"That's what you're calling it? Seriously?"
"Hey, Mabel named it, not me."
"Like you could do any better, nerd."
Dipper laughed suddenly. "Sorry, it's just, I can't get over you not totally hating me."
"Yeah, well we've been through a lot tonight." Pacifica coughed awkwardly. "Where are we going again?"
"From what you've described, the ghost doesn't know how to handle his magic. The journal doesn't say anything about spectral curses, but I know a guy."
"Who goes there?" Came a voice from inside the junkyard hut. "Friend, foe or impossibly handsome clone-boy?"
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Dipper, come in!" McGucket said happily. "I've almost finished the laptop, and I just remembered seein' these adorable little-Oh! Who's your friend?"
"The laptop can wait." Dipper gestured to Pacifica, who was currently being harassed by McGucket's raccoon wife. "Pacifica's been cursed. Time-cursed."
"It still sounds dumb."
"I always figured time travel was possible." McGucket said as he examined the tape measure. "But I never thought it was a good-hey, is it supposed to be beeping like that?"
"What?" Pacifica grabbed the device. Power Critical. The screen read, 1 jump remaining. "I only have one more try?!"
"Don't panic." Dipper said seriously. "We'll just have to make it count. The key to breaking a time curse is finding the exact set of circumstances for the optimal timeline. Our chances are literally one in a million, so we need to consider all the variables."
McGucket dramatically adjusted his goggles. "I'll get my chalkboard."
Three hours and several math equations later, they were back at square one.
"The numbers don't lie." McGucket said after finishing his fifth answer check. "Every time you try to get ahead of the attack, something kills Dipper. Yer best bet is the original timeline."
" I already tried that!" Pacifica insisted. "No matter how early I open the gates, the ghost claims I've missed the stupid deadline! I don't know what any of this math means, but I'm still not seeing our moonshot!"
"Moonshot!" McGucket repeated. "By gumitty miss Northwest, you've solved it!"
"..."
"This feller's magic must run on the lunar calendar!" McGucket explained, "By that measurement, the one hundred fifty year deadline was up…." He scribbled some more.
"7 years ago." Dipper finished. "You can't break the curse during the 150th annual Northwest Fest, you have to go back to the 143rd!"
"Go back 7 years? What if I get seen? Are you sure it's safe?"
"Why not?" Dipper assured her. "You've already done the impossible."
What happened next was a perfectly normal response, all things considered. Dipper was one of the only people who had ever been genuine with Pacifica, so when he gave her a compliment, it was just about the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. Add that to at least 10 hours of subjective time without sleeping, and the sheer joy of finding a way to beat her fate, and it's only natural that Pacifica acted on her first impulse.
"I could kiss him right now!" She thought, and so she did.
Unfortunately, the force of her impromptu makeout session thrusted Dipper against the wall, and knocked the fragile silver mirror out of his pocket.
"How DARE you?" Archibald roared. "You would conspire against me, even after I shared my pain? You would accept the seduction of this witch?! You are a traitor to this entire town, Dipper Pines, and for that you will PAY!"
"Pacifica!" Dipper threw her the time tape just as his flesh began to harden. "It's up to you now! RUN!"
And run she did, barely looking back even as the junkyard hut, and Dipper, went up in flames.
"Seven years, come on, where's 7 years ago?" Pacifica fumbled with the Time Tape as she fought off images of the boy she had just kissed burning to ash. "I only have one more shot!"
*Flash!*
"What?" Pacifica blinked spots out of her eyes, finding herself in a blank white void. "I didn't warp!"
"No." Came a deep voice. "I did."
An immaculately hidden door opened in the wall, revealing what seemed to be a gigantic floating baby. The time tape logo glowed in the center of his forehead.
"Do you have any idea how many rules you've broken?" Demanded Time Baby.