I own nothing. Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L.James.
A guest reviewer has politely asked me to proof read my writing as they find it borderline painful to read.
Well, all I have to say is that, I am experimenting with my writing pattern and this is not the first story I am writing, this is the 3rd one. I just thought to post it because I was confident that I will be able to complete it. I am somewhat writing 3 stories simultaneously and thinking about 2 more. I don't like incomplete stories and will not post one myself. Also I do not have the time for proofreading it myself, whatever you see is kinda the first draft how I write it. I don't know the process of getting beta something and neither am I interested because I don't have the time, amidst managing my college classes, my siblings' homework and studies, and my upcoming exams from 2 November my life already is hectic, I barely have time for extra curriculars.
As for your comment regarding paragraphs, try and treat this fanfic as a short story if you can, it is not long and very psychological, it is simply about the conversations between people in the story and what Christian is thinking in this fictious setting.
I have an untitled story in progress which is a bit intense and involves paragraphs and deep thoughts (at least that's what I think) maybe you will like that pattern. If I ever post it and you read it and still have some suggestion to make I would love to hear it and if you are reading this, do write your name down there, I will dedicate a character to you in that one.
And yes this is in one paragraph because you like it like that.
Ana and I leave my parents' house after trying to calm everyone down.
Mom was devastated like I had thought, but this is what's best.
Elliot was furious, to say for the lack of a better word.
Mia was upset that it happened and she couldn't help.
Dad was sorry.
I arranged a meeting with Dad to discuss the aspects of the case, Elena needs to go into the jail, her rightful place. I had my men keep their eyes on her from a while, and they have some leads on her still practising BDSM involving underage children. I need to get these children to come forward and speak against her, I myself need to do that. Telling my family and involving the public are entirely different, my name will be thrown all over the newspapers, I need to discuss it all with my father. He is the only one who can give me advice regarding this matter, And I still need to have a talk with him about Ana.
"That was fun." I scoff as we get into the car.
"Hey, don't be like that. You did good, I am proud of you." She kisses me lightly.
I hold her hand and kiss it continously while sje places her head on my shoulder as we ride to Ana's home in a comfortable silence.
"So when will the children come back?" I ask as we pull up in front of her house.
"I don't know, somewhat near dinner time maybe. They really don't have a fixed time."
"Okay." I nod my head.
"Wanna come in, grab a drink?" She offers.
"Yeah."
She takes out the keys but notices the door is already unlocked.
"What the.."
I push Ana behind me and call Taylor.
"Come here, Taylor. I think there is a break in."
I open the door slowly, trying to make no noise.
There is no sign of a robbery as far as I know.
I crane my neck to get a better view then I see the kids with Ana's father I suppose.
Before I can tell Ana nothing is wrong, a voice comes booming in our ears, "Chwissian." Phoebe comes running towards me and I pick her up.
Teddy also comes behind her, "supwise mamma, Papa says we supwise you."
"Oh, I missed you 2 so much." Ana holds Teddy so firmly to herself as if he might disappear into thin air. I let Phoebe down and she too hugs Ana, "Me miss you too mama."
I am so engrossed in watching them interact that I almost miss the daggers being thrown my way. Almost.
I catch a glimpse of Ray Steele staring at me and I dare not look at him.
The man is almost my height and well built for his age, he is intimidating, too intimidating for my liking.
"So, you are the one who has my little girl so smitten. Huh?" I look up at him and see that he is smirking, enjoying my discomfort.
"Sir." I blush thinking that Ana talks to him about me.
"This little one here talked only about you in these 2 days." He ruffles Phoebe's hair and she hugs his legs burying her face between them.
Oh my little girl.
Suddenly there is a knock on the door, "Sir?"
Everyone looks at the door, "That'll be me." I excuse myself and go to explain ro Taylor what happened here.
"I'll be out in a while, just wait for me."
Taylor leaves and when I go inside the house its only Ana's father standing in the great room.
"Where are Ana and..." I trail off as Ray Steele continues to stare at me.
"Ana took them to change their clothes."
I nod and look down, what am I suppossed to do!
"Who was at the door?"
"That was my CPO."
"CPO?"
"Yeah, my company is expanding so my father recommended I had one."
"So, Are you going to be a threat to my Annie and grandchildren?"
I stop breathing for a second.
"I mean you go to a grocery store and people follow you, If some psychopath goes after them for your money, then what?"
"Sir... I would do everything in my power to make sure no harm comes to Ana and our children. I am thinking of getting them their own CPOs."
"Have you talked to Annie?"
"I will, Its just a thought though."
He nods then looks up at me with... guilt?
"Christian, I told Ana that I wanted a DNA test, I am just worried for her, I want to make sure you won't leave her, I am happy she has found you but can't blame a father for being anxious, Can you?" He chuckles. "She has gone through a lot at a very tender age, it wasn't easy for her. She has matured a lot in the past two and a half year but If you won't be on her side this time, I don't know how she will hold everything up. She didn't have a mother or a partner to speak to, she barely had any friends all her life, I was always out there working, I was so wrong to do that, I didn't understand how to react and with the increase in my work I thought the best way I could help was to provide for her, I cannot go back into time, I know that but I regret not being there for her in person. She has been all alone in the past few years, just... don't give her any false hopes, okay? I know parents these days co-parent and all, and if that's what you want say it, just don't give her hope that you all can be a family or something, I know my girl, she is a hopeless romantic, don't break her heart boy. Or I swear to god, you will regret the day you were born."
I never knew Ana's father could've felt like this, Ana raves about him so much.
"Sir, it isn't my intention to break her heart I would never do that. I too want us to be a family one day, we are just getting to know each other all over again, and you never have to worry about me leaving, I am here as long as Ana wants me."
He nods his head analysing my words.
"Don't make me regret this. And Christian call me Ray." He pats my shoulder and then disappears into the kitchen from where Ana emerges.
"So, I see my father just gave you the 'break her heart I'll kill you' speech." She giggles as her arms go round my neck and she kisses me.
I simply peck her and try to get out of her embrace, "What's wrong?" She asks wide eyed.
"Your father is here, I am happy to be alive , thankyou very much."
She laughs at me, "Oh God, you're so dramatic."
"Where are Ted and Pheebs?"
"Asleep, I went to make a bath for them but they both were out in a minute, will wake them up at dinnertime."
"Okay, I gotta settle some of my work before going to office tomorrow. I'll see you soon?"
"Tomorrow. 11 AM, my office, Mr.Grey."
"Indeed, Miss Steele. Also, I was wondering if all 4 of us, could go out sometime this week?"
"Yeah, That will be lovely. I will see you tomorrow."
"Bye."
"Bye." I kiss her one more time and then leave.
A short chapter again but I am trying to give more and more frequent updates.
Also everyone who reacted to my chapter 15 which was merely an update, thankyou, it warms my heart to see that so much love is there in the world out there and for anyone concerned or anything I am fine, it took me time to understand things, to react to them and to adapt but I am good now.