Chapter 23: Almost There Part II
SHEwas eight years old when her powers first manifested.
The young Jean Grey thought she was going mad at first. Hearing voices in her mind, whispers that didn't go away no matter how many times she wished they would. However, it didn't take her long to figure out that the voices were not in hers, but in everyone else's head. She just happened to be the unwilling recipient of those thoughts.
She'd grown up in a world where mutants existed. They were every bit as human as anyone, but they possessed a unique genetic trait called the X-gene, and it caused their development of superhuman abilities that manifested at a young age.
Mutants were the evolutionary progeny of Homo sapiens, and they were generally assumed to be the next stage in human evolution after the exposure of their presence to society. With that being said, humans never truly accepted them. Perhaps it was from an instinct that urged them to battle their own extinction and protect themselves. And although mutants weren't hunted, they were still feared and unaccepted.
When Jean first spoke of her telepathy, some thought it was a beautiful ability to have, much like her mother believed. But she could never forget the look of fear and disapproval that flashed within her father's eyes at the news of his only daughter being one of them.
Ever since then she knew, what she had wasn't a gift. Not to her at the very least. So she suppressed it every time it tried to come out. In hope of being accepted by her father, and by society.
"Quiet." She'd mutter to herself every time her telepathy caught on someone's thoughts. She'd clench her eyes shut, pushing down on her mind, trying to tune out any of her psionic abilities.
She would later find out that it only made it more angry and uncontrollable.
The first proof came in the form of the car accident that took her family away from her.
It had been a month since Jean's mind-reading powers had first appeared, and she'd been suppressing them almost as long. As her mother drove, on their way to the park to have a picnic on this beautifully sunny day, Jean lost control.
"Quiet." She commanded herself, getting tired of the voices that invaded her mind on a daily basis. Indistinct sounds blared from the car radio mixing with the unwanted voices. She raised both arms, covering her ears with shaky hands in a futile attempt to calm her mind. But it didn't work, it never did, because the voices echoed deeply within her brain.
It wasn't just that. Something else was surging out, banging it's way out of her. She didn't know that she was suppressing another ability, an all too powerful one.
"QUIET!" She screamed. With the word of frustration leaving her lips, Jean willingly projected a concussive telekinetic force. Steering the car off the road that ultimately lead to her mother's death.
~~~
Hope came a knocking on Jean's door in the form of Professor Charles Xavier.
She had no memory of the car accident that miraculously left her unharmed, but she immediately knew that it took her parents' lives.
Jean had no idea where to go from there. No relatives, no means of living. She was completely alone and lost all hope. Until that man in a wheelchair approached her.
Charles claimed to have been just like her, but she found that hard to believe. Nobody was as cursed as her.
But her opinion came to change when the man in the chair used his own mutation which had been painfully similar to hers, to communicate with her through his mind.
"What you choose to do with your gift is entirely up to you."
After the darkness that her parents' death had cast upon her, the light that was Charles Xavier had come for her. He made her believe that she wasn't as cursed as she believed. That she wasn't a freak. That he, and plenty others were like her were waiting back in his school, and that gave her a sense of solace.
"This is your new home, Jean. We could be your new family. If that's what you want."
~~~
As Jean Grey grew up in Xavier's school for the gifted, she began to feel like she was normal -as normal as one could be in a school for Mutants. But that didn't last when her powers grew too powerful for her to handle.
Luckily, she had the Professor by her side to help her through it. And Scott Summers.
The two had been lucky to have found each other in that crazy, messed up world that did nothing but reject them. Scott had struggled to control his powers, just like Jean did. But they didn't fall hard for each other due to that fact alone. They've been through so much together in so little time. She'd been there for him when his brother had passed away and encouraged him to be the man she knew he could be. And he helped her every single time she panicked about her uncontrollable abilities.
"I could hurt you someday."
She warned him over and over. Jean begged him to keep his distance lots of times, but he'd quickly refuse her requests with that boyish grin of his.
"You won't." He reassured.
"How can you be so sure of that?"
"Because I know you better than anyone ever has or ever will."
~~~
Then it happened.Jean Grey got possessed.
Being an X-man, being a hero to the public, performing missions in the name of the government, it all was too surreal for her. But it beat being scorned and rejected by society any day.
Yes, it was a space mission that caused all of this. Jean was stuck behind repairing the NASA space aircraft when the solar flare slinked towards the X jet. Jean didn't think twice about sacrificing herself for the sake of her friends inside of the jet, her family, the only family she's ever known. So as she floared in the nothingness of space, Jean extended out her hand in a hurry, using her telekinesis, whatever was left of her energy to draw that cloud-like being towards her instead. It didn't resist, if anything it complied to her call. This force wanted her, Jean could feel it. It sensed Jean's unlimited potential while touching her subconscious. It craved her to the point where it didn't care what it wrecked in its way to reach her.
The crimson cloud surrounded the red haired telepath in a field that didn't contain air nor even gravity. It made her levitate around, controlling her every movement just before it rushed to enter her.
Jean screamed; she could feel her veins burning as the fire consumed and possessed every inch of her being, marking it as its own. She was thrashing, trying to withstand the heat around her whole body, clawing at her chest because it was burning her alive, coughing violently in a futile attempt to get it out.
~~~
Jean lost control over herself in the suburban neighborhood.
All these years, she thought she'd lost both her parents in a horrific car accident, stripping her of any blood relatives. She was told so by the man who took her in. But the creature inside her broke down all those lies, it broke the psychic barriers that Professor Xavier, her caretaker had placed in her mind. She remembered what really happened. Her father was alive. He was there all this time and he gave her up because she was a 'freak'.
But more importantly, she remembered what caused that car accident; she was only a child, incapable of controlling her volatile psychic strength, and in a moment of confusion and disarray, her powers surged out, flipping their car upside down with both her and her parents in it.
Jean was eight years old when she last saw her dad, and in their reunion after ten years had passed, he did nothing but reject her all over again.
"You killed your mother. My whole world died that day of the accident, Jean. And you went with it."
It was happening. There was a sharp, slicing pain in her head. She was unwillingly about to unleash her anger on the father who'd abandoned her, but the X-men showed up.
They were all there. Scott, her first and only love was there, her best friend Storm, her mentor, Raven aka Mystique. And her father figure, the man who lied to her all these years growing up, Charles Xavier. But she couldn't see them clearly. The creature, the Phoenix, was controlling her again, the fiery darkness seeping underneath her skin and invading her veins, burying itself deep within her, so deep she didn't even know it was there until it was activated. It took over and maneuvered her body like a puppet attached to strings, triggering her worst impulses. The X-men were terrified of her, and they had every right to be.
All of them tried contain her, to control her power. They were just trying to help, but she couldn't see that, the fire within her blinded her with rage. She fought them all off. Jean had always been a powerful mutant, to the extent that it terrified her. She'd always especially suppressed her telekinesis in fear of it surging out and hurting someone...again. But it was different after she was possessed, she felt incredibly powerful to the point that she could devour planets if she'd wanted to.
She hated this. She hated that she was doing this, that she couldn't stop it no matter how much she tried. She could feel the streaks of burning energy running through her veins and she used only a fraction of it to get out of the X-men's hold. And she subdued them all, but Mystique was moving towards her, and Jean didn't move.
"Something's... happening to me." Jean muttered in warning. Then, as she looked around her, the world began to fade away. Raven's face blurred and all she could see was red.
"Stay away from me. You don't know what it's like." She cried out. It was a horrifying cycle. She was never strong enough to fight this thing inside her, never strong enough to to wake herself up, to break herself out of the hold it had on her.
"Then tell me, Jean. Let me help you." Raven affectionately cooed, walking towards her. Jean flinched as she sensed her approaching footsteps on the concrete floor.
"When it comes.. people get hurt."
"It's okay, Jean. Come home."
Jean just watched her. She was frozen, face stricken and hands clenched by her sides. Her breaths were shallow. She could feel her eyebrows quivering between neutral and and furrowed, and lips trembling.
"We're going to get through this together. I'm not giving up on you, Jean. This is what family does. We take care of each other. You're my family, Jean."
The scene in front of Jean seemed to both move in a blur and so slowly she could see everything. "Stay away from me. Stop, stop, stop, stop!" She yelled out, bringing her hands to her aching head.
And then the thing she'd been most afraid of had happened.
She killed Raven.
~~~
Jean had found it. The chance to redeem herself. To protect her family.
A race of shapeshifting, superpowered aliens had come for her, they desired the all too powerful force within her. She wanted to let them have it, just so she could be rid of it, but they wanted to use it to destroy the planet earth, and to then reshape into their own.
Their leader had foolishly ran to Jean. A mistake, because all Jean could focus on was her protective instincts of her friends. She was going to win, even if it meant sacrificing herself in the process.
She looked down to catch herself, and everything sounded echoey and far away, like she was underwater, but she could almost hear the Professor screaming her name. His voice regretful and he seemed to be in just as much pain as she was. She looked towards him, giving him a reassuring nod that everything was going to be okay. She was fine.
Jean maintained an excruciating gaze upon the alien who was beneath her, and she looked terrified, flailing, trying to scramble away from her, but Jean slammed her claws roughly around the alien's neck, her shaking hands grabbing her shoulders. She leaned over her, and whispered with a voice that used to belong to her but didn't really, not anymore. "You want this power? You're gonna get it." Jean taunted with a smirk, using the force to propel them upwards, blasting them both into space.
Jean then unleashed her powers, both the ones she was born with and the ones she gained from the force. She felt she was one with it. While accessing the Phoenix Force, Jean's empathy, telepathy, and telekinesis were greatly magnified and heightened to an incredible degree.
Even if it had made her hurt people she cared for before, even if it made her scared of herself, she had to use it. She needed to use to save her family. It had crippled all of her senses at first. She was so utterly weak and helpless under its control. But now she could see everything. She could feel everything. Jean could finally protect the ones she cared for.
She had never been allowed to use her abilities like this before. Her whole life she had held back her powers, doing everything she could not to harm those who surrounded her.
But now she was letting go.
A satisfied smile almost overtook Jean's face as she saw the villainous alien disintegrate piece by piece, until there was nothing left of her but terrified atoms that floated into nothing. She would have sighed in relief if she could've, but Jean knew what she had to do next.
She had to destroy this being, and herself along with it. A surge of energy began to flow through her, and Jean tried to focus, to not be tempted by the delicious power.
Flames bursting out of her, her arms flew to the side as she tried to direct all the destructive force towards itself. The Phoenix was taking over her body, it felt like a the heat of a thousand suns were all pouring their energy into Jean, feeding her. It felt incredible, and she screamed in release.
Jean continued to scream; louder and harder than she had in her entire life. Her consciousness was fading, she had been in and out, her eyes were fluttering open and shut through the whole ordeal.
She'd wanted to destroy this toxic and all powerful force, and herself with it. But it didn't work. Instead, she unwittingly traveled through the multiverse.
~~~
Jeanhad never felt such pain in her entire life. It was like her heart was being torn apart inside her chest, like the air inside her lungs had become fire, like every fiber of her being was being shattered.
No, no, no... She didn't even feel the tears running down her face or heard her piercing yell. She couldn't see anything besides pain.
And guilt.
Her hands shook as she stayed planted to the ground, her spine aching at the rigid position she was in. As the sob she'd held back continued to claw its way out, Jean felt as though she couldn't breath.
She was so preoccupied with the hurt she was feeling that she didn't realize where she was at first. The setting had changed. She was in a mindscape version of the corridor leading to Cerebro.
And she wasn't alone.
"Jean." The man called out. His voice benevolent, but filled with concern for the sobbing redhead. "Jean, are you alright?" He queried, eyes glued to the sorrowful outline of his favorite student.
"Professor," She breathed out, eyes watery that she could only see the silhouette of the man in the chair. The blue neon light shining on his face, as he approached her kneeling form.
"You remember now, don't you?" He asked, his lips forming a tight line as he hesitated to speak again, his face contorting with sorrow as he continued to observe Jean. "Who you are, what you've done?"
Her cheeks were stained with the tears as they continued to drain out of her eyes, and her lips trembled at her choked breathing. "Yes, b-but.." Jean's heart raced within its ribcage, feeling the emotions she'd just received crushing her over with the heaviness of their weight. She wanted to be utterlyalone within this moment, to be abandoned in deep dark pit from which there was no climbing out.
"I hurt people, people I cared about. I-I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be alive." Jean sobbed, her pain consuming her. She killed her mother when she was eight years old. She killed Raven, her mentor and friend. All because she lost control over her powers. While she did both unintentionally, it didn't erase the immense guilt she had at the heinous crimes she'd committed.
And although she sacrificed herself in attempt to protect her family, her fellow mutants and humanity, it still didn't atone her sins.
Alas, that sacrifice seemed to be for nothing. She was still alive.
"I shouldn't be alive."
"We're all where we are for a reason, Jean." Charles shook his head assertively, frowning at her words at first. But his lips shifted upwards as he said, "This is yours." He took Jean's inquisitive look to continue.
"Perhaps you can't fix what you've done in our universe, but you can help save theirs."
It was then everything came crashing back to her. El. Hopper. Steve. Billy. Max. Mike. And everyone else being hunted by the Mind Flayer. Another monster that threatened to take everything away from her. She wanted nothing but to help them, to save them like they did her, but-
"I-I can't." She shook her head, her body shivering from fear, but unlike how she was in the Starcourt Mall, this time it was fear of herself.
"Yes, you can. This is your chance to redeem yourself, to use your powers for good." The Professor remarked, watching as she flinched.
"And what if I lost control?" Jean wouldn't be able to handle it if, yet again, bad things happen to the people she loved. She was scared, to set down on a path from which there was no return.
"You won't." Xavier affirmed.
Eyebrows scrunched in curiosity as to why the man was sure of that. "How do you know?"
He smiled. "Because I'm you. I'm nothing but a mere manifestation of your own subconscious, Jean."
His words almost caught Jean by surprise, but she knew all long. She'd willed him to appear inside her mind so he could help her deal with the shock of all theses uncovered memories. However, she still wished that the real Charles Xavier would be here, so he could tell her what to do, to help her take all theses bad memories away.
But that wouldn't solve anything. No matter how many times she tries, they'll alway come back to her.
"Jean, you care for these people. Channel all of your emotions, not just the good, but the pain, too." He advised her, and Jean froze at his suggestion. "I-I can't do that.. There's too much of it.
"So much...pain." She choked out. It just hurt too much. She felt like she was suffocating under the feelings of isolation and misery every time she browsed through them.
The manifestation of Charles released a breathy chuckle. "As frightening as it may be, all that suffering, all that pain, it will make you stronger. If you allow yourself to feel it, embrace it, all of it, it will make you more powerful than you've ever imagined."
His smile widened, and it made the redhead's heart clench as she was reminded of how the real Professor used to smile at her, believe in her and protect her, even if it was through using the wrong methods. "It's the greatest gift you have, Jean, to bear that pain without breaking."
Jean found herself getting up from her knees and moving to stand on her legs, feeling the once large corridor shrinking in size. "But-"
"There's no time for indecisiveness, Jean. You need to face your fears if you wish to evolve." He urged, swallowing thickly once he saw Jean hesitantly nodding towards him, seemingly convinced of what to do next.
Curiosity and nervousness taking over, she followed him in glancing into the dark void at the end of the corridor. However, she was surprised to see a source of the light... a small ember.
Just then, the tiny ember began dancing before exploding in size, causing Jean to cover her eyes with her arms. When she finally removed them, she was taken aback to see a large bird covered in fire staring at her.
"Become one."
Jean could no choice but to do so. After all...
There is nothing she would not do for what she loves, even if it means sacrificing herself to ensure the safety of that which she holds dear.
A/N:-GUYSSSSS WE'RE ABOUT A COUPLE OF CHAPTERS NEAR THE END OF THE SEASON BUT don't worry, once the new season comes out, I'll be sure to continue!Sorry if this chapter took too long... I had a hard time summarizing the life Jean had lived XD Hopefully this chapter was good enough... Next one is where shit gets serious!!!!I seriously wanna thank you all for reading, voting and commenting on my story, nothing makes me happier when you do!