Pop Goes the Download
Kait would at least grant Del this - there were more damaging ways he could engage in self-destruction.
Drinking, for starters. Smoking for another. Drugs a third. No doubt there was a fourth, fifth, and sixth option as well, and even an unlucky seventh. After all, human history showed that the creators of said history had a tendency to engage in self-destruction, and it was a miracle that there was history at all to record it. Age of Armageddon? Check. Pendulum Wars? Check. Seventeen years of fighting against the grubs, created by humanity itself? Check. The decades of chaos that followed as the COG tried to reassert itself, and factions like the Outsiders giving it the finger? Mother fucking check.
So on one hand, Del spending all his free time in the barracks moping, playing some God damn computer game wasn't the worst thing that could happen. On the other, better it not happen at all.
"Del."
Still leaning on his beg inside the barracks, he didn't look up at her.
"Del," she repeated.
She saw him turn over slightly - lying on his back, holding the phone above his face, his fingers working their magic faster than he would have thought possible. In another life, Delmont Walker might have been a whizz kid. The next Helen Cooper, Mauris Ivo, or, yes, even Daimon Baird. Alas, she was only aware of the one world, and as unpleasant as it was to live in, there was no alternative.
"Del, I'm talking to you."
He still kept fiddling with the phone. Sighing, Kait ripped it out of his hands.
"Playtime's over," she said.
She waited for the outburst. There always was in a case like this. Instead, he just kept lying there. Turning his head to look at her, staring through glassy eyes, but otherwise remaining silent. It was disconcerting. So disconcerting, that Kait actually looked at what he was playing.
"Gears POP," she said, scowling. She turned the phone so that Del could see the cartoon Gears be overcome by the cartoon Locust, ending with a big cartoony GAME OVER appearing on the screen. "You know this is for kids, right?"
Del, remaining silent, just turned over.
"And you also know that the servers are going to shut down next month?"
Del remained silent.
"Like, I get it. Coalition Games is the only game development studio there is on the planet, and anything it produces has to be approved by the Ministry of Entertainment. So, I figure that someone thought it was in poor taste to have a game that trivializes the Locust, when the Swarm's still at our door."
There was a 'boom' sound from one of New Ephyra's gun emplacements.
"Or wall."
Del looked at her. "You know your history."
Lo and behold, he speaks. "Yeah. Also know why you're staying here playing videogames."
"What's wrong with videogames?"
Kait, remembering when she'd helped set up an old Microbox 2 at her village, said, "nothing's wrong. Using them as a coping method is."
Del turned over again.
"And you're not even managing the coping part."
Del murmured something.
"Say again?"
"I said fuck off."
"Not happening."
"You keep on coping, I'll keep on coping."
Kait bit her lip. Whispered, "who's to say I'm coping?"
Del rolled over and sat on the edge of his bunk. He looked up at her, as if she was some kind of specimen to be studied. He didn't appear aware that she was doing her share of examining as well. Noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Noticing how his eyes themselves were bloodshot. His hair was unkempt and unwashed, and his chin had no shortage of grizzle. It might have been a look that had suited Del when they were trudging through the wastes of North Tyrus, or sailing over the sands of Vasgar, but here, in New Ephyra, home of showers, barbers, and other amenities? Not so much.
"Are you coping?" he murmured.
Kait remained silent and sat on the opposite bunk. She put the mobile down beside her and put her hands together, as if in prayer. Lowering her head, and whispering, "old nightmares have ended." She looked up at Del. "Just have new ones now."
Del didn't say anything. But given the look in his eye, and the quiver in his lip...she knew he understood.
"Come on," Kait said, getting to her feet. She extended a hand to Del. "Walkies."
To her relief, he took it. To her frustration, he pocketed the mobile phone.
Baby steps, she reminded herself. Motherfucking baby steps.
She wondered what J.D. would have said about the whole situation.
Then again, considering that James Dominic Fenix had died a month ago, that was a question without an answer.
Boom
The cannon rang out along the east wall of New Ephyra. It reminded her of the type used on COG battleships - back when they'd had a navy worth a dam. Before the coming of the Locust, and the almost exclusive land-based war that had followed. It had been well before both of their times (indeed, before the times of most Gears on the wall), but she'd seen pictures. Heard stories. In her old village and in New Ephyra, she'd come across a few Pendulum Wars veterans, and had learnt that their hatred of the UIR could match most people's hatred of the Locust.
Or in this case, the Swarm. Every so often, a gun would fire into the ruins of Old Ephyra, reminding any Swarm stragglers that they were still here, and not to get close to where smaller, more accurate guns could tear them apart. When Kait had asked a gunny as to why they were firing shells, he'd chuckled, and given her four reasons:
a) It's fun.
b) It keeps the Swarm at bay.
c) It helps clear out the rubble, so the Swarm has less cover to use if they attack en masse again.
d) You got your answers, now piss off.
Granted, that was actually three reasons, and one insult, but insults came from NCOs like shells from the gun emplacements - loud and regular.
Boom
"Nice shooting Tex," she murmured. Shifting her gaze from the gun, she looked at Del, who was walking alongside her, his jaw clenched. "Come on. That was funny."
He glared at her. "It isn't."
"Well come on Del, who's to say what is and isn't funny?"
"The Pickers, for starters. Provided any of them are still alive."
Kait bit her lip, and glanced out at the ruins. "Guess you're right..."
But what else do I do?
One month. One month since she'd decided who of her closest friends would live, and who would die. In one corner, James Dominic Fenix, in the other, Delmont Walker. Both held in the tentacles of the Swarm's queen - an entity that was part Rayna Diaz, part Queen Myrrah, and all genocidal. She'd held the knife in her hands. She'd thrown it. She'd saved Del's life, and in doing so, been treated to seeing J.D. die before her.
She could understand Del's feelings. Survivour's guilt. She'd seen it before Del, she'd see it plenty of times before the war was over. It was the thing that kept her going. One day, she'd plunge a knife into Myrrah's heart, putting an end to the hive mind once and for all. Avenging her friend, and the billions of lives that had been lost between the Locust and the Swarm. History told her that most wars didn't come down to individual actions, but twenty-six years ago, Marcus Fenix had plunged a knife straight into Myrrah's heart. Now, it fell to her to do the same.
Boom
Or at least, she told herself that while she was awake. In her dreams, though...well, that was another story. She no longer had the headaches, or thoughts of being swallowed whole. Now, it was the face of the queen. Leering at her. Taunting her. Telling her that she would never be free...that the Swarm would finish what the Locust had started...that the seeds humanity had sewn decades ago would finally be harvested. Her face would get closer and closer, so that Kait could smell her breath, and the scent of blood it carried, before finally waking up in a sweat.
Coping, she reminded herself. She walked to the edge of the wall and leant over it. We're all fucking coping.
More than a few Gears had given her a glance so far. In part because she wasn't wearing armour, not being on duty right now and all. In part because biology was still a thing, and Jin was encouraging mothers to have as many children as possible, and more than a few Gears were willing to do their part for the species. And in part, she suspected, because they knew who she was, or at least had an idea behind it.
Words travelled. Ears listened. Mouths wagged.
Boom
Kait winced as she saw the ruins of a building completely collapse. "Historians probably hate us right now," she murmured. "Not to mention the Pickers."
There was no sound. Not even another boom.
"What do you think Del? Think it's too much?"
Still no sound.
"Del?" She glanced at her friend. "What do you...oh, fuck me."
He was playing the game again. His fingers working their magic on its screen. A screen he lost sight of, as Kait snatched the phone from his hands.
"Give it back, Kait."
She wished he'd yell at her. That way she could yell back. Yelling was easy, because it meant you didn't have to listen as much.
"You can do better than this Del," she said.
He extended his hand. "Give it back."
She shook her head and held the phone out over the edge of the wall.
"Kait, give it back," he repeated, taking a step towards her.
"Or what?" she whispered.
Del didn't say anything.
"Del, this isn't you, okay?" Kait said. "And...and I need you here. Now. Beside me."
"Not going anywhere Kait." He took another step, but rather than towards her, he instead leant out over the wall. "Not until we get out there and take the bitch to your mo…I mean, the Swarm." He glanced at her. "I mean..."
"I know what you meant," she whispered. She sighed, handing the phone back to him. "And I want to get out there as much as you do. As much as anyone."
"Even Marcus?"
Kait winced. And Del must have seen her, because he murmured, "sorry."
Kait scoffed. "What are you apologizing for?" she whispered. "He wants the queen dead. He's killed Myrrah before, so...is this second time? Or is it killing my mother? Or..." She trailed off, rubbing her eyes. Only now realizing just how tired she was.
Boom
"You know, maybe you've got the right of it," she said. "Maybe I need to find a hobby. Because...because I..."
"Because you can't get it out of your head?"
Kait grunted, looking at Del. Brushing her eye as she did so. "Something like that."
He gave a small smile. He went to say something, but another 'boom' cancelled it out. Scowling, he glanced at the gun.
"Those guys keep this up, we'll have nothing left for the real fight."
Kait remained silent. She just looked out over what was left of New Ephyra. Or rather, what was left of it. And what was left of it was less with every passing day. It made one wonder how long it would be until all of humanity's cities were likewise erased from the face of Sera. How long until all that was standing were the COG's settlements, if at all? If the Swarm won this war, what would they build, if anything?
Maybe nothing. The Locust had waged their war to preserve their civilization. To start anew on the surface. Far as she could tell, the Swarm fought for the sake of it. There was no Lambent now, no great, apocalyptic threat that had driven them to desperation. But then, humanity had created the Locust in the first place. And no-one could accuse mankind of being rational.
"Kait."
She looked at Del. He was holding the phone out to her.
"You wanna play?"
She shook her head.
"Sure?"
"I know what those games do," Kait said. "I know what addiction is like."
"You do?"
"When I was connected to the Swarm's hive mind." She looked around, making sure that all the Gears on the wall were out of earshot. "It…I can't describe it, you know. But the feeling was like...like it was poison. Sweet-tasting poison. And...and don't get me wrong, I don't want it back, but..."
Del didn't say anything. But the look in his eyes told her he understood.
"Anyway, it's your phone, and your game," Kait said. She looked back over the ruins of Old Ephyra. "I'm coping, you're coping, Marcus is coping, I think, and...and I dunno, maybe we've all got to cope in our own way, and..." She looked back at Del. "What?"
He hadn't said anything. But he'd done something. Having fought together for so long, she had a sense for these things. Like this. Where, on the phone, it was asking him if he wanted to delete the app.
"Del..." She smiled - he wasn't trying to make this dramatic, but he was kind of managing to regardless. "You've got a month left of that, right?"
Del shrugged, and deleted the app. A square image of a Gear helmet disappeared, revealing more of the COG desktop insignia that was mandatory for all these devices. Leaving links to stuff like New Ephyra's intranet, the Army's combat information system, and something called Night Fort.
"Game got boring," he said.
Kait snorted and looked back over the wall. "My arse."
Del leant over it beside her. "But seriously. Thanks."
She looked at him. "For what?"
"For coping."
She smiled, putting her hand over his. Giving it a tight squeeze. Trying to focus on the image in front of her, and not the image that lurked within her mind.
Boom
"Here's to coping then," she murmured, looking back over the city. "Here's to winning the game."
Neither of them said anything as they looked out over the ruins.
Right now, neither of them had to.
A/N
So, apparently Gears POP will shut down next year. Can't say I'm that bereaved, since I, y'know, haven't played it. But, it did get me to drabble this up, so there's that I guess.