There were to many people here. To many men with eager fingers that grabbed and pinched, their laughter boiling beneath my skin as I fought not to remove my knife once more. The need to fight writhing in my veins. The ale was watered down and the bread stale, a fact that bothered me less than the fact that Tyrion had developed wandering eyes, his gaze falling onto a woman with pale hair and backless blue dress more than once. He'll probably bed her tonight. It was a thought that stung with one thousand needles, but there was nothing I could do. I could kill her, I doubt she'd be missed amongst so many others. My eyes widened as I wondered at myself. What is happening to me?
"My, you are a beauty. Don't think I've seen you here before." Hands caressed my arms as his breath warmed the side of my neck.
"I'm not what-" The stranger spun me so I collided with his chest, hands pinned to my sides as I took in muddy brown eyes and coal dust hair. His smile was ruthless as he drank me in, my mind screaming for me to run as I spotted Tyrion talking to a whore only steps away, not caring that I needed him now. Since when do I depend on anyone to help me? A growl rumbled in my throat as the darkness consumed me once more, the feeling on calm washing over me in gentle waves.
"Why don't we go somewhere quieter?" A foolish giggled fell from my lips as his smile grew wider, his fingers bruising as he led me through the crowd and out onto a balcony hidden from immediate view. Bile rose in my throat as he placed sloppy kisses along my neck, fingers working to undo my shirt as the reek of sweat and filth filled my nose.
"So beautiful." He breathed as he stepped back to drink me in again, lust filled eyes hazy. My knife felt cool and familiar in my hand, as he took an unsure step away.
"What is this? What the hell do you think you're doing whore?" The attack happened before I'd made up my mind. My blade kissing his neck as he stared up at me in horror.
"I am no one's whore." I whispered as I knelt before his collapsed figure, the darkness receding to reveal the horror of what I'd done. I'm a monster. I turned, quickly hiding my knife once more as I rushed back into the brothel to see a panicking Varys.
"What's happened?" I breathed as I painted on a mask of ease, though inside my mind was still reeling over my recent transgression.
"Tyrion is gone. I can't find him anywhere. What should we do?" The numbness came back as I pictured him having left with the whore. Why would he stay when he could finally be free of us?
"He's left. There's nothing I can do about that." Varys quirked a brow as he regarded me with suspicion.
"You're taking his leaving rather well."
"It was bound to happen. Men like him never stay." It was a heart shattering fact that I wished I'd learned before now. Before I'd dared to fall in love with a Lannister.
"Elena, maybe we should-"
"We should finish what we started. We don't need him to see the Targaryen queen." I growled as I turned and left feeling more tired and alone than I have in all my years. There was truly nothing left of the old Elena. Then I will become someone else. Someone stronger. I made this vow as I blocked out the screams rising behind me, Varys following with muttered curses. I will not be fooled again.