The sound of footfalls on a marble floor interrupted John's thoughts. The speech that he practiced was quickly forgotten as he came face to face with the United States Attorney for the Western District of Washington that stepped out of courtroom six. The tall, slender man was speaking into a tape recorder as his clerk rushed behind him.
"Mr. Bayer," John called after him. He rose from the bench and approached the man who was smirking at him. The urge to punch him in the face was hard for John to suppress. John was put on the stand as an expert witness against his will. This had been another favor payback for Kenny. Kenny didn't know it yet, but he'd just called in his last favor.
"Ah, Mr. McBain. How can I assist you?" He made an exaggerated display to show that he had indeed turned the tape recorder off.
"Can I get a word in private?" John didn't want to go off on him in a public setting, but he had more than just a little something to get off his chest.
The man already knew what John was upset about. He wasn't about to give him the satisfaction that he wanted. "Sorry, I'm up to my eyeballs in this case. My clerk can assist you." He dismissed John as if he were nothing and turned to walk away.
"You got a lot of nerve," he called out after him. "You can't win, so you trash your own case to hope for a mistrial. Fine by me, but don't try to use me to do it!" John's voice was elevated and it grabbed the attention of a few passersby.
The man walked back to John and stood beside him to speak his message, "Down the hall. You have five minutes." The man turned and walked off again. This time John was right behind him. They stepped into the unoccupied office. Just as the clerk started to enter, the man slammed the door in her face. "Don't you ever," he pointed and accusatory finger at John as he unleashed his own anger.
"You go straight to hell and get your damn finger out of my face." John put his hands on his hips as the two men stared each other down. "Where the hell do you get off pulling that stunt? Kenny put you up to this?"
The man took a step back and adjusted his tie. He surmised that John was the type that might just punch him in the face, break his nose, and deal with the consequences later. He would allow it if he thought it would grant him a continuance in this trial, but the judge wasn't likely to show him any sympathy. "You are my witness. You are a consultant for the FBI. You're supposed to be on my side or did you forget that."
"I'm on the people's side! I told you point blank what I thought before you put me on the witness stand. If you didn't like what I had to say, you could have saved me a trip." John stared him down as he loosened his tie. He was hours behind schedule because he was waiting for this moment.
The U.S. Attorney was building a weak case against a man that had kidnapped and abused several women. John thought he was guilty of something, but maybe not everything they were accusing him of. They asked John to build a profile on him, and John's conclusion only implicated him slightly. Summoning John to the stand had given the defense and opportunity to take a shot at John's reputation. It was demoralizing. His testimony wasn't going to swing the jury in the people's favor. John was just being used as a pawn to strengthen the defense's chances at a mistrial. The U.S. Attorney had made a mistake and retrying this case was likely his only chance at winning.
"Go cry to someone else." The man showed little sympathy for John's plight. It was always nice for him to see cops get knocked down a few pegs. John wasn't a cop anymore, but the man didn't care.
"This ain't going to cause me to lose any sleep. Just a heads up for you." John stuffed his tie down into his pocket, "After you get your hung jury and mistrial, you can bet your ass that I'll be on the defense's witness list. Good luck with that." John swung the door open and walked out of the room. The politics of the courtroom were the one thing he would never miss about the job.
He checked the time on his phone and cursed. There was no way he was going to make it back to town in time for dinner. He whipped out his phone to call Eva, so that she wouldn't worry when he showed up late. The phone went to voicemail as expected. "Hey, it's me. I got odds on a worse day than you. Not going to make in time for dinner, but I'll be there before bed. I love you." He shoved his phone down in his pocket and prepared for the long, solitary drive back home.
Eva brushed the snow off her jacket as she stepped into the bar. Her original plan was to head straight home to get started on dinner, but John called to let her know that he would be delayed. His cancellation meant she could be at the bar tonight for the new performer's second act, at least the beginning of it. She helped John individual ten different performers. In the end, they settled on a guitar playing songstress. Her repertoire was mostly country, but the crowd really enjoyed. Eva was actually glad to be distancing herself from her role as Diva. It was fun for a time, but she preferred quiet evenings at home with John.
Eva smiled and made small talk with a couple of servers and familiar patrons before heading to the bar. She smiled at Perry who was serving another. He nodded that he'd be with her in a minute. She sat down at the only free stool which was occupied by a woman with flowing red hair. For some reason, it put a bad taste in her mouth. The woman turned to greet her, and her distaste was justified.
"Well, this is certainly a new look." Eva took in Jill's full appearance. She was in a dress that was too short and too tight. Someone was trying to get lucky tonight.
"Eva…oh wait, it's Evangeline now. How are you?" Jill faked a smile as Perry approached the pair. He was John's little mole, so she couldn't say anything out of line for fear that John would ban her from the bar altogether. "I hear congratulations are in order."
Eva looked at her confused. She looked to Perry for an explanation, but he seemed just as clueless as she did. "I'd say thank you, but I'd have to know what I was thanking you for first." Eva accepted the water that Perry handed to her.
"Your tenure offer, of course. I heard through the grapevine that they were offering you a permanent position as a government and civics teacher." Jill laughed at the absurdity. "I wouldn't have guessed that music was so closely related to those topics."
Eva knew a dig when she heard one. Jill was likely baiting her, but she wouldn't give in. She had truly become a sad, miserable woman since her suspension, but that was not Eva's fault. Jill made her own mistakes and hadn't done anything to prove to the board that she had any plans of changing.
"If I had to guess, I'd say they want her because she used to be a big shot attorney. Getting an ivy league educated teacher is definitely a step in the right direction if they want to change public perception about their staff, past and present." Perry was always quick to say anything to put Jill in line. He would never forget the way that she made him feel that night.
Jill turned her head, so they couldn't see her rolling her eyes. She heard about Eva having amnesia from Perry after the surprise family visits during Christmas. Perry wanted to give her the full scoop, but she didn't care. The idea of John's family and Eva's spending Christmas together like one big happy family was sickening to her. She only hung around now in the hopes that the old Eva would return, and John would fall into her open arms.
"Must be part of that mysterious past Perry keeps trying to tell me all about. Just another bit of good luck for you, huh?" Jill sipped her drink slowly as she turned back to face them. It was still early in the evening and she needed to pace herself. She was hoping that some stranger would take her away from all of this madness before too long.
"Yes. It's just another bit of good luck for me. I'm actually thinking of changing my name to Lucky, because of all the good luck I've had. I used to have this super lucrative and successful career, but I was the lucky victim of a hate crime." Eva could tell from the look on Jill's face that she hadn't heard this story before. Jill was now so wrapped up in her self-inflicted drama that she couldn't be involved in the affairs of others. "Lucky for me that I got gassed along with a bunch of other minorities in a poorly ventilated apartment. Lucky for me that I was closest to the point where the gas was coming in. Lucky for me that I spent months in a coma. Lucky for me I woke up with no memory of my life, family, or friends. I'm just so damn lucky all the time. I'd buy a lottery ticket, but that just wouldn't be fair to everyone else." Eva didn't even have to get nasty to shut Jill up. Eventually, Jill would learn that Eva was just in a completely different league. She would never be able to out argue her or draw more sympathy than her.
"Oh gosh, I didn't know." Jill was only apologizing because she was again coming off as a total jerk.
"I'm not one to throw my own pity parade. My life changed and I had to adjust. That's why I was always so angry before. I was still working on myself. It's safe to say that I've got it all figured out now." Eva would make one more attempt at repairing her relationship with Jill. If it didn't work this time, she'd push for John to ban her from the bar. "It's strange that just as I started to get my life together, you let yours fall apart. Stop waiting on a man to show up and sweep you off your feet. You just keep attracting the wrong guy, and you deserve better than that."
"That's real easy for you to say, Eva. You got Mr. Right. You were horrible to him and he still fell in love with you." Jill gulped down the last of her drink. To hell with her three drink maximum, she would just go and get plastered at another bar.
Eva looked at Perry to dismiss him. The whole bar could hear what they were talking about, but he could pretend to give them some privacy. "If you're still upset over things with John, you might some serious issues. John and I aren't just together. We're happily in love. I'll be damned if I'm going to let someone try to get in between us. A guy rejected you. End of story. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on." Eva abandoned her gentle approach. Jill was acting like a spoiled child who wanted someone else's toy. She would not keep playing silly games with her.
"Fine. I'll let you explain my absence to John." Jill slapped some money on the bar and stormed out.
She misjudged Eva entirely. Eva had no intention of ever bringing Jill up to John again. She wouldn't give some other woman power over her relationship. Eva looked over to see Perry approaching again.
"Good riddance!" He tapped his glass against Eva's as a toast.
"I'll drink to that." Eva smiled at Perry as she stated to take off her coat.
Eva was already settled in bed when she heard the sound of John moving through her house. She was expecting him some time earlier, but he sent her a short cryptic message that he would be further delayed. Whatever delayed him must have been pretty important because he'd never stood her up before.
He entered the room with a weary look on his face. His clothes were already half off by the time he got to the hamper.
"Want me to run a bath for you?" She closed the book that she was reading and set it on her nightstand.
"No." He finished stripping down to his underwear and joined her on the bed. He pulled her in for a hug and a welcoming kiss. "I've been waiting to do that since eight am."
"I can tell." She tugged at the blankets, urging him to climb underneath with her. His cold hands and feet made her squeal as he held her close. "You are freezing."
"You'll warm me up." He pulled her underneath him as he rolled on top of her. He kissed her hungrily as helped her pull his boxers down. He made love to her tenderly and now they were both warm and satisfied.
She lay on his chest quietly just listening to the sound of him breathing. Earlier, he said he had a bad day, but he hadn't filled her in just yet. She was very good at letting him find a way to open up to her instead of forcing him before he was ready. "Penny for your thoughts?"
"Sold." He kissed the top of her head and shifted slightly. "Right now, I'm thinking about a sandwich. I planned on grabbing something on the way back, but I got carried away."
"I figured as much." Eva rolled off of him and grabbed her gown. "Come on, let's get you fed." When her gown was back on and his boxers, they walked to the kitchen. John tried to help, but Eva shooed him away.
He leaned back in the breakfast table chair and stared at the wallpaper pattern. "I'm probably finished consulting with the bureau."
Eva looked up at his words. "Really? I thought you liked the work you were doing." She watched him for a moment before she refocused her efforts to make his sandwich.
"It's not the work. It's the people. Kenny let one of his buddies call me to the stand, so the defense could try discredit me on cross. It didn't work, but it was probably enough to get a hung jury. I told Kenny we're even." John smiled as she set the sandwich and a cold beer down in front of him.
"You said they were really glad to have you back even in a minimal capacity. You've definitely got the power to leverage another position if that's what I want." Eva stole a couple of chips off his plate.
"Maybe, but I'm not going to rush into anything. Things were going so well, and then all of a sudden I was reminded of the annoying aspects of the job. I've got other contacts, so I'm sure someone else will reach out." He offered her a bit of his sandwich since she continued to snack on his chips. She nibbled the corner just to humor him.
"The first time I got held up was because I took the time to tell the U.S. Attorney where he could shove his case. Then on the way home, Jill called me crying. I had to pull over just so to figure out what she was going on about." He set his sandwich down and took a swig of beer. Eva sure new how to welcome a man home. "She got drunk and let some guy take her home. Not quite sure what happened but she changed her mind. Guy wouldn't let her leave, so she locked herself in the bathroom.
Eva shook her head at Jill's antics. She was willing to risk her own safety just to get John's attention. "Why didn't she call the police?"
He gave her a knowing look before he started working on his sandwich again. "I called them for her. Then not too much later, I get a call from them asking me to come down to the station. Guy was some college kid, state politician's son, so they wanted to have all of the statements in order for when it hit the fan. I helped out because I know what that's like."
"Was Jill okay?" Eva didn't like her, but she didn't wish her any ill will either.
"Just some bruises. She says he slapped her around. Kid says she likes it rough." John pushed the rest of his sandwich away. He'd lost his appetite. "I don't even want to know what she was thinking."
Eva took his plate and started to tidy up. "I probably shouldn't tell you that we had a run in tonight. I told her that she needed to get over you. She didn't take it well."
John just finished his beer in silence. Now, he wasn't sure if he could believe her or not. He realized he was getting caught up in her web. "I think I've humored her for long enough. Tomorrow I'm going to set the record straight once and for all. Town's big enough that she doesn't need to spend her time in my bar."
Eva brought him another beer and smiled. He arrived at the right conclusion on his own without even any hinting or prodding from her. This man was a far cry from the one who left Evangeline dangling in the wind to save a disgraceful damsel in distress. "I hope this is a wake up call for her."
"Mhm." John rubbed her arm. "That was my day. How was yours?"
She sat down in his lap and curled up against him. "Not nearly as exciting as yours. I did get an offer for a tenured position to teach government and civics at the high school."
"That's great!" John gave her and encouraging squeeze. "Right?"
Eva shifted in the chair so that she was straddling him. The position wasn't exactly comfortable. "I don't know." She poked out her bottom lip and thought about it. "Principal Moore was surprised when I didn't accept the offer right away."
"I know it's different from music, but you said you'd be fine teaching a more impactful class. Are you having second thoughts about it?" John had heard nothing but positive things from her about work in the weeks and months that followed the incident with the student. She was really in her groove now.
"It's not really the job. If I accept the offer, I'm accepting a five-year agreement. The pay is higher than average because the focus is on retention. I can leave early, but then I'd have to reimburse the district for a fixed amount of money." Eva ran he hand through her hair.
John leaned back with his hand folded behind his head. "If not teaching, then what?" She hadn't expressed any interest in performing again when he asked.
"I don't even know that I'm interested in anything else. Honestly, it might just be the contract that's making me nervous. The money is not really a big deal, but they are making this offer because they want a long-term commitment. I don't want to leave them in a bad spot." The truth made her uncomfortable, so she didn't want to talk about it. John had always been a great listener, but this was different. She wasn't sure how he would react.
"Is that all there is to it?" John could tell that there was something else rattling around in that head of hers that she might not have been ready to share just yet. "You know you can tell me anything. I'm not even a cop anymore, so I don't even a duty to report any misconduct." He tickled her gently.
She laughed because she was being silly. John had not given her any reason not to trust him. The thought of him reacting poorly seemed more ridiculous as she continued to kick the idea around in her head. "Mom and the others tried so hard to put me back on my old path, and I fought them kicking and screaming. It feels like accepting this job is the nail in a coffin that maybe I'm not ready to close. I'm not sure what the future holds for me, but I don't want to be bound to anything. This doesn't even make any sense. I'm scared to live my life because it might interfere with something that Evangeline will want to do later. How stupid is that?" Sometimes she had to make the distinction between herself in Evangeline for clarity.
John blew out a slow breath. It didn't sound stupid to him at all. Right now, they were very much in the same boat. At Christmas, she momentarily recalled a memory and then forgot immediately. John never questioned her about it because he didn't want to upset her. Little did he know that it would be the first in a growing number of occurrences.
It was exciting and scary for John. He wanted to push her to get back into treatment, but he couldn't do so without setting off any alarms. He spent many days and nights reading up on what he could. There was still not clear indicator that she would ever get her memory back. In his opinion, it was just best to let things happen naturally. "Guess it's fair for me to admit that I'm scared and uncertain too, about us."
Eva sat up stunned. "About us?" She watched as John nodded his head. She laughed to hide her surprise. "Wow, okay." Eva moved to climb out of his lap.
Her sudden change of demeanor surprised him. He tried to hold her in his lap, but she put up enough resistance that he knew better than to continue his efforts. "Eva, wait."
Suddenly, she felt sick to her stomach. "I was talking about work, and now we've shifted gears to us. What exactly are you so uncertain about, John?" Anger and disappointment were starting to cloud her judgment. A few simple words hand sent her into a tailspin.
"The same things you were talking about. You weren't exactly the marrying type before. We're happy now, but it's hard for me to think about the future without considering your future ambitions or plans." John watched her pacing. It was her default reaction to stress. If things were really upsetting to her, she would chew on her thumbnail.
"You are twisting my words." Eva put her hand to her mouth and started to chew on her thumb. "I have been nothing but open and honest with you about what I feel for you. I know what I want, John. You can't start dredging up some past that I don't even remember to justify your fear to commit to me."
"That's not what's going on here." John stood and tried to walk over to her, but she backed up until her back was pressed up against the island. He went back to his chair and sat on the edge of it. He wouldn't back her into a corner and make her lash out.
"Isn't it? I'm just so confused because you're the one who's anti-condom. But I guess I shouldn't be, right? Just like before. Just sex, but you figured out how to keep me close with those three little words that Evangeline was dying to hear." Eva told herself that she wasn't going to cry. He wasn't going to blame her for his inability to commit.
John swallowed his own anger. He looked up at the ceiling to contain his tears. "After everything that we've been though, you can say that? Tell me you don't really mean it."
"I'm the one who's in this, John. I'm not afraid to commit. I know what I want, John. A happy marriage. A house. A baby. Babies. Your babies, John. I want that life with you. You are the only thing standing in the way of our happiness." Eva swiped away the tears that fell anyway.
John stood from the chair suddenly, knocking it over in the process. He walked over to her and put his hands on the island behind her to prevent her escape. "Rambunctious little boys with curly dark hair and inquisitive little girls with soft brown eyes. Don't tell me that I haven't thought of our future." John's shimmering eyes were shielded by the hair that hung over his face.
"But you're still holding back. You can say that it has something to do with me, but it's ultimately up to you. You need to decide what you want." Eva looked away from him. She didn't want to see his tears. She gave him her heart and he still didn't believe in her.
"Can you just be patient with me, please?" John pleaded with her just as he had years before. He knew their history well, but he was still doomed to repeat it. All that the wanted was to be with her. It was the thought of another painful rejection that gave him a reason to be concerned.
She put her hand to his chest and pushed him away gently. "Take all the time you need. You can sleep in the guest bedroom while you figure it out."
John cursed as he watched her walk away. Honestly was supposed to be the best policy, but that hadn't worked in John's favor. He was only trying to do the right thing for everyone involved. She didn't understand now, but somehow he'd have to reach her.
John arrived at Eva's house just as the snow started to fall. The forecast was calling for several inches of snow, but many believed the snowfall would be more significant. Conditions had already started to deteriorate early in the morning. In anticipation of the bad weather, John went into town to grab some extra supplies and to pay all the employees early.
It took him a few trips going back and forth to get all the groceries inside. The house was eerily silent. He expected to see Eva as soon as he walked in the door. After their fight last night, they hadn't said a word to each other. When John went to the room under the guise of retrieving his phone, she was already sleeping. She must have woken up in the middle of the night because she was still sleeping when he came back in the morning to get a change of clothes.
John still hadn't arrived at an answer that would make her start to believe in her again. That was going to take some time, so he would have to focus on showing her that he was thoughtfully thinking about the issue. The time spent putting the groceries away was extra time spent gathering his thoughts.
John walked back to the master bedroom in search of Eva. He pushed open the door and saw Eva immediately. She was wrapped up in a throw blanket sleeping on the bed. There was book that she was probably reading wedged under her pillow and a half-empty bottle of wine on the bedside table.
He worried about her. It was unusual for her to lounge around in bed all day or sleep for extended periods of time. Worry got the best of him. He went to the bed and sat down gently beside her. The sound of her soft snores put a smile on his face for a moment. Then he remembered why he was worrying in the first place.
He'd hurt her feelings with his insensitive comment last night. The gist of what he was saying was that he didn't trust her. No one knew if her memory would ever return. They had discussed the topic at length, and Eva had already decided to live her for herself. The concerns that she expressed over signing a long work contract were well-founded. Teaching was not her passion. She'd only just recently been comfortable in her own skin, but throughout it all she loved him. He never should have doubted that.
"I love you," he whispered to her softly. It was best to let her sleep for now. He touched her hair gently. The slight touch was enough to wake her up.
Her eyes snapped open and she sat up suddenly. "John!" She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "You're back?"
"Of course," he laughed off her surprise. "The weather is looking to get a little worse, so I went ahead and paid everyone early. I also picked up some supplies for here as well. If you're hungry now, there's a pizza warming in the oven."
Eva's surprise turned into tears. "I didn't think you were coming back. I'm so sorry. Last night, I was wrong, okay."
The overreaction caught him off guard. He left this morning without saying goodbye because she was sleeping. The trip into town wasn't supposed to be long, so he was prepared to have a long, meaningful discussion with her when he got back. Instead, she was up and worried that he wasn't coming back.
"You can't get rid of me that easily." John pulled her away from his chest and smiled at her. "Besides, if anything, I should be the one apologizing."
She shook her head quickly. Yet again, she'd let her anger get the best of her. If she didn't suppress that part of her for good, she was going to drive him away permanently. It was a miracle that he was still around at all. In the face of insurmountable odds, they'd found their way back to each other. It would kill her if she lost him now.
"I really do love you, John. Sometimes I just let my anger get the best of me, but I'm working on it. So, please, please, just don't leave me." Her face contorted as if she were in pain.
John knew that he was missing out on some key piece of information. "Evangeline? What happened? Why would you think that I wouldn't come back?" He pulled her back to him and rubbed her back. "You know I love you."
Eva thought about their past. The pain, the lies, the hurt, all of it came crashing down on her. She didn't want to think about any of it anymore. She'd forgiven him, and he'd forgiven her. Rehashing all of it would just make things worse. "Because I'm still me. I hurt you. I love you, John. Love isn't supposed to hurt."
"Well, it ain't all sunshine and roses either. We're not always going to agree. Sometimes I'll say stupid or insensitive things without thinking them through," John paused as she raised her head. Her brown eyes that were filled with tears broke his heart. "What I said last night wasn't fair."
"Can we just forget about last night? I'm not mad, and if you forgive me then we're okay. I will keep working on myself, so let's just forget it. Right now, I just want you to make love to me." Eva pulled him in for a kiss. He was always the one to initiate sex, but this time she was in need of the pleasurable distraction.
John moaned through the kiss. He wanted as usual, but he couldn't let them fall into old bad habits. There was an unresolved issue between them, and he intended to clear the air. He put his hands over hers to stop her from pulling off his shirt. The move stunned her.
"So, you are still mad?" She hugged herself. The one time she was the aggressor and he turned her down.
"Not at all. I would love to make love to you, but first I want to make sure we're okay." He put his hand on her thigh.
"Your girlfriend says she wans to make love and you'd rather talk? As a woman, I'm supposed to think we're okay." Eva pouted over his rejection. She couldn't imagine that anything good would come from continuing this conversation.
John took her hand in his. "Feel that?" He pressed her hand against him so that she could feel his desire for her. "I do want you, Evangeline, but I need you to hear me first. What I said to you yesterday wasn't fair. It's been years, but maybe some of those old fears are still there. Part of me still thinks that you are going to walk away from me. You've never given me any reason to worry, but that's one of my insecurities. I need to work on that. That's on me."
Eva's hand lingered even after he pulled his hand away. "Don't doubt my love for you, John. I'm the one who controls my heart. No one else. I love you, and I want to be with you. You can trust me with your heart just like I'm trusting you with mine." She massaged him through his jeans.
"I do trust you." Her words were as much of a turn on as her sensual massage. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Good." She climbed into his lap and straddled him. "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like for you to make love to me, please."
John flipped her onto her back causing her to squeal. He stared into the soft brown eyes of the woman that he loved and prayed that their life together would never end. The truth of that statement resonated with a contradiction deep within him. He pushed all of his doubts away. They were in love here and now. Nothing else mattered.