Book 4 – Chapter 8: Grieving
Previously:
"Dementri and Felix…they…Bella, I'm so sorry. They were so careful at keeping their thoughts from me" Edward apologises, I await the verdict. "They…killed Renee and Phil. That's what they meant by 'we've all been punished enough'" he quotes and I choke. Then I run.
Renee and Phil had to be alive. So I ran to their hiding place in the forest.
Now:
I weaved through the trees. I had memorised their hiding place. Of course Dementri would be able to find one of them, they weren't like me. I smelt the blood and tried to resist going in and looking. Edward's arms encircled my waist and he looked into my eyes. Worried that I would break down again. He had a reason. I walked in, he tailed closer to me and then, I saw Renee and Phil's broken bodies and silence. They were gone.
I thought that I could change them, save them. But it was like normal, you can't save everybody. I didn't realise I was crying over their bodies until they were removed from underneath me. "I have to make it look like an animal attack Bells. You go home" he says and then, I feel someone pick me up. "Alice, help me here, Esme, look after her please" I could literally hear the pain in his voice. Then I was gone. Edward came back several hours later, I guessed he had showered and I knew I did, Esme helped me.
His arms wrapped around my shaking body, every now and then, he'd kiss my forehead. It was not until seventy nine minutes later, Carlisle came into the cottage. "She's not good" Edward whispers. "I feel so bad. I could have followed them out" he whispers and I could basically hear Carlisle shake his head. I remembered my mother's warm body, her flush and happiness in her face, brown hair framing her face in the perfect way. I wished I could die. I hated it so much.
About a week later, Edward had tried to convince me to hunt. I refused him with a shake of my head, I didn't want a repeat of Charlie. Nobody was in the house. It was just me. I ran to the car, started it and drove away. I didn't even decide anything, I literally didn't decide. Alice wouldn't see me come. I drove to Charlie's place. Where Jake and Lucy stayed. The wolf pack agreed that it would be better to have a werewolf in forks. Just in case.
Turns out Lucy was pregnant. They weren't even married yet. Lulu embraced me with open arms. Comforted me about Renee and Phil. Jake got home and I spent several hours there. They looked closely at my black eyes. Tried to convince me to feed. I rejected it as always. Then I drove home, Edward was waiting for me at the front doorstep. He embraced me and kissed me patiently. "I was so worried. Alice didn't see you go and then when I got back, she saw you decide to come back" he whispers as he pulls me back into a bone crushing, for a human, hug. "Where did you go?" he asks me and I frown.
"To visit Lucy and Jake. She's pregnant" I say with a faint smile. Maybe things would start to get better. Then I spot the newspaper on the kitchen counter.
ISABELLA SWAN, ORPHAN AT EIGHTEEN
In an unprecedented turn of events, Isabella Swan, the daughter of Charlie Swan or Chief Swan and Renee Dwyer, has lost both her biological parents in a tragic accidents. Renee Dwyer and Phil Dwyer have both tragically died on a trail near the mountains, the same way Chief Swan has died. They were killed in a tragic animal attack.
Locals are worried for the girl, her future seems pretty certain that she'll go the same way as her parents. Otherwise locals are worried about the safety of the forests…
I stopped reading there. They had to be kidding me right. I sighed as I sat on the couch. Flickering through numerous memories that I had managed to retain in my mind.
Renee, Phil and Charlie were gone.
And I was the reason.
Three more weeks later, I was slowly recovering. The funeral put me back into a bad place, Lucy and Jake got married a week ago. Lucy still pregnant, around three months now. She was on her honeymoon. Edward got more anxious each day. I hadn't hunted since the day before the volturi came. Alice couldn't even tell him when I was going to go back to normal. One day I decided to talk to him, and then I'd talk to everyone else.
"Edward" I said and his head turned to me quickly and shocked that I was even speaking.
"Bella?" he asks as he walks over and kneels next to the couch.
"How long…does this pain last for?" I ask and he frowns.
"It will eventually, it eased up when I met you though" he says and I smile sadly as I thread my fingers through his bronze hair. "You are my whole life now Bella" he whispers as he kisses my forehead.
"I need you to do me a favour" I ask him, thinking of our honeymoon, where Charlie wasn't in any of my thoughts.
"Anything" he vowed and I smiled.
"I need you to distract me every time I get carried away by my thoughts" I say and he smiles as he picks me up gently. "And I want you to take me to their graves" I say and he nods as he carries me to the car. We stop to pick up some flowers from the florist and after a ten minute drive, we arrive at the cemetery.
I follow Edward straight towards my parent's grave. On the grave, choice of each of my parents on their wills, was a quote for each of my parents.
Charlie Swan
If you want to see the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
Renee Dwyer
Fall in love the way you fall asleep, slowly and then all at once.
Phil Dwyer
Never say never because limits, just like fears, are often illusions
I noticed how most of these quotes touched my heart, they all sent a very specific memory. I placed down the red roses amongst their graves, which stood out.
But I never blended in.
I always stood out.