AN: Edited because it was too short, and because Paz needed some more interaction with the boy she fought so hard for.

This was bad, Blendin decided. Really bad.

The TPAS phones had been ringing off the hook, Time Spies throughout history called in with panicked damage reports, all leading back to one event: The destruction of Northwest Manor almost 150 years ahead of schedule.

According to history, no one had ever found the culprit, for this was a time before DNA testing, and the only indication that there had been an arson was the missing kerosene and a discarded torch. Fingers were pointed at Archibald Corduroy (he seemed like the type of man who could light a fire with nothing but a glare), but nothing was ever proven, and he would die 7 years later, outside the gates of the rebuilt mansion.

7 years later than he was supposed to. All thanks to one surprisingly tough preteen with a time tape.

"Why is it always kids?" Blendin complained to himself as he entered Time Baby's throne room.

"Blendin Blandin of the Time Paradox Avoidance Squadron, what is the one thing I told you not to do?"

"Blendin this mission up?"

"And what did you do?"

"Blendin the mission up."

"That is the understatement of the century!" Time Baby shouted. More stupid holoscreens materialized around the omnipotent infant, showcasing the drastically altered timeline.

"Because of your inability to apprehend a single spoiled girl, Northwest Industries did not sell off the land affected by the Great Flood for another 7 years! Thus, Stanford could not build his house there, and now the entire Pines family is in jeopardy! You had better have a solution, or the Infinitentiary will be the least of your worries!"

"Well….what if we move Stanford's birth ahead seven years?"

"That would require a readjustment of the entire family! An alteration of that caliber is impossible without a….Time Wish." Time Baby coughed awkwardly as he remembered he was the one who granted Time Wishes. "Congratulations Blendin." Time Baby said sarcastically as the recorded date for the twin's summer spun forward to 2012. "You have now had exactly one good idea."

"No, nonono! Someone help, someone HEEEEELP!"

To say Pacifica Northwest was panicked was an understatement. Instead of the chaotic time warp or painful landing she was expecting, she had found herself back in the hidden room, just as Dipper had run to stop the ghost. She had tried to warn him, but the stupidly heroic boy was having none of it. And now he was wood again.

Was all her work really for nothing? Was this really how things would always be?

For the first time since she was 5 years old, Pacifica Northwest broke down crying. As she doubled over in grief, her phone (was it always that thin?) fell out of her pocket.

August 10, 2012, read the lock screen.

"What?" She blinked the tears from her eyes, certain she was seeing things.

August 10, 2012.

"That...that's 7 years ahead."

A burst of energy formed in Pacifica's heart, part hope, part relief, and part something she couldn't identify. She didn't know how this was possible, and frankly she didn't care. All that mattered was that for the first time in 17 Northwest Fests, Dipper had been right.

It wasn't too late.

"Hey, ugly!"

Archibald wasn't sure why he didn't just kill the girl on the spot. She was a Northwest after all, and she had already proven herself to be just as bad as her parents.

And yet...when he looked at her now, her face was filled with a heroic resolve he wouldn't have believed someone of her blood could produce. Looking at her, Archibald was reminded of a similar girl he had met 157 years ago, one who, despite the obvious family resemblance to Nathanial, had treated him with respect.

Perhaps he could offer her another chance.

"You wish to prove yourself? Open the grand gates to the town. Fulfill your ancestor's promise!"

"Dingly dingly!" Preston snapped, ringing that awful bell furiously. "Is this bell broken?"

"Our family name is broken, and I'm gonna fix it!"

"Yes, it's happening!" The specter once known as Archibald Corduroy bellowed jubilantly as the grand gates finally opened after 150 long years. "My heart, once as hard as oak, now grows soft like...more of a birch or something." He smiled at the girl who had granted him peace. "Pacifica, you are not like the other Northwests. I feel….lumber...justice."

With that, Archibald Corduroy faded away, and this time his magic faded with him. As Northwest Manor returned to normal, Dipper Pines breathed again.

"You're alive!"

"What the-HRK! Choking! You're choking me!"

For all of five seconds.

Of all the things Dipper expected to wake up to, getting bear-hugged by Pacifica Northwest (again) was not one of them. Dimly, he noted that she smelled nice, like champagne and flowers.

"You're alive." Pacifica repeated breathlessly.

"Y-yeah. You did it!" Dipper said in between gasps of air. "So I guess...not the worst."

"Is that your idea of an apology?" Pacifica teased.

"I'd like to see you do better."

"Alright." Pacifica's gaze turned serious. "Dipper, I'm very sorry I treated you and your sister so horribly. Honestly, it was because I'm jealous of what good friends you are. I'll do everything I can to make it up to you. For now though, can we….start over?"

"Depends." Dipper deadpanned, "How much cash you got?"

"I'm never living that down, am I?"

"Hey, look what we're standing on."

As the night wound to a close, Pacifica and her unlikely friend (because that's what they were, friends, regardless of what she might have done in another lifetime) destroyed the white rug to their hearts' content. Soon, probably after prying Mabel's friends away from the fondue fountain, he would return to his gross little shack, and Pacifica just knew he would stay up late tonight writing in his dumb journal about the ghost.

"He doesn't know half of what happened tonight." Pacifica thought smugly. Someday, she decided, she would tell him the real story behind the Northwest Mansion Mystery, maybe while they watched Ghost Harassers together, or he bored her to death with his creepy conspiracies, or at Greasy's Diner as they shared ice cream she wasn't allowed to have….

"Uh oh."

AN: And scene. Now for the really fun part, disclaimers!

I seriously doubt that a 7 year difference in the Great Flood would affect Ford's real estate situation, but I had already scripted that for being the reason Time Baby rebooted everything, and it was too late to change it. Chalk it up to wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff.

Most of the funniest lines in this fic are funny precisely because they aren't mine. I've hidden at least one in-joke, Gravity Falls or otherwise, in each chapter. Find them all and you win a Time Wish!*

I'd like to thank Alex Hirsch, Matt Braly, and the Gravity Falls fandom for making this fic possible, and for dragging me kicking and screaming back onto .

Until the next time I get some crazy plot bunny, this is User724 signing off.

*Time Wish not actually guaranteed.