After seeing to it that Bisky made it back to the infirmary without any trouble, Gon started wandering around the palace, searching for Killua. The Northern Prince had mysteriously vanished not long after he'd gone to check on Illumi for perhaps the thousandth time over the last three days, probably to go find a quiet place to sit by himself and think about things.
Hiding in random places scattered throughout the palace was a habit Killua had picked up from the seventeen years of physical abuse he'd suffered, and one that he had carried with him when he moved to the South. Sometimes, it was nigh on impossible to find him because where he hid changed every couple days, and he would occasionally double back on old hiding places for the sake of maintaining a sporadic pattern of movement.
Gon didn't mind this odd habit one bit. In fact, he thought it was good for Killua to be able to pick out various places within the Southern Palace where he felt safe and comfortable, though it did make locating him a bit difficult at times.
Today, Killua was curled up in the corner of the massive library, tucked behind a white silk curtain draped over a window that spanned from just a couple inches above the floor to the high ceiling. In his small, porcelain-pale hands, he held a book that he was leafing through, sapphire blue eyes sparkling with interest.
"Whatcha reading?" Gon asked, a big, friendly smile on his face as he sat down in front of his husband, crisscrossing his legs and tilting his head to one side like a curious puppy.
Killua startled a little. He hadn't noticed Gon was there. "Oh, just this book I found about poltergeists and how they affect people. It's pretty interesting, if you ask me. I had no idea there was a type of spirit out there capable of interfering with the physical environment."
"I don't think I've ever read that one before. Is it any good?" Gon knew better than to ask Killua if he was okay right off the bat. Killua had a hard time opening up to people, and if he didn't feel comfortable, his inner thoughts and emotions would remain completely inaccessible.
"Yeah, I'm liking it so far. It's kind of unsettling, though. Apparently, poltergeists aren't capable of physically harming people unless they throw something at them, which is still pretty dangerous, if you ask me. What if a heavy object were to hit someone in the head and kill them?" the snowy-haired male wondered, tapping two fingers against his chin thoughtfully.
"That must be a pretty strong ghost, then. Do they have like, a maximum weight limit to the items they throw or can they just fling anything regardless of how heavy it is?"
"I haven't gotten that far into it yet."
"Oh, I see." Gon opened his arms to the other, inviting Killua to come sit with him. "It's been a while since I've seen you last. Are you doing okay?"
Killua hesitated, then slowly closed his book and crawled out of his hiding space so he could snuggle up against Gon's side, resting his head on the tan male's shoulder trustingly. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking about everything. I don't really know how to keep my siblings away from my parents." he said, after a moment of silence.
"I think it's obvious we can't let them go back, Snowflake." Gon hummed, slipping his arm around Killua's narrow waist and kissing his temple. "If we do, they'll just get hurt again. I also don't want something worse to happen, seeing as your father has demonstrated he isn't above trying to kill his own children. Seen it happen with my own eyes."
"Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm really scared of." Killua sighed and flopped over, resting his head in Gon's lap rather than on his shoulder. "It's a lot to think about, honestly. As Alluka and Kalluto's Onii-chan, I need to be there for them and provide for them to the best of my ability. And Illumi... we all know he's been pushing himself too hard trying to take care of all of us. I feel like it's my turn to look after him instead, but he isn't taking very kindly to that."
Gon nodded his understanding, combing his fingers through soft, fluffy white curls of hair. Killua made a noise in the back of his throat akin to purring, nuzzling his face into Gon's thigh and closing his eyes contentedly.
"Hmm... Maybe you should ask your siblings what they think about all this. I know Illumi's kind of a lost cause at the moment, but he'll come around eventually. Until then, I'm sure the younger two would love to have a say in this." Gon suggested, after thinking about things for a moment. "Kalluto's twelve and Alluka's fourteen, yes? They should be mature enough to help you out with things like this."
Killua grimaced, his entire form tensing, as if he were bracing for a fight. "They shouldn't have to be dragged into something like this. They've already been through enough as it is."
"But... that doesn't mean you should work through this alone. Kurapika and I are here to help, too. We may not understand fully the extent of what you and your siblings have gone through, but we can certainly do our best to make things easier for you." Gon reasoned, caressing the soft flesh behind Killua's ear with his fingertips. "I think you should let someone help you. I don't care if it's me or your siblings or Kurapika or even Hisoka. Just don't try and take on this thing by yourself."
Killua was silent for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of Gon's fingers carding through his hair. "Alright, then. What do you think I should do?" he asked, voice soft and uncertain.
"I think we should find a way to get your siblings away from your parents. Permanently. Illumi's an adult, so he can do whatever he wants, but the younger two might be a little difficult to take custody of." Gon replied, doubling over and pressing his lips to the side of Killua's neck.
Killua hummed, reaching up to run his fingers through Gon's coarse, ebony strands of vertically standing hair. "What, like a custody battle, or something?"
"Maybe not to that extent, but yes. We've gotta find a way to keep them out of your parents' grasp, and if that's what it comes down to, then that's what we're gonna do. We can also publicize what they did to Illumi's hands, seeing as that's more than enough proof of what's going on behind closed doors." Gon sat up straight again, lightly patting Killua's head in an attempt to comfort him. "That might scare your parents into backing off for the sake of their reputation."
Killua rolled his eyes. "Or it'll just really piss them off."
Gon laughed and slid his arms underneath Killua so he could lift him up and pepper his face with kisses. "Sometimes making someone mad is good for them. Especially when they're stuck-up like your parents."
"True, but... in the odd event that we can't leep my siblings here, I don't want to make their lives even more difficult by agitating my parents." the Northern Prince shifted, finding a more comfortable position to settle in. He was still extremely tense, making it obvious how distressed he was.
"Hmm, I suppose you're right. I think you should take some time to think about it for the time being. I'm more than willing to help you brainstorm some new ideas, if you need some help." Gon offered, taking both of Killua's hands in his own and standing up, pulling his husband up with him. "For now, let's go get some dinner. It'll be dark soon, and Mito-san always told me it's a bad idea to eat after dark."
Killua grinned. He didn't think he'd ever understand what it would be like to have a kind, gentle mother-figure like Mito-san. The ginger-haired maid was literally the definition of sweetness, treating Gon with such tender, gentle love that only a true mother could possess. There was also something about the way her eyes glittered with pride whenever she watched her boy accomplish something that made Killua a little jealous. He would be lying if he said he didn't want his mother to be like that.
Alas, Kikyo Zoldyck wasn't exactly the type to be proud of her children. She mostly fussed over them and got onto them for every little thing. Though she wasn't nearly as bad as Silva, she certainly was a pain to deal with at times simply because she was so picky and so quick to anger.
"Mito-san sure does teach you a lot of cool stuff, huh?" Killua asked, though he already knew the answer.
"Mmh! She promised she'd look after me while my father's away, and that's exactly what she's been doing." Gon replied, smiling broadly. He didn't let go of Killua's hand as he started toward the exit leading out to a long, wide corridor. "Let's be honest, I wouldn't be upset in the slightest if Ging's body was discovered somewhere in the woods. If he died, then Mito-san could really and truly be my parent."
Killua nudged the Southern Prince's shoulder lightly to get his attention. "Hey, I'm sorry he's never been around for you. Ging, I mean. He sounds like an irresponsible, lazy man that has no business raising a child in the first place. Next time you see him, please refer him to me so I can remove his face."
"Very scary, Snowflake. Very scary indeed. He'd better stay away if he knows what's good for him." Gon laughed, lightly smoothing his thumb over the back of Killua's hand, grazing over the little knobbly patches that were his knuckles. "In any case, it's totally fine. You have no reason to apologize or feel bad about any of it because I don't feel bad either! As you said, he's lazy and irresponsible, so I don't think I'd like him very much if he were still around. I will admit that it is weird not having a dad, though."
Killua honestly couldn't imagine a world without his father. His narcissistic, abusive father who somehow managed to find new ways to make the lives of his children increasingly more difficult with each and every passing day.
"Yeah. I can't say I understand fully, but I do see where you're coming from." Killua wrenched his hand out of Gon's grasp so he could link their arms together at the elbow. They descended down the long, well-lit corridor side-by-side. "Some part of me wants my own father to just up and vanish like yours did, but the other part of me is attached to him because he is my father, after all."
"It's alright, Killua!" Gon chirped, patting Killua's hand, which was resting on his forearm. "What do you want for food? I'm okay with whatever."
Killua smiled and squeezed Gon's arm in response. "Can we get those little orange things again? The ones we had the day after our wedding?" he asked, hopefully.
"You mean the spicy chicken? I'm surprised you liked that so much. Kurapika's not good with spicy things, so I'm not used to having people to eat them with." the Southern Prince giggled, turning a corner and waving to a couple officials as he passed them. They dipped their heads respectfully in the direction of the two princes before continuing on their way.
"That's surprising. Kurapika-san never struck me as the type to shirk away from food." Killua remarked, glancing over his shoulder at the nobles they'd just passed.
Gon giggled and nudged Killua's side playfully. "He is, and it's the funniest thing. You should see his face."
The two continued to chatter amongst themselves as they made their way from the library to the palace kitchens. When Killua glanced toward one of the numerous full-length windows lining the gold-encrusted walls of the palace, he could clearly see the fiery orange and purple sunset happening outside. The sky looked as though it had caught fire, and it was absolutely beautiful.
His thoughts wandered to Illumi. When they were little, Illumi had always loved taking Killua outside for the sake of pointing things out to him, like the way the light hit the snow and formed the illusion of rainbow prisms dancing across a pure white slate. It was one of their favorite things to do. The sweet memory made Killua wince. His older brother had always taken such good care of him, and now it was his turn to return the favor. It was hard for him to enjoy life around the Southern Palace with the heavy knowledge that one of his beloved siblings might be permanently disabled because he hadn't been around for them.
"Gon? Do you think I'm selfish?" Killua asked, slowing to a stop outside one of the windows, eyes fixated on the fiery colors of the sky outside. The setting sun perfectly silhouetted the rolling, grassy hills outside, making them look less like part of the landscape and more like rounded black blobs heavily contrasting the bright colors spanning across the horizon.
"What makes you ask that?" Gon frowned, wrapping both arms around his husband and pressing a series of kisses to the crook of his neck. He didn't think he'd ever tire of kissing Killua.
"Oh, nothing. I just feel bad about everything that happened up North in my absence. I mean, my Aniki might never be able to use his hands again, and I could've prevented that from happening if I had just... been there." Killua sighed, leaning back into Gon's embrace and putting his hands over the large tan ones, which were clasped around his middle. "Even now, I'm out here enjoying life with you as if absolutely nothing is wrong with the world. I think that makes me at least a little bit selfish."
"Don't say things like that. You're not selfish." Gon scolded, nuzzling his face into the porcelain-pale skin along the side of Killua's neck, taking in the Northern Prince's familiar scent. Killua always smelled sweet, like chocolate. "You've already been through so much that it breaks my heart just thinking about it. As such, it's not wrong for you to try and enjoy life now that you're free. You deserve that."
Killua hummed contentedly, shivering a little when Gon's lips found a sensitive spot. "Maybe, but... it just feels wrong..."
"Shhh, there's nothing wrong with you and what you're doing." Gon slid one hand up and lightly grasped the Northern Prince's chin, turning it toward him so he could connect their lips, tucking a loose strand of snowy-white hair behind Killua's ear as he did.
Killua happily reciprocated the kiss, closing his eyes and leaning back further into Gon's embrace. They stayed like that for several seconds, just enjoying each other's presence and the way their bodies fit perfectly together, as if they had been made for each other. Soon, too soon, it had to come to an end. Gon was the first to break the kiss, seeing as Killua was content to just stay like that for as long as possible. The Southern Prince smiled gently and pecked Killua's delightfully soft lips one last time before touching their foreheads together.
"We should go get some food now. I'm hungry." Gon declared, with a boyish grin.
"Pfffft. Baka." Killua rolled his eyes even as he chuckled softly, turning and starting toward the kitchens once again. "We may not make it before dark. You owe Mito-san an apology."
"Rats." Gon looked genuinely dismayed for a second, much to Killua's amusement.
The Northern Prince lightly flicked Gon's forehead, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Maybe you should pay more attention, stupid."
"You're the one who stopped in front of the window, don't you try and blame it all on me!" Gon squawked, flapping his hands ridiculously at the other prince. "I wouldn't go off to get food without you, so when you stopped, I had no choice but to stop too!"
"Alright, alright, I get it." Killua laughed.
When they finally made it to the kitchens and received their food, they found a quiet place to sit and enjoy their meal together. They decided to eat out on one of the numerous balconies because the air was extremely warm even at night in the Southern Kingdom, and because Killua wanted to look at the stars.
Gon was still reeling from the shock of being married, if he was to be completely honest with himself. Sitting out on a large, white balcony with a bowl of hot food in one hand and a pair of chopsticks in the other, facing the love of his life with a perfectly smooth, obsidian-black sky over his head, he found it incredibly hard to believe this was real. It felt like a dream. A beautiful dream that he never wanted to wake up from. He didn't know what he had done to deserve someone as wonderful and perfect as Killua.
"You remember what happened a few months ago? When we first met?" Killua asked, a pleasant smile spread across his face. He seemed to have forgot about his troubles for the time being. "You were so awkward and kept staring at me like I had three heads."
"Feh. I just thought you were super pretty, that's all." Gon grumbled, stabbing his chopsticks into a piece of chicken so he could pop it into his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully for a moment before adding, "And I had never seen a Zoldyck before, so I was a little starstruck when you told me who you were."
"It's alright, I was kind of awkward too. Mostly because I wasn't used to being treated nicely. You were so friendly and so openly curious about me that it caught me off guard." Killua had somehow managed to wolf down at least half of his chicken, much to Gon's amusement. "I honestly assumed you'd be an irresponsible brat like your father, so your compassion kinda hit me hard."
"Well, I hate my father as much as the next person, so I try as hard as I can to not be anything like him. The last thing my kingdom needs is another runaway as a king."
"Yeah, I understand. I don't wanna be anything like my father either. He's bloody awful." a shadow passed over Killua's face. The starlight above illuminated the intense fire of hatred burning deep within those beautiful sapphire eyes. Gon noticed for the first time that Killua's eyes were not only one shade of blue, they were a wide array of various cerulean shades.
"We'll find a way to make him pay for what he's done, don't worry." Gon reached over and put his hand over Killua's, which had begun to shake with anger. "Somehow or other, we will find a way to make things right. Just... take solace in the fact your siblings are safe for now, alright?"
Killua took a shaky deep breath before nodding slightly. "Alright. Thank you, Gon. I love you." he murmured in reply, a delicate pink color spreading across his cheeks, just barely visible in the silvery moonlight.
"I love you too, so much." Gon smiled, grasping Killua's hand and raising it to his lips so he could lightly kiss the back of it.
The Southern Prince kept finding himself wishing he could just... absorb all of Killua's pain for a little while. The poor thing had already gone through so much it was completely unfair at this point. Such a beautiful, gentle creature should not have to live a life filled with suffering. Just when Gon thought that suffering would come to an end, the issue with Killua's parents came back full-force to haunt him.
It was awful. Gon couldn't even begin to imagine how awful his husband must be feeling right in that moment. He really wished he could find a way to shield Killua from all of it, to keep him safe from everything that came along to do him harm. But alas, Gon couldn't absorb pain. He also couldn't help feeling like he was failing Killua somehow. It was awful, and it left him feeling torn. All he could do was his best, but he feared what might happen to his precious Snowflake if it wasn't enough.
"Killua..." Gon whispered, after a long moment of silence. He was still clinging to Killua's hand like a lifeline, staring down at their interlaced fingers. "If you ever reach a point where you feel like I'm not doing enough to help you, to make things better for you... please let me know. I just want you to be safe and happy, and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen."
"I know, baka." Killua chuckled, squeezing Gon's hand affectionately. "You're doing just fine. In fact, I doubt I would've made it this far without you. So don't stress it, okay?"
"Alright." Gon nodded, a smile beginning to spread across his face.
Once the two finished their food, Killua's first order of business was to check up on his siblings. Alluka and Kalluto had gone to visit Illumi about half an hour ago, so Killua knew they'd all be in the same spot. It took him about five minutes to make it from the balcony on the third floor to the recovery room on the first floor. The entire way down, he was wringing his hands nervously. He wasn't sure if he was ready to face his siblings after what had happened to them. Especially Illumi. Killua almost couldn't bear the thought of having to watch Illumi go through what was obviously excruciating pain, all the while insisting he was fine and that nothing hurt.
Once Killua found the right room, he took a deep breath before knocking lightly on the door and pushing it open.
Much to his amusement, Kalluto had decided to curl up under the blanket with Illumi. Both of them were very much asleep. A silvery-white, thick blanket covered both their still forms, and their faces were so very peaceful that it melted Killua's heart. He hadn't seen the two of them look so relaxed and free of pain in a very long time. Alluka was sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed with Hisoka, who was showing her various magic tricks with a deck of cards. She was the first to notice Killua's presence.
"Hi, Onii-chan!" she exclaimed, waving a tiny hand in the air excitedly.
Killua patted her head affectionately and touched a finger to his lips. "Let's use our inside voices, okay? Aniki and Kal are sleeping."
"Okay." Alluka beamed at him, her bright eyes and even brighter smile making his heart melt.
"It was pretty funny, actually." Hisoka remarked, his voice low and laced with amusement. "When Kalluto came in here, he was yawning and obviously trying extremely hard to stay awake. But when I asked him if he was tired or not, he aggressively denied it, then proceeded to fall asleep shortly after Illumi did."
"Yep, that sounds like something he would do." Killua shot his sleeping little brother a fond smile before returning his attention to the magician. "How's Aniki doing? He looks so still. It's a relief knowing he doesn't have to deal with the pain for right now."
"He's... definitely not okay, but it's not like he's dying, either. Before the little munchkins came in here, I tried to give him something to eat, but the poor thing's in so much pain that he threw it all back up not five minutes later." Hisoka shook his head sadly, shuffling the cards in his hands and presenting them to Alluka, who eagerly began leafing through them herself, completely oblivious to the serious discussion taking place. "Because of all the different negative components affecting him right now – pain, blood loss and inability to eat – he's so weak and fragile. I fear he'll break at the slightest touch."
Killua winced and wandered over to the side of the bed to check on Illumi himself. The ravenet was still sound asleep, his facial features relaxed and completely blank. There was no evidence of the pained lines that had been etched into his face before. But his skin was still at least three shades paler than usual, which was saying something because he was already alarmingly pale to begin with. Everything about him looked thin and frail and so easy to shatter, as if he were made of porcelain. His jet-black hair was still a tangled mess, having lost all of its original shine. What a ghastly, pitiful sight he had become. It broke Killua's heart a thousand times over.
"Oh god, Aniki..." the snowy-haired male whispered, lightly running his fingertips over the outline of Illumi's high cheekbone. His skin was feverishly warm to the touch, which only added to Killua's concern. "What about earlier? Gon told me before we parted ways that Bisky gave my Aniki something stronger to help him cope with the pain. Did it do anything at all?"
"I don't think so." Hisoka sighed through his nose, very obviously frustrated with the whole situation. "I fear there isn't much we can do for him at this point. The healers have already fixed his hands as much as possible, but... they could only undo so much before it became physically impossible to stitch everything else back together again."
Killua's eyes widened ever so slightly. For a split second, he suffered the horrible delusion that his beloved older brother wouldn't make it through the night and would be dead by the time the sun rose. "They said he'd live, right?"
"Don't worry about that, darling. He's not gonna die, I promise. Bisky did mention that he might experience severe complications from both the blood loss and from the injuries themselves, but it won't be fatal. He's more than likely to get through this alive." Hisoka reassured, taking his cards back from Alluka and shuffling them once more. "You'll have your older brother back soon enough."
Killua sighed heavily and sat down on the edge of the bed, making a point to face away from his two sleeping brothers. "Well... that's assuming he'll be able to stomach food within the next couple days. If he doesn't eat, he's just gonna get weaker and weaker until..." he trailed off, finding himself unable to finish that sentence.
Hisoka nodded his understanding as he flicked a single card from one hand to the other, faster than the eye could follow. "Yes, I know. It'll turn out okay, you'll see."
Alluka crawled over and plopped down on the floor by Killua's legs. She patted his knee to get his attention, smiling up at him when he glanced at her. "Don't be sad, Onii-chan! Everything will be fine, I'm sure of it!" she chirped, resting her head against the side of his leg.
He smiled weakly in response, reaching down and fluffing up her long, thick black hair. "Thanks, Alluka. I appreciate that. You and Kal should head off to bed soon, it's getting late."
"Awww. I don't want to." Alluka pouted slightly, but Killua ignored this and turned around so he could find Kalluto.
The small boy was curled into a tight little ball with one hand clutching at the blanket and the other tucked flush against his tiny chest, his almost-shoulder-length hair strewn out across the pillow underneath his head. Killua leaned forward and gently gathered his little brother up in his arms, deciding to just carry the child instead of waking him up.
He walked Alluka and Kalluto to their shared bedroom, making sure they were both completely comfortable before bidding them goodnight and telling them where to find his room if they needed anything.
As he made his way to his and Gon's shared room, Killua found himself feeling... content. There was something soothing about the knowledge that he was helping Illumi take care of their younger siblings. Killua just didn't know if his efforts were just a few days too late or not, though. And that's what was massively bothering him. He didn't know if he was ready to provide for Alluka and Kalluto in the same way Illumi always had for all three of them. It was a huge responsibility, one that Killua really didn't know if he could fulfil.
He fell asleep that night with that sobering thought in mind. He'd ask Gon about it in the morning, but for now, he just wanted to sleep.
To be continued...
A/N: Yes, yes, I know. The first portion of this chapter looks suspiciously like filler material. That's exactly what it is. I figured y'all could use a break from the angst, and naturally, GonKillu fluff was my go-to for that. Special thanks to Skye for writing the vast majority (about 3.5k) of this chapter. Love ya, buddy! Thanks for all your help!
Thanks so much for reading! Please remember to leave a review on your way out, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this story so far. Take care of yourselves and stay safe, alright? Love y'all!
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