Well, it has been a while! But I'm back! :)

Been crazy busy lately and I went on my honeymoon just these last few days with my husband :) It was so great getting away, just the two of us, for a few days. But we're back home and I was able to get more writing done!

To make up for a bit of a long absence, as well as promising more shocking information on Aelin's past, here is a nice LONG chapter for my awesome readers!

Enjoy! :)

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As Aelin carefully got out of bed the next morning, she couldn't help but notice that something felt different to her. She moved to the window and looked outside and, even though it was still before sunup and things were still dark outside, everything just seemed more beautiful to her: the trees, the hillsides, the waterfalls. She felt refreshed, invigorated and content.

She felt...happy, for once.

Was it because she now knew that Nori was her half-brother; that she actually had family? For years, she had longed to have a real family or to find a family member somewhere and now she found that she had had one with her all along and never knew. Knowing it was her best friend made it all the better and it overjoyed her.

But then...there was something else that came to her mind that perhaps was also the cause for her newfound happiness.

Slowly, Aelin turned over her shoulder and gazed at the handsome, dark-haired figure sleeping in her bed.

Thorin Oakenshield.

Once again, he had stayed with her during the night to help calm her nightmares the same way they realized he had the night before. All the same, nothing had happened. He had simply climbed into bed with her, let her snuggle up close to him and they had fallen into a deep sleep only moments later. Yet again, Aelin had an undisturbed rest.

She remembered that just before succumbing to sleep, she distinctly had had the impression of feeling safe with Thorin. She knew that her nightmares wouldn't return during the night because he was there with her and was protecting her. Something about his presence gave her the security that she needed, even though most times she wouldn't admit that she felt insecure a lot of the time and not just at night.

Aelin continued to gaze at the sleeping King and a smile gradually spread across her lips. There were times she still couldn't believe that this was once the Dwarf whom the very thought of sent unpleasant chills down her spine and left a bitter taste in her mouth. Now, he was growing closer to her and he had spent the last two days helping her walk and strengthen her leg and he had also spent those last two nights in bed with her to help stay her nightmares. It just amazed her still to see how much they had changed...especially her, now that she knew she was falling for him and falling harder every day.

Her heart started to flutter as she watched him resting. There were no lines of anger or stress crossing his face like usual when he slept. He was in a complete state of peace and he looked more handsome than ever; when he was asleep was probably one of the only times he was ever in total peace for during the day, he had his quest and his followers and even himself to worry about. He always had a lot on his mind and it troubled her a little to see him so stressed so much, but she knew it came with being a King and the leader of a company. But seeing him so untroubled and tranquil in his sleep made her glad, for at least that was proof that there were indeed times where he could find contentment in his life. He deserved to have peace...more than anyone.

In that moment, Aelin began to realize the real depth of her feelings for Thorin. She wasn't falling for him because he was handsome or had a really fit physique or he was a skilled warrior, although those were minor contributing factors. She was falling for him because she was beginning to know his true character and she was seeing just how gentle and compassionate of a Dwarf he really was. He put the needs of his followers before his own. He fought for what he knew was right and for the things and people he cared about. He was risking everything to take back Erebor and defeat the dragon, Smaug, which many believed to be impossible, but he was determined to see it through. He was determined to make his people proud and give them a home again. He valued the lives of his followers and put their own safety first, having proved that in a few instances already. Overall, he was just very selfless, but unfortunately, he hid that behind a façade of a grumpy, brooding Dwarf.

If those were not the sure signs of a Dwarf with a good heart and moral conscience, then she didn't know what was!

He trusted her and was showing his true self to her. That was what was drawing her to him. She never realized just how much she cared about him until that very moment when she actually had a moment to reflect upon everything. Her feelings for him were growing deeper with every minute of every day...and insomuch, her inner pain and anguish was growing deeper, as well.

She cared for him, but she knew he would never care about her in the same way. Of course, he cared for her as a friend, hence why he trusted her so much, but she was positive it would never change into anything more. He was a King; he was sophisticated, regal and of pure, noble birth. What was she in comparison to him? Absolutely nothing. She was an orphan who lived her whole life on the streets and then turned into a thief. She had a minimal amount of money to her name and little to no prospects. She was not very sophisticated or ladylike. She was not physically desirable. She was a bit cunning and clever, sometimes quick to violence, if provoked, and good with a knife or a bow, but that's about all she had going for her.

What could a King possibly see in someone like her?

That was why it hurt Aelin so much to care so deeply for Thorin. She knew that nothing good would come from it. She had much further to travel with him; more time she would have to spend with him and, during that time, she would be left to live with her unrequited feelings for him the entire way. While she would keep her promise to him and stay with the company until they reached the mountain, she was unsure just how much she would be able to bear the rest of the way.

But in looking at him now...she still couldn't help but smile. He was a good person and she truly knew that now.

"How fortunate am I to get to travel with someone as kind and noble as him?" she thought to herself.

Aelin then decided to approach the bed and she knelt down by the bedside. Cautiously, she lifted her hand up to Thorin's forehead and carefully brushed away a stray lock of hair, taking in the sound of his light, steady breathing.

"Oh, Thorin...," she whispered out loud, gazing down at him, "...I wish I could tell you how I feel...and more than anything, I wish you could feel the same..."

She figured that Thorin would soon wake, since it was nearly daybreak, and so she got up from the floor and pulled her clothes out of the wardrobe. Luckily, both her arm and her leg had regained much of their strength back after a lot of rest, exercise and some Elvish healing. She pulled on her long sleeve shirt, vest, trousers and boots. Her usual attire didn't get much simpler than that. Then she strapped her knives to her belt, gathered the rest of her belongings and supplies and then grabbed the walking stick she had been given. Once she was ready, she decided she would head to one of the nearest verandas where the other Dwarves would soon meet to leave. The Elves were all asleep and so their escape would most likely go unnoticed.

Quietly, she stepped out of the room and was careful about shutting the door behind her so as to not wake Thorin just yet. She had only gotten a couple of yards away from the room when suddenly a pair of large hands grabbed her from behind, one grasping the back of her shirt and the other coming to the front of her neck. Her walking stick fell to the ground with a loud clattering noise. She let out a startled cry and a loud grunt as she was shoved right into the wall with a hand clasped around her throat.

When her eyes opened after the initial force, Aelin found herself looking into the angry, threatening face of Dwalin, who had his other hand clenched into a fist and ready to strike.

"Dwalin, are you out of your mind?!" she about yelled at him as she grabbed at his wrist.

"What do you think you're playing at, woman?" he asked angrily.

"What are you talking about?" she asked back.

"Thorin may trust you and I was going to give you a chance because of him, but I've still had my reservations and now I see that I was right," he sneered at her. "I don't know what your game is, but you had better stop it now or I swear, I will choke the life out of you right here, right now."

She groaned, frustrated. "You fool, have you gone mad? I'm not playing any game!"

He leaned in closer to her face. "Then why did I find you and Thorin in bed together?" he hissed.

Aelin kept quiet, unsure of how to answer, and continued to pull in vain at Dwalin's hand on her neck.

He kept going, "Are you some sort of seductress now? Did you pull some pitiful act to lure Thorin into your bed and have your way with him?"

Appalled at what he was saying, her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She replied in disbelief, "How dare you, mazam?! ("Brute") How could you accuse me of such a thing?!"

"Because you are a thief and are therefore a liar!"

"That's not who I am anymore!"

"Why should I believe you?"

"You said it yourself: Thorin trusts me. You trust him, do you not? I once thought you did, but now I see you're questioning his judgment. Not something a supposedly loyal friend and lieutenant does to his King."

Livid at her jab regarding his faithfulness to his King, Dwalin tightened his grip on her throat. "Don't you dare question my loyalty to Thorin!" he growled.

Aelin grunted at the now tighter pressure, but she persisted and replied boldly, raising her voice, "I told you at the start of this, Dwalin...I'm not going to let you bully me. If you try to cast a stone at me, I will unfurl an even bigger stone back."

"Is that a challenge, wench?" he bellowed loudly.

Suddenly, not far from them, Thorin's voice rang out, "Stay this madness, Dwalin!"

They both turned and saw Thorin standing a couple of feet away with his hands clenched into fists at his sides. He still was only in his shirt and trousers, he hadn't yet donned his armor or anything else. In about three long strides, he made his way over to them, a stunned yet almost mad look in his eyes.

"Do you want to let the Elves catch us before we can even escape? Remove your hand from her now!" Thorin demanded, taking Dwalin's hand and pulling it off of Aelin's neck himself anyway. Then he glanced at Aelin with concern. "Aelin, are you all right?"

Rubbing her neck, she simply nodded in response.

Thorin then shot a glare at Dwalin. "What is the meaning of this, Dwalin? I demand an answer," he stated firmly. "Why were you threatening her?"

"I still don't trust her, Thorin," Dwalin answered, casting Aelin a harsh glare.

She let out a small cough and said back, frustrated, "I saved Thorin's life, for Durin's sake! What more do you want from me to prove I can be trusted?"

Dwalin did not seem to take notice to what Aelin said and instead looked to Thorin and said, "I saw you in her bed with her. Why were you there?"

"That is none of your concern," Thorin answered. "That is between me and Aelin."

"Have you laid with her?" Dwalin then asked, his face twisting as if the thought was so disgusting to him that it pained him to ask.

"Absolutely not!" Thorin was quick to respond.

Aelin knew what Thorin was trying to do. He was trying to keep her nightmares a secret still; he knew that it was her personal business and not his to share and was choosing not to share it with Dwalin. She was touched by his consideration for her, but she also knew there wouldn't be any other way around explaining why he was seen in bed with her. So she took matters into her own hands.

Before Thorin or Dwalin could say anything else, she said, "I have nightmares, Dwalin."

The two other Dwarves turned and looked at her.

"I have had horrible nightmares for many years," she went on explaining to Dwalin. "The other night, Thorin heard me screaming and stayed with me to help me calm down...and my bad dreams never returned that night. Seeing that result, Thorin wanted to try staying with me again last night to see if it would work again and help keep my nightmares away. But I swear to you, nothing else has happened and I have in no way tempted him nor has he done so to me."

Thorin then turned to his friend. "That is the truth, Dwalin. I was merely trying to help her and nothing that you believe has happened between us is true. We have not laid together or anything else. And do not threaten her in any way again. Understand?"

Dwalin looked pretty reluctant, but nevertheless, he bowed his head and said, "Aye, Thorin." Then he looked to Aelin and bowed his head to her, as well. "Apologies, Aelin. My actions were unwarranted. It won't happen again."

Aelin bowed her head back and replied, "You are forgiven."

With that being said and done, Thorin then told Dwalin, "Wake up the others and make sure they are ready. The sun is rising, we must be prepared to leave soon before the Elves awake and realize we're gone."

Dwalin nodded his head and then turned on his heel and trudged away.

Once Dwalin was out of earshot, Thorin turned to Aelin and asked again, still concerned, "Are you all right? Did he hurt you?"

She shook her head and stooped down to pick up her walking stick off of the ground. "I'm fine, he didn't hurt me. However, he has made it very clear that it's going to take a lot more effort on my part to show that I can be trusted. I guess saving your life wasn't proof enough for him."

"Dwalin sometimes can be slower to trust," Thorin justified, "especially in regards to those who may have once wronged me, even if I've already forgiven them."

Aelin pursed her lips in agreement, which then turned into a smirk. "Well, apparently, now that you and I are on good terms, I now have a new verbal sparring partner," she said with a tilt of her head.

Thorin scoffed and he too grinned a little. But then he laid a hand on her shoulder and told her, "Dwalin will come around, I assure you."

She just kind of shrugged it off, not giving it much thought. While Dwalin's actions had indeed caught her off guard, she stood by what she had told him before: she wasn't going to let him bully her and she didn't care if it took the whole quest to get him to trust her. She was determined to get him to see that she was a worthy member of the company and that she deserved and earned her place there. If she could get Thorin Oakenshield of all people to change his mind and trust her, then she could do the same with Dwalin, son of Fundin.

"Be on your guard. We're about to step over the Edge of the Wild," called Thorin from the front of the line.

The company had left right at daybreak and were already making their way up the mountainside fast away from Rivendell. They had already put a great distance between them and the Elven homestead. They were prepared to go on without any interference from the Elves. It was unfortunate that they had to go without Gandalf, but it was for the best. Plus the wizard was helping keep Elrond distracted, giving them a chance to escape unnoticed.

As they began to round a corner, Thorin turned to Balin and said to him, "Balin, you know these paths. Lead on."

"Aye," said Balin and he then took the lead while Thorin stood near the edge of the path and watched as everyone passed by.

Aelin had made her way up near the front and was right behind Balin as they made their way up the path. She began to realize that she had never really had a chance to speak the older Dwarf, just the two of them.

"How is it you know these paths, Balin?" she asked him, moving up next to him.

He chuckled. "Oh, I was a bit of a traveler in my youth, lass," he answered with a twinkle in his eye. "I have been anywhere and everywhere, met many a person and seen perhaps all that could be seen."

She couldn't help but chuckle herself. "Sounds like you've been on many adventures," she commented.

"So many, I can no longer count them on both my hands and feet," he responded with enthusiasm.

The way he expressed himself made her laugh heartily. He seemed like such a jolly old fellow and she wondered how she had never spoken to him until now. "One day, you will have to tell me stories of your adventures," she said with a smile.

He turned and practically beamed at her. "It has been a long time since anyone has wanted to hear any of my stories," he told her, seeming pretty happy with her suggestion. "Every now and then, Fili or Kili may ask for one, but really I do not get to tell any of them often."

"Well, that's a shame. I think it would be wonderful to hear of all the places you've been and the experiences you had in your younger years."

"I will be happy to tell you some of stories one day." Then Balin asked, gesturing to her, "How fare your injuries?"

Aelin answered, "Much better. I can use my arm and my leg has regained much of its strength back. We'll see how it does now that I'll be doing a lot more walking."

"Indeed," he replied. Then his eyes narrowed and he glanced curiously at her walking stick. "And where did you get that?" he asked, pointing to it.

She lifted it a little for him to see better and responded, "It was a gift from Lord Elrond."

"May I take a look?" he then asked.

"Aye, of course," she said back, handing it to him.

"You may hold on to my shoulder if you still need something to balance you," he told her as he took the stick from her. He eyed it carefully up and down, examining it closely. After overlooking the long, green rod, there was a grin that appeared on Balin's face and he began to chuckle.

Aelin was curious as to why he was laughing, she asked, "What is it? Do you find something amusing?"

He shook his head and replied, still humming to himself and handing the walking stick back to her, "Elrond did not make this."

Now she was even more confused. "What? What are you talking about?" she then asked as she resumed using the stick.

With his grin still etched on his lips, he told her, "I have seen things crafted similarly to that and I will tell you, it is definitely not by Elvish hands."

"Well, if Elrond didn't make it for me, then who did?"

"I would recognize that handiwork anywhere." Then his smile grew bigger and his eyes lit up. "That rod was crafted by the hands of Thorin Oakenshield."

Aelin stopped in her tracks in surprise and felt her eyes widen. Then she lifted the rod up closer and her eyes drifted down to the Dwarvish runes carved into the nicely furnished wood.

Thorin had made it for her?

Why didn't he tell her and why did he make her believe that it was all Elrond's doing? Although the one main question running through her mind was why did he make it for her?

Her hand ran lightly over some of the runes as she contemplated and took in this new information. Surely this had to have taken him quite a bit of time. Why would he waste his time on her? She wasn't worth it. That was something she had been thinking multiple times regarding Thorin spending time with her and now she was thinking it even more. Of all the things he could be doing or the people he could be with, why would he choose to spend time with her?

"Why would he do this for me?" she asked Balin.

He shrugged, but his grin had not faded. "That, you must discover for yourself, my dear," he replied and then resumed walking with the others now closing in close behind.

Aelin remained in place and looked back over her shoulder to where she saw Thorin was coming behind her. He was walking beside Fili and they appeared to be deep in conversation. She had started to grow really fond of Fili. Seeing the two of them beside each other, she began to see just how similar they were in appearance. If she didn't already know that Fili was actually Thorin's nephew, she almost could've believed that Fili was his son upon first look. She wondered if Fili or Kili knew about Thorin's gift to her at all or if it had been secret. She recalled them not saying anything when Thorin had brought it to their picnic a while back. Maybe they didn't know, maybe they did. She couldn't determine which.

However, despite her confusion, Aelin took the rod back in her hand and resumed her walking, unable to hold the small smile that crept up on her face.

As the day drew on, Aelin found herself falling more slowly behind everyone. They had walked for a few hours already through a lot of rocky, uphill and downhill terrain and she felt herself getting tired and her legs and sides were cramping up and she was losing her breath quicker than the others. She began to feel guilty about being the slow one, it seemed, in the company. Part of it, she believed, was because her leg that had been healing was still getting used to all the walking…and also because she was a bit out of shape. Even though most Dwarves were a little bigger in size, they still could keep fit enough to where they could do a lot of walking or running even on unsteady or uphill terrain. This didn't seem to be the case for Aelin and she was feeling a bit self-conscious as the others continued to slowly pass her over time. Eventually she had fallen all the way to the back, trudging her way as best she could.

Finally, as they came upon a small woodland area, she felt she just couldn't go much further without taking a rest. Winded, she sat herself down on a large rock and let out a huge exhale as well as a groan.

Up ahead, Nori heard her small cry and turned around to see her sitting down. Concerned, he made his way back to her.

"Aelin, are you all right?" he asked her, coming up beside her and laying a hand on her shoulder.

Raising her hands up above her head to try and help her breathing, Aelin replied, "Aye, I'm just…just trying to catch my breath."

He then followed up with, "Is your leg bothering you?"

She wiggled her leg a little and answered, "It's a slightly stiff, but it's not particularly bothering me. I'm just winded and cramping up a little."

"Is everything all right?" asked Thorin as he then came up behind them.

It was then Aelin noticed that up ahead, the entire company had been halted and were now looking back at her. Her cheeks grew hot with embarrassment seeing all those pairs of eyes watching her.

Awkwardly, she told Thorin, "I am just feeling a little tired and needed a rest, is all. Don't worry about me."

He simply stared at her for a brief moment before turning to Nori and telling him, "Nori, you go on ahead. I will stay with her."

Both Aelin and Nori were startled at his statement.

Then Thorin ordered, "Inform the others to press on and have Balin lead the way. Tell him to make camp when he finds a suitable location and we will meet you there."

Still a little stunned, Nori still nodded and replied, "Will do." He gave Aelin a comforting pat on the shoulder and then jogged over to the others.

Thorin and Aelin watched as Nori spoke to Balin and then they heard the older Dwarf cry out with a wave of his hand, "Let's go, lads! We're pressing on!" Nori, Fili and Kili were the only ones that looked back at Thorin and Aelin briefly before turning back and following the others.

"Thorin, what are you doing?" Aelin finally asked.

Thorin turned back to her and replied, "I am staying with you; that's what."

"But why?" she questioned. "Why do you continue to waste your time on me? You should be leading the company like you are supposed to do."

"I told you, Aelin," he responded, kneeling on one knee in front of her, "as the leader of the company, I must put the wellbeing of my followers before my own. Being a leader does not mean I must always be at the front of the line. Being a leader means that I lead by example more than anything and that means looking out for those who follow me. You are falling behind and are not entirely fit for the remainder of the day's journey. I am choosing to stay with you so you can travel the rest of the way safely and securely and so you are not alone. No one should ever travel alone."

"And yet I have found you wandering on your own a few times already."

"When have you ever found me wandering alone?"

"You were alone when you went to the Shire."

"That was different; I had to attend a council meeting in the Blue Mountains before venturing to the Shire with the others."

"You could have had Dwalin or Balin or even your nephews wait up for you."

"I did not want to delay them."

"Well, I also found you alone in the forest back in the Trollshaws."

There was an awkward silence that followed her remark as the two of them remembered the inadvertent passionate moment they had shared back then, back when their tensions had been unsteadily high. Thorin looked away and stared at some rocks a yard away and Aelin looked down at her feet, fidgeting with her hands. They hadn't spoken of that encounter since it had happened and now they were unsure as to what to say to the other about it.

Finally, Aelin couldn't take the uncomfortable silence anymore and decided to break it by saying, "I'm sorry. Forget I ever brought that up." Then she grabbed her walking stick and stood herself up. "We should start going…although I can't entirely promise I'll get very far."

"Go as long as you feel comfortable with. We'll stop and rest as often as you need to," Thorin said, now bypassing the awkwardness that had been between them momentarily.

She said nothing but nodded in agreement with what he told her. With that being said, the two of them proceeded onward.

Soon they could see the others off in the distance, but once the company was in sight, Aelin began to feel restless again and had to take a rest. She tried her best to keep going, but Thorin could tell that she was getting winded easily and urged her to rest.

Once she sat down, Thorin pointed out, "I see you are making good use of the walking stick Elrond crafted for you."

Aelin chuckled, seeing as how Thorin was still going with that story and hiding the truth. She shook her head and said back, "You can drop the act, Thorin. I know it wasn't Elrond who made this rod for me. I know it was you."

Thorin didn't even try to protest against that but simply exhaled in defeat and lowered his eyes. "How did you find out?" he asked, glancing back up at her.

"Balin recognized your handiwork on it," she answered.

He huffed, amused. "Balin…of course…," he stated.

"I still love it," she told him, "but the only thing I want to know is…why didn't you just tell me it was from you in the first place?"

He was quiet for a moment and then answered, "I suppose…I was unsure as to how you would react if you knew it was from me, but knowing that Elrond was helping with your healing process, I thought you would find it more believable if you thought it came from him."

"Thorin…why would you believe I would think any differently if I knew the walking stick came from you?" she asked, startled at learning that Thorin was essentially embarrassed about it. "I love this gift and I don't love it any less knowing that you were actually the one who crafted it."

A small grin curved up on Thorin's lips, feeling glad to hear Aelin say such a thing to him. "Well…I am pleased to hear that," he said. "And forgive me for not being truthful with you from the start."

She just shrugged and said back, "It's all right, Thorin. It's not like I will never let you live it down or anything." Then she smirked mischievously at him.

He shook his head and grinned. "I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Aelin."

The two of them continued onward at a seemingly steady pace, stopping every so often for Aelin to take a small rest. As they kept going, the sun began to set lower and lower in the sky. Soon it turned from blue to the multiple hues of orange, red and pink of sundown. They knew it was only a matter of time before they caught up with the others, who surely should have made camp by then.

During their time, Aelin couldn't get something off of her mind. The night previous, Thorin had divulged his fear of his family's madness and how it would possibly affect him once they returned to Erebor. She could tell that, for him, that information was a deep and dark secret, which meant that he had grown to completely trust her. She felt that, in order to prove to him that she too trusted him just as much, she had to share a deep, dark secret of her own.

And she still had a dark secret left to tell.

As they stopped for another rest and Aelin set down her pack, she said to him, "Thorin…I have something I need to tell you."

He sat down beside her and asked, "What is it, Aelin?"

It took her a moment to build up the courage to say what she needed to say. What she was about to tell him was very personal to her and she had only told one other person about this: Nori. It was not easy for her to talk about but she was determined to tell Thorin. She had to.

"Well…it's actually something I need to show you first," she said. "Do you remember when we first were in Rivendell and when you came to visit me in my room, I was wearing a coat with the Elven nightgown I had on?"

He nodded, slightly confused. "I remember wondering why you had that on. It seemed a bit strange to me. I had thought perhaps it was because you were cold."

"No…it was not," she admitted. She avoided meeting his gaze for a moment, still feeling nervous. Then she let out a long, heavy sigh and started removing her vest as she said with a low voice, "It was because…of this."

Hesitantly, she began to then roll up the sleeves of her shirt, holding her breath and biting her bottom lip as she did so.

She pulled up her sleeves to reveal that both of her arms were almost completely covered in numerous white and red scars that crisscrossed all over her skin.

Thorin gasped loudly, horrified at what he beheld, and he took hold of her wrists as he overlooked them closely. His eyes just grew wider and wider with shock the longer he stared at all of her scars.

"By Mahal above…!" he exclaimed. "Aelin…who did this to you?" he demanded almost angrily.

Her breathing grew heavy and she could sense the tears that were building up in her eyes. She didn't want to cry, but she could tell that, more than likely, there was no going around it. The truth behind her scars was perhaps her biggest regret in life.

She took a deep breath to try and keep her tears at bay for a little longer and then answered, her voice shaking, "Me…I did this."

Thorin's eyes grew even wider, baffled at what she had just told him, and he looked back down at her arms. Her scars were her own doing? How was this so? Surely, that couldn't be true, but he could see by the look in her eyes that it was.

"Why…?" he asked in disbelief, still gently holding her arms. "Why would you do this to yourself? Why would you harm yourself in such a way?"

Aelin knew those questions were coming and her tears were finally let loose from her eyes; tears of pain, regret and shame. She could only hope that somehow Thorin would understand when she was done telling him the truth.

"I…I have gone through so much in my life; so much pain and suffering…," she started out, "…from starving, being alone, abandoned and ridiculed…and so when I was in prison back in Ered Luin, I began doing this to myself. The first time it happened was an accident, I had tripped onto a sharp rock in my cell…but as I was bleeding, I realized that the numbness from my small gash was taking my mind away from my inner pain, like it was dulling it somehow. So, after that, I would take that sharp rock and…I would harm myself to help numb my emotional pain."

She had to take a moment to pause as she began to cry out of shame. Seeing her tears falling faster, Thorin raised a hand and softly brushed them away, waiting patiently for her to continue.

Once she had composed herself enough, she continued, "After Nori got me out of prison and took me in, I still kept doing it because it had started to become a habit by then. I was able to hide the truth well enough from Nori and his brothers and they never knew about it for a long time. Even when I started to feel like I felt safe, I would grow paranoid that they would abandon me and I would revert back to cutting myself to take the unpleasantness of that paranoia away."

She then inhaled deeply and let out a long breath, preparing herself for what was next. "One day, Nori and I had gotten into a big fight. Someone had enlisted his help for a job and there was a big score to be expected and he had asked for my assistance in it. We both had different ways we wanted to go about it and it led to us getting into a fight. It got so heated that Nori stormed into his room and I got so scared that he was going to throw me back out onto the streets. I went to my room and I found the knife that I had hidden away for the purpose of harming myself. However…that time, I was so emotionally distraught that I accidentally cut too deep and I lost a lot of blood so fast that I passed out onto the floor. Nori, later on, told me that he came by to apologize and found me on the floor in a pool of blood and the knife near my hand. It was then he discovered all the other scars on my arms and he figured out quickly what had happened. He called his brothers to help him and they got me cleaned and bandaged up." She stopped again to take another breath. "Once I woke up, Nori told me what had happened and that he knew what I had done. He asked about the other scars and how long I had been doing that to myself and I told him the truth. Then he made me promise him that I would never, ever self harm again. After that, I threw out my knife and I have never cut myself since…but yet, I still have the many reminders of my biggest regret. I would see all those scars and remember how far I fell; how low I chose to stoop down. I have been so full of shame and regret all these years and I felt no one else could ever know. That is why I never reveal my arms no matter what. That is why I always wear clothing with sleeves: to hide my deepest, darkest secret from everyone else."

When Aelin didn't go on and Thorin realized that her story was over, he ran a hand over his beard as he took in everything she had just divulged to him. It was so much to take in and he felt extremely sorry for her. He lifted one of her arms up closer and ran his other hand ever so lightly over her skin, astonished at the truth that lay behind every one of them.

"You said…that this began…after I had imprisoned you…?" he clarified nervously.

She nodded in reply.

He let out an ashamed groan. "Oh, Aelin…I really did ruin your life…!" he exclaimed sorrowfully, hanging his head as he realized that this dark turn in her life had begun after he had put her in prison. It had been his fault.

Aelin took notice of Thorin's reaction and was a little surprised to hear him take the blame for her own actions. "No, Thorin!" she said, resting a hand on his cheek and guiding his head back up. "My actions were not a result of yours, no. It began after my group of friends came to tell me that I was no longer one of them and they abandoned me. And then there were many other things that factored into it, but it was not your fault. Do not blame yourself. The only one to blame for these disfigurements is myself."

Thorin still sighed, but nodded in affirmation. "Aelin, I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you," he said to her, taking her hand that was on his cheek in both of his. "I can understand why you hid your scars. I too would be ashamed of myself for such actions when it is so frowned upon and I would have all the reminders of my choices with me for the rest of my life. I do not blame you for keeping all of this a secret…but I will admit, I am glad you told me. It shows me how much you trust me and I feel that is helping us grow closer together. I am touched that you trust me so much."

A few more tears fell from Aelin's eyes. She was overjoyed to hear that Thorin understood her and, even then, was not judging her. Then she told him in reply, "Well, you told me something personal last night and I had that same feeling that you were starting to trust me even more. So I felt I should share something with you in return to show that I trusted you just as much."

"Thank you," he said. He looked back down at her hand and stroked it gently. "And know this, Aelin," he then said to her, "I do not think of you or see you any differently than I have before now that I know this about your past. Your past does not define you, because that is not who you are now. The Aelin who used to harm herself to dull her inner pain is not the Aelin that I know; the Aelin that exists now. You are stronger now and I admire your strength more than you can imagine."

Aelin let out a tiny gasp of amazement mixed with a surprised chuckle. She almost couldn't believe what she was hearing and she was even happier knowing that Thorin didn't think any differently of her. She had been so afraid that this secret of hers would change everything between them, but it didn't and she was beyond grateful.

With tears of joy now running down her cheeks, Aelin, without thinking or even caring, leaned her forehead against Thorin's, closed her eyes and whispered with an emotional voice, "Thank you, Thorin. Thank you for understanding and for still accepting me. You have no idea how much that means to me."

Thorin comfortingly nudged her nose with his own and replied, "You're welcome, Aelin."

The two of them stayed in that position for a moment and Aelin felt her heart flutter as she noticed that Thorin hadn't moved yet. He didn't even flinch after she moved so close to him. Their foreheads and noses were touching; their lips were just inches apart. She felt like she could kiss him. She wanted to…more than anything. Especially in that moment when she had felt emotionally closer to him and now that she was so close to him physically. She could take her chance now that it seemed to present itself…but then that nagging inner voice in the back of her mind told her that he would reject her if she did. Afraid of such rejection, Aelin chose not to act upon the impulses she was experiencing.

Even so, it was then that Thorin decided to pull away, so she couldn't have kissed him even if she wanted to. "We should move on," he told her. "It is near dark and I am certain I see the light of a fire in the distance. We are close to the company, so we should press on and catch up with them and then we can sleep for the night."

"Agreed," she said. "Let's go."

Within about a quarter of an hour's time, Thorin and Aelin finally caught up with the others and found that most of them were already sleeping. They had actually startled Fili at first, who had been on watch when they arrived. He inquired about Aelin's wellbeing and she told him she was all right and she just wasn't used to walking so much, having spent a good portion of the journey on a pony.

After Fili was reassured, Thorin said to him, "Fili, why don't you go get some sleep now and I'll take the next watch?" But then he turned to Aelin. "Unless, you need me to stay with you again."

Admittedly, she felt nervous about sleeping alone after seeing how having Thorin with her helped her with her nightmares, but she didn't want to feel like a nuisance so she said, "No, it's all right. I can try sleeping myself tonight and if I can't, I can switch off with you. Eventually, you will need rest and I'm used to staying awake for a long time."

Thorin looked a little uneasy with that plan, but he nodded nevertheless and then signaled his nephew to go and rest.

After Fili went to his bedroll and Aelin was starting to lay hers out, she heard Thorin say her name and she looked to find he was looking at her with a rather grim look on his face.

"What is it?" she asked him.

"I have been thinking…about what happened between us back in the Trollshaws."

Aelin gulped, anxious about what he was going to say. She was nervous and yet…strangely hopeful. Did what happen actually grow to mean something to him, too? Would she discover that he was beginning to feel the same way for her as she felt for him?

Then he told her in a low voice, "I think it is best…if we just leave what happened behind us…and never speak of it again."

Her hopes and her spirits fell hard into the ground that Aelin feared he would see it as clear as day on her face, yet he gave no indication that he saw anything. It was just as she had feared: their moment of passion, even if it was caused by a moment of rage, had meant nothing to him. For her, that had been when she felt slight feelings for him beginning to stir and they had only grown even more in Rivendell. She now knew that the same had not happened for him. He felt indifferent about it and only wanted a friendship with her.

He did not care for her the way she cared for him…just as she knew deep down he would.

Trying so hard to keep her disappointment hidden, she looked back down at her bedroll and continued to prepare it as she responded, "Oh…well, as you wish then. We shall never speak of that encounter again."

She did not look back at him when he then said a short moment later, "Good night, Aelin." She didn't respond to him either, but instead just climbed into her bedroll and kept herself turned away from him.

Feeling hurt and upset, Aelin simply laid there on her side and cried silently into her pillow well into the night.

.

Ouch...

Believe me, I hated ending it there...

So how about THAT for a shocker, huh? Aelin's dark secret that I promised?

(My apologies to anyone who may have experienced self harm or knows someone who self harmed, I honestly have not had any experience with that and I hope I didn't cause any triggers or unpleasant memories for anyone. I don't even know if I described the effects of it right, but was honestly too afraid to ask anyone in case it was uncomfortable for anyone to talk about.)

Stay tuned for the next chapter! There will be some more interesting tidbits to come! :)

PLEASE leave a review with any questions or comments! I haven't been getting a lot lately and I'm worried people aren't liking this story anymore or they've just stopped reading it. So help me out and review so I know people are still interested in Aelin's story :)

See ya'll soon!