This was supposed to be a simple case.
All Dean had wanted was a quick salt and burn, just a regular vengeful spirit that had to be dealt with. A distraction. Something to help him avoid thinking about-
No, he was not going to think about Cas. He wasn't going to think about the last time he had seen the angel, or what Cas had said, or how Cas was happier that he had ever been ready to kill himself for Dean, or how Dean hadn't been able to say-
After months of searching for a way to fix things, Dean was starting to lose hope. Not one of the dozens of books he read or the beings he threatened had any idea how to pull someone out of the Empty. After months of searching tirelessly and never getting a different answer, Sam suggested that they take a break from reading up on how to get back Cas for a hunt. It didn't take much for Dean to agree.
He hated that he wasn't back at the bunker, still looking for a way to fix things.
All that aside, this was supposed to be a simple case.
It started off easy enough; a man, in his apartment on the tenth floor, inexplicably hit by a car.
"It's going crazy," Sam had said when they checked the apartment for EMF.
"Some kind of ghost?" Dean suggested. "With a license? License to kill?"
Sam gave him bitchface number four. "Seriously?" He crouched down and reached for something on the wood floor. "Huh."
"What do you have?"
"I don't know. Looks like some kind of powder."
"Sulfur?" Dean asked, getting closer.
"No. Just dirt." Sam pinched some of the red earth between his fingers. "Could be 'Christine'-like."
Dean groaned and moved away from Sam and towards the table. "Even possessed cars can't do stairs. It's something spectral."
At that point, the case had still been clean cut. The case had still been clean cut when they torched Elizabeth Duren's corpse. Then Christopher Fisher was "ripped to shreds in a wild animal attack" inside a diner.
"Yeah, that doesn't sound right," Dean had said.
Sam scanned the article. "Apparently, uh, none of the patrons saw anything. Guy calls 911, screaming about a dog, but the operator didn't hear anything either." He set down the newspaper and reached across the motel bed for his laptop. "Wow. Looks like this guy had a history with dogs."
"Meaning?"
Sam turned his laptop around so Dean could see. Sometimes the kid was so fast it was freaky.
"Five years ago, he was arrested for running a dog-fighting operation."
"Classy. Alright. So, what?" Nothing about this made any sense. "He causes so much misery that some rottweiler goes Cujo on him from beyond the grave? Wait a second. Do- do dogs even have ghosts?"
Sam shrugged. "First I've heard of it."
When they were able to see the body, they found the red dirt under his nails. Same as the guy who had been crushed by a car on the tenth floor.
"So, gotta be someplace around here they both walked," Sam reasoned.
That was how Dean found himself in the Impala with Sam, driving down a long stretch of road in the middle of nowhere. The only occasional landmark he would see was a barn, and Dean was definitely not thinking about when he had met Castiel. Definitely not thinking about how even then, Cas had thought he deserved to be saved. Not thinking about how Cas wanting Dean to be saved was the thing that killed him. How Dean was the thing that killed Cas, his best friend, his family, the guy he lo-
Dean cut himself off. No thinking about Cas.
"An apple farm?" Dean said, glancing at Sam to distract himself.
"Yeah. Apparently whatever's in red dirt makes great apples," Sam shrugged.
"Wow. I'd be so interested in that if I ate apples," Dean said dryly.
Sam ignored him. "So this one's supposed to be pretty old. Uh, mostly abandoned. Few hundred acres."
"A few hundred? We're gonna be searching all year!"
Dean almost didn't see the guy when he ran onto the road. He slammed the brakes and Baby screeched to a stop.
The case was getting less and less simple as time wore on.
"I was just put on trial and sentenced to death," the man said when the boys had gotten him back to their motel room. Apparently, he had held up a liquor store in the eighties and killed the owner, as well as his wife.
"And they just put you on trial?" Dean asked incredulously.
"No, no, I just got out of prison."
At least they got a lead out of the guy- Neal's Tavern. Sure, what he was saying made no sense, but now Dean had an excuse to head to a bar and have as much hunter's helper as he wanted.
"What can I get ya?" the bartender said when Dean took a seat. She was relatively young and blonde, and seemed to sense Dean's mood, not asking if he was alright. She was down to business, which he was relieved about. The last thing he wanted to be doing was dealing with his crap.
"Scotch and soda." Actually, he was going to need something stronger than that. "You know, hold the soda. Make it a double."
The bartender smiled and moved to grab a glass.
"So, you, uh- you work the night shift?" Dean said.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Why? You plan on making this a regular thing?"
Normally, that would have gotten a laugh out of Dean, but since-
"No, I just got a few questions. Believe it or not, I'm a cop."
The bartender nodded and passed Dean the glass. "I believe it. You look like you've seen some crap. I'm sorry, I was off all week, but Frank'll be back tomorrow."
Dean downed the scotch in one. "Right. Uh… I'll do another."
"Love life or job? Two quick doubles, it's something." The bartender moved to refill the glass. "I'm Mia, by the way."
Usually, it would be the second. But now….
"Well, Mia, that is a complex question. I'm Dean, by the way."
Mia smirked lazily at him. "Well, Dean, luckily I'm like a captive shrink with unlimited alcohol. So, shoot."
Another glass of scotch was all it took. So much for not dealing.
"Uh, it's kinda both. Mostly- mostly the first, but some of the second. My best friend and I- we both, uh, do cop stuff. It's gotten us a few enemies, but, ya know, we had each other's backs. Few months ago, I got it in my head that we should run into this situation half-cocked and without all the facts. Cas went with me. It- it didn't go well."
Billie had been dying. If Dean had just let her be, if he hadn't decided he needed to kill something-
They had stumbled out of Death's Library. Cas had been half carrying Dean. They didn't stop until they got to the dungeon, and with no way out-
"I led us into a trap. I- I was so angry, and I wasn't thinking straight, and I led us into a trap. Cas-" Dean's voice broke. "He had to sacrifice himself to get me out of there. Before he did, he- he told me-"
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"
Cas' smile widened. "Because it is." He took a breath. "I love you."
Dean went into shock. How many times had he imagined this? How many times had he imagined it wasn't one sided, imagined saying those words to his angel?
Sayitbacksayitbacksayitbacksayit-
"Don't do this," Dean pleaded instead. Don't leave me.
They were both crying now.
"Goodbye, Dean."
"Cas-!"
Dean was shoved out of the way as the Empty came. Somewhere on the other end of the room, the door slammed open and Billie stalked in.
Cas looked at Dean one last time, blue eyes wet with tears and soft with love, before turning to face his fate.
Dean watched helplessly as he was enveloped by the Empty.
His shoulder was still warm from where Cas had touched him last.
"-he told me he loved me," Dean said desperately. "He told me he loved me, and I froze, and I couldn't say it back or try to help, or- I don't know if I'll ever see him again. Cas- he thought it was one sided. If I never see him again, then he's going to die thinking that I-" He broke off. "I'm trying to find him. I've been looking for months. Still nothing. And it's my fault."
Dean didn't notice the stranger a few stools away, who had been listening attentively the whole time.
It was a long time before Dean left the bar.
When he did leave, the sky was dark and the street was empty. No one saw when he felt a hand grab him from behind and then promptly disappeared, leaving nothing but a small pile of red earth where he had been standing.
The barn was covered in hieroglyphics. Typically, that meant this wasn't just a random kidnapping. Large, ornate Egyptian statues lined the sides. In the back of the barn, where Dean was facing, was a throne.
Great. They were probably dealing with a god.
Dean tried to move, only to find he was chained to the chair he was seated in. He strained against the metal.
"Quit squirming, Mr. Winchester. They're Houdini-proof."
Dean's head snapped towards the throne. A moment ago it had been vacant, but now, there was a man in decorative robes lounging in it. His eyes were fixed on Dean.
"Now, you want to talk charges, or…"
"I'd rather talk about your Bukowski schtick at the bar," Dean snapped. "What, you can't jump a guy when he's sober?"
The man didn't answer, opting instead to examine his staff. "You and that waitress had quite a talk, huh? Get a couple drinks in you, and the guilt comes pouring out."
"Eavesdropping. Cute." Maybe if he could stall, Sam would figure out where he was and give him a hand. There was no way he was getting out of these chains anytime soon.
"Speaking of…. You're not going to skulk all night, Sam?" The man lifted a finger lazily and flicked it.
The barn door slid open to reveal Sam standing there, looking vaguely embarrassed.
"Sam?" Dean said incredulously.
"Nice job finding us. I assume you figured out who I am?" the man said conversationally.
"Yeah." Sam stepped inside.
"You want to fill me in?" Dean asked. He was sure this guy, whoever he was, was a god, and Egyptian, but that was about the extent of his knowledge. Sam was alway the one with the smarts.
"Osiris. He's an Egyptian god," Sam said, never taking his eyes off the man.
"Ta-da! Now," Osiris said, "go about your business, Sammy."
"Look, if anyone should be on trial, it's me," Sam argued.
"That's for me to decide. Now go away."
"But he-" Dean could see the gears in Sam's head turning "-he has the right to an attorney. Doesn't he? Let me defend him."
Osiris looked down at Sam curiously. "Well, that's unusual."
"Are you gonna respect his rights or not?" Sam demanded.
Osiris grinned. "Why not?"
There was a problem with this. Sam had to be forgetting- "Uh, Sam? You're not a lawyer."
Sam sat in the empty seat next to Dean. "I was pre-law."
"Yeah," Dean said. "Pre."
Osiris clapped his hands together. "All right, then. Let's get started. Now, the list of witnesses I can call- endless."
"Objection!" Sam said.
"Are you going to let me finish my sentence?"
"No. This isn't fair!"
"Fair? I'm sorry." Osiris seemed amused. "Moving on. I can make it very simple. Three witnesses."
"Objection!"
If Sam was going to start saying 'objection' everytime this guy spoke, they were going to have one pissed off god on their hands, which wouldn't end well for them. Dean opened his mouth to tell Sam to shut up, but was cut off.
"Grounds?" Osiris asked calmly.
"Witness is being called without prior notice." Sam's voice didn't waver.
Dean felt a pang of guilt. If he hadn't dragged Sam back into all of this when he was at Stanford, his brother could have been a really good lawyer.
"Good one," Dean whispered.
"Very fine objection," Osiris agreed. "Denied."
Sam's jaw dropped. "What? Why?"
"Because I'm the judge, son. Now stop objecting, or I'll find you in contempt – that is, kill you. So I advise you to let me move it along. First, the prosecution calls Kevin Tran to the stand." Osiris waved his hand, and another chair appeared beside his throne. He waved it again, and Kevin was standing next to the chair. "Take a seat, and state your name for the court."
Kevin looked the same as he had the last time Dean had seen him- worn from his time in hell, but still not far from the Kevin Dean had known when he was alive. Less alive, but, well, he was dead.
"Kevin Tran," Kevin said, taking a seat.
"And… what is your relationship to Dean Winchester?"
"He, uh, he was a friend," Kevin said. "We saved the world a few times together."
"I see." Osiris considered something. "So when you say friend… what do you mean?"
"I mean he saved my life. We lived together- him, Sam, and I- for a while. We looked after each other."
Tried to look after each other, Dean thought. If he had looked after Kevin, he would still be alive.
"He saved your life. But wasn't it his fault that you died?" Osiris said, leaning towards Kevin. "After all, he was the one who tricked Sam into letting Gadreel possess him, which is what got you killed, isn't it?"
"I-" Kevin looked extremely uncomfortable. "Dean was the one who summoned Gadreel. But-"
"So you agree?"
"Oh, you're a piece of work. You know that?" Dean said angrily. "Putting words in his mouth-"
Suddenly, Dean's mouth was extremely empty, and the words he was trying to form weren't coming out. He tried to move his tongue, only to find that it was gone.
"Keep him under control, counsel," Osiris said dangerously, "or I'll remove his tongue." He waved his hand.
Dean's tongue reappeared.
"Your witness."
Sam stood and moved in front of Kevin. "Kevin. So, um. When Gadreel possessed me, Dean didn't know he was Gadreel, right? I mean, we all thought he was Ezekiel. Correct?"
Kevin nodded. "Yeah. I mean, I didn't find that out until after, but yeah."
"And with Gadreel. He was acting under Metatron's orders, which Dean didn't know about. If he had-"
"Then he would have done something," Kevin said surely. He turned to Dean. "Dean, it's not y-"
Dean watched as Kevin's ghost flickered, then vanished.
Dean, it's not your fault. But it was.
"Alright. You two can have a moment to strategize. And then I'll call my next witness," Osiris decided.
Dean didn't like the way he was looking at him.
Sam sat back down next to Dean. "Okay. Who's the next witness? He looked at you like you'd know."
"I got no clue. This whole thing's like a fucking episode of 'Pee-Wee's Playhouse,'" Dean hissed.
"Next witness!" Osiris declared. "The prosecution calls Sam Winchester to the stand."
Shit.
Sam blinked, then glanced between Dean and Osiris.
"Go on, Sammy," Dean said.
Reluctantly, Sam walked over to sit in the witness' chair.
Osiris smiled cooly. "Sam…. Not exactly the life you expected, is it?"
"Details are a little different," Sam said nonchalantly.
Osiris continued to press. "For a while there, you were gonna be a real lawyer. Marry Jess."
"Yeah, that was a long time ago."
"But were you or were you not happily out of the family racket until Dean showed back up in that gas guzzler?"
Sam opened his mouth.
"Ah-ah. The truth, now," Osiris said knowingly.
Sam didn't answer right away. "It's complicated," he managed.
"That one act had quite a domino effect. Come back, your girl's dead."
"Well, that wasn't his fault."
Of course it was. Dean couldn't bring himself to really regret pulling Sam back in, but it was, and that made him feel worse. Here his brother was, fighting to keep him from being killed by some god, when he could have been running his own firm with two-point-five kids and Jess at home.
"Sure, and neither is everything that came after – all the death and the blood and hanging on by a thread. None of that is on Dean, directly. But don't you think that your brother dragged you back into that catastrophic mess because he'd rather damn you with him than be alone?"
There was a full minute of silence. It was deafening.
"No," Sam said. "One way or another, I'd have gotten pulled back in."
"You know that for certain?" Osiris checked.
"Pretty sure," Sam nodded.
"Pretty sure," Osiris repeated, unconvinced.
"I'm positive," Sam said icily.
Osiris put his hands up. "I believe you. Hey, if it was about convincing me, I would say-"
"What?" Sam said.
"I don't decide anything, Sam. I don't decide Dean's guilt. I just weigh the guilt that's already there." He mimed a tilting scale. "This is solely about how Dean feels, way down deep."
"Wait. So if Dean believes he's innocent, then he is?"
"If. A big if. Why do I bring up the past? To see how he feels about it. People want to be judged. They really do. When your heart's heavy, let me tell you, real punishment's a mercy."
"I want to call Dean to the stand," Sam said suddenly.
Osiris raised his eyebrows. "Oh, you do, now? There is an order to this stuff, you know."
Sam shot bitchface number twelve at him.
"Okay. Fine. I'll allow it." Osiris snapped his fingers.
The chains binding Dean fell.
"The defense calls Dean Winchester to the stand," Osiris said, gesturing to the chair.
Dean stood unsurely and moved to sit in the other chair.
"So, Dean," Sam said, "When you came and got me, did you know Jess would die? Or any of it?"
"'Course not," Dean said. The last thing he had wanted was for anyone to get hurt. Least of all Sam, or someone Sam cared about.
"Right. How could you? I mean, are you psychic?" When Dean didn't respond, he added, "That's a question."
"No. Uh, definitely not psychic." Dean wasn't sure where Sam was going with this, but he wasn't feeling any less guilty.
"Great. So why would you feel guilty about not predicting the future?" Sam continued.
"Yeah, I guess that doesn't make any sense. Actually, yeah, no, I don't."
"What about Kevin? Did you actually kill him?"
"Uh, no." That didn't mean that Kevin's death wasn't his fault. But if he could pretend, then maybe-
"Isn't it true that you don't feel guilty about him- that you're just... sad he's dead? That it just... blows?" Sam was really grasping at straws here.
"Actually... Maybe, yeah."
"I like your style, Sam. Very engaging," Osiris commented.
Sam ignored him. "Dean. Does any of this feel like it's really... on you?"
"Not really."
"Then is your heart heavy with guilt or just plain heavy and none of this guy's business?"
"Uh, what you said- the second thing."
Sam turned back to Osiris. "Then I rest my case."
Osiris nodded thoughtfully. "Very good... Both of you. Alright. Because I really enjoyed that, I'm gonna be generous and ask- Dean, do you want me to call my last witness?"
Dean knew who the last witness would be.
"Why does this sound like a goodbye?" Dean asked helplessly.
Cas' eyes were shining with tears. "Because it is." He took a breath. "I love you."
I love you too, I love you too, I love you too-
"Don't do this," Dean begged.
Cas smiled. "Goodbye, Dean."
"Cas-!"
"Or have we had enough?" Osiris asked.
That was his fault. Cas' death was his fault. If Osiris called Cas to the stand, Dean would be found guilty. He couldn't die, not after Cas had sacrificed himself for him. But then again, Dean was pretty sure he was already a goner. And if he got to see Cas again, the he could tell him-
"Can you bring him back?" Dean said quickly.
"Of course I can," Osiris said. "For the trial."
"Can he stay after? Can you keep him here?"
Osiris studied him carefully.
"Dean, what are you talking about?" Sam said.
"Tell you what. I like you, Dean. If you're cleared… he'll stay. If not, he goes back. Understood?" Osiris said.
He could get Cas back.
"Do it," Dean croaked. He stood and moved away from the witness' chair.
"Dean-" Sam started.
"The prosecution calls Castiel to the stand."
A mass of dark nothingness bubbled on the ground and rose up within arms length of where Dean was standing. The blackness fell away, and there was-
"Cas," Dean breathed. He stepped forwards and clung to him, arms tight around the angel.
"Dean?"
Dean could picture the confused look in Cas' eyes. Part of him wanted to draw back so he could see it. He wasn't going to let go, though. Never.
"You're here."
Cas lifted his arms and hugged back. "Yes. I appear to no longer be in the Empty."
"Never do that again. You hear me? No more dying. No more leaving. Got it?" His face was tucked into Cas' shoulder, muffling his words.
"I- I understand."
They stood, wrapped in each other's arms, for a full minute before Dean said anything else.
"Cas, you gotta know- what you said- I, uh, I'm sorry I couldn't say anything. But Cas, I lo-"
Osiris cleared his throat. "Let's get on with the trial, shall we?" he said impatiently. "Castiel, if you would take a seat."
They broke apart. Cas wouldn't meet his eyes when he took his seat.
"So, Castiel. Tell me about Dean. What's he like?" Osiris prompted.
"He…" Cas considered his words. "He's the most selfless and loving man I've ever known. Everything he does is to keep the people he cares about safe. Even if it means sacrificing himself. He doesn't like to let people help him, even when he needs it. He bottles everything up, even though he has people who will love him, no matter what."
Their eyes met.
"Cas, I-"
Osiris waved his hand. "You already spoke with him. Remember what I said about removing his tongue, Sam."
This time, Dean's tongue didn't reappear.
"I'll return it after the trial is complete," Osiris promised.
Cas opened his mouth.
"After the trial is complete," Osiris said forcefully. "Would you rather I end it now?"
Cas snapped his mouth shut.
"That's what I thought. Moving on. When you died, it was saving Dean's life, correct?"
"Yes," Cas said, "and I don't regret it." He was still looking at Dean.
"And if Dean hadn't decided to go after Death, do you think you would still be alive?"
"It's hard to say," Cas said. "I could have been killed trying to defeat Chuck. Or after. My deal could have come to pass at another time."
"But there is the possibility you would be alive?" Osiris said.
Cas didn't look very happy when he nodded.
"Sam, your witness."
Sam blinked a few times before he cleared his throat and spoke. "Cas. When you made the deal with the Empty, were you pressured to do so by Dean? Or did you do it of your own free will?"
"It was my choice," Cas said. "Dean had nothing to do with it."
"Exactly. And when Dean suggested that you go after Billie, he didn't know what would happen, right?"
"No, he didn't. We were both… extremely surprised to find Billie was already dying."
"So when you summoned the Empty, Dean had no way of knowing that was how it would turn out?"
"My decision to summon the Empty was a very last minute thing. Dean didn't even know about the deal."
"And if there was something you could say to Dean now?"
"If I could say something to Dean now," Cas said, never breaking eye contact with Dean, "I would tell him that there is nothing for him to feel guilty about. It's not his fault we ended up in that situation. It's not his fault I made that deal. There is no reason why he should blame himself for being my happiness. There's no reason why he should look down on himself so much when he's the reason why I changed for the better. I was at peace with my decision. And I would do it again, because I love him. That is what I would tell him. I would tell him that I don't blame him, because there is no one to blame for what happened."
Dean's face was damp. He didn't know when that had happened. Didn't know if it was when he had been embracing Cas or when Cas had told him again that he loved him or when Cas said that he didn't blame him-
Dean couldn't blame himself. He had to move past his guilt- all of it- for Cas. He had to stay alive for Cas.
It's not your fault, Dean told himself. It's not your fault.
It wasn't his fault. If Cas believed that-
"I rest my case," Sam said simply.
Osiris took a moment to consider, then raised his staff and struck it against the ground.
"The court has reached a verdict. I find you, Dean Winchester…"
It's not your fault, stay here for Cas, it's not your fault, stay here for Cas-
"...not guilty. I must say, you surprised me." He waved his hand. "A hunter, and a Winchester no less? Who would have guessed you'd live. Horus owes me now."
Dean found he could talk again. "You were betting on this?"
"What else do you think gods do in their free time?" Osiris said, unconcerned. "I'll be taking my leave. You're not the only trial I have today. Goodnight, boys." He vanished with a sly grin.
Normally, Dean would have given a damn where the god had gone. Right now, all he cared about was Cas, who had stood and was looking unsurely at Dean.
Dean crossed the barn to Cas in three long strides. He raised his hand to brush Cas' jaw.
Cas' breath hitched.
"I love you too," Dean said in a rush. "I've loved you for longer than I can remember and when you said it-"
"Dean, do you mean it?" Cas asked, hesitant.
Instead of answering, Dean leaned forward and kissed him.
They only broke apart when Sam said loudly, "It's about time!"
"You mean it," Cas whispered, dazed.
Dean nodded.
This time, Cas was the one who leaned in.
"You know," Dean said that night while they laid in bed, tangled together, "this was supposed to be a simple case. Just a salt and burn. I'm glad it wasn't."
Cas smiled into Dean's neck. "Me too."
"You wanna ride shotgun when we leave tomorrow? I can make Sam ride in the back."
"Only if he doesn't mind."
"He won't. He'll probably offer to let you sit up there. Apparently, we're both idiots and we should have gotten together years ago."
Cas laughed. "Perhaps. You kept sending me mixed signals."
"Cas, I flirted with you almost every time we talked."
"True. And then you told me I was like a brother to you, or I was family."
"I didn't want to freak you out. Or lose you. I'd rather have had you as family than not at all. Didn't know what I'd do if you left." Dean held Cas tighter to his chest.
"I love you, Dean."
"I love you too."