18th Sun's Height 582
I have always found solace in the serene atmosphere of a beach in the early morning - Summerset had no shortage of lovely beaches where one could watch the sun rise. It was always one of the few comforts I took for myself at home. And where I would go if I did not want to be found for a while.
In a way, being here in the Roost reminds me of that. The beaches here make me think of home in a way that does not evoke dread. Which is why I find myself sinking into the sand, writing this, as the sun is beginning to crest over the horizon.
I slept well on the sole basis that I have been through an ordeal and that my body could not go much further without it - but I did not sleep deep enough to escape the nightmares. Nothing revolutionary on that front - just rehashing my death on the altar; but somehow the pain was more pronounced, more acute, and even though the blood pooled underneath my lifeless body, I still felt a deep, terrible fear. Something that followed me even as I woke up, and that I am only just now starting to shake as I pen this down. There is some merit in writing out your feelings, even if there is no one from whom you can seek comfort.
Were this Summerset, I would simply find the nearest and most willing person available and quite literally sweat this out but - everyone here is a stranger. Which would not have been a problem before, but once you are killed and returned to life well - that changes.
Though, perhaps, that handsome Khajiit who rescued me from the waters - he seems quite charming, perhaps...?
Hm. I will put a pin in that one - for all his charm, he has a task and apparently thinks I will be useful for it. So I shall see what that is all about first.
After I have taken more time for myself. This is the first time I think I've been able to do this, to seek this solace, and not have to worry about going back to my mother - to being on the defensive. How upsetting, the notion that I feel safer among strangers on an island I washed up on, than in the home I know top to bottom like the back of my hand.
If I am ever so lucky as to have a family of my own, I will do everything in my power to assure that they do not have this same feeling.
Well, I've had a chance to collect myself, as well as had coffee and breakfast; and have had a discussion with that charming Khajiit - Razum-dar, that is.
He thinks that I should obtain the trust of the locals, and see to their needs - and once that is done, meet him in the port town that is to the north of the Island. Mistral. This seems well enough - it will keep me busy for the moment; which I feel I need more than anything. Though I do hope not to dally about this business long, as I have already altered my original trajectory a bit too much. I doubt Tan're's letter has been returned quite yet - but I am eager to hear from her, and also very anxious.
In the absence of me to take out her frustrations on, I fear that Tan're may become her target. And while my cousin is strong, and clever, and even outright scary at times - my mother has a unique way of breaking people that is unparalleled. Hopefully she has escaped that fate. At best, she has taken up with Lirreah and Zoyana, and will stay relatively safe - at worst, my mother got a hold of her after my disappearance.
I suppose I will know when I can get to Vukhel Guard.
At any rate, I have dallied long enough - I am due to at some ruins where there is apparently necromantic activities afoot. Sinister ones, that is.