Waking Up in Mystic Falls

by smilinginthedark

Mystic Falls gets turned upside down when I walk into town. I use my TVD smarts to keep me alive and hopefully keep my faves alive. Starts somewhere in the Season 6 finale. I gotta a big mouth and I will be hitting these people with all sorts truth. Join me in my adventure, as I whoop my ass because I damn well ain't going down without a fight.

4. We Slay

Shopping is so much fun when your with rich people. Well actually I don't think Bonnie and Caroline are rich but I'm pretty sure there living off their parents' wills and the Salvatore's generosity, meaning they have got all the shmoney. Which means that they have no reason to dress the way that they do. Luckily I'm here to save them from looking fashion impaired. I still remember what Care wore to the watering hole that striped purple top and yellow shorts it was just so tragic and don't get me started on her dreads when she turned bad. From now own I vow to make this show stylish no matter how difficult that might be. By the end, Gossip Girl and PLL fans of the world will be begging us for advice. And Carrie Bradshaw better watch out because I'm about to be the new TV fashion icon. Albeit more urban and punk but iconic nonetheless. Right now I was waiting for Bon and Care to step out to surprise me with there new looks.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes, and I expect greatness!" That was a demand because I really want them to wow my socks off. So when they finally come out, my face instantly drops. Bonnie was dressed in a beige tunic with jeans and a cardigan , Caroline was wearing a floral skater dress with a blazer.
"Clearly this is going to be harder than I thought." I mutter to myself but Care hears it.
"What you don't like it?" Care asks surprised that I don't like the fact that they constantly wear endless variations of the same thing.
"It's not that I don't like it. It's just that I don't like it." I stated as I stood up to examine them in discontent.
"Why don't you like it?" Bonnie asks.
"Because it's the same thing you guys always wear and you guys are definitely not the same people so don't you think it's time for some change and a little spunk." I smile at them. Luckily I had planned for this as I hand them each a couple of hangers.
"This is all one look so I want you guys to put everything on."
"Can I get a sweater to go on top of this?" Bonnie asks.
"No." I say as my eyes drift on their very layered outfits. I shove them into the dressing room and could feel the air tingle around me. In the time that I am here I know fashion history will be made. Bonnie made it out of the dressing room first, she had on a pair of vintage dark wash high waisted shorts with some rippage obviously paired with a breezy orange floral off the shoulder blouse that stopped just about two inches above the start of her shorts and she was strapped in brown suspenders. Then came out Caroline in denim overalls with a denim button-down.
"Don't you think these shorts are to short?"
"Don't you think this is a bit to much denim?"
"NO! I think you got cake and I think you got legs for days now will you please both look in the mirror and appreciate my damn work." Jeez you'd think a hard-working girl like me could get a break around here. Ready to rebut my argument I toss their hair and twirl them towards the mirror. For a moment they stare and pose from different angles conflicted. Until it's dawned on them.
"Holy Shit! She's right we do look hot." Care squeals as she shimmies in the mirror.
"It's crazy that I like this because I feel like a hippie Kelly Kapowski." Bonnie explains.
"Good because that's what I was going for." I smile I know what I'm doing at least when it comes to dressing people but I know very little about everything else.
"Oh my God! Bonnie!"Care screams as she stares at Bonnie.
"What?!" Bon replies scared thinking she might have a bug on her.
"You do have cake. Lots of it. How come I never noticed?" Care explains as her jaw is still open as she examines her new findings.
"Because she was hiding it under all those god awful layers." Those tragic, tragic layers that tried so hard to hide her sex appeal.
"Really guys?" Bonnie huffs.
"Really nothing I'm putting that ass on showcase to the world so that Kardashian fans of the world know what a real ass looks like." I say holding up my fist to the gods of fame, I'll be damned if the Kardashians will get all the credit for what they got made when it comes naturally to my melanin queens. Then Bonnie yelped as Caroline had unexpectedly grabbed her ass.
"Oh my god it's so firm, you could sit on it." Care whispers in disbelief and Bon rolls her eyes into the infinities of hell.
"I know right, I'm so jelly. I mean I'm Dominican but it seems my ass privileges have been revoked without an appeal." I shake my head, I had been wronged.
"Enough about my ass. Now I really do love this denim look you have going on. I want something like that." Bon adds as she fixes Care's collar.
"Sure we can. Wait what's today!" I ask because I just came up with a brilliant idea.
"Wednesday.. Why?" They reply simultaneously.
"Because on Wednesdays we wear denim." I smirk.
"Oo our very own Mean Girls reference, I like it." Caroline squeals yet again.
"As long as I'm not Karen." Bonnie retorts.
"Please none of us have the tits to be Karen." I reply.
"None of us have the tits to be any of them." Care clarifies.
"Ha. You right." I laugh as I grab more clothes for them to try on. By the time we leave the mall our arms are getting some intense workouts from all the baggage we have. And each item is hand selected or approved by me. Next up the Salon and we caught them just before closing.
"Now why are we here again?" Bonnie asks as she plants herself in a chair.
"Watchu mean why are we here? My hair is a hot mess and I'm sorry I love you but that wig has got to go, boo." I mean I love Bonnie but her hair always be looking all types of fucked.
"I am not wearing a-"
"It's ok Bon, I know. But she is right." Caroline adds as nicely as possible, which only left Bonnie's mouth agape.
"If the blondie knows what's up, there's a problem." I justify and I am impressed with Caroline's weave deduction skills it's a great skill to have, not that Bonnie's was too tough to spot.
"Wait how did you know?" Bonnie asks, where as I was polite enough not to say how could she not know.
"Umm did you forget that I watch the living shit out of America's Next Top Model and Ru-Paul's Drag Race it is all about the hair aka weave and wigs. Plus I'm wearing extensions right now."
"Wait you are?" Bonnie asks.
"Yup." We answer simultaneously.
"Since when do you wear extensions?"
"For 2 years now." Care nods and Bonnie's face is incredulous but then she gathers herself.
"Ok besides the fact I just learned something new about my best friend, I meant what are we doing here? You drove us to the farthest part of town when we passed several salons." Bonnie asks I'm really starting to wonder where Bonnie gets her hair done. Also several I saw like one.
"Because no one does hair like they do in the ghetto." I thought this was obvious.
"Even so, they're closing they're not gonna take us in." Why is she so negative?
"Actually I called Tonisha on our way here she's totally gonna take us." Caroline confirms and Bonnie is flabbergasted, as am I.
"Wait you now someone who works here?" Bonnie asks and the confusion in her face matched mine.
"Yeah I know the owner." Caroline just says like nothing, I'm not even friends with any hair stylists back at home.
"Hold the front door, why didn't you say this in the car." I say.
"Well you asked Siri the best places to get your hair done for the cheapest prices, and I knew Tonisha is the best in town so I brought you here." Caroline explains and I knew there was a reason I always liked Caroline she's full of surprises. But I gave Bonnie a shake of disappointment.
"What?" She addresses me.
"Nothing... I'm just starting to wonder whose black here and whose white."
"You can't be serious?" She retorts.
"I'm kidding, no but seriously where do you get your hair done?" I ask still thinking who brought upon all these terrible disgraces upon her head.
"There are only 2 salons in Mystic Falls well apparently 3 and I go to Britney's on Park." Bonnie says as she know questions her life choices. Britney's on Park if that ain't the most pretentious sounding name.
"Britney's they're awful." Caroline repelles in disgust.
"And overpriced as hell." Says a woman with an aqua blue Afro and burgundy lipstick that popped against her dark skin and she offers a smile. And instantly I knew I was in love with her aesthetic.
"Tonisha, I'm so sorry to come this late we were just shopping because my friends new in town." Caroline explains and I am loving Tonisha's get up she's about as urban as its gonna get in Mystic Falls. Plus I am digging the Afro-Punk.
"Don't worry Jess, I always got time for my favorite customer." She smiles again and it's cool to know that Care has more than one black friend, that's what's up. Wait hold on a minute what did she just call her?
"Jess?" Bonnie beat me to it.
"It short for Jessamine. Caroline Jessamine." Care explains.
"Because she's as pretty and as bright as a Carolina Jessamine." Tonisha goes into, but I still got no clue what a Carolina Jessamine is until Bonnie drops a look at me with a smirk on her lips.
"It's a flower."
"Ohhh." As I was now fully caught up.
"Alright now whose first?" Tonisha asks and Care and I both point to Bonnie.
"Rude." Was her only response as she sent us an icy glare but what can we do I mean I was willing to sacrifice the beauty of my own hair to make sure hers was finally amazing.
"I figured. Jess why didn't you bring her to me sooner?" Tonisha questions with good reason as she inspects Bonnie's head and slowly pulls of her wig. To reveal a wig cap which Bonnie whips off herself.
"Hold the fuck up, you have thick, healthy hair and you wear these insufferable wigs, why?!" I beg as I see that her matted curly hair falls to her shoulders. And I could tell she was offended and was now giving me the cold shoulder.
"Don't worry, when I'm done with you Beyoncé gonna come running to find out where you get your weave done." Tonisha states and I can't help but believe her. Two hours passed when Caroline and I were completely done and let me tell you we look fabulous. They were in the final stages of Bonnie's hair although we are not allowed to see it until she's done. Bonnie had given me her phone and this is the third time Damon has called but I don't want his dusty ass bothering us during pampering time. But I was sick of having it vibrate in my thigh.
"What do you want?" I sigh.
"Bonnie?" Do I sound like Bonnie like at all?
"Try again, genius." And then it was his turn to sigh.
"Ladyboy. I was really hoping you were in a ditch somewhere by now."
"I could care less what you call me but know you really shouldn't use that term it's highly offensive to the transgender and hermaphrodite community." I argue it's about time Damon became just a little bit politically aware.
"So you admit, your a man?" He chuckles.
"I admit you're an idiot, and is that all because I'm hanging up." I say as I'm about to hang until I hear him beg.
"Where's Bonnie?"
"Busy."
"What do you mean Busy?"
"As in she can't come to the phone because she's busy. You realize she does have a life when she's not trying to save you from the consequences of your man pain. Right?" There is a slight pause as he tries to think of some retaliation.
"I don't even know you, and you still manage to drive me insane." And he got nothing.
"Thank you some say it's a talent." I say with a toss of my hair.
"Just put on Bonnie."
"Like I told you she's busy."
"Put her on the phone." He demands like I'm gonna listen.
"No."
"No?" I don't know why he seems so surprised it was kinda obvious that this was going to be my response.
"Wow you really don't have any respect for other people's time, do you?" I ask.
"Listen I don't have time for this so put Bonnie on the phone, it's an emergency." Emergency? That means he probably did something stupid like go on a murderous rampage.
"Oh why didn't you say that to begin with?"
"So you're gonna put her on?"
"No." I laugh, I'm so evil.
"The next time I see you, I'm going to yank out your vocal cords so no one ever has to listen to your incessant voice. Now for the love of God put on Bonnie!" He growls and with that I hit end. I don't need to be insulted by a prick plus my wig right now got me feeling high and mighty. Then the phone rings again and I wait a couple of rings to answer.
"Did you just hang up on me?" Uhh yeah thought that was pretty obvious.
"Because I don't tolerate being threatened. You wanna talk to me, you talk to me like a human being."
"The whole point of this is that I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to Bonnie."
"Really? I hadn't caught that like at all." Sarcasm is a talent.
"Why are you so difficult?"
"I could ask you the same question." No really Damon I could really ask you the same question.
"Will you please put Bonnie on the phone?" He begs.
"Please! I don't think I've ever heard that word on your lips." Damon does have some nice lips.
"So you'll let me talk to her?"
"No. But since you're trying to be a good boy, I'll relay a message." I smile.
"I swear to go-"
"Ahhh ahh ahh be a good boy or I won't tell her anything." And I know he could sense the shit-eating grin on his face.
"Tell me what could she possibly be so busy doing at this point in time?" Here we go again.
"The fact that you can't even fathom that Bonnie could be busy with anything other than your life, really showcases how much you think of her. For all you know she could be fighting off dragons, taking a mid-term, getting her hair done, talking to her estranged mother, or having sex."Shit I should get paid for spitting truth, the way I do.
"Funny I know for a fact it's not the last one."Or he hoping it ain't.
"How do you know? As you and I both know Bonnie's hot like really hot and she has been busy for awhile I could only imagine what she's doing." I sing into his ears giving him the illusions of Bonnie having any other person in her life besides him and I can tell it gets to him.
"Wait does ladyboy have a crush on Bon Bon?" I roll my eyes he could do better.
"Uhh yes. Everyone should unless you blind and even then you should still have a crush on her."
"I don't have time for your lesbian fantasies. Wait, did you say Bonnie is with her mom?" Will you look at that he cares.
"I said it was a possibility amongst several other things Bonnie could be doing."If he found out she was just doing her hair, I'm sure he'd strangle me.
"I hate you." Love, hate such a fine line.
"You entertain me." Honestly he does.
"I know Stefan shut up- Fine. Ok. Listen you're being a complete ass could you please tell Bonnie that, hell has returned."
"Wait Stefan's there?" Hold on put my boy on the phone.
"Calm yourself, your panties are already in a bunch about Bonnie, you don't need to fantasize about my brother too." Uhm I can fantasize all I want that's why it's called fa-fa-fa-fa-fan-t-t-t-tasy.
"I sense jealousy. Would you rather I fantasize about us?" I joke.
"God no! I rather fantasize about me and a horse."
"So you're into beastiality, that makes sense I guess." Considering he isn't having any luck in the womens department.

"For the love of God, just do tell her." I win this round.
"Ok, but only because we're the best of friends." With that I hung up all though I know he was pissed on the other side. Caroline was trying to contain her laughter.
"I'm guessing that was Damon."
"We have a winner. Do you think he'll ever get tired of being an idiot?"
"Considering I've known him for years, no not really."
"You probably right. Anyway how long you think we're gonna be here for, because she started with Bonnie first and she still not done." I wanna see this miracle already.
"Well I just got a texturizer and you got a wig, she's getting a full install but I think she's close to being done." There she go spitting hair knowledge.
"Care I just wanna say I am very impressed with your weave knowledge."
"Thanks, I've spent a lot of time here. Toni's hilarious and probably the coolest person in this town."
"I could probably agree with that statement, but I'm here now. So there's two cool people in town." I smirk as I toss my freshly new white hair to the side, I was serving some Daenerys Targeryn realness. Care just rolled her eyes and giggled.
"Wait does Bonnie have an Instagram?" Because obvi gotta document her new look.
"No, she doesn't see the point."
"I'm offended. What's her password so that I can make her one."
"Actually I don't know." I wake up her Nokia Lumia, she's so hipster she's not even android or iPhone she's Nokia. It's a PIN number. So I take a crack at it. And within seconds it's unlocked which only makes me disappointed.
"Wait how'd you know it?"
"I know how much Bonnie likes to torture herself. 1994." I could sense the guilt Caroline felt and I'll let her sulk in it a bit because she uncharacteristically decided that she would not be helping with the Bonnie rescue. I began my mission of making Bonnie an Instagram.
"Bonnie does have a Facebook though?"
"Yeah but only because I made her get one."
"Sounds like her." As I click register with Facebook and bada Bing, bada boom our girls got an Instagram.
"Are you guys ready for the unveil?" Tonisha yells from the other room. Before I answer Care signals me to record and I switch to video as fast my fingers let me.
" Yes." Then I click record. And someone turned on the radio because Sexyback began to play.
"Introducing the new and improved Bonnie Bennet!" Then finally she came out, biting her bottom lip in anticipation.
"Yasss Boo! Give us a twirl!" I scream she looks amazing and Care's clapping. Bonnie gets a little more comfortable and sashays her way down to us and gives us a beautiful twirl in her patchwork denim dress ending with a laugh. I end the video right there, because it's perfect.
"So what do you guys think?" Bonnie asks. And I think tears are about to fall from my eyes because her part looks so natural, well first off they she actually has one now. They cut her hair to angle around her face, one side having more hair to balance out her uneven jaw line. She had a lengthy lob that ended right past her collar bones, curled to messy perfection. She even got highlights.
"It's beautiful!" I cry in joy.
"I love it!" Caroline claps. She looks flawless we all do! Which uh duh causes me to take a poppin ass selfie of the three of us and we slay. It's not until we get in the car that I remember that Damon had annoyed me earlier.

"Bonnie I forgot, Damon wanted me to tell you something." I reminisce as I proceed to post the photo on her brand new Instagram seeing how I already posted the video.

"What? What did he say?" And I swear her anxiousness sped up the car by like 20 miles, even though Caroline was driving.

"Hold on let me finish posting this to your insta. Which filter do you like more Valencia or Amaro?" I say holding up the phone to her from the backseat.

"Since when do I have an Instagram?" She asks as she yanks the phone from my hand.

"Since I made you one." I smirk and I take the phone back from her still trying to decide what filter to use.

"What? Why? Whatever? What did Damon want?" Bonnie asks as she brings herself back to the original question.

"Oh the usual to annoy the hell out of people."

"Catia!" Bonnie growls.

"Bonnie!" I growl back, until the gods have finally shown me the true filter. "Oh my god it's 100% Amaro!" I scream as I finally post the photo with pride, that is until Bonnie steals the phone from me.

"What did he- Oh shit you're right we look great in this photo. What filter did you say this was?"

"Wait lemme see!" Caroline squeals and Bonnie shows her the photo and she nods in approval.

"Amaro." Care and I say in unison. Are Care and I one and the same?

"Amaro, nice. Wait nope, what the hell did Damon say?" Bonnie asks for the umpteenth time.

"Do you mean besides all his petty insults that he uses to masquerade his dwindling, pathetic ego." I finish with a shake of my head.

"Yes besides that." Bonnie mutters and Caroline laughs because she know I'm right.

"Oh well then he said something about an emergency." I smile as Bonnie grimaces.

"What were his exact words?"

"Hell has returned. He's so dramatic."

"What?!" Bonnie and Caroline scream as Caroline pulls a tokyo drift and switches directions on the road.

"Oh! Snap my neck why don't you?!"

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Because I'm sure he's just being dramatic and what were you going to leave the salon with your hair half sewed in. I hate to tell you this Bonnie, but that would have been hella ratchet." I whisper while rubbing my neck.

"Can you believe her?" Bonnie shakes her head while looking towards Caroline.

"I mean she's not wrong though." Caroline says barely audible.

"Care!" Bonnie yells.

"It would have been really ratchet." Caroline whispers in guilt and I shrug, even Caroline knows I'm right.

"Don't fuel her?" Bonnie tells her she ain't fueling me, I'm just right.

"I'm not." Caroline responds like I said I'm just right.

"This is serious." Bonnie explains.

"How do you know?" Seriously how does she know it's Damon, everything is melodrama with him.

"We only say that in the most serious situations." Really?

"Wow you couldn't think of anything more subtle?" I ask I mean hell has returned.

"You're going to give me a migraine." She says as she rubs her forehead.

"I get that a lot." I say to the window as I wonder if I really did fuck up by not telling Bonnie earlier, but we we're having fun. We arrive in record time as Caroline drove like speed limits are only recommendations. When we arrive to the the Salvatore Boarding House and I just felt like now would be the time to play some bomb ass intro music because we looked hot as hell. We sashayed in unison our hair flowing in the wind. Bonnie walking in the middle as her vintage patchwork dress flowed and her converses hit the pavement. My white hair whipped around me and against the collar of my denim jumpsuit and I made sure not to dirty my platform sneakers. Caroline's wavy hair swung effortlessly around her as her denim overalls rubbed against her keds.. I figured we should all wear sneakers considering we never know when the hell we'll have to run for our lives in this town. But I assigned each of us different brands and certain shoes; Bonnie gets Converse, Puma, over-the-knee boots, and gladiator sandals. Caroline gets; Keds, Adidas, booties and pumps. And I get to wear whatever but mostly , Nikes, and any type of platform so that I can feel tall. Anyways back to our bomb ass entrance, cue "Who run the world, Girls!"As we walk into the house like we own the place. Of course Stefan opens the door and for once his eyebrows unfurrow as he sees our get-up.

"So what's wrong?" Bonnie sighs looking for any sign of Damon and I swear to you he ran into the living room at the sound of her voice.

"Bon- you look... great." Damon says almost like he couldn't believe his eyes.

"Care so do you, actually you all do." Stefan adds and these bitches all turn into a hot mess blushing from their heads to their toes. I already know I look hot.

"Thanks."

"No seriously, though who dressed you guys and can they never stop dressing you." Damon says while blatantly staring at Bonnie's side boob.

"Oh that would be me." I say as I step out from behind them and I can see Damon instantly regret complementing me.

"So Ladyboy is a lady?" He smirks to recover as he feels my gold body chain from inside my denim jumpsuit because I left the zipper down. And I smack his hand away.

"Will you look at that? Whereas I'm still looking for any evidence that proves your a man."My comebacks in this universe are rapid fire and I am loving it!

"I can show you if you want." He whispers in my ear and Stefan rolls his eyes to the ends of the world and back along with me.

"You're only a boy if you think that me seeing you naked, proves you're a man." Everyone's eyebrows raised and in my head I was screaming "DAMN!" I ain't got no mercy for the fuckboys today and Damon for once had no words to say, so he instead turned back to Bonnie who was trying to prevent herself from laughing.

"Why did you bring her?" What a toddler.

"Damon you said this was an emergency, what is it?" As she was not going into the dynamic that is Damon and I.

"Yeah the emergency being that she's still alive, when she shouldn't be." Damon growls while glaring at me and I glare right back.

"Shut up Damon. Something serious did happen." Stefan states his eyebrows refurrowing and my stomach instantly churns.

"What happened?" Caroline asks and I can tell she's scared too.

"Our mother paid us a small visit." Stefan replies.

"I thought she left town to torment someone else." Bonnie states.

"Yeah well. Surprise, she's back and she left us a little gift." Damon grumbles as he opens up a bottle of bourbon.

"What did she do?" Bonnie asks.

"She hexed us into the confines of our home." So like time-out.

"Why would she do that?" Caroline questions afraid of the answer.

"Oh only because she plans on turning the local high school into her own personal bloodbag." Damon says as he flicks on the TV that I didn't even know they had and it's the news. With the headlines, "High School Locked Down Due to Virus."

"Wait a fucking minute you're telling me your mother warped the news to say that there is a school lockdown so that she and her family could drain those kids one by one."

"Ding ding we have a winner." Damon chuckles eerily as he drains his glass. Wow maybe Lily Salvatore is worthy of being a villain after all.