Jasper
I followed behind Leilani up the stairs, ready in case she tripped and fell. She seemed to have sobered up slightly, but was still quite unsteady on her feet. Her hands gripped the hand rail, sliding them upwards along the wood.
While she was brushing her teeth and getting changed, I fetched her a glass of water. I opened a drawer in the kitchen to find a pot and thought I should bring that too, just in case Leilani was sick again.
When I got to her room, she was lying across the bed, half asleep with her arms stretched out. Her legs were dangling off the edge.
"Jasper…" she moaned, rolling over and almost falling off the bed.
I put the pot on the floor and the glass on the bedside table. "Why don't you get under the covers?"
"I am." She opened her eyes, shuffling herself into the middle of the mattress on her stomach. Then she gave up, closing her eyes again.
I lifted the edge of the duvet, pushing it towards her so she could find it and just roll over into bed. She grabbed it with a smile, getting underneath and kicking it underneath so she was covered. I pulled it flat.
"Mmm," Leilani hummed, facing me. "Thank you."
I knelt down on the floor beside her, brushing some of her hair out of her eyes. "Don't go to sleep yet, darlin'. You need to drink some water."
She sighed, "Ok." Leilani sat up a little and I handed her the glass of water. When she had drained half of it, she handed it back to me and slumped back down onto the pillows. "Are you staying here?" she asked.
I smoothed out the covers over her. "Yeah, unless you want me to go."
"Never," she mumbled.
I reached out to touch her soft hair, feeling her relax.
"Lie next to me," Leilani commanded.
Yes, ma'am, I wanted to say, but refrained as I knew she didn't like it when I called her that.
As soon as I laid down beside her, she rolled over, eyes still closed, and snuggled up to my side. She put her arm across my chest, humming once more in content.
I smiled, running my fingers through her hair as she drifted off to sleep.
Leilani slept until midday, barely moving in her sleep – she was so tired. Her phone buzzed in her bag a few times and then stopped. Slowly she awoke with a groan, pulling the duvet over her head. She felt like a train wreck.
"Afternoon," I teased. "How are you?"
She groaned again, pulling the duvet tighter.
"You can't stay under there forever."
"Watch me," Leilani mumbled, before letting out a muffled sigh. Still, she rolled onto her back and pushed the covers over and stared at the ceiling with tired eyes.
"What are you thinking about, Leilani?" I asked, watching her.
"Last night," she answered. "I really fucked up."
I wanted to tell her everything was fine, but I knew she would only argue with that, so instead I said, "What do you think you fucked up?"
"The girls I went with, I'm sure they hate me. And I know I drunk too much but I -," she paused. "I wanted to feel something. Happy and confident. I just felt like shit. Still do."
I took one of her hands that lay on top of the duvet. "Isn't it normal for students to drink too much?"
I could feel the doubt and knew she wanted to argue with me, but couldn't seem to find a flaw in my reasoning. "I suppose," Leilani said.
"And maybe you'll feel better after some breakfast?"
"Ok," she surrendered, the hint of a smile on her lips. The self-hatred eased a little.
Leilani sat up, stretched, and finished the half glass of water. When she put the glass back down, she frowned at the bedside table. "Where's my phone?" She put a hand on the wood where it usually sat.
"In your bag." I told her, sitting up to lean against the headboard.
She picked it up off the floor, rummaging through, a couple of receipts falling out. "Oh shit," Leilani hissed, staring at the screen.
"What's wrong?" She was nervous, but not to a huge extent.
"My friend Evie, I must have called her last night. She tried calling me back this morning." Her fingers were tapping on the screen as she sent a message to her friend. When she was done, she tossed her phone onto the sofa and grabbed a towel.
While Leilani was in the shower, I decided to go downstairs and surprise her with some breakfast. I couldn't remember ever making it before, but it wasn't hard to find a video and some instructions online on how to make a classic English fry up.
Leilani came downstairs in a hoodie and leggings. She felt a lot more relaxed, though still not great, until she walked in and saw the meal I'd prepared. I put the large plate down on the island which had eggs, toast, sausages and tomatoes. Next to it sat a steaming mug of tea. Her whole face lit up, and she stepped across the floor to wrap her arms around my waist.
I hugged her back, breathing in the fresh scent of coconut from her shampoo. "This is amazing, Jasper. You're amazing," she said, affection pouring off her.
"You haven't tried it yet," I joked, and then added more seriously, "You're welcome."
She sat down and started eating, humming in pleasure at the first bite. I sat down opposite her.
"How am I supposed to surprise you?" she asked, the worthlessness creeping in again, though there was humour in her voice. "A pitcher of animal blood?"
I laughed. "You don't have to do anything for me, darlin'. Definitely not that."
She grimaced. "Yeah I wasn't being serious. I don't even know where I'd start with that."
My eyes drifted towards the direction of the driveway as I heard a car pulling up. "I think your parents are home." I said.
A few minutes later the front door opened and we could both hear the sounds of their voices.
"-can't believe someone was sick all over the flowerbed!"
Leilani's eyes widened at her mother's words. She looked at me, panic flooding through her.
With tremendous effort I managed not to laugh, grinning at her.
"Oh, hello." Her mother walked into the kitchen, closely followed by her father.
"Hi," Leilani took another bite of her food, shuffling on her stool.
"Hey," I nodded to them, straightening my posture.
Her parents stood in the kitchen awkwardly for a second before Leilani's fork clattered against her plate. "Oh, sorry!" she looked at her parents. "This is Jasper. Jasper, these are my parents."
I stood up, the stool scraping on the floor and held out my hand. "It's a pleasure to properly meet you."
Her mother nodded, shaking my hand. "Helen." She was pleased, hopefully from my formal introduction.
"You can call me William," said her father, shaking my hand as well. He frowned slightly, uncomfortable. From my cold hand? There was some worry there too, most likely for Leilani.
I sat back down at the island again, seeing Leilani watching the exchange, worry coming from her, too. A whole family of stressed worriers.
Helen eyed each of us in turn. "So, are you two…?" she trailed off, leaving the question in the open.
"Mum!" Leilani started.
"Yes," I answered with a nod.
William laughed. "Not afraid to tell it like it is." He began making himself a coffee.
Leilani put a hand on her cheek, leaning her elbow on the counter. Her awkwardness was like a waterfall, gushing out into the room.
Helen touched her shoulder, smiling at her daughter. Leilani looked up, slowly beginning to relax and smile herself in the silent exchange.
They made their coffee, asked a few questions and left to go and watch some TV in the living room.
Leilani was still finishing her breakfast. She looked over at me, apologetically. "Sorry."
"What for?" Was she sorry that I met her parents?
"Them, grilling you." She rolled her eyes, putting her cutlery down and sliding the plate to the side.
"I don't mind," I reached my hands forward across the island and she did the same, intertwining her fingers with mine. "I'm glad I got to meet them."
Leilani smiled. "Really?"
"Yeah," I replied. "And what we were talking about before – maybe soon you could come and meet my family? It's really important to me."
She nodded. "Yes, alright." As she agreed nervousness swept over her.
I gave her hands a squeeze. "How would you feel about next weekend? They've actually planned some fireworks for Guy Fawkes night."
Leilani laughed. "You guys celebrate that?"
"Only since we've been in England." I exclaimed.
"That sounds kind of fun actually." she said, looking down at our hands.
Leilani
The week both dragged and swept by like it usually did. I made it through each day, thinking of tomorrow, and then tomorrow came. At least a few times I got to hang out with Jasper, either playing some video games in the evening or watching a movie.
He liked to remind me how much he liked me, and complemented me occasionally. It helped me feel bolder, initiating kisses and cuddles. I was a lot more familiar with him now, engaging in physical contact by touching his chest and shoulders, and once pressing my lips to his neck in a delicate kiss.
Jasper had let out a soft moan, leaning his head back against the sofa. I hadn't done anything more, stopping as I realised the sexy sound he'd made should have had me taking my clothes off. But my body still wasn't responding how it should, not catching up to my brain and heart that wanted him.
Nevertheless, he'd smiled and kissed me, holding me as we watched the end of the movie.
The day eventually came for Guy Fawkes night, but before that I had my first appointment for therapy in the morning. In the afternoon Jasper was going to come and pick me up for the evening event.
I dressed in a jumper and jeans, the same outfit I had planned to wear for the evening, and pulled on my coat as I left the house for the bus stop. Of course, Jasper had offered to drive me, but I refused. I wanted to go alone and have the time to process my thoughts.
I arrived early, following the signs outside a tall building in the City up a lift and to a small reception area.
"Hi, my name's Leilani Westbrooke. I have an appointment at eleven," I told the receptionist.
She smiled kindly, handing me a clipboard with a form attached. "Good morning, did you fill out one of these already?"
I glanced down at the form, recognising the questions. "Yeah, online."
The woman nodded, putting the clipboard back down. "Great, why don't you take a seat and Camile will be out in a minute."
"Thank you." I looked around the waiting room, taking my coat off.
There were a lot of posters up for suicide prevention, support groups and financial help. I sat down next to the table of magazines. It was kind of funny seeing the pile of photoshopped models and text proclaiming ten steps to get the perfect body. Surely those magazines were terrible for mental health, yet there they were. I rolled my eyes.
As the minutes went by, I bounced my leg in my seat. I kept glancing at the clock, seeing the hands go a minute past eleven. Any minute now.
"Leilani Westbrooke?" A brown-haired woman stood in a doorway.
"Yes," I stood up, holding my coat.
"I'm Camile. Come on in." She smiled, holding the door open for me.
The room had two chairs and a coffee table between them, a box of tissues on top. I sat in the chair closest to the door which appeared to be meant for patients.
Camile reminded me a little of Carlisle. She explained everything to me, asking me questions about my situation and the thoughts I had. When I started crying, she pushed the box of tissues towards me, using questions and logic to get me through it.
At the end of the hour, I walked back into the lift with a sense of hope and slightly refreshed. It was so different how Camile looked at what was wrong with me, and she'd given me a task to do at home.
Somehow motivated, I got to it right away when I was home. I sat down at my desk with a notebook, writing out all the activities I enjoyed doing, needed to do, and wanted to do. I organised them into how difficult they were and then started to create a schedule for the week.
Spending time with Jasper was one of the easiest, with Uni work being on the most difficult on the scale. I also wrote down that I'd like to spend more time with Emmett and Alice, since I hadn't seen them very much for a while. Mostly I'd been spending time alone, and occasionally with Jasper.
Camile had told me hanging out with others and being more social would help me, so I decided I would give it a go. Which was perfect because of what was happening that night.
How did it go?
A message popped up on my phone from Jasper.
Good! I answered. I think this CBT will help me.
He sent me back a smiling emoji.
That's great.
I smiled, taking my phone with me to make some lunch.
Later, I was searching for my gloves when the doorbell rang. Quickly I retrieved them from my wardrobe and grabbed my white woollen hat on the way down the stairs.
My mum was already at the door, opening it. "Hi, Jasper." She greeted him, looking around in the driveway behind him. Probably checking to see if he'd brought his motorcycle.
I grinned at Jasper and he gave me his handsome side smile. He looked so handsome in his long black coat.
"Hey," I said, sitting down on the stairs to pull my boots on.
"Hey," he stood in the doorway, waiting for me.
My mum looked down at my beige boots. "Isn't it going to be really muddy?" she said.
"It'll wash off," I replied, doing up the laces.
"You guys have a good time," she said.
Jasper thanked her while I stood up, putting on my coat and making sure my hair sat right under my hat in the mirror.
"Bye, mum." I followed Jasper out of the door, taking his hand. Now that he was there, I was quite excited for the show.
"You're looking forward to tonight?" he asked me as we walked down the driveway to Alice's car, although he knew the answer.
"Yeah," I looked up at him.
Jasper let go of my hand and bent down slightly to give me a hug, resting his head over my shoulder. I closed my eyes, breathing in the glorious scent of him.
"You've been doing so well, Leilani." He murmured in my ear. "I'm so proud of you."
I melted into the embrace even more. God, I loved him. I was so in love with him. I had to tell him, so I did. "I love you, Jasper."
He pulled away enough so we could look at each other. My hands reached up to the back of his neck to touch his hair and we stared into each other's eyes.
"I love you too," he replied. Jasper then pressed his lips to mine and we kissed passionately.
A few seconds later he lifted me up, laughing when I let out a small yelp. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he held me tightly. I could've stayed there forever.
The car beeped at us from down the drive, making me jump. Jasper chuckled, lowering me back down to the ground.
Emmett, who was sitting in passenger side, had rolled down the window. "Let's go, lovebirds!"
I blushed, which wasn't completely unwelcome in the cold darkness. Jasper's hand was in mine once again as we walked down to the car.
The two of us sat in the back. Alice was in the driver's seat.
"How have you been, Lani? We haven't seen you in ages." Emmett said once I'd buckled my seatbelt.
"I'm ok," I told him, truthfully. Now I actually felt ok for once. "Are a few weeks really ages to an immortal?"
He laughed loudly. "It's great now you know. Finally, we can hang out normally."
I wasn't sure about what he meant by normal. They wouldn't have to pretend they were human, but that didn't really mean normal. "Where are we going?"
"A field not too far from here," Alice answered. "Dad's got an agreement with the owners."
Emmett rubbed his hands together. "This is gunna be awesome."
I glanced at Jasper – we couldn't stop smiling at each other, and we were holding hands in the car, too. He seemed so happy, more than usual, and I wondered how much my emotions affected him.
Alice drove for only about ten minutes, taking us up a hill by a large open field. A black car that I recognised was parked in a small drive by a bungalow. She pulled up next to it.
Before I could open the door, Jasper had already done it, standing on my side.
"Thank you," I took his hand, standing up.
Quickly it was apparent how cold it was outside the heated car. I felt a chill go through me, buttoning my coat up and putting on my gloves.
Up the drive, I could see Carlisle with Esme and a man who must live there. Carlisle shook his hand and they said goodbye, the man disappearing into the house.
The two of them made their way towards us.
"Good evening," Esme said, a warm smile on her lips and her arms opening for a hug.
I accepted it, hugging her.
"We're so happy you're here, Leilani."
"Thank you for inviting me."
One of the doors of Carlisle's car opened and a beautiful woman with long blonde hair stepped out. She had a very serious face and it could only be Rosalie. I couldn't tell if she was angry or indifferent, but the fact she wasn't smiling made me nervous.
Jasper put a hand on my back.
"Hey, Rosalie," I said quietly, though I knew she'd be able to hear me.
She looked at me blankly. "Hi."
"Hey, babe," Emmett grinned, appearing at her side and putting his arm around her.
Rosalie's face softened and the two of them started walking off towards the gate.
"Edwards already setting up," Carlisle said. He looked towards me. "I hope you're doing well, Leilani."
I nodded. "I'm alright, thank you."
Alice giggled, "Come on, I've got some glowsticks!" She linked arms with me and we headed into the field.
There was an old picnic table with a lantern in the middle, surrounded by some glow sticks of various sizes. Alice cracked a few of the thin ones, bending them into glowing bracelets. Knowingly, she handed me the blue and purple ones. With the others she started handing them out to the rest of the family. Esme accepted a red bracelet, laughing as Alice put it on for her.
Jasper was helping Emmett with the bonfire, warily ensuring to keep a distance from the flames that licked the wood. Thick smoke rose into the sky, and I could smell it even before I approached the warmth. I held my hands out, taking my gloves off so I could warm up my fingers.
"Hello, Leilani." I heard a polite voice beside me. A guy with dark red hair stood there, who must have been Edward.
"Hi," I said, giving him a smile. "You're Edward, right?"
"Yeah," he nodded. "It's nice to meet you."
"You too," I replied.
Jasper seemed to have noticed we were talking and abandoned the fire, coming to join us.
"Jasper said you're studying writing. Do you like to read the classics? Shakespeare? Or Brontë?" Edward asked.
"Um," I actually didn't like classics at all, believing them to be overhyped by the media and preferring modern books. However, I then suddenly remembered Edward was the one in the family who could read minds and I panicked, realising I had thought all of that for him to hear. "Oh shit."
Edward's shoulder shook with laugher.
Embarrassed, I put a hand to my mouth.
Jasper turned to each of us with a face full of confusion.
"Sorry," Edward straightened himself up, recovering from the laughing fit. "You'll get used to it."
How? How could someone get used to a mind reader?
Edward shook his head, walking back towards the pile of fireworks.
"What was that all about, darlin'?" Jasper rubbed my back, standing close to me.
"Nothing, I just – ugh," I groaned, leaning against him. "It's weird having your mind read."
"I know," Jasper chuckled. "It's alright. He's a very private person, if you have any secrets."
"Are we starting this thing or what?" Emmett raised his voice, impatient, marching over to the fireworks.
The show was incredible. It was like going to a public firework event, except this one was just for Jasper's family and I. We stood near the fire, Jasper's arms around me, as we watched the night sky come alive with sparks of colour. It was so beautiful.
In the short break, Alice skipped around, handing out sparklers. I saw Emmett and Rosalie having a little sword battle with half a dozen of them. I moved mine in the shape of a heart before glancing at Jasper.
During the second half of the fireworks, I stayed close to the fire, feeling the cold seeping into my boots and making my feet cold. It was making it more difficult to enjoy, however it was still very impressive.
After the last one burst in the sky and the lights faded, Jasper turned me around and kissed me, touching my cold cheek with his hand.
"Your nose is so cold," he said nuzzling it with his own.
"I know," I touched it with my gloved hand, trying to warm it up a little.
"Leilani," Esme said beside me. "You're more than welcome to come back to ours and have something to eat."
"Thank you so much," I replied.
At the Cullen house I hung up my coat and took off my gloves, hat, and boots. In the hallway there was a large radiator so I stood by it for a few minutes. I swapped standing on one leg so I could lift my foot against the warm metal, trying to warm up my feet.
Jasper, who had disappeared somewhere, walked down the stairs towards me. "Do you want to see my room?"
"Sure!" I smiled, following him up the stairs.
His room was on the second floor, third from the ground, which, like mine, overlooked the front of the house. It was fairly simple and modern, with a large bookshelf, double bed, and long desk where an expensive looking computer was set up. On the walls were some large framed pictures of landscapes, one of horses running wildly across dry grass.
"Sit down," Jasper motioned to the bed.
I did what he said, suspicious that he had something on his mind.
He sat down at the end of the bed and patted the covers. "Put your legs up."
I eyed him, but did it anyway, bringing my legs onto the bed in front of me.
Jasper put his hands on my foot and I pulled it back suddenly, eyebrows raised. "Why are your hands so warm?"
He grinned. "I washed them in boiling water. Now, come here."
Slowly I slid my legs back towards him, letting him take my feet in his soft, warm hands. He rubbed them as they began to warm up, and it felt so good. I felt myself relax as he worked his magic fingers, my eyes closing in pleasure.
He stopped. I opened my eyes, frowning.
Jasper smiled. "My hands are getting cold."
"That's ok. Thank you." I said.
I slid my legs around and under me so I could lean forwards and kiss him.
He kissed me back, taking the time to slowly move his lips against mine. As he pulled away, he looked into my eyes. "I love you, Leilani."
"I love you too." I replied, sitting back down.
"I want to show you something," Jasper stood up and picked up a wooden box from the shelf. He placed it down on the bed between us and opened the lid. Inside was an assortment of photographs, letters, and other keepsakes.
He started going through them, showing me photographs of him from when he was a human. There were a few letters from his family who'd written to him during the war. He also had a very old watch that no longer worked, and a compass.
"This is all I have left," he explained. "I traced my family tree but they died out since I was an only child and my cousin's daughter had no kids."
"Have you ever gone back?" I asked, gazing at the items in the box and on the bed.
"It's kind of difficult because of the sun." Jasper began putting everything back in the box. "Maybe one day."
Not long later, we descended back down the stairs and into the living room where the rest of the family were sitting around. The glass in front of the fireplace shone as the coals behind glowed.
As soon as I sat down in an armchair, Esme had brought in a tray with soup, bread, and some crisps. She placed it on the coffee table in front of me.
"Wow, thank you, Esme." I smiled at her.
"You're welcome, dear." She took a seat on the sofa next to me, beside Carlisle.
Jasper sat down on the pouf on the other side of the armchair. Rosalie was on Emmett's lap in the other armchair. And Alice and Edward were on the sofa.
Thankfully they were all talking as I ate. I listened to them discussing.
"It is nice to have an excuse to celebrate something," Esme said. "It is fun to live in England to celebrate this holiday."
"Did Jasper tell you I was born here?" Carlisle asked me. "Around 1650."
"Yeah," I nodded, "So you must have known Guy Fawkes personally?"
He laughed. "I'm too young, I'm afraid. He was born in 1570."
After I'd eaten Alice engaged Rosalie into a battle of Just Dance, both of them getting a ridiculously high score. Somehow, I found myself agreeing to doing Girlfriend with Alice, my heart thumping madly as I felt the eyes of the family on me. I tried to push past it, seeing Jasper out the corner of my eye. His eyes were definitely not on my face.
The scores came up and I was a couple of thousand behind Alice.
"Good game," she nudged me.
"Your score will be even better when you're one of us," Emmett laughed as I handed him the controller.
My smile faded. Of course. I was an idiot.
I didn't dare look at any of them, leaving to go to the bathroom. My heart pounded as I sat on the edge of the bath, just like I had on my first visit. I hadn't really thought about it, the future of being with Jasper. Of course, they would want me to be one of them. We couldn't be together without being equals – without me being immortal.
I took a deep breath, aware of all the soup in my stomach along with a sickening feeling. It wasn't that I didn't want to be with Jasper. It wasn't that I didn't love him, or that I didn't like his family or anything like that.
My breathing was becoming faster, and I could feel myself working up to a panic attack. I couldn't sit there any longer.
I unlocked the door and opened it, seeing Jasper standing a few feet away in the hall. He stared at me, brow furrowed. "Leilani? What's wrong?"
"Can we talk?" I said quickly, between breaths.
"Yeah." He took my hand, leaning me upstairs to his room. It seemed to take forever, and I tried to slow my breathing down with little success.
We walked over to his bed and he guided me to sit down. Jasper sat down next to me, his hand on my back.
"Do you want some help?" he asked softly, rubbing my back.
I moved my hands up and down my thighs, trying to breath. I nodded, at once my muscles relaxing and my body melting towards his side. My breathing began to slow and my lungs started to feel like they were properly getting some oxygen again.
"Thanks," I breathed.
Jasper placed his other hand on my knee and I put mine on top. "See," he said. "You're alright now. Everything's ok."
It wasn't.
"Jasper," I swallowed. "How do vampires die?"