Eva smiled as she walked through the hallways of Winston High School. The last two weeks had been magical for her. Ever since she opened up to John at Thanksgiving, she was just a much happier person. The long restless nights were a thing of the past. There were a few nights when she woke up with an unknown nightmare, but for the most part she was able to get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. Every bit of research she'd read on sleep suggested that was a reason for her constantly foul mood. She had grown considerably, even in such a short period of time, so she wouldn't just chalk up her lousy attitude to poor sleep. Consciously, she continually made choices that hurt others. Now she was atoning for it and felt great.
She rounded a corner and her thoughts automatically drifted to John. For lack of a more adult term, they were officially an item. They saw each other almost every day. John was a little worried about Eva always having to drive home late at night, so they spent a lot of time at her place. They were extremely comfortable with each other and had even exchanged keys to each other's places. The relationship was still new and scary, but they didn't have a hard time communicating with each other. There were a few disagreements that were handled easily and other wise things went smoothly.
Tonight, Eva was planning on making a surprise dinner for John at his apartment. Her plan was to get him out of a fun. On occasion, he would grow distant and silent. Eva would ask about his mood and he would cheer right up. There was obviously something he wasn't ready to tell her yet, so she didn't push.
The thought occurred to her that his mood might have been related to Jill's mood. Now that she was unemployed, she spent even more time at the bar. When there was an opening for a waitress, she was the first to apply. It had been a painful decision, but John told her it would only complicate things unnecessarily. Jill was stunned at first when she learned of Eva's relationship with John. Quickly, it turned into angry jealousy. One night, Jill was gossiping about Eva to some other patrons when John put her in her place. He didn't pull her aside and try and smooth things over like he had in the past. The cold, direct approach had left her more embarrassed than their first encounter. The fact that she still lingered was just a sign that she couldn't take a hint, and that she didn't have any real friends to rely on.
The same teachers that were so eager to listen to Jill badmouthing Eva were the same ones that were clamoring for gossip about Jill from Eva. Jill's public outburst coupled with Eva's new relationship were apparently quite the scandal. Eva hadn't let on to John, but Jill had the other teacher's believing that John was her boyfriend. When Jill was suspended and only Eva remained, Eva was branded a homewrecker. The nickname didn't phase Eva in the slightest. The truth was unknown to the public, but Eva knew the whole story so she wouldn't play their games.
Eva opened the door to the front office and stepped inside. There was a student sitting behind the reception desk receiving visitors. She smiled as she approached. "Hello, I'm here to see Principal Moore."
"Ms. Williamson?" The student looked down at a list and then back to her for confirmation. "Principal Moore asked that you meet her in the gym. She apologized for the last-minute change."
"Oh that's fine. Thank you." Eva checked her watch and walked out of the office. There was a new message that popped up on the screen. She fished her phone out of her pocked and muted it from any further notifications.
As well as things had been going in other areas of her life, her relationship with Evangeline's family was more strained that ever. After contacting her, or rather Evangeline's, attorney about amending her will, the family seemed to turn on her. They insisted that she had no right to make any changes even though they didn't know what her proposed changes were. The whole thing was just a terrible mess. The attorney had breached privilege by even talking to Lisa, but Eva chose to ignore that. It was the insinuation that she wasn't of sound mind to make any changes that really put her on edge. The latest disagreement had really tested Eva's new resolve. The only way to stop herself from saying anything hateful was to ignore their calls altogether. Lisa was naturally heartbroken. She had been so determined to get Eva home for Christmas, but everyone knew that wasn't going to happen now.
Eva stopped a couple of students to check their hall passes before she was on her way again. From outside the double doors of the gym, she could hear the excitement of many students. She pulled the door open and noted the small crowd. They were neatly arranging dozens of boxes along the back wall of the gym.
"Ms. Williamson!" The principal called out to her as soon as she could see her. She walked over with a wide smile on her face.
For some reason, that made Eva nervous. "Principal Moore, hello." Eva smiled despite her uncertainty.
"Oh my gosh, you just will not believe this." She broke protocol as she took Eva by the hand. She pulled her along before she could object. "Your little project turned from a small success into a miracle."
Eva frowned. Her "little project" was setting up a free clothing shop to students in need. That was why she was bringing a large carboard box into the bar over the Thanksgiving holiday. She'd also left similarly decorated boxes in different stores around town. The goal was to get donations of new clothes in all sizes. The items would be available for students to choose from after a shop was set up in a classroom that was being used for storage. Donations had been pouring in since her last performance at the bar. She was even enlisting students and other staff to help her sort all the goods. The overflow of extremely small sizes was being given to the feeder elementary and middle schools.
"That's good to hear." Eva noted the camera crew and sighed. Somehow when she was planning, she hadn't considered that this might get the attention from the press. "I guess the media caught wind of our success."
"Oh yes, but there's so much more." They finally arrived at the back wall were all the boxes were located.
"And it has something to do with this?" Eva noted the logo on the outside of the box.
"Someone was exceptionally moved by your words. All of this was donated anonymously by one person. It's coats, shoes, clothes, undergarments…you name it. This is just incredible!" The principal tore into boxes and showed Eva what exactly she meant.
"Anonymously?" Eva saw the merchandise was not just from a discount store. "This has to be more than a hundred thousand dollars worth of merchandise." Eva was stunned, impressed, and confused. Winston was a little rural and there wasn't a lot of big money in the community. The real money crowd was from Hilltop; the same town that housed the college and bar. It was a nice, but unusual, gesture that someone from that community would care.
"This is going to make such a difference for so many students, especially now. I just thought it would be great if you reached out to the community as a thank you. Who knows, we may even get more donations!" The principal was so excited that she didn't notice Eva's apprehension.
Eva hadn't done any of this for attention or praise. She'd honestly assessed the needs of the student body, and this was her solution to a difficult problem. There were lots of students whose families were too poor to provide necessities. This wasn't a solution to the problem, but it was her way of bringing light to an issue that people chose to ignore.
"Principal Moore, I'm honored." Eva was ever quick on her feet and had already found a way to squirm out of the limelight. "This is just such an important cause that is very dear to my heart. Flattered as I am, I don't want to detract or take away from the good that's been done."
"Well this was your idea…," she could tell that Eva wasn't interested in singing her own praises to the press.
"I did this for the students. If I get on the news, it's just comes off as a phony and planned. With that in mind, I think it would be most appropriate to have feature our wonderful students instead. Gather a few worthy faces and have them talk about this tough issues. What it means to them personally. What it means for their classmates. Give them the voice and the platform." Eva was surprisingly persuasive. She knew it was just remnants of the life that she couldn't remember. "Wouldn't you agree, Brooke?" Eva looked over at the student council president that had been called in to help.
"Me?" She was listening in the whole time. "Now, I'm flattered! This is such a great idea. I just wish we had more time to put something together that's more meaningful that a couple of soundbites. Everyone has already been talking about how cool the idea is already. A lot of kids really need this and we need to figure out how to make sure kids actually take advantage of everything being offered. Plus, we've got to figure out how to make sure there's no stigma attached to it."
"See what I mean?" Eva was impressed by the young woman. "Maybe we hold off on the story for a few days and see what Brooke can put together."
The principal was slightly embarrassed that she jumped the gun, but she wouldn't complain. "Brooke, I'd like for you to work with the guidance counselors and Ms. Williamson putting together a message for the student body. We can recruit any students that we need. We can have the camera crews back on Friday for the local news."
"Awesome." Brooke squealed with glee. She rushed off excitedly to start coordinating her efforts.
The principal looked over to Eva. "You handled that surprisingly well. I have been very impressed with you as of late. I hope I'm not being presumptuous, but I'd like for you to come to my office after school. It's time that we start discussing your future here and the path to being tenured."
Eva smiled brightly. She had always been fluid with her plans, but somehow this just felt right. It took two years, but she was finally starting to feel comfortable in her own skin.
"Honestly, Michael, I think it's one of the dumbest ideas I've ever heard." John shook his head as he filed some paperwork in his office. Michael called him for his weekly check-in and this time he had a story that had John nearly in tears.
"Look, I'm okay with them. You know? Marcie's brother was here and everything was fine. I just don't want them thinking I'm one of them." Michael was up in arms because another man asked him out on a date. The immediate reply was that he was happily married to a woman, but that only enticed the man more. It had almost come to blows, but Marcie showed up at just the right time.
"I know, Mikey. I know." John knew Michael's frustrations were deeply rooted in their childhood. The kids had nicknamed him Michael McQueer because of a shirt that Eve bought him from the thrift store. He was too young to get the joke, so he laughed along with all the other kids. It wasn't until John had given another kid a blackeye that he understood that the kids were laughing at him and not with him. "You just have to know that wearing anything with straight pride on it is asking for trouble." John was surprised that his supposedly smarter younger brother was even considering it.
"Well you can at least help me think of something." Michael walked through the house cleaning along the way. It was his day off, but Marcie was working and Gabe was in daycare. Bugging John was his only real entertainment.
"Just take it on the chin and move on. Don't react. That only makes it worse most of the time." John walked over to his desk and sat down with a huff.
"That's easy for you to say. John the chick magnet. I love Marcie, but if I got half the attention that you did…" Michael was playfully jealous of John. He never had to try to get a woman's attention. It seemed they all just fell at his feet. "How's it going for you anyway? College girls all over you?"
John just shook his head. "Naturally, Mikey. What teenaged girl isn't just waiting to hook up with a man who is old enough to be her father?" There were a few girls that looked his way, but John paid them no attention. All the drama of a much younger woman was not anything he was interested in.
"Okay fine. College girls not your thing. Otherwise, how's it going. It's been a while for you." Michael searched through the fridge to see if he had everything he needed for dinner.
John considered his options. He could tell the truth, but that would be catastrophic. Marcie and Layla were new mothers and new friends. John had to be extra careful about the information he shared, so that it wouldn't be relayed back to Llanview. "There was someone, but she came on a little strong for me." John chose a version of the truth. With Eva in the picture, Jill never had a chance. "We're working on the friend thing."
"Sucks I guess, but I'm glad to hear that you're getting out there. You might get all the women, but you have the worst luck." Michael could recall the long list of women that had drifted in and out of John's life. Caitlyn was memorable because they were almost married, but he wasn't really close to John during that time. She seemed nice enough. Michael had long held out hope that John would get his life together and get back with Evangeline. After her coma and reemergence, Michael knew that was completely out of the question. Marcie and Layla were friends, but they never talked about John or Evangeline. The situation was awkward for everyone.
"There's more to life than that." It was easy for John to say now. He was, for the first time in a very long time, happy. Content. Even if it would only be fleeting, his relationship with Eva was exactly what he needed. "I won't count anything out for the future, though."
"I'm sorry, I was trying to reach my brother, John. Could you have him call me?" Michael couldn't help but to pick on him. They had grown closer when they were both in Llanview, but John still had a lot to reflect on. He kept things to himself then and wouldn't let Michael help at all. It was nice for the younger brother to feel like he had a meaningful relationship with his older brother.
"Yeah, whatever." John nodded and smiled at the employee that brought the mail back to him. There was another thick manilla envelope with cryptic labeling that someone had to sign for. This was the price he had to pay for calling in a favor for Eva. He put it in the drawer that locked in his desk and sealed it up tight. Kenny needed to learn about discretion. No one had asked directly, but peopled wondered what was so secretive about his mail.
"Well, I'm sure you've got lots of work to get back to." Their conversations never lasted too long. Michael was learning not to push and John appreciated it. "I know you were against it before, but you should reconsider my offer. Christmas is just going to be me, Marcie and Gabe. We'd love to have you."
John lamented the decision. His nephew was growing like a weed and he hadn't seen him in months. The offer was tempting, but Eva was staying in Washington for Christmas. The idea of spending Christmas away from her was out of the question. "I'll think it over, but don't hold your breath. Give Gabe and Marcie my love."
"I will. Love you, bro."
"You too, Mikey. Be well."
Eva shook her head as she walked around John's tiny apartment. He'd put it off for too long and now she was annoyed. "This weekend, we are going to go out and get a little dinette set for you. Nothing fancy. Just a couple of chairs and a table so we don't have to eat on the sofa anymore." She started to unpack the food she'd prepared at home.
"Sure thing." He slapped her bottom playfully as she walked by. As usual, he was on drink duty. Beer was his drink of choice, but Eva was always a mystery. She waffled between beer and wine. "Wine?" He called out to her over his shoulder.
"White, please." She tried her best to make the coffee table look nice. There would be lots more moaning and groaning, but she was going to make sure he got better silverware and appropriate dinner linen.
John fixed their drinks and joined her on the sofa. She was right that this was a less than desirable setup, but he was a bachelor at heart. The casual décor was right up his alley. "Looks good. Thank you."
"Anytime." She leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "So, how was your day today?" This was part of their routine. They gave each other the highlights of their day before switching to less mundane conversation topics.
"Same old, same old. I'm still going through those audition tapes. It would really be a lot easier if you just kept up with your same old routine." John joked, but he was actually serious. It was nice having her as a featured attraction at the bar.
"Not a chance. It was fun for a while." Eva struggled to balance her plate in her lap and eat from it. "I'm sure there's some new young talent that will blow me out of the water."
"I'll believe that when I see it." John was more adept than she was. He was used to eating on the go. "By the way that donation box is getting pretty full again. I will load up your car before you head home tonight."
"No rush on that. We had some anonymous donor that sent in a truckload of clothes. It's going to be a real chore to get everything sorted out and set up." Eva would be spending extra time before and after school each day for several weeks to organize everything efficiently. The student council president already had a volunteer schedule planned out and had even coordinated with a couple of teachers to give students extra credit for participating. "This whole thing has been a tremendous success so far. I really hope it helps to boost the morale of some of the less fortunate students.
"You are amazing." John marveled at her. He thought back to his own youth and how his mother struggled to provide all of the necessaries for him and Michael. "What you're doing for those kids is the kind of thing they won't ever forget. Every little bit helps."
Eva smiled. "Well it's not all me. There are lots of volunteers, parents, students and administrators, who are helping to catalogue everything. I just made a plea. It's the public that has really stepped up to make this successful."
"Don't sell yourself short. You put this all together. You inspired others. You deserve praise for this." John thought back to Evangeline's work with the battered woman's shelter. No matter who she was, she was still making a difference.
"I'm perfectly happy to let the students steal my acclaim. They have really impressed me with their efforts so far." All this talk about praising her was making her feel self-conscious. She was perfectly content being a wallflower.
"They had a great teacher to learn from." John slid his plate onto the table and moved in closer to her.
"Okay. Stop or you're going to make me blush." Her brown skin hid the blush in her cheeks.
"I'd like to see that." John laced his fingers through her hair and pulled her in gently for a kiss. It started out sweet and romantic, but John's desire got the best of him. He pulled her in closer so that he could deepen the kiss. The surprised squeal that escaped her made him pause.
"Oh no. I'm so sorry." Eva had gotten carried away and spilled the remainder of her dinner on the floor. "Go grab some paper towels."
John blew out a slow breath. He ached for her and this was just another distraction that kept him from having her. "Don't worry too much. You should have seen this place before I got here. I'm not sure Gunner ever cleaned."
"Well, you don't have to be gross because he was." Eva went to the closet to grab the vacuum. She moved to pull it out and knocked over a banker's box in the process. "Damn it." Photos and papers spilled onto the floor. Without a second thought, she started cleaning up her latest mess. A glimpse of one of the photos stopped her in her tracks.
"You just going to trash the whole place." John commented on her latest mess. It took a moment for him to realize that something caught her eye. "Eva?" He walked towards her and she didn't respond. It wasn't until his chest was pressed against her back that she realized he was there. "You weren't supposed to see these." He put his hand on the stack of paperwork and covered the photo.
Eva felt like she should be scared, running and hiding, but she was frozen on the spot. There had to be a reason that he was holding onto photos of a woman who was very obviously dead. "Why do you have these?" The uncertainty resonated in her voice.
John took the paperwork and gently moved her out of the way. Without too much care, he tossed everything back in the box and shoved it in the closet. "I've been doing some work for the bureau." He grabbed the vacuum and moved back to the area of the original mess.
Eva watched him for a moment and then followed after him. "The bureau? FBI?" She watched as he scooped up the larger bits and then vacuumed the rest. The whirring sound of the vacuum didn't interrupt the awkward silence that lingered.
"Yeah. Before I joined the LPD, I was with the bureau. After I closed Caitlyn's case, I left." He stacked the plates on top of each other and moved them out of the way. He would need to mop later, but it could wait for now. "I'm working on some cold cases." The vacuum was just pushed out of the way as well.
Eva sat down as if the wind had been knocked out of her. The revelation wasn't a surprise to her. The pictures were just so sad that she couldn't imagine how he could stomach to work with them. "I thought you weren't a cop anymore."
"I'm not. I'm just a consultant." These unsolved cases were just another part of Kenny's workload. A couple of days after the kid's deal was in place, John got the first package with a note, 'I know you'll do the right thing.' Just like that he was sucked back in. "I had to call in a favor to help out the kid. Me helping out is the payment for that." The truth seemed like the best option.
"Why didn't you tell me, John?" Eva pulled at his arm and made his sit down beside her.
"Didn't want you to think you owed me for anything. I helped out that kid because I wanted to. I always knew it would come with a price." John cursed his own carelessness. Laziness had gotten the best of him, so he hadn't picked up the locking file cabinet that he ordered last week. "I don't want you to worry about this."
"How can you say that?" She let out an exasperated cry. "How can you just act like this is nothing? That was just one picture and it was horrible. Are all of those boxes filled with stuff like that?" She watched as he nodded. "There's no way you can look at that stuff and it not have any affect on you."
John searched for the right words. He wasn't desensitized by any means. Each case touched him and was another small weight on his shoulders. "It's nothing I can't handle. Job like this and you have to find ways to destress. You learn really quickly if it's more than you can handle. This is just part-time, so I'm not immersed all day. That makes it a little easier." It was part-time, but John was putting in lots of effort for any kind of lead. He knew from experience how hard holidays were with a lost loved one and their killer on the loose.
Eva pulled him into a hug. He shifted so that her arms were around her neck and pulled her into his lap. "You talk a good game, McBain, but you're not the tin man. Every now and then when you get all quiet and reflective, it's because of this stuff, isn't it?"
He ran his hand up and down her back. She was just as perceptive as Evangeline. "Yeah. Sometimes it's hard to disconnect."
Eva pressed her forehead into his. "You don't have to do this alone, John. I'm here. You don't have to go into gory detail, but you can bounce your ideas off of me. I've been through my own personal hell. I don't scare easily."
A warm feeling crept into John's chest. There weren't many people in his life that he could talk with work about. Most were too faint of heart and the others had a morbid curiosity that unsettled him. He was used to finding ways to destress on his own. Evangeline had been one of the few that he could really confide in. She represented people accused of horrific crimes, so she was no stranger to horror either. "Does this mean you've made a decision on us?"
Eva hadn't expected that question tonight. It wasn't completely out of line at this point. They were only growing closer as more time passed. There was still one burning question in the back of her mind that needed to be answered before she could take that ultimate leap of faith. "Every time I feel like I've made my mind up, I keep getting met with the same question. Who are you in this for?"
John frowned and looked at her confused. "Who? I'm not sure what you mean."
"Are you in this for me or her?" She looked at him seriously. Her dark brown eyes peered into his for an answer.
John swallowed hard and nodded. It was a fair question. "I have feelings for Evangeline, and I probably always will. You're here and I see her. I miss what we used to have." The crestfallen look on her face was heartbreaking. She tried to pull away, but he held her in place. "I screwed up with her and she ended it because it was what any reasonable person would do. I can't change the past. Not sure I would if I could either."
"I appreciate your honesty." John's words were a kick in the teeth that she should have been expecting.
"It not the only reason why I'm so drawn to you, though. I mean, you're different now. Hell, I'm different now. I like being around you. Even when you weren't my biggest fan, I still wanted to be near you. I'm not sure there's a simple way to explain it. Whether you remember or not, we have history. I can only act with that in mind. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to her hurt her either."
"I understand that, John. It's why I've been so cautious; why I've been fighting this." This time when she pulled away, he released her. "It's not just my feelings I'm dealing with. It's hers too. The way I feel when I'm around you…it's scary." Eva stood and started to pace. "She's in love with a man that I like. It's crazy and it's complicated, but I don't just want to push you away. My heart couldn't take it. I like being with you. I miss you when you're not around… I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. How exactly is this supposed to work?"
John blew out a slow breath. Knowing that Evangeline still loved him made him feel good. He didn't deserve her in the past, but he wasn't going to be that man anymore. John stood and walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close to stop her pacing. "I don't want to pretend that I never had feelings for you, Evangeline."
Eva tensed at the other woman's name. Angry tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. He must have known that she was ready to bolt because he held her even tighter.
"In the beginning, I believed that you were Eva and she was Evangeline. Two different women in the same body. One a driven professional and perfectionist. One a carefree professional trying to find herself." He kissed the side of her head and tried to relax her. "This last little bit has proven to me that I was wrong; just like everyone else; just like you."
Eva turned in his arms at his last statement. "You saying I don't know myself?"
He shook his head and then paused and shrugged his shoulder. "Yes and no." He was encouraged when she allowed him to kiss her. "Eva without the chip on her shoulder is the same Evangeline Williamson I met back in Llanview. Strong. Beautiful. Determined. Successful. Caring. If this is who you who you are most comfortable being, you're your old self again. It's just the memories that are missing."
Eva leaned into him and put her head on his chest. This time she wouldn't cry. "I'm the happiest I've ever been. I can't even describe it. I didn't want to admit it before, but I was afraid. Afraid of so many things. Now, I'm not anxious around strangers. I'm okay meeting new people, making friends, letting people get close. I love my job. I want to be a better educator. Everything is so perfect and now you tell me that I'm her. I'm the most me I've ever been and I'm her."
John held her close. If it was hard for him to reconcile the truth, he could only imagine how hard it was for her. "I didn't say it upset you. I've just learned how important honesty is in a relationship. You are you and you are her. I want to be with you as you are, as you were, and as you will be. I want all of you."
Eva didn't know that she was waiting to hear those words, but she was. She loved herself, but she struggled with other's perception of her. John was the first person who accepted Eva as she was and it turned out she was the Evangeline Williamson that everyone was working so desperately to bring back. "I want to be with you, John. I want to fall in love with you."
"We can take all the time we need. I won't let anyone take you from me." John pulled her in for a kiss as he walked her back to the sofa. This time the stakes were higher than ever. He would have to decide what he wanted her to be to him and fast.