In the spirit of being thankful (celebrating Thanksgiving in my country), I want to thank everyone who has joined me for this journey. Words can't express how happy I am that you all have enjoyed this, learned from it, and grown with it - and even like it so much to reread it. Hats off to you. That's a lot of words lol. I also want to thank you all for being so kind and encouraging - you've kept me strong and helped me grow as a writer over the years. Please enjoy this last chapter, and if you ever want to dive into this AU some more, feel free to check out the anthology for it, Chronicles of the Garden. Thank you all again!
He stood quietly as she fussed over him, tying a sash, adjusting part of his cloak, and placing the circlet on his head. His face was neutral, as it always used to be and still often was. Shadows covered his eyes, making them glow brightly as they settled on the brunette beside him. He held himself erect, with the slightest tension in his shoulders, but the energy that surged through him made him almost visibly tremble with what he could only assume was some emotion he'd yet to properly pinpoint.
She stood quietly as she examined him from head to toe, biting her lip and then smiling. Her face was lit up by the sunshine entering through the large window beside them. Her eyes, normally a darker brown, were practically iridescent as they reflected the light. She held herself erect with a natural grace, and she finally relaxed as she nodded.
"Perfect," she said.
Anakin examined himself once more in the mirror. He caught sight of a wrinkle, and his chest tightened. He reached up slowly, took a deep breath, and smoothed it out, feeling his muscles relax as he did so. He spent two minutes looking himself over, perfecting every corner, finding any blemish and fixing it, controlling every aspect of his appearance. Then, when the obsession was satisfied, he huffed.
"Isn't this a little excessive?" he asked. He was wearing a burgundy fitted tunic with puffy sleeves over dark brown pants and black boots. A royal blue sash held the ensemble together, and then he wore a black cloak over it all. He felt… extremely overdressed. And not nearly as maneuverable as he preferred.
"Excessive? You look great." Padmé remarked, unphased. Anakin sighed. He'd made the observation over their time together that she tended to dress far more formally than was necessary, and it seemed she was trying to do that with him now.
He wouldn't argue today, despite his usual habit of doing so. She had been waiting for this day and was happy. He wouldn't ruin her focus.
Besides, he wouldn't complain about her outfits. They made her… he didn't know. He was sure there was a word for it, but he had no idea what it was. Magnetic was the best way he could describe it. All he knew was he liked looking at her. Her hair was down and in ringlet curls, the way she had been wearing it since they'd arrived on Naboo. She wore a two piece outfit, a blue top with long sleeves and showing her abdomen with a full length billowing blue skirt.
Padmé let out a quick breath, some mixture of a sigh and a laugh. She felt… energetic, like him. What was the word for it?
"Ready?" she asked.
He looked her in the eye. He didn't know. As soon as Padmé's family had called to say Obi-Wan was returning since his and Siri's wedding anniversary was today, she'd been in a frenzy, packing and speaking so quickly Anakin had a hard time keeping up. In all their time together he'd never seen her so… energetic.
Energetic. It wasn't fear. It was happiness. But there was a word for it.
Oh well. That wasn't the issue. The issue was if he was prepared.
He… he didn't know. It had been two weeks since he'd last seen anyone apart from Padmé. Siri had checked in on them upon her arrival to Naboo, but had then kept her distance so as not to attract attention. It had gone about as smoothly as he might have expected – he naturally found something to do in order to avoid talking to or being near her and Padmé had babbled with her for close to an hour about anything and everything, including noting that Obi-Wan was returning to Imperial Center with the Jedi. It had made his skin crawl.
He… he wanted to see them again. He just wasn't sure he was ready… ready to face Siri, ready to see Obi-Wan in Jedi attire once more… he didn't know.
Also he had no clue what to do about this whole anniversary matter. Noting that it had been another year seemed completely pointless. Was there something significant to being married another year? Marriage was for life, so what did it matter that they'd been married another year, like it was some surprise they were still together? He supposed they were noting that they were still alive, but wasn't that what birthdays were for? That was another mystery he didn't understand. Whatever the reason, none of that indicated what he was supposed to do about it. All he knew was that since Obi-Wan was coming, everyone was using it as an opportunity to have a family reunion.
Padmé was still waiting for a response. She was so patient. She was too perfect. He sighed, feeling his heart flutter a little at the thought of it.
He'd… he'd liked these last two weeks. The concept of just being with someone with no objective was so foreign to him, so much so that he had practically begged her for an assignment about two days into their stay. They'd been training and mapping the local terrain since then. He'd basically memorized every rock, tree, lake, island, and animal within a hundred kilometer radius. He was far more content with something to do, but he was even more content with having time with Padmé. He could never have enough time with her.
Relenting, Anakin finally gave the best answer he could and nodded. He wasn't certain enough for an emphatic acknowledgement. A nod would do. It always did.
Padmé grabbed his hand. "Then let's go, come on!"
Anakin opened his mouth to note that Obi-Wan wasn't due to arrive for at least four hours, but the sudden yank from his arm interrupted him, and he let out a surprised grunt. Padmé's strength had increased greatly in their time together. It made him happy.
The pair ran to the docks, though Anakin thought it was wholly unnecessary, given that the extra few seconds would make no difference in their arrival time. He supposed it was the energy he'd noted earlier. It did feel good to run, after all.
When they reached the boat, Anakin noted the luggage in the back; Padmé had packed clothes for both of them (her attire had filled two suitcases alone, much to Anakin's bemusement) since she hoped they would stay a few nights with her family. Anakin still wasn't happy with the idea. He wasn't comfortable around her family – he and Padmé had settled matters between each other with what had happened two weeks ago, but her family…
Anakin sighed. Settled matters. It made it sound like another routine mission. Nothing had been routine about those incidents. He'd lost everything, and then he'd gained so much more.
But Master…
Anakin shook his head. He'd made it a point to not think about Master, and he definitely wasn't going to do so today. Thinking about him wouldn't bring him back, and all it typically did was put him in an unproductive mood. At least he didn't get a sickening wave of heat and energy when he thought about it now.
Padmé slipped into the passenger seat without argument. Eight races had shown her that Anakin was the superior driver, as he'd indicated prior to their arrival here. He felt his lips pull at the thought of it, and he allowed the small smile.
A smile. He'd never thought himself capable of that in the past. He'd been so foolish.
Activating the engine, Anakin felt the boat slowly rise above the water level, and he turned to head out to the lake. Padmé immediately started talking, and Anakin could tell from her trembling tone that this would be an onslaught of nonstop words the entire trip.
"I can't wait to see Obi again," she said, smiling off in the distance.
Anakin glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Can't wait? But… she had to. He bit his cheek before he said anything. There was no way he'd get a word in anyway – she'd already continued talking about hypothetical situations—"I wonder how things are going with the Jedi"—and he let his mind wander. Talking helped her relax, and he wasn't going to take that from her.
He supposed he should be listening, but oh well.
I can't wait to see Obi again.
Anakin sighed, trying to ignore the remark. He wanted to see Obi-Wan too. He just wasn't sure he wanted to go through what happened again.
What happened. Anakin sighed again.
They hadn't talked about it. Why would they? Anakin and Padmé had reconciled. They'd made up their minds. Padmé had given him a choice, had given him the one thing he'd wanted his entire life. His freedom meant more to him than any throne, any memento, any revenge.
He was a person, and his name was Anakin Skywalker.
He'd grown accustomed to being called Anakin now. It felt different. It made him feel different. Initially it had been an appeasement, a show of gratitude to Obi-Wan and Siri, a nickname that he'd let them call him. It had meant nothing to him. But as time had passed, he'd recognized that while all of his memories had been of Master, he had nothing from his mother.
For the longest time he'd been fine with that. It had made sense – she had been used for the sole purpose of carrying him and giving birth. Then her usefulness had ended, and she'd been discarded as such. But seeing Siri's concern for her child, who she hadn't even known anything about—how could one ascertain the usefulness of someone they knew nothing about and had never met?—Anakin realized there was more to it than just carrying the child.
"His mother's face just lit up when she saw him; I could tell he was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen."
Anakin swallowed hard. He'd practically spat at the physician when she'd said that, and he hadn't understood why. He was beginning to now.
He still loved Master. He always would. But… he was slowly starting to figure out that Master… Master…
"Anakin?"
Anakin jumped, startled out of his musings, and then he felt his face flush out of what he suspected was annoyance. He did not like being caught off guard. Stupid. Pay attention. She deserves your attention anyway.
He glanced at Padmé as they hugged the perimeter of an island they were passing. She noticed his scrutiny and recognized it as the acknowledgement that it was.
"Are you okay?" she asked, her brow furrowing in that way it did when she was worried about him. His distraction had obviously concerned her. In the past he would question it, wonder why she would care, wonder if she was just frustrated that he wasn't listening, but he knew better now. She was genuinely just concerned about him. For his sake. Looking at her made him feel calm and at peace, so much so that he almost forgot they were driving at a high speed and were very close to some rocks near the island shore.
Padmé noticed first. "Anakin!"
Jumping, he returned his gaze to what was ahead of them and quickly jerked the boat away from the island. He felt his cheeks flush even more and he did his best to hide the flustered reaction. He side eyed Padmé and shrugged. "You worry too much."
He saw Padmé roll her eyes. "You're ridiculous."
He wasn't sure he'd ever heard that word used to describe him, but he supposed it was appropriate given what she was accustomed to. He wondered if the governor would have ever called him that.
Anakin shook his head. No. Don't think about him.
"Anakin, are you alright?"
Anakin sighed. He didn't know what to say, but he didn't want to worry her. So he just nodded. Whether he was fine or not was debatable, but he would make himself fine for today's objective.
"Are you… do you not want to go?"
Anakin did look at her fully now. There was the slightest hesitancy to her words, a microscopic quiver. Padmé was willing to go back to the villa if he didn't want to go. He felt his chest clench. No. He was not doing that to her. Besides, he did want to see Obi-Wan and Siri. He just…
Anakin sighed. "It's fine."
"That's not answering my question."
He felt his cheeks flush again, but he didn't bother arguing the point. She could see right through him. "I don't know. I… I want to see them. I just don't know what to do about today."
Padmé placed a gentle hand on his upper arm. "Don't worry. It'll be fine."
He wasn't sure what to make of that. Did she know what was bothering him? He imagined she did – she was a perceptive woman, and it didn't take much to figure out what the issue might be. Padmé was apparently under the impression that Obi-Wan and Siri were as happy with the situation as she was.
Anakin knew that wasn't the case. But he'd also concluded that if they'd forgiven him for supposedly murdering Padmé, they would forgive him for this too. They already had. But they… they needed time, and he respected that.
What he didn't want to do was talk about it. And Obi-Wan… Obi-Wan would definitely want to talk about it.
When Padmé resolved an issue, she put it behind her. When Obi-Wan resolved an issue, he constantly brought it up as a lesson. And Anakin did not want to have it brought up.
Half the senate died. Many Jedi died. So what? They weren't important. Jedi were enemies, and senators were generally useless. He felt his heart rate increase thinking about it, repeating the rationale in his mind constantly as if he needed to convince himself. Maybe he did, and he didn't like that. Killing people was nothing new to him, and it shouldn't need justifying. At least that was his sentiment. He knew Obi-Wan, Padmé, and Siri thought differently, but sometimes they were just too naïve to understand.
Why was he even thinking about this? He shook his head.
"Do you think they won't forgive you?"
Anakin blinked, jostled out of his musings but not startled like last time. He'd already settled the matter of forgiveness in his mind. He shook his head. "I'm not thinking about that."
"Then what's wrong?"
Anakin changed the subject, addressing a small part if the issue instead of facing the actual problem. "What do you do at an anniversary meeting?"
Padmé raised an eyebrow, leaning back and cocking her head to the side. Anakin wanted to just stare at her as she did so. "An anniversary meeting?"
Nowadays he swore she repeated him just to pretend to be ignorant or deaf. So he pretended she was too. "Remind me to buy a speaker to yell into whenever I address you."
Padmé laughed. "I heard you, you big shaak. I just don't know what you mean by an anniversary meeting. You mean the family reunion?"
"Why is Obi-Wan returning for their anniversary?"
Here Padmé's expression changed. Her smile faded, and her eyes glittered. The Force shifted in that way it always did when he said something that she couldn't quite process. Sadness was the emotion, he believed, but it wasn't the same kind of sadness he sensed from people normally.
"An anniversary is a memory, stamped in time but always continuing," Padmé tried to explain. Anakin scrunched his nose at the words – how could a memory be continuous? A memory was a memory. Its very definition implied it was in the past. "Reliving that day and celebrating it while also looking forward to what's to come. Obi-Wan and Siri are remembering their wedding today, celebrating all the time they've had together, and looking forward to more."
Anakin supposed he'd never thought of it that way. He'd never had a reason to celebrate anything. But a thought trickled into his mind, and he grew so energetic that he had to immediately shut that conversation down entirely.
He would wait for that matter later. Now he understood what Padmé meant by saying she couldn't wait for something.
"What does your family know of us?" he asked.
Padmé blinked a few times, registering the change in topic. "They don't know what happened that day apart from the attack on Ghanu'jivo. I… wasn't really sure how to broach the subject. So we just decided to say that I was pulling out of the war, and you faked your death to get out of the Empire and Alliance alike."
They didn't know he was responsible for almost singlehandedly destroying the Jedi Order, reclaiming the throne, uniting the Empire, and winning the war? Well. That was… problematic. He wasn't surprised, though. Perhaps it would mean that Obi-Wan wouldn't bring up that day.
Maybe today wouldn't be so exhausting after all. Maybe he would just be able to see Obi-Wan and Siri and be happy with everyone.
The conversation ended as they pulled up to the dock on the mainland. A taxi would take them to Oxon, where they could pick up an atmo shuttle to Theed. The trip was almost unnervingly familiar by this point with the amount of times he'd done it in the past few months. The last time he'd been here he'd swam to the mainland to avoid any attention from Padmé, Siri, or Obi-Wan.
That… that had been an eternity ago. He'd overheard their conversation and had left in a hurry, unbalanced and eager to take some useful information to Master.
There was a brief period of time where they waited for a taxi. Padmé spent the entire time talking, which wasn't surprising in the slightest. She really liked to talk. Anakin didn't know how she could have so many words coming out at any given point. He imagined her lung capacity had to be impressive, at least. He would normally find chatter annoying, but from her it was… blast. He wished he had a word for it. All he knew was that he liked it.
Padmé had been talking energetically about Ryoo and meeting Siri and Obi-Wan's baby when she was finally born when she suddenly grew pensive. Anakin crossed his arms, watching her curiously, waiting for her to speak. Eventually she said, "Anakin… I was thinking about what we would do."
"At the reunion?"
"In general. I mean… we…"
Anakin watched her struggle to find words, so he supplied what he suspected they were. "We don't have an objective."
Padmé looked at him with understanding, nodding.
Yes, he had been wondering the same thing on occasion, but he hadn't really wanted to think on it too much. It detracted from spending time with her in the moment, and he was soaking up every bit of that. Still, he himself had begged for something to do, and had filled their time with nonsensical missions (the thought process had been that knowing the terrain would be useful if there was ever a problem, but to be frank he knew they'd done it just to pass the time).
"I want to help… I want to get back into helping others," Padmé eventually said. Anakin shifted his weight apprehensively. Where was she going with this? "There were some charities I helped when I was younger… some charities Obi-Wan and Siri helped as well. I was hoping to get back into serving with them."
Charities? Was she planning on utilizing them for power, perhaps regain her position in the senate? He'd seen it done plenty of times on Imperial Center, but he wasn't entirely sure what she intended to gain from it. Padmé… Padmé wasn't Master. She didn't care about power.
Oh. Oh. She was actually trying to be charitable.
Anakin was still completely dumbstruck by that sentiment, by how weird that was. But it was that attitude that had saved him, so he wasn't going to argue. And he could tell she genuinely liked it.
He shrugged, uncomfortable. "Well, if that's what you want…"
Padmé smiled, and her face practically glowed. Anakin swallowed and looked away. He felt like a child again, frantic to keep Master's focus on him. He didn't like it.
"Oh, Anakin," Padmé gasped happily, dragging him into a fierce hug. Anakin swallowed hard, hugging her in return.
So… was that it? She would move on to other charitable projects once she thought he was rehabilitated enough? He knew her well enough to recognize that she would be there for him if he needed it, but… but…
He wanted more than that.
"So… where will you go?" he asked, his voice decidedly emotionless as he struggled to not sound desperate.
"Go?" Padmé repeated, pulling away. This time he attributed it to her not understanding what he meant, though she could just ask a clarifying question if that were the case. He didn't bother repeating himself. He didn't want to talk about it anyway.
Padmé watched him for a moment longer, her face growing pensive as if she really hadn't considered the repercussions of rejoining a charity. Any response she may have come up with, however, was cut off as the taxi finally arrived. Anakin picked up her luggage and hauled it to the taxi in silence, wanting to avoid this conversation. He had his own plans, after all, but he was wondering if she would be as eager to agree to them as he was to agree to hers. He didn't want to tether her. He didn't want to hold her back or make her feel controlled like he'd been.
But he didn't want to let her go, either.
The taxi ride was spent in silence. Anakin kept his gaze firmly out the window, surveying the territory and keeping his senses alert. The driver seemed harmless enough, but he didn't trust anyone apart from Padmé, Obi-Wan, and Siri, so he wasn't going to let his guard down. When they reached the atmo shuttle station, Padmé raised her hood over her face and then began to speak again.
"Anakin… you know I'm not leaving you, right?" she asked softly, and Anakin felt his chest tighten and his eyes sting. He did not like this feeling. He did not like this feeling. But it was still reassuring to hear her say that. He just wished his body wouldn't react so viscerally to it, certainly in public. "I'm not talking about immediately going back to working with charities again. I just… I just want to return to helping others eventually. When we're both ready."
Anakin bit his lip and nodded, and then he motioned towards their shuttle, which started boarding. Maybe she wouldn't be unwilling to accommodate his own future plans, then. That thought made him tremble again, and he cleared his throat and bit the inside of his mouth so hard it bled, that same energy rushing through him. What was the word for it?!
"I heard it snowed in Theed," Padmé remarked. Anakin blinked, dumbfounded at the statement. Was she asking for confirmation? He'd checked the weather for the entire travel route, as well as the shuttle service they were taking, the taxi service they utilized, and the credentials of everyone who worked there. It was an exhausting habit, and one that he wished he could discard, but it had been ingrained in him his entire life. The governor and Master were both planners… and Anakin…
Anakin was not. But he had made himself one.
"Yes," he confirmed. "Three centimeters of snow from last night. Shouldn't be a problem with the shuttle, and the streets should be clear for walking."
Padmé glanced at him and smiled with a soft look on her face. He'd seen that look before: that was the he said something that I find funny but good, and somehow the two fit together look.
Anakin felt his lip curl in annoyance as he remembered the word for it: cute. She found what he said cute.
He hated that word. He wasn't cute, damn it. Cute implied harmless. Cute implied not taking him seriously. He was neither harmless nor to be trifled with.
Padmé seemed to read his reaction and chuckled. "What are you getting upset about? We won't have to worry about walking, anyway – Dad's picking us up."
Anakin shifted, his gaze drifting to the floor. Great. He didn't trust Padmé's family, and he wasn't sure what to say to them. He didn't know them that well, nor did he ever particularly care to. But they were her family, and she loved them, so he needed to show respect. However, no matter his feelings, he still had no clue how to handle them, especially that blasted kid, whatever her name was.
Ry? Ry something. He didn't know. He was fairly certain Padmé had just said it a few hours ago or so, but he barely remembered people's names five seconds after they said them unless he ran them through his head constantly, which he only did if he needed to for missions. Even Padmé's name had escaped him several times his first few days talking to her.
His first few days talking to her. That felt like years ago now.
He shook his head. He wouldn't think about the past. There was no reason to. He was with Padmé now, and that was all that mattered. And… and maybe… if she…
Anakin took a tremulous breath, shaking his head again.
"You okay?"
Anakin glanced at Padmé and nodded as the shuttle shifted, slowing to a hovered halt at the station. The two rose and grabbed their belongings and then headed outside. A chilly breeze blew through, but Anakin and Padmé were layered enough to stay warm. Snow was on the ground, as predicted, causing a slight glare as it reflected sunlight, but Anakin squinted through and recognized the face of Padmé's father as he stood in the crowd.
Padmé saw her father soon after and drew in a sharp breath, her face breaking into a smile as she ran to him, dropping her luggage two steps away from the man and hugging him. Her father looked equally happy from what Anakin could see as he approached the two, carrying the remainder of the bags.
Padmé's father noticed him and, surprisingly, his smile did not disappear. Instead, it… grew smaller? His entire face wasn't lit up like it was for Padmé, but it was soft… it reminded Anakin of Obi-Wan, and he didn't know what to make of it.
"Anakin," the man said with a nod.
Anakin blinked. He supposed Siri had told them his name so they wouldn't be addressing him as Vader anymore. The nod looked like an acknowledgement. He supposed it was the new greeting. He was used to being addressed as milord, but…
Yes, it was a greeting. Respond, fool.
Anakin gave a tip of his head in reply. That would normally suffice. It seemed to be enough for the man, but then her father asked, "How are you?"
He nodded, not bothering to answer the question. He never really did, not when there wasn't something specific tagged to it. If he'd asked how are you feeling or something of the sort, it would at least give him more to go with.
Anakin saw Padmé squeeze her father once more before releasing him, apparently not noticing the exchange. The two spoke briefly, leaving Anakin to stand there and wonder if he should do something, when her father motioned for them to head to the speeder, still engaged in the conversation.
"Have you heard from Obi?" Padmé asked.
Her father smiled as they reached his speeder and climbed in. "He arrived earlier than expected. Everyone's waiting for us at home."
Anakin felt his heart rate increase, and he stayed silent for the drive to the house. He would remain calm and quiet for this meeting. Padmé could enjoy her time with her family and he wouldn't ruin it. He would be content enough to see Obi-Wan and Siri, and given that the family did not know the circumstances of their last meeting, they shouldn't bring anything up. It would be satisfactory - he would finally get to see them again, and they couldn't bring anything up that he didn't want to discuss. Yet he still didn't know if he was ready for this. He… he wanted to see them again. But the circumstances were just so… strange.
They arrived at the house, and Anakin didn't even have to look up to know Obi-Wan was already waiting outside. He sensed him in an instant, and immediately any self-control disappeared. He felt his palms sweat, and he slowly looked up to see the familiar blue-grey eyes looking right at him. His breath hitched, but Padmé made the first move, shouting to her brother and leaping out of the speeder. Obi-Wan's gaze shifted to his sister and his face immediately softened. The two embraced, and Anakin breathed a sigh of relief, leaning back in his seat.
"Come on, then," Padmé's father prompted, having stepped out of the vehicle and motioned to Anakin.
Anakin automatically obeyed and then stiffened, annoyed. He sighed again and took a step away from the house. Perhaps he wasn't ready. He felt weirdly energetic, and… he didn't know. But as he looked at the ground and refocused, he picked up on everyone else's familiar humming presence in the Force – Padmé's family, but more importantly, Siri. That smuggler ally of theirs was with them as well.
"Padmé! Hey!"
Anakin looked up and saw what he already sensed – Padmé and Siri were already hugging and talking loudly and the smuggler just entered the scene. Padmé immediately said hello to him and the three entered the house, where Anakin could hear the loud echoes of the rest of the family greeting her. All that remained was him and Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan was motionless, the cold breeze blowing on his tan tunic and brown robe. He looked just like a Jedi, and Anakin's gut clenched thinking about it. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready for things to change, for reality to come crashing back after two weeks of happiness...
"Hello there," Obi-Wan said gently with a small smile.
Anakin stared at him, the knot in his stomach easing. His body trembled. Obi-Wan remained still for a moment, waiting. And then Anakin found he felt as Padmé said earlier - he couldn't wait any longer. Tearing into a full-on run, Anakin slammed into the man, squeezing him tightly since he couldn't control the visceral reaction. Obi-Wan grunted and then laughed, hugging Anakin back. He felt warm and dizzy and giddy… he felt safe.
Damn it he hated being this weak. But he also didn't care. It was Obi-Wan. He could be weak around Obi-Wan.
The warmth increased, and he felt Siri at his back as she joined the hug. His legs trembled and he squeezed his eyes shut, alarmed and trying to stay standing. Obi-Wan chuckled, his chest rumbling in Anakin's ear, and he felt the man brush his hand over his hair.
"I missed you," Obi-Wan said quietly. Genuinely.
Anakin took a shaky breath, desperate to get a hold of himself, desperate to say something, but the lump in his throat prevented it. To save what dignity he had left, he remained silent, simply holding tighter. Eventually he started to ease off, turning his torso to face Siri, but neither Obi-Wan nor Siri had let go of him yet, and he was stuck between the two, overwhelmed but not unhappy about it.
Siri gave a small half smile, her eyes seeming to glisten, the burning anger that he'd sensed in her two weeks ago practically nonexistent. Her abdominal area was growing more pronounced, and the Force sang with the tiny life of her child. "Hey, sweetheart."
Anakin swallowed and sighed, nodding in acknowledgement. He didn't know what to say, honestly, and he didn't want to break the moment. He was happy to be with both of them again. Siri brushed some hair out of his face and then shook her head in what seemed to be an amicable manner. The Force hummed and swirled slowly around him as if he were in a hammock on a warm day, making him feel almost tired after all the energy he'd felt.
"Come on, let's go inside," Obi-Wan said behind him, patting Anakin on the back. "It's a bit chilly out here."
Siri took one of Anakin's hands and Obi-Wan the other and the two guided him indoors. Anakin was slowly beginning to regain his voice and was about to protest being led around like a child when he overheard the conversation happening in the house.
"Yeah, things are going pretty well in Tsograda all things considered," the smuggler was saying. "I mean obviously Salkende is a mess, but they're slowly rebuilding. There are some pockets of civilization that weren't hit nearly as hard, and so they're building off that. The capital got moved to somewhere that wasn't, uh, a pile of rubble. But like I said, all things considered they're not doing too badly."
Anakin stiffened, but he didn't speak. The mere mention of Salkende made his cheeks flush, but it was a moot point. Padmé wasn't Éothen's anymore. She was his.
Anakin bit his cheek, tasting blood again. No. Padmé wasn't anyone's. Padmé was Padmé.
"At least it's something," he heard Padmé note, and then he saw her turn her attention to Obi-Wan. "How about Imperial Center?"
Obi-Wan released Anakin's hand, crossing his arms. "Things are progressing. We're starting to get law and order reestablished there. Most of the Imperial forces have fled, including Intelligence, so the Jedi and Alliance teamed up with Coruscant Security to help bring peace back to the world. We're also reestablishing the Jedi Temple."
"That sounds great!" Padmé said with a smile. Anakin swallowed blood, looking away.
"It gets better," Siri piped in. "The Empire's fracturing. Basically tearing itself apart. The Alliance is strong, reinforced, and united, and the infighting amidst Imperial factions is crippling them. Not a quick total victory, but the Empire's hold on the galaxy is over."
Padmé's face brightened with wonder and joy. Her mother made some remark and she immediately engaged in conversation with her, and Anakin sighed. He suddenly felt out of place, surrounded by people celebrating a victory that at best he didn't care about and at worst he felt like he was on the losing side of.
"You got that thesis written?"
Anakin looked at Siri as she watched him. Her questioning tone had been gentle, perhaps even inviting, but the question still brought up a topic that he refused to discuss. He just didn't know how to address the matter. He shifted, looking anywhere but into her eyes.
"Anakin, look at me."
Sighing, he did as ordered. Siri still didn't seem angry, but now she was determined. She said, "You know I'm happy to see you, right? I just don't want you to forget that lesson."
Anakin nodded, trying to bring an end to the conversation. Siri noticed the sentiment, and moved on to another topic. "You want to hear about the baby?"
Anakin grew slightly bemused. He didn't particularly care too much about the baby, not having met it or seen its abilities, but he knew Siri and Obi-Wan cared deeply. For that, he would indulge her, so he nodded in response.
Siri practically glowed, both in her face and through the Force. "Perfectly healthy, getting slowly bigger and stronger. And Obi-Wan and I are finally settling on a name."
Anakin heard Padmé gasp behind him and she suddenly rushed over. "What name?"
Siri looked at her sister-in-law. "Sabé."
Anakin blinked. Padmé sobered and then smiled, nodding. The exchange was somehow meaningful to them, but it meant nothing to him. Was this important somehow? And why were they naming the kid now? They hadn't even met her. She hadn't even proven her worth yet.
Wait, was this what people normally did?
"What have you and Padmé been up to at Varykino?"
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, who was directing him farther into the house. He followed the man's lead. "We were mapping out the terrain."
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes, saying in a monotone, "Naturally. I suppose relaxation is lost upon you."
Anakin smelled food cooking in the kitchen, and he paused, not knowing what to say or do next.
"You two at least look like you've been resting," Obi-Wan continued, knowing that Anakin would not continue the conversation.
"We have," Anakin confirmed. Then he shifted, uncertain. "I… are you going back to Imperial Center? Or are you staying?"
Obi-Wan put a hand on his shoulder. "I will have to go back, yes, but I'm here for a couple days."
Anakin tipped his head in acknowledgement. He supposed that was inevitable. But at least he got to see him now.
"Were you able to walk this morning?"
Anakin felt his face soften, and he felt a small smile pull at his lips. He appreciated that they no longer fought over that particular ritual anymore. It was his steadying rock before anything or anyone else had been, and he definitely did not want that to change. Having Obi-Wan and Padmé understand that felt like having a safety net. He nodded again.
The two stood in comfortable silence for a moment, when Anakin felt the words burst out of him. "I'm happy that you're well. And Siri. And the baby."
Obi-Wan's brow furrowed for a moment and then he smiled, squeezing Anakin's shoulder. "I'm glad to see you too, Anakin."
"Well everyone's finally here in time for dinner!" Anakin heard someone say, and he saw Padmé's mother shuffling everyone into the dining area. "We can all catch up properly with some food."
Padmé rushed over to Anakin before her mother could reach her and grabbed him by the arm. "Come on!"
Anakin again grunted, starting to get slightly annoyed at being dragged around all day, but he kept his mouth shut and followed her to the table. The dinner was peaceful enough, he supposed, filled with laughter and chatter. This family was talkative enough that he did not have to say anything at all. Any questions directed in their area were answered by Padmé, and Anakin was grateful for it. Updates from everyone went around the table, and Anakin heard something about the smuggler going to university to study math, Obi-Wan helping to rebuild the Jedi Temple, and Siri planning to join him after giving birth. Padmé piped in about rejoining some charity or another, and though Anakin probably should have paid better attention, he found himself picking at his food and losing himself in thought instead. He felt completely alone all of a sudden, despite the warmth from Obi-Wan and Siri, despite Padmé being right beside him... he wasn't entirely sure why. Perhaps it was because of the conversation - he had been concerned that everyone would bring up the past, but instead they were speaking of the future, and... and he didn't see himself in it all of a sudden. But he didn't know that for certain - first of all, they loved him, and he knew that meant everything. Second, he hadn't even made his offer yet that would secure matters. And he... he felt so energetic about that, and he did not want to just sit here and listen to veritable strangers when he could ask Padmé now and be with her now and be with Obi-Wan and Siri now, and... well. He just... he didn't know. His musings were interrupted when Padmé laid her hand on his, catching his attention.
"You okay?" she asked softly as the family continued to talk.
Anakin wanted to lie and say yes, but he was a terrible liar when it really came down to it – lying to Padmé when they barely knew each other had been easy because it had been an objective. But genuinely being dishonest with someone he knew and cared about was beyond his ability. Deflecting, on the other hand, was his specialty.
"Everyone seems happy," he remarked, figuring a tactic like this would distract her. She always thought about everyone else first, after all.
Padmé was undaunted, giving him a half smile that screamed you can't trick me that easily.
Blasted woman. Anakin loved her and hated her for that.
He tried again. "The food is acceptable."
"Anakin, stop dancing around the subject."
Dancing around it? Wait, that was an expression. He'd almost forgotten. However, he refused to divulge anything else. He could be stubborn if he needed to be. That was another specialty of his.
The pair continued to stare at each other and then Padmé finally gave in, speaking first. "What's wrong?"
Wrong? He supposed nothing was entirely wrong. He wanted to be with Padmé. He wanted to be with Obi-Wan and Siri. He just didn't know what to do with the rest of them. And with everyone talking about their future plans, he… he definitely needed to address something with Padmé.
It was time to act.
"Padmé…" he said slowly. "Would it be possible for us to speak outside?"
Padmé's expression grew concerned. "Of course."
The two stood, and Padmé asked the family to excuse them for a moment. Anakin ignored the glances from everyone, even Obi-Wan and Siri, determined to focus on what he was about to do. The two went to the front porch and Anakin closed the door, blinking some snowflakes away as the sky above them opened up with more precipitation.
"I… can't stay here," he began honestly. "I just can't. But you should."
Padmé's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why can't you stay here?"
Anakin shook his head. "I just… this is your family."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
It meant he wasn't comfortable around them. He didn't know them. He didn't trust them. He didn't want to show vulnerability around them, and all he wanted to do with Obi-Wan, Siri, and Padmé was be open and vulnerable. But he didn't want to say that because he figured it would probably upset her. He could hear the argument now: why don't you trust them? You know they won't hurt you.
Yes, he knew. At least with her immediate family he knew. He wasn't sure about the smuggler. But it didn't matter about hurting him or not. That wasn't the reason. He just wasn't… comfortable. And he didn't want to make her miserable looking after him and making him happy when he never would be in this place. He would go to the smuggler's ship and find the undoubtedly numerous flaws that were waiting for repair, and he would talk to everyone later after dinner. That wasn't what mattered now. What mattered was the future. What mattered was whether Padmé wanted to revisit something he had originally rejected, whether their understanding and trust of each other had finally reached a point where they could ensure it would never end. After all, everyone was talking about their plans for the future as if they were all going their separate ways, and… and…
None of them included him.
"Anakin, do you want to go back to Varykino?"
Anakin knew where this was going. "Padmé, stay with your family. I'm the reason you haven't been with them."
"Don't blame yourself—"
"It's the truth and you know it."
Padmé sighed, looking away for a moment, a little upset, and Anakin mentally berated himself for it. This wasn't how this was supposed to be going.
He wasn't good at being empathetic. Empathy was probably one of his weakest attributes. Or at least it seemed that way. Probably because it was what he eradicated from himself more than most things – empathy would get in the way of missions.
Obi-Wan's accusing words about loss of life echoed briefly in his mind and he shoved it very forcefully out. He would not think about that.
"So you want me to stay while you leave?" she asked softly, and he again wanted to beat himself for making her sound so sad.
"Padmé…" he started, desperately clawing for the right words. He wasn't good at this. Any of it. But he wanted to make his point clear. "I… I want you… I want you to be happy."
Padmé's worried expression smoothed, and she breathed out a small laugh, the Force warming a little. She stepped towards him and hugged him, and Anakin took a deep breath, taking in the scent of her hair, the strength in her arms, the humming of her life in the Force. He remembered the exact words she had used before to ask the same question he wanted to ask now, and he realized that had to be the way to do it.
Pulling away from her, he said, "Padmé… be with me?"
Padmé cocked her head to the side, her face scrunching in confusion. "Tonight?"
"No," he replied. "Be with whoever you wish tonight. I mean…"
He took a shaky breath, adjusting his footing as the world trembled around him. "I mean be with me forever."
Padmé stared at him for a moment, her brow furrowed, her eyes searching his face amidst the snowflakes, when it clicked. The Force stilled, and his breath caught just as hers did.
This was all he wanted. This answer right here. Because no matter what any of them did in the future, he wanted to know he would still be with them. That he… that they…
Tears glistened in Padmé's eyes, and she cupped his face in her hands. Frost blew out of her mouth as she gave her breathy reply, carrying the gentle word into the winter air.
"Always."
Anakin swallowed hard, but he couldn't control the rush of emotions that came out. His chest rumbled and he laughed—he straight out laughed—and the two embraced so hard and so hastily they practically crashed into each other. The world was lost to him because she was his world and she was his light and she would be there for him.
Always.
She was openly crying now, and he didn't even realize it until they kissed, her wet cheeks rubbing against his. He felt so free all of a sudden, like a crushing fear and doubt that had been plaguing him all day was suddenly lifted.
He finally remembered what that energetic word was – excited. He felt excited.
She'd be there for him. And he'd be there for her. Forever. Just like Obi-Wan and Siri were there for each other. Because she had helped him more than she would ever know, would ever realize, more than he could ever articulate. She had helped him learn not only what he was, but who he was.
And she had taught him the most important lesson he'd ever learned. All three of them—Padmé, Obi-Wan, and Siri—had taught him.
Love… love was selfless. Love was merciful. Love was kind. Love was unconditional. Love was sacrificial. Love was giving oneself entirely to another, was letting go of everything and diving into the unknown together. Love was freeing. Love was powerful.
Love made him who he was. And he would never again lose sight of that.
The End