Kurama.

As second in command, Shachi had many under him at his beck and call. I wasn't worried about them; I was positive I could handle them if need be. I doubted I would even have to deal with them, because I was targeting Shachi. All I had to do was overthrow him, and his men would be under my command. Loyal, they wouldn't be, but that wouldn't be a problem. I would have men of my own under my command; I would have Yomi's approval, and thus, theirs begrudgingly.

The problem was finding a willing group. Anyone who had the strength to fight under my command in this cold war was either dead or even less eager to see me than Yomi was. My only solution wasn't necessarily bad, but it may not sit well with Yomi.

I approached him about it because I felt I was underestimating him about this. He learned patience. He learned to think plans through and contemplate and predict how each choice affected the future and its outcomes.

I knew who I could ask, but whether they'd agree was another matter entirely. I could worry about that after I discussed this with Yomi, though.

He sat behind his desk, more than amused about my proposition.

He smirked, one side of his smile curling up ever so slightly more than the other. "You're not asking me whether you can have men under your command, so out with it."

I leaned back in the chair opposite him, arms crossing over my chest. "I'm saying the men I want under my command are not up to par. It would take a while to get them to A-level, and their best resource to grow stronger is in Ningenkai."

"So you want lenience in being able to come back and forth during your longer stays." His tone implied I was itching to run off, leave this behind.

But that would be defeat, and I wasn't keen on letting Yomi defeat me. It didn't end like that a millennium ago, and it wouldn't end like that this time around.

"A leader's presence in his men's growth is essential, wouldn't you think? Well, of course there are men that just can't learn with even the best guidance available, but as a leader, you do all you can to ensure they're at least up to par."

His smirk faltered ever so slightly, and I suppressed the flutter of satisfaction that took flight in my stomach.

"Besides, this would lead us to victory and wouldn't harm the growth of this territory's power in the slightest," I told him. "Raizen is still predicted to pass in about a year. That gives me more than enough time to strengthen a team and guide them to support you at their fullest."

He linked his fingers together and rested his elbows on the desk. His hands covered the lower half of his face, leaving me to read only the top—which didn't give much away due to nerve damage around his eyes.

"You're preparing for when you become second in command," he said.

I didn't bother giving him an answer, and he didn't care enough to stick around to hear it. He stood from his seat in his office and smiled down at me.

"Then," Yomi said, walking past me and heading to the door. "I expect great things from you, being the strong, guiding leader you are."

Despite the low blow, I felt he retorted more out of petty retaliation.

At his remark, I paused, finding myself familiar with my past. It seemed lately, being in Makai brought out the old me. I thought I'd changed, having lived in Ningenkai for the past sixteen years. Unfortunately, my itch for power and demand for respect was proving otherwise. It was uncomfortable, and I wanted to reassure myself the unease was misplaced.

"Also." He paused in his stride before looking over his shoulder to me. "The phone in your office has been ringing for the past twenty minutes or so."

Mother knew this was the week I left for the "botany club's trip." That meant it was Aiko, and something was wrong if she was continuously calling.

After he left, I returned to the office I held a few floors up and looked out the window, finding Yomi departing his premises with Yuda. Had Yomi still been here, I would have worried. Though he couldn't hear everything in his territory, he could hear everything in his building.

I wasn't worried for bugs or spies, as I already scoured the room once. I knew when someone came in my office—their scent lingered.

The phone stopped ringing once I neared my desk, but it began ringing again when I took not even another two steps. When I picked up the phone, I didn't even need to address myself.

Gut-wrenching sobs cried out from the ear piece, and I hesitated. "Aiko?"

"Ku—hic—Kurama," she cried. "Kurama, I fucked up."

The unease redirected itself.

"What happened?" I asked, sitting in the chair next to the large desk.

"I fucked up so bad—so bad. I'm horri—hic—ble! Horrible!"

It concerned me more than it probably should have. She'd never cried like this—at least not to me. I'd never heard her sob this violently. It beat the day at the docks after the tournament.

"Aiko, please tell me what's wrong." I tried keeping my voice calm, soothe her, but nothing worked.

"I—I'm scum. I'm no better than Natsume," she sobbed. "I'm no better than him!"

She was too frazzled to answer me. I had to let her run herself ragged, spill everything on her own.

"I'm horrible." Her voice was cracking. "I hurt him. I didn't need to but I did it—hic—I could have backed out, but I did it. I'm such a piece of shit."

"Did what?" I tried pushing her along.

"I hurt him. I hurt him, Kurama. I ruined him."

"Who?"

"This youkai who fucked up on his contract." Her voice cracked to where I couldn't make out a single word. After a second of blubbering crying, she managed to speak coherently. "Natsume took me with her to get him and one thing led to another—hic—and… and…"

There was a moment of silence—spare the muffled crying.

"Aiko, you can tell me what happened," I said.

"I paralyzed him," she whimpered, and the words didn't really sink in. 'Paralyzed' as in… he couldn't walk? "I broke his spine. I broke his spine so he couldn't get away again. I had to do it—if I didn't, Natsume wouldn't trust me."

With a heavy sigh, I rested my head in my hand, my elbow on the desk. "Where are you?"

"Genkai's." I could barely make it out.

It would be an even longer trip to the temple from Mushiyori, but I would make due. I could be back within twenty-four hours and have a simple lie planned for Yomi.

"I'll be there soon," I said.

"No!" she gasped. "No, you don't need to do that… I—hic—I just need to hear your voice, talk to you."

I paused before asking: "Do you want to keep talking about this?"

"I don't… I…" she paused then too, and I could hear her sniffling. "I don't know."

"Would you like me to choose another topic?"

"No… I just…" she hiccupped again. "Does… it ever get easier to deal with?"

I hesitated. I wanted to lie to her, comfort her, but she wasn't naïve. She couldn't afford to be naïve. I wondered if she wanted me to lie to her. I wondered if she pondered whether I spent my days in agony over what I'd done to Yomi and the many others I ruined. I hadn't—not until recently.

"It doesn't," I replied, voice low as I regretted saying it to her.

She stopped crying. No muffled sobs, no sniffling. True silence.

I hadn't cared about what I'd done to Yomi and the many others because at the time, there was no reason for me to. I had no conscious, no guilt. I had no morals that led me to think twice about my actions had they hurt others. I had no reason to care so long as my choices benefited me.

What was the life of a thief—no, a king of thieves—who cared for others? Short.

"But Aiko," I continued, because she had a chance to understand before it was too late. "The fact you're upset means you have a conscious. You're not like the ones you hate. You're not the same."

"Just because I had different reasons to do what I did doesn't make me any better."

"That's not what makes you better," I reassured her. "That's not what separates you from them."

"I still did it. I'm just as—"

"You have a conscious. You feel remorse. You didn't want to." I heard her soft breathing on the other end of the line. "Yes, what you did was wrong. I will not lie to you about that, but you are not like them. There's no excuse for what you did. You hurt him, but you are not them."

She sniffed once, then twice, and then her breathing steadied.

"You'll have to live with the choices you make, Aiko. And they're not all going to be what you want them to be. They will not be easy; they will not be black and white."

"So, the end justifies the means?" she mumbled.

"No," I replied. "So choose your means carefully. You can't solve what you've fallen into with idealistic means, Aiko, and you know that. You won't be able to fix this without shedding blood."

"I just… I didn't want to shed what wasn't necessary, you know?"

"I know," I consoled. "But most of it will be unnecessary."

"What if I become them?" she asked. "I'm already as bad, what if—"

"You become them when you fight for what they want," I replied. "When your morals change, when you stop fighting for what you started fighting for, you become them."

"But I'm just as bad," she flustered. "I'm just as bad, but coating it as justice."

I took a deep breath. "Aiko, listen. People will get hurt, there's no way around it."

"But—"

"If you want to make a change for the better, you'll have to make sacrifices." The brief pause in my words, and her silence seeped through the phone. "So choose your sacrifices carefully so you can live with whatever happens."

Her breathing steadied and quieted, and I waited for her to speak, respond—anything, even cry again. I needed to make sure I didn't further her self-loathing. …Though I could have avoided that through taking a different approach in the beginning of this phone call. But part of me knew that wasn't what I had to say to her—to myself, even. I just needed to hear something from her, to know she was still with me.

Not even a second later, I found myself standing from the chair, mentally noting what I needed to take with me back to Ningenkai. I could get there and back before Yomi even noticed I was missing.

Her words stopped me just as I reached for the bag I kept under the desk. "Thank you, Kurama."

I paused, and let the words sink in as I sank back into my chair.

I felt my response was less surprising; the words came out quietly, easily, and dare I say in relief. "Thank you, Aiko."

The conversation died into quiet breathing, and the occasional sniffle from her end, for a few minutes.

Then, suddenly, she changed the subject. "Did I tell you Genkai is teaching me some karate kid bullshit?"

I felt myself smiling.

"What styles?" I asked.

Our conversations became simpler, easier to talk through, and less focused on the supernatural. Talks of classwork, things we missed about being in the comfort of our own homes… They were simple things, happy things. But I think we both knew the other was running through their head, burying unwanted memories. Vivid memories; some recent, and others not much so.

Shizuru.

The thing about Kazuma was that once he got his heart set on something: he was going to see it through and there was no arguing or stopping him. He was going to do it, especially if it was something that needed to be done—like if justice had to be served. Or whatever.

That's why I tried not to take my irritation out on either of them, because I knew both Kazuma's and Aiko's hearts were in the right place. Aiko was just doing her job, but seeing her on the front porch was working my last nerve. I wanted that life put behind him because he wanted to do better for himself. I didn't want her coming around and dragging him into things, no matter how much he didn't seem to mind.

She knew I didn't want her here, and so she was much more courteous than necessary.

"Afternoon, Shizuru. I'm here to see Kazuma," she said, stepping past me as I stepped aside to let her in.

I watched her bend over to unzip her boots.

"Part of your Reikai work?" I asked, watching her stiffen as she straightened upright.

"Well, I figured I could also help him with his studies," she said, giving me a small, embarrassed smile over her shoulder. "I'm pretty good at English Lit."

I walked next to her and gave her a pat on the shoulder, squeezing it slightly before heading down the hall to the living room. "Yeah, before you go and help him, I figured we should catch up a bit. It's been a little while."

"Yeah, sure," she replied swiftly, hiking her cross-body purse up on her shoulder.

I led her into the kitchen and offered her a seat before offering her favorite drink: vodka.

"Oh, normally I would—and I appreciate the offer—but I have to head back to Genkai's after this," she replied. "If I show up smelling of alcohol, she'll throw me into an even lower level of hell."

"Genkai's Inferno, huh?"

She laughed. "Spot on."

I offered tea instead, and as it began brewing, I sat across from her at the table. She gave me a small smile of masked guilt.

"How have you been, Shizuru?" she asked.

"Pretty good," I replied. "Things are back to normal. Kazu's doing great in school, and the salon is getting busier."

She smiled excitedly. "That's good to hear."

"What about you?" I asked. "Not with Reikai, I mean. With life in general. Your family, you and Kurama…"

"Oh, well…" She glanced down at the empty table and then looked back up to me. She was still done up—face full of make-up and hair pulled into a silky ponytail. "My dad's still mad at me for the stunt I pulled during the tunnel incident, but he's speaking to me. Me and my mom are fine. Kurama and I… we're good." Her voice faltered a tad, dropped a decibel. "He left to Makai a while back but he'll… be back soon."

"You sound so confident in him," I jabbed, and she pursed her lips."But, I figure he'll come back. So don't worry, Aiko. He has you and his mom to come back to, you know?"

She nodded and then gave me a wary stare. She knew I wasn't talking to her just to catch up. She didn't want to be rude because she knew she was already stepping on my toes by coming here with her work when I told her not to.

"I told you not to bring up the video," I said, and her lips pursed thinner. "Kazuma's a strong boy but that video's still fucked up and you know it."

She nodded and looked down at the table again. "I know, and I feel horrible for bringing it up but…" And then her eyes glanced up to me. "If he can pick someone out then maybe I can connect the dots, Shizuru."

"You know Kazuma's feeling left out with the rest of the boys leaving, Aiko," I said. "Don't take advantage of that need for him to feel useful by subjecting him to that mental horror again."

"I'm not, honest!" She leaned over the table, hissing to keep from attracting Kazuma from upstairs. "I just… Shizuru, I need help. I've just barely made it in and it's been months. If he can give me a lead, then I'll take it."

I stared her down, trying to pick up anything other than guilt. She was sincere, and that's what made me even more irate.

"Let me see the pictures," I said, holding my hand out across the table.

She dug through her purse and pulled out three. She handed them to me, and I recognized them immediately.

"Your little friends," I noted.

The blonde, brunette, and ebony haired girls' profile shots. They were one step above mug shots, but with how glamorous they always presented even their mug shots wouldn't look like mug shots.

"I figured they're the least likely to be on the tape," she said. "Rule them out first and make it easier for Kazuma. Since I doubt they're on there, he won't have to remember too many bad scenes."

With a small sigh, I handed them back to her and she stuffed them back in her purse.

"What's so important on this video, Aiko?" I asked, but the whistling from the tea kettle almost drowned out my quiet question.

She heard me. "Border Patrol is really funny about that video. They want it destroyed, so I thought maybe someone in Border Patrol is on the video doing something they shouldn't. If Kazuma could pick out a face he saw, it could give me a direction."

"It has something like, thousands of hours' worth of footage on it. You know that, right?" I stood from the chair and made my way to the kettle.

"Yeah…"

Pulling it off the burner, I began prepping our cups.

It made sense for her to look for any lead she could, and I couldn't blame her for trying. I was mad. Not so much at her than at the situation. This was just another path in life Kazuma was going to stumble onto, derail him from having a safe life. Kazuma had such a good heart, and if he found out about whatever evil Border Patrol was up to, he'd do all in his power to help.

I couldn't let him ruin everything, not when he was so close to being able to do something with his life. Something that wasn't brawling in a back alley somewhere for dirty money. Something that wasn't selling drugs or doing petty work for the yakuza. Those were the options he was going to have aside from meager, odd jobs or minimum wage work if he kept this up.

That's if he even lived this time around; I didn't know what danger Aiko was really getting herself into. Twice now, I almost lost him.

The scare at the Dark Tournament and then the kidnapping… He almost didn't come back from Makai. I couldn't let him get into that again. The danger Aiko was wading around in was soaking the scab and threatening to rip it clean off the wound.

I couldn't let him get into this. Mom had passed long ago, and Dad was out making his dirty money too often. I was just a hair stylist with a cigarette addiction and an affinity to Scotch. Kazuma was the last hope in this family to get a good life. Live a good life. And I wouldn't let Reikai's current events ruin that chance for him. I wouldn't let Reikai take him again. It wasn't his responsibility to handle each new—and stronger than the last—asshole that blew into town causing a ruckus.

I handed Aiko her cup and she mumbled a small "thank you." I sat across from her with mine in hand. We stared at each other for a few moments, soaking in the uncomfortable silence I created. I didn't mind it. In fact, I wanted it. I wanted her to think things through.

Gingerly, she took a sip of the warm tea and I watched as the steam rose up and caressed her face.

"I understand you're just doing what you need to, Aiko," I said, grabbing her attention. She set her cup on the table and I continued. "I know you're just doing what you feel is right, and I know you're not trying to hurt Kazuma."

She nodded. "The last thing I want to do is bring it up. Kurama said the video is brutal."

"So, I want you to promise me something," I said, and her head cocked to the side in curiosity. "You can ask him about the video, but…" A filled-in eyebrow popped up in suspicion. "No matter what happens, no matter the turn of events, you do not let him get any more involved than this. He can pick out your faces, but he cannot go running head first into another fight."

"I wasn't planning on having him fight," she replied. "I didn't want to take away the safety of a normal life."

"But you knew if he offered, you wouldn't do too much to object, would you?" I accused.

Her eyes hit the table again and she grimaced. "I know… I really wouldn't want to—I don't want to take anything good from him. But if he offered, and if I really needed help…"

I couldn't deal with that again. I couldn't deal with wondering whether he was going to come home alive.

"You do not let him help," I said, and watched her stiffen at the force in my tone. "You will lie to him if need be, Aiko. You do not tell him anything that would let him help."

She nodded.

Once Kazuma had a goal in mind, nobody could sway him from it. If he didn't know about the goal to begin with, then I'd already won half the battle.

"Because if you really need the manpower…" I paused, wondering if I should think it through anymore. I figured I didn't need to; I knew what I was doing. "I will help you."

She paused and then looked around the kitchen as if she was on a reality TV show waiting for the cameras to come out. Then, her eyes settled back on me.

"No offense, Shizuru, and I really do appreciate the offer, but… things could get dangerous. And if you can't fight…"

"Aiko." I stared her down. "If you really need the manpower, I will help you."

I never went as far as Kazuma to solidify my reiki but I knew I could if I wanted. I would practice. I could handle myself. I would handle myself if it meant Kazuma could live a safe life, if he could make something of himself and be happy.

"Keep Kazuma out of it," I said, watching her face drop ever so slightly in surprise. "I will help you."

We stared at each other for a while longer before Aiko's face softened. Then, she nodded. She stood up from her chair; the sudden movement's wind brushed the tea's steam after her as she headed towards the living room. She stopped right before stepping foot inside.

"I'll keep him out of this," she said, not bothering to look over her shoulder at me. "…Tell him something came up and that I'll come back another time."

And then she headed for the front door. Not even a minute later, I heard it gently open and close. I sat in the kitchen, wondering if she would be able to keep her end of the bargain. I didn't think she'd go behind my back and get him involved, but I also knew Kazuma would snoop around if she wasn't careful. He had a strong sense of justice; he wanted to do what was right. I was proud of him for that, but I couldn't bear another round of waiting to see if he'd come home alive.

I would make sure he didn't have to get involved. I would do what I could to keep him on track. I would put plaster over the wounds—whatever I needed to do to keep them from reopening—even if it ended up infected.

Aiko.

It was always a kind of punishment, but it felt so deserving and right. It was a disgusting version of comfort, but it was reassuring.

It was like another personality, another you, always there in the back of your head. It was your truest and most honest friend. And because of this unadulterated loyalty and trust, you believed every word. It could never lie.

But really, it was an abusive relationship you had with yourself. And like so many victims of abuse, you deny it's happening or you make excuses and blame yourself for every horrible action. It has you wrapped around its finger. You look to it for guidance and comfort and reassurance, because it's the only thing that's going to be with you in the end.

Even if it always lied, in the end, it would be all you had. It was your comfort zone. It was always there for you, even in the most horrible ways.

That was why relapse was horrible.

You turned your back on it, broke its trust. You fought against it; you chose to leave it behind. But being the loving friend it was, it would always welcome you back with open arms. It gave you reassurance that you could regain control—even if it was just one little thing.

It reminded you how you couldn't survive without it, how you needed it to be strong. You aren't strong enough without it; it gives you the strength to be in control.

And that's why at first, I kept telling myself I wasn't in control that night; I told myself I did that horrible thing because I had no choice. But I was in control, and I made my decision. And it felt horrible.

I wanted to let it guide and encourage me, tell me how to feel and think, and tell me what to do. But when I looked down at myself and didn't feel the wave of self-loathing pummel me with a vengeance, I felt lost. It was still there. It caressed the shore, reminding me about everything I loathed, but it wasn't strong enough to sweep me back in. It needed a stronger tide.

It was as if it was mad at me, upset I rejected and betrayed it for so long. But it was there, beckoning to me, softly calling for me and reassuring me I could have control again—even if only over one thing. Everything else in the world could go wrong, but with it giving me the strength to control just one thing, I would be fine.

I didn't want to let it have such an influence over me again, but I was scared I wasn't strong enough to stay away. I was scared that I shouldn't be in control over something else.

"No way!" Maya laughed. After I gently licked the edge of the tobacco wrapper, I looked over my shoulder to find her at the door. "I can't believe you brought that here."

With a deep breath, I shoved all my emotions down into the pit of my stomach and let them fester.

She entered the guest room Genkai provided us and sat on her futon. We didn't see this room often, but even Genkai knew there was a time when our bodies needed a break and deserved some real sleep.

It was a little past ten in the evening, and Maya and I were now lounging in our shared room. Since it was a summer night, and so still pretty warm, we had our shoji door open. It gave us a common view—the forest on the outskirts of the courtyard. Maya sprawled out on her futon in her underwear as I sat on mine rolling a sticky green plant into the tobacco wrapper. The two of us were too tired and hot to care about seeing each other in our underwear and a flimsy tank-top. We saw more revealing things during training when our clothing ripped anyway.

"You think she'll flip? I mean, we have the night off," I said, pressing the damp edge on the dry. "It'd be one thing to show up drunk in the middle of the day, but another to smoke at night before bed, yeah?"

"I think we should smoke somewhere on the staircase or in the forest," Maya thought aloud. "Not on temple grounds."

I nodded as I dug in my bag for my zippo. My hand brushed against something hard and plastic, and I remembered the slight hope I had while packing.

"Do you think Genkai would let us borrow that little CD player she has?" I asked. "Not the one in her common room, but the little one that's buried somewhere in the storage?"

"Oh, yeah," Maya replied, and then her eyes lit up. "You brought music?!" I nodded, and she immediately stood up. "I'll go get it!"

"Check for batteries!" I called after her as she ran out of the room and down the open wood hall. "I didn't bring any."

I dug into my backpack again and pulled out the lighter. I ran the flame across the damp wrapper to heat and seal it. I set it down and rummaged through my backpack again. I pulled out a pair of pajama shorts and the CD. She was back faster than I anticipated, having arrived the moment I began slipping the shorts on.

"It has batteries!" she sang, holding up the small boom box like a trophy. "Which CDs did you bring?"

"I only brought one," I replied, handing it to her. "I didn't know if this old lady was up with the times at all."

That old broad had a TV, a couple of game stations, and a myriad—no, a sea—of video games. She had plenty of other electronics, too. Had I known that, I would have brought more CDs. It wasn't like we had time to listen to music, but damn it if we didn't have an opportunity like this once every twelve years or so.

Maya took the CD and smirked. She turned it around so the cover faced me and she wagged it tauntingly.

"Smally Bigs?" she chortled. "Why am I not surprised?"

She set the boom box and CD down and slipped on her own shorts, and we gathered everything. Last minute, I decided to grab my compact. I would check on Suzume and see if she had anything new.

Maya carried the music and I carried the plant, and we headed to the stairs.

The temple was quiet at night. It was quiet all the time, but there was something about having a night off where the quiet was different. It wasn't looming; there wasn't any white noise in the background while you scanned the area in anticipation. It just… was. It was quiet. Peaceful.

Moonlight littered the trees and stone with a sheer coat and gave a surreal feeling of autumn's cold weather.

I stuck the tobacco in my mouth and flipped open the zippo. Lighting it, I opened the compact and pressed a few buttons to find Suzume.

"That's a cool gadget," Maya said, looking over my shoulder. "It's from Reikai, right?"

I nodded, and Suzume almost immediately picked up. I took a quick inhale and moved the wrapper from my mouth. Suzume looked a little different than she normally did—she seemed tired. Maybe working on her feet all day and still being a reaper was taking its toll. I didn't think souls needed sleep, but because she had a body now, maybe she did.

"All this spiritual stuff makes me so eager," Maya said wistfully, more so to herself, and looked up to the night sky. "It makes me think there really could be extraterrestrial life out there."

Her new look was definitely rough, it was meant to be edgy with her faux-hawk and dyed hair, but she looked worn down.

"Any news, Suzume?" I asked, exhaling a cloud of thin smoke. "Any patterns?"

"I've been thinking about it for about a day now." She nodded, and then yawned. "I figured they were talking about their families' companies, but the news excited her. It seemed…"

"Sadistic?" I offered.

Suzume shrugged. "Not really. It was just her diction that stuck out to me. She was talking about getting a 'new batch' at the dealership." After another small yawn, she continued. "I'm sure it means new automobiles at the dealership, but you wanted me to tell you every time she brought up the dealership."

After what happened that night out, I wondered if that had to do with other youkai that ruined their contracts. At the thought, my stomach churned, and I felt overwhelmed with guilt—sadness. I inhaled the clean air and nodded to Suzume.

"Thank you, Suzume." I forced a smile. "I'll look into it. That's definitely something. She likes handling illegal youkai so maybe that has something to do with it."

"I will keep that in mind next time I see them," she replied.

"And get some rest, yeah?" I offered. "Maybe take a day off from eavesdropping."

"I will find the time, Aiko." She smiled. "Good night."

"Night, Suzume," I said before closing the compact mirror.

I'd have to call Natsume sometime at a payphone and ask her to hang out soon. I didn't want to, really. I needed a break from her. Especially after the other night…

"Just think about it," Maya continued, sighing dreamily. "Another different race—another different world with life!"

"That's Makai," I said and took another drag.

I held the smoke in my lungs as I passed the herb to Maya.

"Yeah, but like, in our dimension." She took it and put her lips centimeters from the wrapper.

I watched as she fiddled with the boom box and put in the CD. It wasn't working at first, but after slapping it a few times, it glitched to life. She passed it back to me as the first track came on.

"I don't think humans could handle life from other planets," I replied. "Humans can't even handle people who have a skin color different from their own."

We already couldn't even handle youkai, and that was the closest to "aliens" we were going to get any time soon.

"That's true," she mused. "But it'd be so amazing, wouldn't you think?"

"Yeah." I stared down the dark staircase as I inhaled.

I could only see so far before the moonlight seemed to stop touching the earth. It was surreal, and even more so as guilt churned around in my stomach. It was as if the light stopped abruptly, quickly turning into an abyss.

I remembered in junior high that I read some classic book about a guy who talked about looking into an abyss. I scoffed at the dramatics, about how the abyss stared back. Now my thirteen year old self would scoff at me, because I finally understood the feeling. The abyss stared back. I couldn't even find an ounce of obnoxious sass to laugh it off, because it felt so deserving.

Silence fell heavy around us as I stared down the staircase, and Maya up at the night sky. Crickets sang around us, scarce though they were. I briefly wondered why they never sang at the temple. I only ever heard the cicadas crying up there.

"Hey, Aiko." Maya's voice was sultry, how it usually became in this pastime.

"Hm?" I replied, exhaling and passing it back.

"I heard you crying the other night," she said, holding her breath for a moment as some smoke leaked out the small part in her lips.

…

"Oh," was all I could say as she handed it to me.

I quickly inhaled, eager to avoid talking about it. I knew she'd get it out of me, because I wanted to get it out of me. But I also wanted to pretend it never happened.

Kurama helped a lot, but I still…

Resting my wrist on my knee, I eyed the burning herb. I watched the fiery speck at the tip of the cigarillo shine as smoke snaked around it. Some of the grey rolled around my hand, and the rest softly floated to the sky.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.

"How much did you hear?" I asked.

"Not much because it was hard to make out words over your crying," she replied. "But I made out that you hurt someone."

I exhaled, letting the smoke sting my nostrils as it flowed out. Another part of me didn't want to tell her. Not because I didn't trust her, but because if I told another person then it… really happened. I couldn't pretend it never happened if more people knew.

Maya never did something as horrible as me. Maya never hurt someone like I had. She wouldn't understand—she wouldn't forgive me. We didn't forgive abusers.

I didn't deserve forgiveness, but good god did I want it. I wanted, more than anything, to not have done it to begin with.

"Remember Natsume and them?" I asked, feeling the cigarillo slip between my fingers. She nodded. "They're up to something, and Reikai hired me to find out what."

"It's bad, isn't it?"

I nodded. "To get close and find out what they're really doing, I have to pretend to be like them. The other night was… I guess, it was a test."

"You had to hurt a youkai?" she asked, and I took a deep inhale before holding my breath. I nodded. "Did you… Did you kill them?"

I exhaled and paused, feeling the stinging in my eyes return with a vengeance. "No, but I ruined him."

She hesitated. "Was it self-defense?"

I shook my head, feeling the sting trickle into the bridge of my nose. "I fought him, but when I ruined him, he was helpless."

I took a deep breath to steady my voice. I didn't want to cry. My head was swimming, warm—and if it wasn't for these emotions, it would've been from the skunk. And it would have felt great.

"I told myself it's for the greater good," I said, trying my hardest to keep my voice from cracking and failing miserably."If I want to expose them, I'll have to make sacrifices."

There was a moment of silence before the cigarillo slipped from my fingers again and found its way to Maya's lips.

"Aiko, look," she said, pointing up to the sky. I followed her hand. "Isn't it beautiful?"

We stared up at the starry night sky, gazing at the trail of powdered milk sprinkled in the dark. I tried remembering how beautiful it was, how lucky I was to see the sky so clear. The city lights clouded the natural beauty from space.

"Sometimes looking up at space makes me realize how small my problems really are," she said. "And it makes me feel a bit better."

I didn't deserve to enjoy this moment, I was a horrid person. I didn't deserve the peace that came with looking at the milky star trails or the lone, bright lights that stood on their own farther away. I found myself looking back down the dark staircase.

"If you ever need help, Aiko, I'm here for you," Maya said suddenly.

I sniffed and looked over to Maya, who was still gazing at the stars.

"Whether it's fighting or moral support," she continued, smiling. "I'm here for you."

"I can't ask you to—"

"Aiko." She turned to me, gave me a solid, glassy stare. "I know you. If you're fighting for a greater good, I'll fight with you." Before I could protest anymore, she cut me off again. "I've already decided that I'm going to live this kind of life. I might as well do something with what I learn. If I can help people, I want to."

A heavy pressure swelled in my chest and the stinging came back twice as hot. Warm tears spilled over my cheeks, and I quickly turned away from her and wiped them dry. But it was no use, they kept pouring out. So, thanking her in the only way I knew how, I turned back and wrapped my arms around her. She held me, leaned her head on mine, and rocked me back and forth gently, rubbing my arm every few seconds.

And throughout all her comfort, all I could think about was how I didn't deserve such a great friend. I didn't deserve Kurama. I didn't deserve all this comfort—where was that youkai's comfort? I didn't deserve to be in control of something else.

I was just as bad as the people I hated.

Maya.

After thirty-eight hours, our breathing synced.

After the first few hours, we stopped complaining and wondering how Genkai made a patch of the floor a sea of spikes. Instead, we tried focusing on not impaling ourselves. With one index finger, we balanced on the tip of the spike by keeping our ki wrapped tight around the point. Free hands behind our backs, we used the pressure to keep our spines straight.

"Yusuke did it for much longer and he was fourteen," Genkai snorted at Aiko's initial complaint.

"Yusuke was a fourteen year old with rock hard abs and the physique of Hercules. Spare me," Aiko mumbled.

Genkai stomped on the wood floor and the spikes shot up an extra three inches, throwing us off concentration. We quickly scrambled to stay balanced.

This sucked, especially since she ran us through some martial arts the other day. Aiko and I must have enjoyed it too much because I could bet my right arm that we spent only a couple hours running through routines.

Aiko picked up Northern Shaolin Kung Fu quickly. I was far from surprised with how much she liked it; it was extravagant and explosive. I didn't mind Northern Shaolin or Bajiquan—the other she liked—but I didn't really care for them. I much preferred Tai Chi and Jujitsu.

Tai Chi was fun; I enjoyed it the most. It was graceful and fluid. When Genkai walked us through it, it was like I could feel the electric ki flowing all around me. It rolled off me in waves, briefly sparking in the air before disappearing and returning to me. It was wonderful.

Aiko grumbled all throughout Jujitsu and especially Tai Chi, but I loved them.

Some would argue learning a plethora of martial art styles at the same time was counterproductive. But it was to find something we could pick up fast and learn easily. When we found what came to us naturally, we stuck to them. If we wanted to be a Master like Genkai, we could do that on our own time, not Reikai's. For now, it was about finding something we were a natural at.

"Northern Shaolin doesn't suit you," Miyuki said, stepping up next to me.

I lay on the floor, with Aiko across the dojo cackling wildly. She was proud of throwing me so far.

"What does that mean?" I huffed, out of breath.

She shrugged as I managed to stand up. "I've always felt you would be good at Tai Chi."

I looked to Aiko, who was picking up the fiery footwork and speed of Northern Shaolin. She was barely scathing by Genkai's advances.

What's the difference?"

"It's far more graceful. It's one of the many forms of martial arts Genkai is renowned as a Master of. But as you can guess, she knows how to do many forms of martial arts. I think it'd suit you."

Now we were stuck here trying not to impale ourselves on fucking spikes instead.

Genkai and Miyuki didn't want to make it easy for us, either. We balanced, concentrated our ki on the tip of the spike, and dodged their random attacks that had no rhyme or reason for appearing. It was as if every time Genkai wanted to stretch her legs from playing video games for so long, she came out of the blue. We tried concentrating to see if we could hear the clacking of her console stop, so we could know when to prepare. We gave up within minutes since we couldn't hear that well. Besides, she would have found a way to sneak up on us anyway.

We felt the shift in the air, the appearance of a familiar presence. I bent my torso, twisting at an ungodly angle to steer clear of the purple whip. I pushed my ki further onto the tip, let it wrap around the spike a few inches more to provide some leverage. Even with that help, I would have fallen in the pit had the whip not made its way to Aiko. I jerked myself back upright just as Aiko pulled the same move. It startled me how sharp an angle she curved at; I worried she would snap her spine.

If she bent even a few more inches, the ki's leverage on the spike wouldn't save her.

The whip swished past Aiko again, circling back to its wielder, and so Aiko preyed on it at the last second. She swung her legs up and grabbed the whip between her ankles. Miyuki—secretly in Aiko's favor—yanked the whip towards her. Aiko used the momentum to straighten herself on the spike. Miyuki couldn't be so lenient, and so she abandoned her whip and lunged at us with her martial arts.

She alternated between the two of us, attacking in short and intermittent bursts. I was able to defend myself, having been steady for a while now. But because Aiko had just regained her balance, she was an easy target.

I felt Genkai's presence nearby, and moved out of the way just in time to avoid her lethal, flying foot. She was such a bad ass, my amazement for her talents did a complete one-eighty and turned into irritation. Genkai leisurely sipped on a freshly brewed cup of tea and used her legs to harass us like it was nothing.

She soared past me and tag teamed Aiko with Miyuki, and Aiko quickly lost balance trying to defend herself from the two. I watched her ki break from the tip—it was of no use anymore with how close she was to hitting the spikes—and her finger leave the metal. This was the closest either of us had gotten to falling off the tip, where our finger actually left its place.

She pivoted in the air—which was a feat in itself—and tried reaching for safe land. She wouldn't make it; it was too far. She was inches from the spikes before Miyuki's whip wrapped around her waist. The ogre tugged on the weapon and jerked Aiko up and away, sending her flying across the dojo and into the wood wall. With a heavy smack, Aiko stuck face first to the wall. She slid down the clean wood with a trailing squeak until she hit the ground, and I stayed alert for Genkai.

The old woman wasted no time kicking her talent up a notch. Coming out of thin air, she appeared before me and kicked. I flew off the spike as a heavy pain surged in my stomach and knocked the wind out of me. A sharp pain sparked in my back as I slammed into a wall, and I hit the ground with a heavy thud and hissed in pain.

"You both lasted longer than I thought you would," she said, her seemingly amused voice carrying over to us from across the dojo. She took another sip from her cup. "Take a break. Be ready for the snake pit and needle bed."

The two of us groaned, and I looked to Aiko across the dojo as she sat upright.

Yukina came into the dojo and headed to Aiko first, who rightfully needed Yukina to check her out for that face plant into the wall.

"Maya," Aiko called to me. "Do you want to take the snakes or the needles?"

I shrugged. "Snakes, I guess."

"Okay," she said, quieter, as Yukina's glowing hands gently held her face.

"You okay?" Miyuki asked, stepping in front of me and extending her hand.

I nodded and heaved myself up. My legs felt like jello, and I wobbled a bit, but Miyuki helped steady me. She guided me outside the dojo to sit on the wood floor and I leaned back. Lying on the wood, Miyuki sat next to me and held up my wrist to see how bad my hands were. I could barely bend my arm, it was stuck stretched out.

Really, the only damage I had was internal. My muscles were sore and ached. Miyuki could patch me up but she couldn't heal me like Yukina, so she did me a simple favor and began bending my arm at the elbow to loosen and massage the muscles.

"Guess the snake pit will be a breather for you?" she asked.

I nodded and gave a sigh. "Yeah, it's tiring but not the same as the needle bed, you know?"

She didn't respond—at least, not to my conversation. I didn't think she'd ever bring it up again since she was so adamant in keeping quiet about it.

"It feels wrong for me to be here," she said. "Even though Yukina forgave me, it doesn't feel right."

I paused. I sat upright and looked out to the bright greenery, the beautiful forestry, around the compound.

"If you left… where would you go?" I asked, glancing to her.

"Maybe back to Makai," she mumbled. "I can't stay here if I'm not with Genkai. I'm not able to hide my… features, and anywhere that I wouldn't need to hide them is likely a criminal ring of some sort."

I sighed and looked back to the forest. The sun was close to setting, but the sky was still a pretty blue. I was going to miss her—I spent the last few months with her. Whether it was eating, training, or relaxing. We were friends. I didn't want my friend to leave.

"I'd miss you if you left," I said.

But if she wasn't happy here, I couldn't force her to stay. I wouldn't want to be part of the reason she was unhappy.

She looked to me and her red lipstick lips curved into a smile. "I'd miss you too. You, Genkai, Yukina, and even Aiko. Even though I met her, she's nice."

"You haven't spent cram school with her." I raised my voice so Aiko could hear, but when I looked over my shoulder, I saw her too busy excitedly talking to Yukina.

She was becoming animated, talking with her hands. Yukina was trying to politely… decline something. She was shaking her head and giggling, waving her hands to say "no."

I looked back to Miyuki, who looked over her shoulder at the two. "Can you hear them? Like, you have super hearing, right?"

Aiko turned to us before Miyuki could bother to eavesdrop. "Let's let Yukina play!"

"'Play.' Like this is recess," I sighed.

"I don't think Yukina would like to get rough, Aiko," Miyuki chucked.

"But she has ice powers!" Aiko said. "If she fought with that, it'd be pretty bad ass."

"I'm more of a healer," Yukina interjected timidly. "I wouldn't want to hurt anyone."

"No, you see." Aiko wagged her finger at Miyuki and then pointed to Yukina. "We don't really let each other get hurt—the idea is to get stronger and learn to evade each stronger move!"

"Aiko, why are you so hell-bent on dragging Yukina into our training?" I asked. Surely, she wasn't trying to drag Yukina into her business.

"I just want to see her ice powers," Aiko said, cocking her head to the side as if she'd read my mind. She wasn't. "Like, on the offensive, not with healing." She then held her hands up in apology. "Not that your healing isn't interesting or cool, I've just never seen ice powers before. I think it'd be cool to see, is all."

"I've never used them offensively," Yukina mused. She put her finger to her lips as her eyes drifted up to the ceiling in thought. "I've never even used them defensively either." She looked to Aiko then. "I've never done anything with my youki that wasn't healing, now that I think about it."

Aiko puckered her lips in thought. "Okay, how about this? Watch our next sparing match and give it another thought, okay? If you still say 'no', I'll leave it."

Yukina gave a sigh and nodded with a small smile. "Alright, I'll watch your next sparing match."

"There isn't half a brain between all four of you." Genkai's voice came from behind us all as she walked down the other, open hallway. "I expected better from you, at least, Yukina."

"So does that mean we each have less than an eighth of a brain?" I asked Miyuki, who shrugged. I groaned. "I hate fractions."

"Well, it is exciting to watch them train." Yukina smiled and gave Genkai a shrug.

The old woman stopped walking. She seemed surprised at the reply with a slightly raised brow, but didn't do anything other than give a small 'hm.'

"You know how I treat my students, Yukina," she said. Her grumbles were a direct shot at me and Aiko. "Not that I'd want to deal with any more students."

I turned back to the forest as Aiko whispered to Yukina: "Don't worry, Yukina. That old witch is just here for salty remarks."

"You get the needle bed this time," Genkai said.

"I'll rock that exercise!" She grinned, snickers flying out from between her teeth. "You won't be able to pin me down as an idiot once I prove it!"

Genkai grimaced as Aiko cackled. I stifled laughter and looked to Miyuki to see whether she hated bad puns, but I noticed she had turned back to view the scenery. Head tilting to the side, I looked at her ponder solemnly as she stared into the distance.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

She blinked and then looked over to me, and then looked up to the tip of the trees where they touched the sky. "Just got lost in thought is all."

I looked up to the trees with her, relishing in the soft breeze that brushed by.

"She shouldn't," Miyuki started, voice quiet. "It would ruin her."

I stared at her, curious. Could she not stand the idea of Yukina getting hurt again? Or was she scared she'd have to fight Yukina? Could she not stand the idea of hurting Yukina again, even under lighter pretensions?

Before I could ask, Genkai's voice boomed over us.

"Let's go. Snake pit and needle bed," she called. "Before you all dream up another stupid scheme, or worse: Aiko opens her mouth again."

"I love talking to you, Master Genkai!" Aiko smiled.

Slowly, with a small grunt, I stood up.

I was still wondering how anyone could hurt another if they truly didn't want to. How could Aiko have done it to that youkai? How could Miyuki have done it to Yukina? How, if they felt so horrible afterwards? What let them do it in the first place?

Genkai led me to the forest where she kept the snake pit—it looked more like a grave. It was as deep as one, that was for sure.

As I lowered myself into the dark, damp pit, and took comfort in the soft dirt, a thought chilled me to the bone. It wasn't the hissing from the snakes pouring in, no. It was something much more fearful.

If they could do something so wrong and still feel horrible afterwards, was I capable of it too?