Jimin finds himself at work obsessing over it; he knows Jungkook wants to, and my God, he wants to, too. And it's not like they haven't had the opportunity to. Most nights, he has to push Jungkook off him and shove him out the door. There's just a little something that's holding him back, and that's the part he can't stop thinking about.
He's had sex since Tyler died. Three one-night-stands, one friend with benefits, and one drunken mistake with a friend from college that he's desperately tried to erase from his brain. So it's not necessarily the actual physical act that he's worried about.
More or less, what's eating at him is knowing that sex with Jungkook is the sex he's going to be having for the rest of his life, most likely. He's not in love with Jungkook - not yet, anyway - and he's not sure where Jungkook stands, but he's not oblivious to the fact that this isn't a casual thing. This has been building silently for years, and with the way they're headed, Jimin can tell that this is a permanent situation. The intensity of it...it's scary, it's calming; Jimin is a mess.
Sex seals the deal. It makes it very, very final. And he's not sure if he's ready for that.
It's the first week of May and on a sunny Saturday morning, and Jungkook calls Jimin, suggesting they take Link to the lake for the afternoon. Jimin obliges instantly, packing water, food, and toys for Link, only to realise once they were halfway to their destination that he didn't pack anything for himself or Jungkook.
Jungkook winks and points to the cooler behind him, which Jimin somehow missed until right now.
" Got you covered, babe."
Jimin leans across the centre console to peek inside. Sandwiches, crisps and beer. " Gangs all here," he says.
Jimin laughs from the passenger seat and puts his right hand on Jimin's thigh.
Jimin lets him.
There aren't many people on the beach, so Jimin doesn't feel too bad about unleashing Link and letting him run free through the sand and into the water. He plays fetch with him for a while, hoping to tire him out so he'll snooze on the way home instead of trying to climb into his lap like he did the entire ride up here.
It's nice, this whole afternoon is, even when he has to step into the freezing cold water to retrieve the ball that Link suddenly doesn't want anything to do with. The sandwiches are delicious, the beer is cold, and the sun feels incredible on his face when he falls in and out of sleep on the quilt provided by Jungkook.
The best part, though, is not being alone, if Jimin is being honest. He loves feeling Jungkook's warmth beside him while lounging on the sand together, loves that there's someone else to play tug-of-war with Link, loves that Jungkook will place his hand on Jimin's knee every so often, drawing circles with his thumb, a lazy smile playing across his face.
Jimin doesn't know how long they've been sitting on the quilt for, Link napping at their feet, when he feels like he has to bring it up. Nosy, he is. And he deserves to know.
" Kook?"
He's laying down on his stomach, head on his hands, toes buried in the sand. " Mmm." he groans.
" How long have you been waiting for me to catch up?"
Jungkook clears his throat. He sits up, pushing his sunglasses up on top of his head, squinting in the sunlight.
" Why?"
Jimin shrugs. " I'm just...I wanna see if we're on the same page, here. You and me."
He traces a pattern in the sand with his pinky finger. " I dunno the right exact amount of time, Jimin."
" Estimate."
He rubs his hands over his face. " Ugh, Min. I don't know. Long enough for me to know that this is all I want."
It's more candid and open than Jungkook usually is, and Jimin doesn't quite know how to answer that. " Um."
Jungkook pushes his toes back into the sand. " Hey, you asked. You're not allowed to get quiet on me now."
" No, I know. You're right." He runs his sandy fingers through his hair.
" I think...I think it's mutual."
" Yeah? You want me back?" The look he gives is downright absurd.
Jimin snorts. " Well, now I don't."
Jungkook smiles and lays back down, this time on his back. He reaches out and scratches Link. Link barely moves. " Min, I never truly allowed myself to seriously entertain the idea of us, you know? Like, it was never a possibility for a million different reasons, so I never let my head go there. But that night after the bar...Honest to God, Jimin, I became a crazy person. An absolute madman. It's like, you were there, just a little bit, and I'd had a taste, the tiniest taste, and then, that was kind of just...it. I was done for, even just from that.
Jimin thinks his heart might beat out of his chest. He lays down on the quilt next to Jungkook, draping his arm over Jungkook's chest. " What would you have done from there if nothing else had happened? If I'd dyed your hair blue and didn't grind up all over you at that stupid concert the next weekend and then that was all?"
Jungkook breathes in deeply. " I say a little prayer every night that I won't ever have to find the answer to that question."
Jimin thinks he's kidding, but when he moves his gaze up, he sees Jungkook already staring back, face steady and unwavering.
But now, laying on a worn quilt courtesy of Jungkook's grandmother and listening to the steady chatter of the families around them, the intensity of it all doesn't bother Jimin. In fact, it feels good. And he's ready.