Work jokes

Ianto was not in the mood for small talk, sitting on the table in the Autopsy Bay as Owen pottered about getting the things needed to stitch up his arm. It was his fault really, and he knew it was. The weevil in Janet's cell did look just like her. Hell … they all look alike and he hadn't warned Ianto that he had slipped the young male in there as Janet was in heat. With the dark corners one had hid and the other was in plain sight. Ianto had entered with her morning pumpkin unaware of the danger.

Owen knew Ianto was angry, so was Jack who stood apart at the top of the Autopsy Bay, looking over the railing like he wasn't that alarmed. The way his hands clenched on the railing betraying his true upset at seeing Ianto hurt.

Owen reached into his smock to get a pen to write a note on the pad and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

"Oh, damn it," he proclaimed, "Some asshole has my pen!"

Ianto stared at him silently. Not the least amused. Owen sighed and leaned over his computer keyboard to type in Ianto's name, knowing there was an antibiotic he was allergic to. He asked Ianto "Hey …. What's Forrest Gump's password?"

Owen looked behind himself at the man whose frown was deepening to the point where it ws a wonder he could see through his brows. Owen grinned and said happily "1forrest1"

"Owen!" Ianto warned softly.

"To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!" Owen said, now getting into the groove and Ianto groaned as Owen went into 'Tard Mode. "My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!"

"Owen!" Jack said from the top of the Autopsy Bay, seeing Ianto's hand move to his hip where the taser usually sat. Thank god it was up top or Owen would be dancing a merry jig to soothe the savage Welshman.

"If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday." Owen turned to grin at Ianto "I want to exchange it for another Friday."

"Awwww, come on. Tell me Ianto" Owen said as he leaned over to stitch, now sure the freezing was in "Did you hear about Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, who recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

"That'll be me then," said Paddy."

Silence, Ianto blinking slowly as Jack started to snigger, and then said softly "So… we can call you Paddy now can we Owen?"

"OI!"

"Well … you think you do the most work … you cock things up and sleep with a lot of people's wives … and like that whiskey!" Jack reasoned. "I don't know about the percentage of the work though … maybe 90% of the gaming?"

Finally Ianto sniggered, low and soft but Owen caught it. "Oh. Right, you laugh at him, but not me?"

"That's just it Owen … he is laughing at you I think" Jack said as he calmly entered the Autopsy Bay to look at Ianto's arm. "Best quit while you are a half-wit."

Owen stepped back "Actually I can quit… I am done!"

Ianto turned with surprise, his annoyance in Owen masking the action beside him and he smiled at Owen, rising to let Jack help him into another shirt.

"Thank you Owen."

"Anytime Buddy."