Chapter Four: Excuse Me, But Are You Okay?

He was quickly going lucid.

Axel sat in the library, glaring through half-open eyelids at a computer screen and lethargically maneuvering the mouse back and forth, letting it drift to links and clicking on them. He could feel the lightness of the medication wearing off and the darkness that was his mind setting in.

He'd made it out of the infirmary without a scratch, but he had a feeling Saïx and Zexion would be back for him. He also remembered next to nothing from the conversation they'd been having, and realized that they were probably on to him by now.

As he leaned down to reach into his backpack for the medication he needed, he heard a voice at his side that made him freeze.

"Oh, hey, Axel."

He looked up and saw Xion leaning against the divider just behind his computer screen, her arms stretched out on the edge and her chin resting on her hands. Her head was tipped a little to the side, and a small smile had formed on her lips.

"Xion… Is that you?"

"Who else would it be?"

He cleared his throat. "What're you doing over here?"

"I work here," Xion told him.

"No, I mean—if you work here, why are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be—putting books on the shelves or something equally monotonous?"

"Maybe, but I'd rather talk to you for a little bit. You looked kind of lonely."

Axel felt a blush race across his cheeks. "Oh."

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being lonely," Xion said. "This job makes me lonely."

"How often are you here?" Axel asked casually, leaning toward her a little.

"Every day," she said with a shrug. "After lunch. And then I come back at seven."

"Is that right?" he replied, half a smile pulling at his lips.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Xion asked in response.

"It means I'll be here to keep you company, if you want. My roommate's no fun to be around anyway. He's kind of an ass sometimes." Axel shrugged.

"So I'm your excuse to get away from your roommate," Xion summed up, making a face.

"That's, uh… not what I meant." Axel's head dropped forward onto the desk. "Man, if it's gonna be like this every time I talk to you, you'd be better off hiding behind the shelves."

"Are you kidding?" Xion said. "I always hide behind the shelves. Having someone to talk to would be a nice change."

"Well, in that case, I'm—" Axel began.

A voice from across the room cut him off midsentence. "Xi, what're you doing? Roxas is looking all over for you!"

Axel turned his head and saw a girl about Xion's size, wearing white sweats and sporting a head of short, bleached-blonde hair. She had bright blue eyes just like Xion, but somehow she wasn't nearly as stunning.

"I thought Roxas didn't get out of class until three," Xion answered. She had turned her attention away from Axel and now looked at the blonde. "Why's he looking for me?"

"He told me he thought you were going to be in the courtyard outside the student center an hour ago, and when he couldn't find you there, he freaked out," the other girl informed her. "I thought you might be here working… Thanks to him, I'm gonna be late for studio art."

"How do you expect to do studio art in those blindingly white clothes, Naminé?" Xion laughed.

"Well, for starters, there are smocks…" The other girl, apparently named Naminé, sighed. "I'll tell Roxas you're working, but you should probably go to him as soon as you can. And—no offense, but—I don't think he'd like to see you talking to people like him." She dropped her voice, probably under the impression that Axel couldn't hear her, but he could. And the jerk of the head in his direction gave it away completely.

To his surprise, Xion replied, "It's really none of his business, or yours. I'll talk to him when I'm done with work. Go on. You don't wanna be late for art."

Naminé shrugged. "Okay, see you later."

Once she was out of earshot, Axel leaned forward again. "Who was that?"

"That was Naminé," Xion said. "A close friend of mine."

"And what about this Roxas guy?" Axel wondered aloud.

"Roxas?" Xion asked absently. "My boyfriend." She glanced off toward the rest of the library.

Shiiiit! Axel barely managed to keep his profanity inside his head. Why's she gotta have a boyfriend already? It figures. He could feel himself sinking deeper into the darkness. No. He needed Xion to go so he could get another dose out of his backpack.

Instead he opted to talk his way out of it. "Your boyfriend, huh?" he asked. "He sounds kind of… protective."

Xion looked off into the distance. "He's always protected me," she said.

"Well, yeah, but listen," Axel said, dropping his voice and leaning further forward. "Your friend Naminé there just said he wouldn't want you to talk to people like me. Don't you think that's a little too protective? You don't even know me."

"You're right about that," Xion said, her gaze hardening into a glare. She rose up from where she leaned on the edge of the desk. "I don't really know you. So maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation. I'll see you later."

She turned and walked away, and Axel slumped over, resting his head on his arms. He'd gone too far too fast. He shouldn't have said any of that.

He slid one of his hands into his backpack without bothering to sit up and closed his fingers around one of the bottles. Finally he sat up and, checking around him to make sure no one was watching, he lifted the container onto the desk and poured a few of the pills into his hand. One by one he swallowed them dry before slipping the bottle back into his backpack. He laid his head back down on the desk again and closed his eyes, trying not to replay in his head the words he'd just exchanged with Xion.

A few minutes passed. He could feel the medication working its way into his head and his blood. A numbing fog had started to creep up on his thoughts, pushing out the dark but at the same time throwing a strange sheen over his reality. Why hadn't he gone back to his dorm room to do this? If he didn't make it back sane, Saïx would have his head and Xion would know.

As quickly as he could, he gathered his belongings and left the desk he had occupied, heading for the door of the library. As he was on his way out the door, a figure turned the corner and ran dead-on into him.

"Axel!" a voice said. "Is that you? Aw, sorry, man. You okay?"

"Oh, oh… God… Doors are freaking cursed…" Axel moaned, backing away and covering his face with his hands. "God, I hate doors… Why do they exist…"

"Well, you kind of need to get in and out of buildings." Axel looked up to see Demyx standing just inside the door with one hand on his hip. "You serious?" he asked after a minute. "Jeez, Axel. Get a handle on it, man."

"Sorry." Axel shook his head, trying to rid his sight of the fog. "Yeah, I dunno. I don't feel great. I'm goin' back to my…"

He had looked over Demyx's shoulder for just a split second and caught a full view of the library, where in one corner Xion's stunning eyes were turned toward him. He trailed off and stared in her direction until she turned away and disappeared.

"What is it?" Demyx looked over his shoulder but didn't see anything. "Maybe you should stop by the infirmary instead. You don't look too great. I'm sure Zexion or Vexen would be happy to take care of you."

"Are you kidding? Zexion probably wants me to pay his freaking rent." Axel realized too late that Demyx didn't have any idea about the episodes that went on between him, Zexion, and Saïx. "I mean—yeah, never mind. Look, I gotta go," he said and turned to leave before Demyx could ask him any more questions.

Once he had successfully made it out the door to the library, he broke into a run and dashed across the courtyard, dodging sets of tables and chairs until he couldn't take it anymore and broke down, collapsing into a chair and sucking air like he hadn't breathed in a year.

After a moment, even through the fog of antidepressants, he sensed that something was off. He turned his head to the side and saw another figure sitting across the table from him, looking at him like he had just come through a portal to another world. He had scrutinizing blue eyes and blond hair.

"Um, excuse me, but are you…" the guy began.

Rather than answering, Axel held out a hand, signaling for him to stop. He held his other hand against his forehead, trying to ward off the headache he could feel approaching. But he couldn't hold it off for long, and soon enough, his vision darkened and his head hit the table again, giving way to darkness.

A/N: Oh man... I went way too long without updating again. I apologize.

And... I thought someone had posted a review here a while ago, but I can't find it now... So if you posted a review and I accidentally deleted it, I'm sorry. If no one did, then I'm still sorry, because I'm making things up. :P

I'll try not to go AWOL for so long next time... But I can't make any promises.