying of excruciating agony whether you say so or not."
Hisoka scoffed at that. "I wouldn't do that. Killua might, but he isn't here right now."
Gon rolled his eyes to the ceiling and wisely chose to remain silent.
"Do you remember any of what happened to you, dear?" Bisky smiled pleasantly as she opened a little capsule she pulled out of her pocket.
Illumi couldn't help but tremble a little as the memories hit him full force, like a brick to the chest. His father was angry, his mother was screaming and crying, and Kalluto had a look of absolute shock and horror on his face as he watched everything take place...
Lower lip quivering, Illumi shook those thoughts out of his head and decided to take the safe route. "No ma'am, I'm afraid not." he said, slowly.
"That's fine. We're required to ask that so we can get the proper authorities involved if absolutely necessary." Bisky replied, dumping the contents of the capsule into her palm and counting the little pink objects up before offering two of them to Hisoka. "Get him some water and dissolve these in it. They'll help with some of the pain, though I doubt there's anything we can do to completely eradicate all of it." she instructed, her voice gentle but firm.
"You got it." Hisoka stood up in one smooth, fluid motion and made his way across the room to the door, disappearing out of it a moment later.
"And you focus on trying to get some sleep. Recovering will be completely impossible unless you regain your strength. I'll come back to change your bandages and check on you in a little while, okay?" Bisky promised, offering Illumi a respectful dip of her head before also exiting the room.
The ravenet sighed heavily and closed his eyes, deciding it would be best to just try and sleep like Bisky said he should for the time being. He could always drink whatever those dissolvable pink things were later, when he woke up. Sleep didn't come easily for him most days, but he was so exhausted from the effort it took to talk and act normal while in so much pain, and he really just wanted to fall unconscious and forget everything that was happening to him for a little while. Because of all those things, for the first time in his life, he found it easy to fall asleep.
To be continued...
Holy moly it feels good to finally publish another chapter! Again, I'm really sorry it took so long, but now that all the batshit crazy stuff is somewhat behind me, I can confidently say that I should be able to get back into a somewhat regular update schedule with this fic. Thank you guys for being patient with me and for not spamming me with PMs and reviews XD (really though, I've had people spam me before when they weren't happy with how long I was taking to update. It's the most frustrating thing, so thank you for NOT doing that lol). Take care of yourselves and stay safe! Please consider leaving a review before you leave, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this story so far. Love y'all!
-UltimatexAdmin