Leilani

I awoke exhausted. If I didn't feel like myself the day before, I definitely didn't feel like myself then. A stranger in my own body.

I was lying on the sofa where I must have fallen asleep watching the movie. The blanket was draped over me, and the cushion was crumpled under my head. My mouth was so dry, but thankfully someone had left me a glass of water on the table beside the sofa.

As I sat up, a wave of sickness hit me. I sat still for a few moments, waiting for it to pass. I took a few sips of the water, hoping that it would settle my stomach. My hands felt unsteady around the glass, trembling. God, that must be the medication.

My bag was on the floor and I reached down for the box inside. I unfolded the leaflet inside to read over the side effects. As I looked over the list, I grimaced. I stuffed the leaflet and the box back in my bag and pulled the blanket back up.

It was my own fault really, for not being strong enough to handle normal life. I hadn't worked hard enough. I deserved all of what was happening to me. I deserved to feel like shit.

Placing one hand over my eyes, I pressed my lips together, trying to cry silently as I pulled my knees up.

The other end of the sofa sagged as someone sat down. Fuck.

"Hey." It was Alice. She spoke in a gentle tone.

I sniffed, wiping my face with my hands roughly. "Morning, Alice."

She put a hand on my knee, and I could feel her watching me.

"Are you ok, Leilani?"

I swallowed. "Yeah, I just feel really sick."

"Maybe some tea will help?" she suggested.

In the kitchen I sat at the island, resting on my elbow as I looked down at the steam swirling from the mug and trying not to be sick. Alice had left me for a minute to go and get dressed.

I barely took in Carlisle walking into the room. "Good morning," he said. "Side effects?"

I hummed, afraid to open my mouth in case I vomited everywhere.

"Those should go away."

My phone buzzed on the counter in front of me. It was a private number. I blinked heavily, not wanting to answer it but knowing that I should. After a couple of seconds, I picked it up. "Hello?"

It was the mental health department that Carlisle had referred me onto. They wanted to set an appointment for me to talk to them and answer some questions. They also wanted me to answer a few then and there, pretty much the same as at the hospital including details of any plans I might have. Nothing had changed since yesterday. During the phone call, Carlisle left, and I was grateful that Alice took her time.

At the end of the call, I put my phone back down on the counter. I slid my mug further away from me so that I could cross my arms and lay my head down to rest on top of them with a sigh.

I thought about how much time I had now. Four weeks of time to kill. What was I going to do?

"Your tea is going cold," Alice announced, re-entering the kitchen.

"Sorry," I mumbled, lifting myself up and taking a sip. It was luke-warm.

"I think you need some distractions," she replied. "What about some video games?"

I couldn't even muster energy to pretend to want to. "I guess so."

Alice seemed a little put out. "Well what do you want to do?" she asked. "Your choice."

I cupped my hands around the mug, warming up my fingers. "Nothing. I never want to do anything anymore."

"Video games sounds fun." Jasper said from the archway.

I looked up, and he gave me one of his cute smiles. I tried to smile back, but just couldn't find the energy. Somehow, I was so drained despite only waking up half an hour ago.

The three of us sat back down in the living room. Alice was in the arm chair this time. Emmett was at a lecture. Jasper sat next to me on the sofa as I got back under the blanket, still in my pyjamas.

We started a Mario Kart tournament which lasted for a few hours. None of us were trying too hard, chatting about random stuff. I learnt that they were all adopted. Rosalie, who I hadn't met, was Jaspers twin. And Edward, who I hadn't met either, was Alice's brother. It came up because I'd made a face when I learnt Emmett and Rosalie were a couple, and Alice had assured me, giggling, that it wasn't like that.

I told them about my family too. How my parents were workaholics and it was probably going to be a mess at home now because of me.

Part way through Esme came in to say hello, bringing me a sandwich and a bowl of crisps with another cup of tea.

"Oh, thank you. You didn't have to." I told her.

"You're welcome, dear. I just thought you might be hungry." She smiled warmly.

I wasn't hungry at all, but knew I should eat something. I nibbled at the sandwich and some of the crisps between races, feeling bad about leaving it.

"You don't have to eat it all," Jasper reassured me, seeing how long it was taking me to eat. "Esme won't mind."

At the end, Jasper had naturally come out on top, and I was second, followed by Alice.

"Not bad," I said. "I think I'm gunna go home now."

"Aww, ok," Alice turned off the TV. "This was so much fun, Leilani. Come and visit again soon, ok? Anytime. How about on Thursday?"

I smiled slightly at her. "Sure. Thanks, Alice."

I stood up and she gave me a tight hug. For someone so small she had a lot of strength. Just like the day before, she was so cold. Everyone has their own problems I supposed.

"Jasper can take you home," she said.

"Of course," Jasper stood up, too. "How do you feel about motorcycles?" he asked me.

"Oh," I hesitated, caught off guard. First, he was taking me home… second, he had a motorcycle? How the hell was he not in a relationship?

Suddenly I realised Jasper was looking at me, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know," I said honestly. "I've never been on one before."

"You'll love it," Alice grinned.

She was right. At first, I hadn't been sure what to hold onto and then Jasper had taken my hands and put them around his waist. My face was no doubt flushed as he turned his head to smile at me. He had a really nice smile.

As he started speeding down the drive, I let out a yelp as my hands started slipping. I couldn't help it – I had to hold onto him tighter, moving my hands around to his rock-hard chest. He laughed.

"Sorry!" I cried over the noise.

"Don't worry," said Jasper. "Just hold on."

Having the cool wind on my face was really soothing and took my mind of my stomach. Though, I couldn't focus much on where we were going. Not with Jasper right in front of me, so close. He seemed just as cold as Alice, but it wasn't exactly warm out as it was October.

I knew my parents would kill me if they knew I was on a motorcycle. But they weren't there.

All too soon, we got to my house and Jasper stopped in the driveway near the garage. Naturally my parents weren't home.

I got off the bike and took off the helmet, and he did the same.

"Thanks for the ride, Jasper." I said, "And for everything else."

"No problem. It was fun." He looked up at the house. "Nice place, by the way."

I raised my eyebrows. "Really? Compared to yours?"

He shrugged, "Well, it's your home. Nothing to compare."

"I suppose," I replied. "I guess I'll see you later." I wasn't quite ready to say goodbye, but there wasn't anything left to say.

He paused, "Do you want some company?"

I wasn't sure what to say. Jasper was offering to spend time with me? Did he actually want to? Did he just feel bad for me? I didn't want to say yes and let him witness me feeling and being shit for longer, but I also didn't want to say no and send him away. Especially if that led to him never offering again.

"I've not got any plans," Jasper continued. "It's up to you."

"Don't you have Uni stuff to do?" I asked.

"Ok, don't laugh at me," he said.

I half smiled, intrigued. "Right?"

"I'm a massive nerd. And I've already finished some assignments this semester."

"Wow," I laughed. "I would never have guessed."

"I know," he replied. "So, I actually have a fair amount of free time."

"Fair enough, then." I nodded. "But I'm not going to be much fun. All I want to do is lie down and eat chocolate."

He raised an eyebrow. "You don't think that's fun?"

"I guess you could have some," I joked, starting to walk towards the front door with Jasper following.

I turned on the TV in the living room and handed Jasper the remote, telling him to find a movie for us to watch while I headed to the kitchen to find snacks.

When I returned, I saw he'd chosen a Disney movie and smiled in approval at his choice. "This is one of my favourites."

"Good."

Normally I wouldn't have so much chocolate, but I let myself indulge. I needed it. I held out the bag towards Jasper, wondering if he wanted some, though secretly hoping that he didn't. I was just being polite. Thankfully he declined.

Halfway through the movie when the action dipped, I wanted to ask him something, but I wasn't so sure. I'd seen the movie dozens of times so I didn't care about missing any of it. And I was itching to know the answer. Fuck it.

"Um, Jasper?"

"Yeah?" he looked at me. He didn't seem so invested in the film either.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" It was only fair, seeing as how he knew so much about my deep secrets, and seen me cry a few times.

"Sure." Jasper seemed so calm and casual about it. Almost like he was about to tell me anything, though he hadn't heard my question yet.

"How are you not," I felt my cheeks redden as I blushed. "How are you not with anyone?"

"Oh," he smiled at that, pausing in thought and then looking straight into my eyes. "I've just been waiting for the right person, I guess."

I couldn't hold the eye contact, and I didn't know what to say so I pretended to go back to watching the movie. My lips were pressed together tightly, as I tried not to smile. He's not talking about you, I tried to tell myself, but the way he'd said it – the way he'd looked at me. God. I could feel my heart thumping in my chest.

"What about you?" he asked.

"What about me?" I questioned, not sure what he was talking about. I slowly brought my eyes back to his handsome face.

"How come you're not with anyone?"

I laughed. "What?"

"I'm serious." He said. Apparently, it was a genuine question.

I furrowed my brow, my smile fading. "Really? Who would want to be with me?"

Jasper looked like he was about to answer that question.

Quickly I continued, not wanting to hear what he'd have to say about that. "There's a bunch of things wrong with me. And I'm not – I don't think I'm girlfriend material."

There was a short silence between us and the sounds of some fight scene going on in the film.

"You don't really believe that, do you?" said Jasper.

I didn't answer at first, thinking about what to say. I was suddenly aware it might sound like I was just fishing for compliments. "Well, there was someone. A few months ago."

"Can I ask what happened?"

I half-smiled. "Yeah, he got sick of my shit."

"What shit?" Damn, he was really coming in with the hard questions.

"Um," I took a breath. "You know, all my emotional shit. Like all the stuff I was saying yesterday about wanting to disappear. And I cry a lot. Like every day. You've no idea." The words were tumbling out before I could stop them. "I'm just this huge piece of shit that should be hidden away, to be ashamed of. But no one is more ashamed of me than I am. So yeah, he realised that and it was over. He was kind of a dick, honestly, which is fine. It's not like it matters now."

I swallowed, realising my eyes were filling with tears. "And I'm crying again. See? I'm a hopeless broken mess." I laughed, trying to brush them away as they spilled. "Fuck, I'm sorry."

I pulled off my glasses, chucking them down on the coffee table so I could properly cover my eyes. "I can't seem to even have a conversation without having a bloody breakdown these days."

"Hey, it's ok, Leilani," he murmured, putting a hand on my back and rubbing it slightly.

I pressed my palms against my eyes, wishing everything would just stop.

"Come here," Jasper placed his arm around my shoulders, trying to pull me closer to him.

I let him, leaning against him with his arm around me as he rubbed my shoulder comfortingly. "It's ok." He said, "You're not shit."

I smiled a little at that.

"And Leilani, you have nothing to be ashamed of."

That statement just made me cry more, though I was grateful all the same. We stayed like that for the rest of the movie – with me snuggled up into his side, while his arm was around me, his fingers tracing lines on my jumper. Being that close to him, every time I breathed in, I caught how amazing he smelt.

My glasses glinted in the light on the coffee table, however I didn't want to reach over for them as it was likely we wouldn't continue cuddling. Instead I squinted slightly at the TV.

"Do you need your glasses?" Jasper said.

Shit. "No, it's ok. I'm fine."

He chuckled and leant forwards so he could retrieve them and hand them to me. I put them on, seeing his humoured expression.

"Thanks." I mumbled.

He leant back, but to my surprise he pulled me with him. I smiled to myself. It was amazing, yet I had so many questions!

Surely, he was enjoying it as well? Was he just trying to be nice to me because of my situation? Did he want to continue being friends? Did he like me? Did Jasper like me?

I most definitely had a crush on him. A big crush. How could I not? With his amazing, perfect body. His handsome, warm features. And his kind heart. Somehow, he just knew exactly what to say, and what comfort I needed. Whenever he was around, I just felt better. And I couldn't believe how much I'd told him. About myself, about my feelings.

The credits began to roll and I knew we couldn't carry on sitting there like that. Reluctantly, I let go and stood up to turn off the TV.

"I think my parents are probably going to be home soon," I exclaimed, glancing at the window. It was dark already, and I was slightly concerned about my family walking in and seeing me with a guy. They would immediately jump to conclusions.

"Alright," said Jasper, getting to his feet, pulling down his shirt where it had got a bit creased.

"They'll probably kill me if they see your motorbike." I admitted.

He laughed. "Yeah, I understand."

We walked down the hall to the front door and we smiled at each other. "Thanks, Jasper."

Suddenly he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tightly. I had mine around his waist, and I took the opportunity to deeply breathe in his scent one more time, my face right by his neck. Like Alice, he was cold.

"Leilani, I really care about you." He said softly.

My eyes closed. "I care about you, too."

We stood there for a few moments longer, until I tried to pull away. Jasper didn't seem to want to, his arms still locked around me.

"Jasper?"

He let go, his face pained. There was a darkness around his eyes that wasn't there before.

"Sorry." He opened the front door, turning his head to the side so the long blonde strands covered some of his face. "I'll see you on Thursday."

"Bye." I watched him leave, standing in the doorway.

He gave me smile and a nod, seated on his motorcycle. I waved back, watching him go down to the road and around the corner out of sight.

I shut the front door behind me and let out a sigh. Why couldn't it be Thursday?