Hello everyone! I realized I still had few more ideas left in me on this concept, so I decided to go ahead and make another addition to the story. I decided to go a slightly different route with this one. Since it's December, consider this to be an early bizarre Christmas present just for you guys.
Chapter 3: A Sandwich of Situations
September 1993
"The food's great, but the service stinks: Yakko says brightly as he gives an innocent shrug to the camera" Nick, the writer of the short groaned after reading the final line to the script. While he normally didn't work on set, he came on board as an extra helping hand. "God, every time I revise this whole thing it just sounds worse and worse! There's a few stuff in here that could work but it's just surrounded by nonsense!"
Ted, the head cameraman, grabbed the script from him and looked it over.
"I guess it is pretty cheesy. But Nick, it's not that bad" he said positively.
"Easy for you to say, you didn't have to put a script together during an all-nighter on a bender!"
This commentary brought the attention of the director of the short, Greg.
"Hey! Look we got to have a Warners short turned in to the studio at any cost, even if it does need a little work" he cut in.
The small crew couldn't help but be frustrated at the enormous predicament they were in. Their most recent project; a Rita and Runt short, "Icebreakers" went seriously over budget. There was paying for the trip to Alaska, replacing equipment that got damaged in a freak snowstorm, searching for Buttons and Mindy again, caring for a couple sick crew members, and a lot of begging to get Bearnette Peters on board; that alone was a third of the short's expenses.
As a result, this took out a huge chunk of the budget for the last part of the episode to be completed; the Warners short "Mobster Mash" which at the time was still under the working title "Oodles of Noodles". The overall plotline, what little there was, involved the Warners doing a simple 2 minute short that involved singing about pasta while making one-liners and pasta jokes throughout. Even worse, the entire episode had to be turned in by the end of the week.
"Besides, the Warners might be able to work a good performance around it." said Greg.
He glanced over at the trio in question who were tiredly sulking at a table. He walked over to the table to cheer them up. The bored trio stared at the checkered tablecloth that laid before them. Because of budget cuts, everything had to be shot in Burbank; this meant that the short couldn't be filmed at the famous Barbatta restaurant in New York as originally planned, much to the Warners disappointment. Instead, they had to settle for a little-known restaurant in downtown Burbank known as Mario Puzzo's Ristorante. Despite popular belief, it was not named directly after the writer of "The Godfather" Mario Puzo.
"Come on, be a little positive about this, don't make this harder than it has to be" Greg pleaded.
"Oh, I think you've accomplished that already," Yakko replied sharply.
The director crossed his arms. "How so?"
"Oh, I don't know…by sticking us with a terrible script, getting us up at 6 in the morning, and cheating us out of going to one of the most famous spots in all of New York!"
"Now I'll have to put my date with Mel Gibson on hold, again!" Dot complained.
"What date?" Wakko jokingly asked before his sister bonked him on the head.
"Look, like I said before, budgets pretty small so we gotta work with what we got," Greg explained. "Besides, consider the free food a consolation prize"
This bit of news made their heads perk up.
"Say, when is it coming out already? I'm starving." Wakko asked while rubbing his belly.
"In…another hour," Ted spoke up glancing at his watch. All three Warners groaned unison.
"And the disappointment list gets bigger" Nick retorted.
"Don't you a script to revise?" the director snapped back. Nick shrugged and went back to business. Greg sighed as he rustled his brown mullet. "Alright, there's an ice cream shop next door. Get something from there to tie you over. Deal?"
The three sibling's faces lit up immediately.
"Ice cream for lunch?! I love being an orphan kid!" Wakko exclaimed just before the three of them rushed out the door, almost knocking over the owner of the restaurant; Darnell Puzzo. Greg grabbed the pudgy man just before he fell down.
"Hey Mr. Puzzo, thanks again for allowing this. I know this was sort of last-minute thing," he said gratefully.
"Ah, no problem et all." The owner replied with a distinct Italian accent. He was busily setting up several plates on a table. "This will be great publicity for this place"
"Cool, alright Ted get the rest of those cameras out. Time to get this show on the…"
The door opened. Suddenly, three men appeared at the doorway. In the middle was a short, portly middle-aged man in a black Italian suit. You could easily tell from his distinguished posture that he was a man of high importance. On either side of him was his entourage towering above his head. On his left was a bodyguard in a brown suit; on the right was a second in a gray suit. Greg glanced over at the owner. It only took one look on Darnell's pale white face to find out that he knew them all too well.
"Oh no…" Darnell muttered as he ducked down behind a table. The three men marched inside the restaurant. The lead man in the middle pointed a fat finger at the crew.
"You three! In the kitchen" He commanded in a low and raspy voice.
"Who the hell are you guys? Look we are in the middle of something here…" Greg began to protest. The man's two bodyguards flashed holsters underneath their jackets. "…and we've just stopped for a quick coffee break" he quickly finished his statement.
Greg went through the doors while the others followed after him.
"Hey look what I found over here!" one of the bodyguards said aloud as he kicked away a table Darnell happened to hide behind. The leader sauntered over towards the frozen man.
"Do you mind asking me why you're hiding under that table from me?" He asked sternly.
"Hiding? I wasn't doing that, I was eh, checking to see where that last dollar…" Darnell stammered as he looked around on the floor. He was roughly picked on the back of his shirt up by one of the other two men.
"You've been slacking on your monthly dues, Mr. Darnell. I really don't appreciate that," he leaned close enough to his face that Darnell could smell the garlic in his breath.
"Mi raccomando, Mr. Godfather. Business has been as slow as is…" a big hand harshly clamped over his mouth.
"Shush! Normally I'd go ahead and let my boys take care of you. But I might make an extension if you're willing to whip up your signature dishes for all three of us"
"But the restaurants closed, it will take all day to get everything…!" The grip on him tightened. "I can do that" he strained. "Just stay out here for a little while I get everything squared away."
The Godfather looked at his two partners for a few moments before turning back to him. The owner felt the tight grip on him let go, causing him to fall to the floor.
"One hour, I'll be back. And I better have everything set for me" he warned before he left, his goons following afterward. As soon as they were completely out of sight, the owner hurried off to the kitchen where the others were .
"You mind telling us what's going on?" Greg asked.
"Che macello! So much asking today!" Darnell replied frustrated.
"Do tell!" Yakko spouted unexpectedly.
The crew jumped up at the sight of the Warners suddenly standing next to them with ice cream cones in their hands.
"God, I've been here a few weeks and that still freaks me out." Nick shuddered after landing in Greg's arms. The director dropped him while the owner spent the next few minutes explaining everything.
"So let me get this straight, you had a run-in with the mob when you were short on cash so now you're stuck having to pay him your share of the profits or else its arrivederci for the restaurant?" Yakko summarized.
"And arrivederci to me." Darnell answered dejectedly as he slumped down on the floor.
Sounds like a set of your typical mobster movie to me."
"Wonderful, just wonderful!" Nick uttered sarcastically.
"Look please, just come back next week. I'll handle this" Darnell protested.
"But we don't have another week, the episodes due at the end of this week" Ted cut in.
Yakko rested a pondering finger underneath his chin. "Wait a minute… there might be a way we can fix both of our problems here, your script…" he pointed a finger at the crew before pointing another at Darnell, "… and your mob problem." He called Greg over and whispered in his ear, he did the same for Darnell. When he finished, both of them gasped when they stepped back.
"Ma sei pazzo?! What's the matta with you? He's a serious man! He has connections!" Darnell warned. All three of the Warners flashed their wallets, all with the Warner Bros logo on them.
"So do we. We'll even out the playing field" Yakko remarked slyly.
"That sounds crazy enough to work. I've always wanted to do a skit like this!" Greg stated excitedly.
"What? What?" Ted and Nick asked, not wanting to be left out.
"Nick, get your pencil ready, this script is about to go under a complete rewrite," said Greg.
The crew spent the next several minutes getting everything set up. The plan was simple; the short would go on as planned, but with one major revision. The short would now center on the Warners meeting up with the unsuspecting mobsters. Although there would be a few throwbacks to Nick's original script, the short would mainly be improvised. Nick changed the short's title from "Oodles of Noodles" to the more fitting one, "Mobster Mash".
For extra preparation, Nick managed to write some new material with the Warners. Wakko and Dotmade a quick stop back at the studio water tower, which was only a few minutes away, to stock up on a few extra items. Yakko and Greg requested that all the cameras be hidden out of sight. The cameras were connected to a live feed so that Ted could see alternate angles from surveillance screens set up in the kitchen. In the meantime, Greg asked Mr. Puzzo to step out for a little while until the short was almost done. Everything was finished with at least 20 minutes to spare. The last thing to do was to get the first scene out-of-the-way before the Warner's new "special friends" arrived.
[Scene 1 Take 1]
This first scene was only one the crew decided to keep from Nick's original script. It opened up with a fade in shot of the downtown skyscrapers. It tilted down to the street just outside the restaurant. The Warners suddenly appeared riding into the shot on a three-seat bike. Unfortunately, Yakko lost control of the bike and smashed head-on into the set's only exposed camera, taking down Ted who was filming said scene.
Cut! Greg barked.
[Scene 1 Take 2]
This time the scene was repeated again as the Warners rode into the shot and sang. "Ravioli, pepperoni, tortellini, and spumoni…"
Wakko and Dot flipped off the bike while their eldest brother rode off-screen; and crashed into a pile of nearby trash cans.
"Cut! Come on, the guys will be back any minute." Greg stated aloud.
"Don't blame us! Blame the only sibling who never learned how to ride a bike!" Dot responded as an unhappy Yakko appeared completely covered in trash.
[Scene 1 Take 3]
This time around, the Goodfeathers unexpectedly happened to fly by as the camera tilted down to the street.
"Crap, we'll have to pay those guys later…" Greg muttered as he noticed this. He almost thought about re-shooting the scene again but decided against it as the rest of the shot went off perfectly. The Warners again rode into the shot and sang.
"Ravioli, pepperoni, tortellini, and spumoni Funicello, Mastroianni, Toscanini, baked salami"
As Dot and Wakko flipped off the bike, Yakko jumped off it just before it crashed again into the trash cans. All three of them ran inside the restaurant. Once inside, they started looking at different Italian dishes set up on a table. The Warners realized in the middle of the song that they had no idea what these dishes looked like until now, and in their eyes, they did not look appetizing.
Yakko skeptically looked his dish as he sang his line. "Minestrone extra cheesy"
Dot simply held her nose at the strong garlic smell from hers. "Fried scungilli"
Wakko cringed as he arched an eyebrow at whatever the heck was on the plate in front of him. "Over easy"
"Muscatel, apple betty, rigatoni, and spaghetti!"
The trio cautiously backed away from the table and clumsily hopped onto another one, only for it to tip over and take them to the floor.
"Cut!"
[Scene 1 Take 4]
The scene went off as planned as they fawned over the hot dishes. This time they hid their objection to the dishes in front them with bright smiles on their faces.
"Minestrone extra cheesy fried scungilli over easy, Muscatel, apple betty, rigatoni, and spaghetti!"
The Warners jovially danced across the floor before jumping on the other table again.
"La la la la la la la la Hey!" They cheered on a final note before jumping into their seats.
"Cut! Perfect!" Greg stated happily.
"Just in time too! They're back!" Ted commented as he looked out the window. The returning mobsters were just a block away from the restaurant. Nick grabbed a hold of Ted and rushed to the double doors leading to the kitchen. "Wait I still need to get the camera from outside!"
"No time, they're almost here!" Greg called out as they passed through the doors. "Alright, one more thing Warners; remember this is just going to be one long take that well have to surrender to the editing board. So have fun… but keep it moving! Got it?"The trio nodded. "Great. Oh, this is just like Hidden Camera!" he squealed with excitement.
"Get in here, Allen Funt!" Nick grumbled as he yanked Greg the kitchen by the back of his long hair. The crew members crowded around the door's circular windows as the three men appeared outside. One of the bodyguards took one look at the camera and immediately kicked it over, smashing it to pieces. At the same time, one of the surveillance screens in the kitchen went blank.
"There goes one camera…" Ted cringed. The other two shushed him in response. All the crew members could do at this point was be quiet and stare out the windows as they waited for the show to start.