Hobi makes it to Jimin's house impressively quickly. He lets himself in using the key Jimin gave him after the incident in which Jimin got stuck at work when Link was just a puppy and he demanded Hobi go in by any means necessary to make sure he was okay. (He broke a window to get in, taking Jimin's threats extremely seriously, and after that, Jimin started handing out keys like business cards.)
Jimin doesn't open his eyes when he feels Hobi sit down on the couch beside him. "What happened?"
His eyes are still closed, even when he feels tears slipping out of them. "Hobi, I miss him so much, it's like I can't even hold a conversation."
"Oh, Min, Christ." He squeezes Jimin's shoulder. "He's out there, you know. There's nothing stopping you from calling him or going to see him."
"Except there is," he says, opening his eyes, voice shrill. "We don't talk unless I start it, really, and anything we talk about is meaningless, boring shit I'd tell my bank teller or mailman. He's so distant and he's just, he's fucking gone, Hobi. I did this and it's my fault and he doesn't want me and I can't do stage four again, I can't."
"Jimin, do you know how much this scares me?" He isn't blinking and he can't seem to figure out what to do with his hands. "The last time you were like this was when Tyler died."
"I feel like Jungkook died. Like I'm grieving the death of my husband all over again." He lets out another sob and he feels so out of control. He reaches over and grabs his drink on the coffee table, taking several large gulps.
Hobi furrows his brow. "You can be done with that now, okay?
You're essentially trying to poison yourself to death. Let's, just... You need to shower and I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. I'll be here when you wake up, if that's what you want."
"I don't know what I want." He looks down at his hands and sighs. "I want you to stay."
"Okay. I'm not leaving."
True to his word, Hobi is there when Jimin wakes up in the morning, and he doesn't go home until Sunday night when Jimin is nearly forcing him out the door.
"Thank you for staying with me," he mumbles, embarrassed.
"Call me whenever you need me to, okay? Just, like. Stop drinking, for the love of God."
Jimin lets out a snort. "Yeah, I'm done for a while. Go kiss your baby for me."
"I will."
Jimin watches him walk back to his car and he takes a deep breath.
New day. It's a new day. And even though he hasn't heard from Jungkook in days and he knows he probably won't hear from him anytime soon, he thinks to himself anyway, Please let today be better.
It's December first, and it snowed. It snowed a lot.
Jimin wakes up squinting, the partly sunny sky reflecting off of the six inches of snow and ice that apparently fell over night. It's early in the year for so much snow, but Jimin thinks of how happy Link will be to run and frolic. That makes it worth it.
Except for shoveling. He hates shoveling. Jungkook usually does it for him.
He sits up in bed, wondering when he'll stop waking up thinking about him before he even has the chance to brush his teeth.
He makes his way to the kitchen, pulling out a mug to make a cup of coffee, and that's when he remembers: it's December fucking first. Today, it's been three years since Tyler died.
Jimin puts the mug down on the counter, scratching at his jaw. It's more stubbly than he usually allows it to be. He doesn't give any more thought than that before he's slipping on boots and heading out the door.
The last time Jimin showed up at Jungkook's house unexpectedly, apology on the tip of his tongue, it had been when he blew up after his first day of teaching. The weather was hot and sticky - typical for July - and he knew Jungkook would graciously allow him inside, even though Jimin had been so, so wrong.
This time, though, his boots crunch in the freshly fallen snow all along Jungkook's pathway, not yet touched by a shovel, and he has no idea how Jungkook will react. He's sweating inside his jacket even though it's probably no more than 28 degrees.
He knocks on the door three times, even though he knows where Jungkook keeps the spare key, and as he waits for Jungkook, he looks down at himself. He's still wearing the sweatpants he wore to bed last night, and the t-shirt he has on underneath his coat is old, something from his first year of college.
It's honestly the least of his worries.
When Jungkook pulls open the door a few moments later, Jimin sees that he's still in pajamas, too, plaid bottoms hanging low on his hips. Jimin briefly thinks that he's never seen them; probably because the majority of Jungkook's wardrobe is in bags at Jimin's house and he most likely went out and bought new stuff.
Jimin could already throw up.
"Hi," he starts out, shuffling in the snow.
Jungkook clears his throat. "Hi." He looks down at Jimin's outfit. "You look nice."
Jimin snorts. "You're one to talk."
He nods. "Do you... Wanna come in?"
"Yeah." He steps through the front door and the heat hits him immediately, fogging up his glasses. He isn't sure if Jungkook wants him to stay, but he takes off his boots, anyway, and shrugs out of his coat.
"I just made coffee. Want some?"
Jungkook asks, scratching at the back of his neck.
It'll give me something to do with my hands, he thinks. "Please."
He follows Jungkook into the kitchen and takes a seat at the table, the spot he'd previously claimed as his own in years past.
It's easy to pretend nothing is wrong and this is just a regular Saturday morning, that he just spent the night in Jungkook's arms and now they're making breakfast together.
But he didn't come here to pretend. He's done with that. He has too much he needs to say.
"I don't know if I have any cream. Is milk okay?" Jungkook asks, rummaging through his refrigerator.
"Today is the anniversary of Tyler's death," he says, ignoring Jungkook's question entirely.
Jungkook turns around slowly, gallon of milk in his hand. "I know," he answers quietly.
"It's the anniversary of Tyler's death and unlike every year before this one, I didn't wake up thinking about how badly I wanted him. Instead I woke up thinking about how badly I wanted you, I wanted my Jungkook. And when I realized the guilt over that wasn't going to eat me alive, I knew I had to come here."
Jungkook puts the carton of milk on the counter, abandoning the coffee entirely, and makes his way over to Jimin at the table. He doesn't say anything, just sits down next to him on the chair and swallows heavily.
"You're my best friend. You're my person. You're my rock and you've always been there." He shakes his head, thinking too many things at once. "Jungkook, I was there when you first learned how to drive and you almost killed me and then you were there when I went through the most awful year of my life and I wanted you to kill me..." He looks directly at Jungkook for the first time since he sat down. "I have so many things I want to say to you because you deserve to hear it all, and more, but the first thing I need to say is how sorry I am for ever saying what I said to you, and letting you walk away. I owe myself an apology for that, too, because I've had to go without you for the past two months and let me tell you, Jeon, giving you up cold turkey is not fucking easy."
Jungkook cracks a watery smile at that. "Hasn't been easy on this end, either."
Jimin nods. "We're a team, you and I, and I think I failed to appreciate that over the past couple of months because I was so wrapped up in my own head.
That's just. That's where I needed to start. And if you want to keep listening, I'll keep going."
He runs his hands through his hair, fingers getting caught in the tangles at the end. He sucks in his cheeks. "Yeah, Min, you can keep going."
Jimin's chest hurts. He missed him so, so much and it's been nearly two months since they've been together but somehow, Jimin somehow loves him even more.
"Okay. I'll keep. Yeah. Okay." He takes a deep, shaky breath, steadying once Jungkook reaches across the table and grabs Jimin's hand in his own. "I forgot Tyler's birthday."
Jungkook frowns. "Is that what happened? Why you freaked out?"
Jimin gives a tiny nod. "It's not an excuse. But I lost it. You know, you were there."
He licks his lips. "I wish you had said something. Guilt is normal, Jimin, especially when you miss a major anniversary like that. I could have been there with you through it, you know?"
"I know. And that's why I didn't say anything. Because you make it sound so simple, and it isn't always. I didn't feel like I just missed his birthday. I felt like I was erasing him. So I obviously put all of that on you."
"Obviously."